"What the hell do you mean you've booked us a show tonight!?" Robert's explosive reaction to Barry startled everyone in the room. Robert glared daggers at Barry, who rubbed his nose to hide the shit eating smirk on his face. "Just that! I've booked you a small show at a bar, I want to see how you three play before I put a lot of money into you." Barry said calmly, enraging Robert even more.
"You- you're a fucking asshole" robert snarled, standing up to his feet; ready to nock barry's stupid head off his body, but simon grabbed his arm. "Leave it robert." Simon's low command made Robert rip his arm away in anger. "Don't." Robert said through his teeth, clenching his fist before sitting back down and leaning back in his chair; seething in quiet anger.
Barry snorted before crossing his arms, "so explosive robert, i think you need to relax a bit. It's not good to keep all that... anger, built up inside." Barry said, shooting Robert a look. "If you want i am always happy to talk-" "-i'd rather die than talk to you, fucking fairy" robert hissed, cutting barry's sentence off before pulling a cigarette out and lighting it.
Simon sighed, sitting back with a small frown resting on his face as well- and poor lol was just confused. "Am i missing something?"
"Shut up lol" all three men said at the same time, glaring at each other as it happened. Lol pouted like a sad puppy before sitting back and picking at his nails, wishing that he was with porl....
Robert sighed and tapped his cigarette, watching as the ash fell down into the tray before looking at barry. "When's this show." Robert said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the ashtray. "At 7:30, at sandy's pub." Barry said, staring Robert down. Robert set his jaw before nodding his head and taking another long drag.
"Fine." Robert said, standing up and stubbing out his cigarette. "I'll see you guys there." Robert mumbled, pushing back the chair before walking towards the door. Robert grabbed the door handle and walked out, no one tried to stop him. It was a weird feeling, normally whenever robert tried to leave anywhere, someone HAD to try and stop him.
With an annoyed sigh he quickly walked down the stairs, hands shoved into his pockets and eyes trained to the floor. Robert wasn't anywhere near ready to perform, he hadn't even grasped the reality of this career just yet; he was so used to being in the shadows and all of a sudden he was supposed to be in the spotlight of a bunch of people?
Robert didn't know how he was going to go through with this, he KNEW Barry was doing this on purpose, to get inside his head. Robert cursed at himself for allowing Barry to do this, he really wanted to beat Barry's face into a bloody pulp and leave him on the ground to die.
Robert hated this.
~~~~
Robert paced back and forth in his room, obsessing over the disaster that was sure to happen. How was Robert supposed to go on?! He had never performed before, unless it was a stupid school play he was forced into when he was in grade school. Robert groaned in frustration before sitting down on his bed, feeling defeated and alone. Robert sniffed, feeling like he could cry until the phone in his room suddenly started ringing.
The sudden sound made Robert jump and he sighed, placing a hand on his heart. 'When did I become so jumpy?' Robert thought bitterly, looking over to his phone before picking it up. "Hello?" Robert said quietly, not sounding too terribly thrilled at the moment.
"Robert- it's Simon," Simon's voice came through, sounding apprehensive. "I know it's you simon, i know your voice." Robert said shortly, pushing his body up on the bed so he could sit against the headboard. "Don't be a smartass, look i just wanted to call to make sure you're alright.." Simon snapped, though as he continued his voice softened.
Robert picked at the scabs on his fingers; his habit of biting his nails had gotten worse, to the point where he would chew the skin until it would bleed. "If i'm honest simon, i'm not doing so hot right now." Robert admitted, much to his own surprise. Robert just sort of blurted the words out, he didn't even think about it.
"I'm sorry.." Simon said, voice becoming quiet. Robert blinked before realizing what Simon was getting at. "What? No- simon no. it- no." robert stuttered, slapping his face in embarrassment. "It has nothing to do with... that. No, I'm obsessing over the fact that I'm not ready to play that stupid show tonight '' Robert hissed, not even able to spit out the words properly. Robert refused to talk about what happened between him and simon; he would avoid it as long as he possibly could.
"O-oh, im... right, the show.'' Simon said, hesitating before simply moving on. "I know that bastard did this on purpose, he's out to get me simon i fucking know it.'' Robert hissed, sounding a bit deranged. "Yeah i know robert, but let's just deal with it for now. I won't let him do anything to you, i promise.'' Simon said sternly, meaning to make Robert feel better.
Robert frowned, looking down at his lap. Robert repeated what Simon said in his head over and over again, wishing to hear Simon breathe out those words one more time. "Robert? Are you still there?" Simon's voice cut through Robert's brooding.
