*Self Harm Involved*
I got my razor out of my suitcase. I walked into my bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror.
"Stupid, worthless, useless, bitch, liar, ugly, fat.." Everything was rushing through my mind as I looked at myself in the mirror. Slowly, I put the tip of the razor against my wrist, and pulled back toward me. Thick, red, blood gushed out of my wrist.. It stung so bad. I did the same to the other wrist, and even more blood gushed out of this wrist. I let it go until the bleeding stopped.
*Self Harm Over*
Then, I cleaned the razor off, and put it back into my suitcase. I was now zero days clean.. I had been twenty days clean until now. This was terrible. Why do things like this have to happen?
I put my bracelets back on and just laid on my bed, thinking. None of this would've happened if 5sos wouldn't have followed me. None of this would've happened if I didn't like 5sos in the first place. They're the thing that makes me happy, but then they're the reason people bully me. I hate it. I got my phone out, put earphones in, then watched some videos of them. That was the part that made me happy. I then listened to some of their songs and took a nap.
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Once I woke up, it was 5:20pm. Kathy was calling me downstairs for supper. I ran downstairs, and sat at the table. I put my arms under the table because nobody in my host family or anyone in my new school knew about my self-harm. We began eating, and I are quickly, then ran back upstairs while everyone else was still eating. I didn't want to give them anymore chances than I had to to notice my wrists. I took my bracelets off of my arms and rubbed my wrists.
When I cut, it felt like I was washing all of the mean comments away. For one second, I felt satisfied with myself, then I went back to feeling worthless.. I hated that.
After a few minutes, there was a knock on my door.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Scarlett.. It's Jonah" he yelled through the door.
"Come in" I told him, and he opened the door, making is way in.
"I want to talk to you about something" he said.
"Um okay.." I was scared, "come sit"
He sat down next to me on my bed. He then began talking, "I was wondering why you wear the bracelets on your wrists.."
"They just.. They have sentimental value to me.. So I wear them all the time"
"You're covering up your wrists, I know it,"
"Jonah.."
"Scarlett, just let me see your wrists" I took my bracelets off and showed him.
"You just cut today, didn't you?" He asked. I nodded, and began crying.
"Scarlett.. It's okay. I won't tell anyone. I just want you to be okay," he told me.
"Thanks Jonah" I thanked him, and he left after saying, "you're welcome"
My phone in my left hand suddenly lit up then. I had gotten a notification from Twitter. I got into Twitter, and it told me that on my tweet, Ashton had written a comment. His comment said: "@ashton5sos: guys stop that.. She really did meet us and she's really nice, so back off". I smiled. I knew that's what I liked about them. That's amazing how they would stick up for me.. And they don't even know me that well.