TW// self-hate, self-harm, depression, panic attack, coughing(?):
BadBoyHalo's Point Of View:
I was sitting on my bed face first, as I bury my face in my pillow. I feel comfortable here. Not wanting to get up, I decide to stay here a little longer. It's not like I have anything better to do with my time.
A minute or two pass by. I hear a small sound coming from the other side of the bed. It was my small French poodle Lucy. "Hello lovely. You are probably hungry aren't you?" I said tilting my head a little. The small animal just wagged her tail happily. I looked at my bedside table. "7:34 am huh? I overslept again..." I said stretching before getting up.
As I start heading downstairs, I grab Lucy and pull her into a tight hug. It's times like this I feel lucky for being a dog owner. I gently put her down as I fill in her food and water ball. The little fur ball makes her way to her meal making small munching noises. I giggle petting her back and then proceed to make my way to the bathroom.
I open the door and look at myself in the mirror. My face fills with regret and disgust. My hair a mess, dark circles under my eyes and worst of all, my skin is as white as a sheet. I simply just try to brush it off and continue my daily routine.
I open the tap splashing my face, not caring if the water was cold or warm. I flinch at how cold the water was. I grab a towel and rub my face to dry it. I then brush my teeth and attempt to control my hair but it ended up looking even worse than before. I gave up and decided to go back to my room.
It was a mess, I couldn't bother taking care of the pile of clones and the unhealthy amount of energy drinks. I sigh in agony and sit down on my chair. I slowly reach down to boot my computer up. The white screen blinded me and it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust on the brightness. I put on my glasses that I had st on the desk pushing them up to the bridge of my nose.
Waiting for everything to load I decided to look at Twitter. Mt timeline was a mixture of bad comments and fanart. Too bad the only thing that caught my attention were the negative remarks from people.
I then open my personal messages. All of them are from Skeppy. "Oh no...I don't want him to worry or find out the truth...I mean he probably doesn't care right? He just wants my help with a YouTube video most likely...yeah that's it..." I think to myself out loud. I slowly tap on his icon and read his texts.
Skep <3
-Bad?
-Baaaad
-Hey abd
-Heelwo??
-Are you there???
-Bad you are worrying mwe are 7yiou Okeya??
-Bad please answer me...
-Badboyyyy?
-You are probably sleeeeping arent you?
-Please tesdxt me as soon aas yiu are you ar e awake...
I let out a big sigh. "This muffinhead needs to fix his grammar" I say as I lean back on my chair.
He couldn't have been worried. He doesn't care about me. Neither do my fans. All they do is spam and bully me. At least Twich chat wasn't as bad...but I didn't want to cut all ties with YouTube... "Whatever..." I mumble.
I look back at my computer the fist tab that opened was YouTube. It was all the bad comments I got on a video I was actually really proud of... Skeppy also said he was proud of it...
Stop thinking about him. He was probably lying.
I took another look at the comments. I knew it was a bad idea but at that point, I didn't care what was good or bad for me.
Omg Imagine liking this video XD
Likes 1889 Dislikes Comments 4
Wish I never saw this....
Likes 456 Dislikes Comments 7
Thanks for ruining my day by uploading loser >:P
Likes 782 Dislikes Comments 1
Just kys already
Likes 6304 Dislikes Comments 356
Why are they so mean? What did I do? Why did the last comment have so many likes?! Do people hate me that much? Should....should I listen to them?
I started shaking. Without realizing it, I started hyperventilating. My heart started racing and my eyes were filled with tears. I got up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom.
I looked inside a cabinet and took out some blades, cutting my fingers a little bit in the process. I pressed them against my skin and started cutting myself. It hurt so much but at least it took my mind off things and made me calm down. I begin to slowly close my eyes. I try getting up but instead I slip and fall on the ground.
I ending up passing out right then and there in the middle of the cold floor in the bathroom.
I woke up by Lucy liking my face. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her. "I am sorry you have to see your owner like this Rat..." She let out small whimpers like she knew what I just did. I felt guilty so I pulled her in for a tight hug. "You would never leave me right Lucy? You are the only one I can trust..."
After what felt like hours but was probably a few minutes I heard small snores coming from my puppy's mouth. I smiled as I picked her up and placed her on some pillows I had laid on the floor for her in my bedroom.
I smile as I exit the room and start heading towards the bathroom to clean the mess I made. I slowly lift up my sweater and look down on the dried blood on both of my wrists. As I lift my shirt up more I see past scars and more deep cuts. The faint smell of blood almost made me vomit. I take a deep breath and clean my wounds and the bathroom floor. I placed a few bandages where the new cuts were located and left the room.
I looked at my phone as I sat on the couch. "8:51. I passed out for a long time... Maybe I should call Skeppy. I don't want him to think I am having problems..."
I dial his number waiting for him to pick up the phone which he almost immediately did.
[Bold = Skeppy Normal=Bad]
"Hello? BAD! I have been trying to talk to you since last night! What happened? Is everything okay?" I heard a worried voice say from the other end of the line.
"H-hello G-gepp-py... I-i-i... I am fine! Th-thank you for ask-asking!" I say trying to sound as energetic as possible. I of course failed miserably. I put on a fake smile at the end even though he couldn't see me.
"Bad YOU SOUND THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE FINE? WHAT HAPPENED? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?" silence descents across the call.
"Bad please...please talk to me. You have been sounding really off for the past few weeks and you are making me worried sick. I just want to make sure you are okay. You are my best friend after all. I love you Bad."
He is lying don't listen to him. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't love you.
"D-d-don't worry Skeppy... I promise you I am just fine! Umm... I didn't m-mean t-to worry you. S-sorr-ry... I-i-" I couldn't finish my sentence as I started coughing. I was chocking on thin air.
"Bad? BAD? ARE YOU OKAY?? I-I..I am booking tickets to come to you. I can't deal with this...Bad please take care of yourself and get some rest. I will text you when I get more information for when I am coming. Love you...Bad"
"Wait-" I coughed "Ske-skeppy wait!!" I coughed again. Was he going to come here? Was he trolling with me? Skeppy please" more coughing came "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE M-"
-CALL ENDED-
[Word Count: 1.367]
[Author's Note:]
Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter :] .I have never written anything other than essays so I hope it was good. I again apologize for any typo I made >_> . I had fun writing and I hope I can upload chapter two in the next few days.
Until then, have a good morning/evening/night :D
-Mel