"U-uh.. yeah, i'm still here.'' Robert said before clearing his throat awkwardly. "Oh... ok." Simon said before another awkward silence started. Robert chewed at his cheeks, wanting to speak more; but he was afraid of what would happen. Robert wanted to say, 'simon i'm so glad you called, i've missed just talking to you.' but Robert held back; knowing that he had to stay in his own lane.
"W-well i have to go... carla is calling me." Simon said quietly, sounding a bit disappointed. "Bye robert..'' Simon whispered before hanging up. Robert sat there motionless, staring at his lap still before he let out a weak breath and hugged the phone to his chest. "Damnit.."
~~~
Robert spent the rest of the day stuck inside his head, repeating his conversation with simon over and over again, thinking about every possibility of the show going wrong, what simon might be doing at that moment. Robert felt overwhelmed, and even when he tried to talk to someone about it, the words caught in his throat and he couldn't speak.
It was funny actually, when writing lyrics Robert could say exactly what he wanted, but when it came to having to talk to someone face to face; Robert was a bumbling idiot.
Robert eventually ended up smoking week by himself to calm his nerves, listening to his records as he stared at the ceiling. Robert thought about the night Simon first kissed him; the storm was all he could vividly remember. Robert closed his eyes and tried to remember the small details of the night.
He remembered how he spent 15 minutes lighting candles while Simon made something edible in his kitchen. He remembered Simon smiling at him. He remembered the way Simon smelled that night, the way his hands slowly caressed his skin. The sweetness of their first kiss, the sinful euphoria of Simon's hands stroking him.
Robert let out a breath, feeling himself getting hard at the memory. Robert closed his eyes, trying to imagine what simon would do if they were alone together...
Robert laid his arm over his eyes and bit his lip, letting his fingers brush against his lower stomach. The bitter sweet memories were soon replaced with sickening images of Simon's hurt expression; asking Robert why he was pulling away. Robert pursed his lips, suddenly thinking about how Barry had tried to touch him, thinking about the times Mary used his body for pleasure.
Robert was convince by now that sex was nothing but a vulgar act, a selfish need to take advantage of somone's vulnerability. Robert took his hand away and sat up, wiping his face before swinging his legs over the sides of his bed and standing up. "Maybe i need to get drunk tonight." Robert hummed, walking over to his window and peeking out into the street, watching as people strolled past happily in their own little worlds.
Robert leaned his head against the windowsill, feeling rather numb. "Yeah i'm definitely getting drunk tonight."
~~~~~
Eventually Robert called Mary and told her the plans for tonight and of course, she was as excited as anyone else would be. She talked Robert's ear off for about an hour before leaving to get ready for the show. From then, Robert grabbed his guitars and amps and shoved them into the back of his van, slowly clambering in before driving away to the pub..
Robert was in a bad mood by now, the traffic was terrible, there were too many people in his way- and barry. Fucking barry. Robert was convinced he was going to go mad and kill the bastard. Of course, when Robert arrived he was the first one there, meaning he was alone with Barry for about an hour and a half.
Robert was sure not to let Barry get too close; but when Barry 'accidentally' grabbed Robert's ass he turned and started cussing at barry. Conveniently though, the rest of the cure arrived to stop Robert's rage towards barry.
"-you fucking asshole!" Robert snarled as Simon pushed him away to cool off in the bathroom. Robert growled, allowing simon to whisk him away- he was ready to fucking kill that bastard. "Christ robert, calm down.." Simon sighed, watching as Robert paced in the bathroom like some kind of crazy person. "Don't tell me to calm down, you don't have a fucking creep grabbing you!" Robert snarled at Simon, turning and taking his anger out on the poor wall by punching it.
After a moment or two, robert finally let out a heavy hearted groan and looked at simon, an apologetic look resting in his eyes. "Sorry simon.." Robert mumbled, turning and running his hands under water. "It's fine robert, i promise... i just wish you'd just calm down sometimes, you've got such a temper" simon said, a small smile appearing on his face.
"Is your hand alright?" Simon asked, approaching Robert who still had his hand under the water. "Stings a bit, but with some alcohol it'll be fine." Robert mumbled, watching Simon approach through the mirror before looking away. Simon reached forward and took Robert's hand, gazing at the angry red blister on Robert's poor knuckles. "You sure?" Simon asked, brushing his fingers gently across Robert's hand.
Robert pursed his lips, pain stinging his hand before he weakly nodded his head. "Yes..'' Robert said, glancing up to look at Simon's face. Their eyes met for a brief moment, locking into a tense gaze before Simon made the mistake of sparing a glance down at Robert's parted lips. Robert caught this and instinctively pulled his hand away, turning away from Simon and grabbing a paper towel. "S-so.." Robert cleared his throat, feeling his face burn in shame.
