(I get some obscure requests and I love it.
I've never watched the series and, much like Brahms, wrote based on what I could find with research so don't be too shocked if it's a bit....meh....I tried and I hope it ultimately comes out okay.
It was a fascinating one to delve in to.)
It hurt.
Seeing him be hated and ridiculed despite his position and the effort he'd put towards the throne.
Sure, perhaps his nature was less than stellar and reputable, but he got what needed to be done done and wasn't that what mattered? No matter the tactics he may have taken to obtain the goal.
As for his voice and the way he spoke, well, he couldn't help that...unless he needed to shift it for his own benefit.
Okay, so he may have brought it upon himself by being seedy, manipulative and a little egotistical but...
Oh, who am I kidding?
I adore the Chamberlain but even I couldn't go as far as logically reasoning that he was in the right, no matter how much sympathy I felt for him.
Only so much reasoning could be put to the actions of a wilful murderer, no matter how well he could hide his intentions and outsmart the other Skeksis.
And it wasn't as though he was full of affection either, yet I couldn't walk away from him.
Hence why I found myself stuck in a temporary dwelling that had no heat and left me shivering as he paced back and forth, 'Mmmm'ing to himself.
I didn't need to stick around and yet I did, perhaps the sadism exuberated by his kind had rubbed off on me and become a twisted for of emotional masochism.
It wasn't as though I was any use to him, at least not according to skekSil, who often took to reminding me of just how useless I was and how he could easily rid of me.
Yet, he hadn't, so that surely must have meant something, right?
Or I was stuck in another bout of wishful thinking as he continued to plan a way to win his way back into his position yet again, no doubt trying to come up with an idea that would be easily thwarted.
"I don't wish to interrupt your scheming," I said through chattering teeth, "but can we perhaps go somewhere warmer to do so?"
skekSil stopped and turned towards me, eyes a little narrowed as he regarded me.
"You leave if want warmth," he replied carelessly.
I stared at him, knowing better than to think if he was serious or merely testing me.
This was one of the ways he would get into my head, I knew that and yet I couldn't escape the mind trick.
He knew that I didn't wish to leave his side, like a good little pet, but even I was beginning to reach the end of my tether with his constant planning and watching the to and fro with the other Skeksis.
I wasn't blind enough to believe that he didn't use me to his advantage, that kinder face in comparison to the others didn't alter my perception of his cunning.
"I'm not leaving you here alone but we've been here for hours, no plan is coming so call it a night and start again tomorrow."
He let out another high hum and shook his head fiercely, going back to his pacing.
"You not want to help, you leave," he said.
"I never said I didn't want to help."
"But you say plan not working," he argued, "you lose hope and don't believe."
I knew this play, he was weaselling his way into my doubts and using them against me, this wasn't the first time he had done it and it certainly wouldn't be the last because he knew that it was effective.
The loyalty I held for him was a blessing and a curse.
The affection I held was toxic and poisoning.
Yet, I couldn't let go of either.
"I'm just saying that with the Gelflings and the shard, I'm not sure where you can go from here."
"We will find way," he nodded, turning towards me.
skekSil moved closer to me, a talon reaching out to prod at my chin, making my head lift towards him to avoid an uncomfortable sting from the sharp end.
I knew what he was doing but I couldn't ignore the flutter in my stomach at the closeness and the way he included me, as if I actually made a difference within his plans.
With a long sigh, I mustered up a smile.
"Of course, we will find a way," I replied, "you always find a way."
Just as I would always follow him to the ends of the world to see his goal come to fruition.
It was foolish, it was toxic but still, it was my one place of acceptance and I wasn't going to leave it, or him, behind.