"W-we should head back, to get set up..'' Robert said, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear before stepping away; noticing how Simon stood still for a moment before nodding his head. "Yeah. we should." Simon said, smoothing out his shirt before smiling at robert. "But, really robert. Don't be nervous about performing. I'll be up there with you, if anything happens just keep playing and i'll be there to support you." Simon said, his smile growing; though there was a sad glint in his deep brown eyes.
Robert let out a small breath before smiling back at Simon and nodding his head. "Alright. I'll be sure to remember that.'' Robert said, rubbing his neck sheepishly before walking back out of the bathroom with Simon next to him.
Despite the tension between them, Robert was glad to have Simon by his side tonight. He was so worried about performing that he forgot that Simon was going to be there, and despite the fact that Robert had put distance between them; simon was still his best friend. Robert remembered why he liked simon so much, simon was a reliable person...
Sometimes, a bit too reliable.
~~~~
After soundcheck, and more dirty looks towards barry; the time had come for the cure to play live. Mary and Carol had arrived by now, and were eagerly sitting near the small cramped stage. There was only a small crowd of people, though Robert still felt rather intimidated. Robert downed a shot of whiskey before slowly walking out to the stage. Robert grabbed his guitar and pulled it on before running a hand through his hair before looking over to simon.
Simon had a cigarette in his mouth, tuning his bass before looking over to robert. Simon flashed a smile and stood ready to play. Robert took in a breath, feeling like he was about to faint. Robert stopped up to the mic before daring to speak. "Hello... we're the cure" Robert said a bit awkwardly, grinning a bit before stepping away and simply starting to play. Robert didn't want to talk much, he started with 10:15; like they had agreed on.
Robert felt shaky, like he was about to fuck up at any moment until simon suddenly strode over and stood next to him, flashing a coltish smile. Robert faltered for only a moment before feeling a smile appear onto his face. Robert looked down and stepped forward once more to start singing, thinking to himself that maybe this show wouldn't be so bad as long as he focused on sounding good.
The set only lasted about 30 minutes, and Robert felt like he was floating. The bar didn't HATE them, the people clapped no matter what cause most of the people there were drunk off their asses. Robert set his guitar down before rubbing his face, hands shaking from adrenaline. Robert let out a breath before suddenly grinning, the show had been a success, even if it was a small one.
"Robert!" Mary's excited squeal met Robert's ear and before he had time to react, Mary had thrown herself into his arms. Robert barely caught her, stumbling back before smiling shyly. "Oh you were amazing robert! I'm so proud of you!" Mary said, smothering Robert in kisses before hugging him. Robert laughed, placing Mary down on her feet before looking down at her shyly. "I'm guessing you thought I was good?" Robert said shyly.
"Fucking amazing mate" simon's arm suddenly wrapped around robert's waist. Simon hugged Robert tightly before ruffling his hair, making Robert groan and hurridly fix it. "I'm proud of you too rob, really i thought you were great." Simon praised, pulling away and smiling brightly at his friend. Robert blushed and awkwardly rubbed his neck, "thanks si." Robert said, gazing at simon.
"Lets get drunk guys!" lol cheered, suddenly appearing with a porl next to him; both smiling happily. Robert looked to lol and smiled, moving closer to Mary and putting more distance between him and simon. "Yeah, sounds appropriate." Robert said with a small smile, taking Mary's hand and turning to face her.
Robert still felt excited about the band's small success, but the feeling of longing still hung heavy in his chest when it came to simon....
~~~~
As the night progressed, everyone was drinking themselves to oblivion, even mary!
Robert downed another shot of whiskey, licking his lips as the liquid burned his throat. Robert laughed breathily before leaning against Mary and playing with her hand, amused by how thin her hand was. Robert smiled before laying his head on her shoulder, eyes trailing around to gaze at the faces of his closest friends; watching as they happily chatted amongst one another. Robert sniffed before closing his eyes, feeling Mary's hand gently run through his hair before suddenly Robert sat up. "Want another mary?" Robert asked, feeling his pockets for a bit of change.
"Ooh, yes please darling" Mary smiled, watching with dreamy eyes as Robert stood up to go to the bar. Robert was walking slowly, being sure not to bump into anyone or stumble on his way. Robert stopped at the bar, waving down the bartender. "Can I get two whiskey shots to that table over there please.." Robert said politely, sliding over the proper amount of money.
"Right away sir, and by the way; you did really well on the stage" the bartender said, flashing a polite smile. "Thanks mate, i'm going out to smoke for a minute, so just send it over to the bird with lack hair..'' Robert said, pushing his body away from the bar and meandering over to the side door that led out to the smoking area in the alleyway.
Once Robert was outside, he felt just a little bit more human again. He pushed his hair out of his face before leaning against the wall and lighting a cigarette. Robert felt like the earth was moving under his feet, he could barely support himself against the brick wall. Robert took a long drag e for weighing out the toxic smoke and closing his eyes.
Robert hummed in thought before opening his eyes, seeing the door open next to him. He thought for a moment that maybe Simon was coming out to smoke with him, but much to his despair; it was a pair of blokes coming out. They looked just as drunk as Robert was, but it seemed like they were looking for him.
"There he is- the faggot!" one of them said, pointing at robert. "You- come here." the tallest growled at robert, already approaching. Robert furrowed his eyebrows before suddenly the guy grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him forward. "H-hey!" Robert yelped, stumbling over his feet as he was shoved into the chest of the smaller, more muscular man. "Fucking look at this pathetic excuse of a man" the taller one hissed, sucker punching robert in the face as the shorter one held robert up.
Robert's head snapped back, he couldn't fight back. He was too drunk, too confused. Robert didn't know why these blokes chose him to beat up, he hadn't done anything. "Fucking pretty boy, i'll break your fucking face and then we'll see just how pretty you are!!" the guy snarled, punching robert again.
Robert's head snapped back and suddenly he saw stars. He went limp in the guy's arms, he heard them speaking but he couldn't understand them over the ringing in his ear. With a rough push, Robert fell on the ground, curling up into a ball to try and protect himself but it wasn't worth much since the blokes BOTH had steel toed boots on.
Kick after kick, they pumped poor robert until they were satisfied with the mess he had become. The spat on robert, hissing out one last insult before trotting away; their laughter masking robert's pained groan. Robert laid still, vision blurring as he saw someone approaching. "Hm... poor robert, what happened?" It was barry.
Robert felt a foot press against his shoulder and he was pushed onto his back, pain shot through Robert's entire body. He could barely move without whimpering in pain. "Hm... I'm guessing my friends paid you a visit then? What a pity, honestly robert.." Barry mused, pressing his foot harshly against Robert's crotch. "You should have let me get what I wanted from you..." Barry whispered, watching as Robert's face cringed.
"B-bastard..'' Robert hissed, trying to sit up but Barry pushed him right back down. "No, robert you are the bastard. Just look at you, bloody... bruised, vulnerable.." Barry whispered, standing over Robert like he was some kind of god. "I want to hear you say it robert." Barry smirked, watching as Robert's blue eyes glared up at him. "Say it!" Barry yelled, making Robert flinch and look away.
"I-am the bastard.." Robert whispered, hands shaking. Barry smiled, kneeling down and turning Robert's face. "Good boy... see, how hard is it to obey me?" Barry whispered, pressing his thumb against Robert's busted lip; relishing in the pained whimper that came from robert. "You look so pretty when you're scared robert.." Barry whispered, leaning down and forcing a kiss onto robert.
Disgust ran through Robert and he turned his head away, coughing and spitting before glaring at robert. "Fuck you." robert snarled, "oh i want to fuck you." barry purred before standing up. "Watch your back robert. Closely, and don't cross me again if you know what's good for you.'' Barry mused, leaving Robert on the ground.
Robert curled up on the ground, shaking. Robert curled up before letting out an angry yell, grabbing his hair before pushing himself to sit up; even if it hurt. "I'll fucking kill you barry!" Robert yelled, voice scratchy and hoarse. Robert wiped his mouth, hating himself for being so stupid and allowing this to happen. Robert could tear the flesh on his face off in that moment if he really wanted to...
"Robert? Oh my god!" Mary's voice suddenly met Robert's ear, and all too soon he felt hands on his body once more. "What happened to you?!" she wailed, touching robert's face. "Get. off. Me." Robert growled, his voice low with anger. Mary immediately obeyed, looking scared and sad. "Robert, who did this to you?" Mary whispered, eyes flickering across Robert's dark expression.
Robert was quiet, he hesitated before shaking his head. "Just... some drunk assholes... they ganged up on me. That is." Robert whispers, whipping the blood off his face before slowly standing up. "Where did they go?" Mary asked, standing up with robert. "Fuck i don't know mary, if i knew i'd fucking tell you!" Robert snapped, turning away.
Mary frowned and looked down, unsure of herself now. How was she supposed to make things better?
Robert leaned against the wall, hands still shaking until he heard the door open again. "What's going on then? I heard yelling-" Simon's voice appeared, making Robert's stomach drop. Robert didn't want Simon to see, he didn't want him to know what would happen..
Simon was the only one who knew the trouble he was having with barry. Robert turned and looked at Simon, eyes wide with fear. Robert saw the look of shock in Simon's eyes before it hardened to anger. Simon already knew what had happened, Robert didn't even need to say anything. "I see." Simon said, rubbing his chin; Simon's hand trembled with anger. "Shit.." Simon hissed before looking to marry. "Did you just find him like this?" Simon asked, an angry edge to his voice that made Mary cower away a little. "I did." Mary replied.
Simon stood still for a moment before approaching Robert, standing close before pulling Robert against his chest to whisper, "did he touch you." Robert trembled, feeling anxiety starting to build in his chest. Robert suddenly went limp in Simon's arms and broke down, loud sobs coming from him as he weakly nodded his head.
Simon's grip tightened around Robert and he took in a deep breath, trying not to become visibly angry; it would only make things worse. "I'm taking Robert home, Mary, I'll call you in the morning to update you," Simon said, wrapping his arms around Robert's waist and leading him out of the alleyway. Robert felt so useless, he wasn't even able to protect himself...
~~~~
Robert sat on Simon's toilet, a dull look on his face as Simon gently cleaned him up. "Was it only him?" Simon asked calmly, eyes trained on Robert's busted lips. "No... he sent two blokes to beat me up before he came out... told me i was pathetic.. He stepped on me- the bastard fucking kissed me on the mouth" robert hissed, closing his eyes to try and ride the image out of his head.
Simon pulled his hands away before tossing the bandage in the bin. Simon then turned to Robert before gently holding Robert's face. "Robert look at me." Simon said, encouraging Robert to open those sad blue eyes and look at him. Simon wasn't stupid, he could see that robert hadn't been happy the last month.
Robert slowly opened his eyes and looked at Simon, tears welling up in his eyes. "He's the worst si... he fucking- he thinks he has power over me... i-i'm starting to feel like he does" Robert whimpered, starting to shake more. Simon brushed his thumbs across robert's cheeks, "no robert, don't. I'll fucking take care of him, he wont see what's coming to him once im done.'' Simon whispered, leaning forward and pressing a tender kiss against Robert's lips.
A weak whimper came from robert and he pulled away, breath coming out in short puffs. Robert turned away, his face turning pink before he shook his head. "I-i just need to sleep.." Robert whispered, feeling like a walking piece of shit. Simon was quiet before nodding his head, "of course... Come on, let's get you to bed ''Simon said, lifting Robert to his feet and helping Robert to his bedroom.
Robert fell back for rejecting Simon AGAIN. He just couldn't get the feeling of Barry's disgusting mouth pressing against his; Robert didn't want to mix that feeling in with the feeling of Simon's kiss...
Soon Robert was laid down on Simon's bed. Simon made sure Robert was comfortable before saying goodnight and leaving to go sleep on the couch. Robert curled up, heart throbbing in his chest; he didn't want to be alone....
Robert pressed his face into Simon's pillow, breathing in Simon's smell and immediately feeling comforted by it. Robert hugged Simon's pillow close, shamefully grinding his hips against Simon's bed. All Robert wanted was to be held by Simon in that moment, he needed to feel his touch to forget the disgusting fear he felt when Barry stepped on him.
Robert let out a small moan of pleasure, pushing his hands between his legs and rubbing his cock to the thought of Simon in bed with him. Robert muffled his moans as he desperately hung himself, curling his toes before spilling into his hand and pressing his face into Simon's pillow; wetting it with ashamed tears.
"Fuck.." robert sniffed, feeling desperate now. Robert didn't know how much longer he could do this, how much longer he could deny himself the truth. He wanted to be with Simon, in every way possible... however, now that simon had carol and robert had mary; it just seemed impossible until a really REALLY stupid idea appeared into robert's delirious mind...
If Robert were to just... get this out of his system- if he were to simply just have sex with some random guy then maybe this urger to be with simon would go away? Maybe that would fix his problems, and if robert hated it then that's all the more reason to never do it again! The idea made so much sense in robert's exhausted mind, that he couldn't even see the biggest flaw in the plan.
Having sex with people he doesn't like always makes things worse. Mary, Chris, barry- all of them left robert feeling used, hurt or unfulfilled. However Robert was too delirious to care...
'That will make things better... i know it." Robert told himself, burying his face into Simon's pillow.