F/n side story
Year: 2020
Raindrops slam against the apartment windows as f/n lays on the couch, bored, staring up towards the ceiling as "lounge act" by Nirvana played from a nearby record player. His hands are raised in the air, fingers covered in bandaids moving to play an instrument, not in his hands but rather sitting beside him as he does his best to keep up. He found this to be the best way for him to learn, just listening to it and trying to imagine how they played it so he could as well. It was hard at first, felt impossible since he didn't want to be taught and instead learn on his own from scratch but he'd made it far enough to say he's proud of himself for once. Proud of an actual accomplishment that didn't hurt anyone in the end like his job did.
A cigarette hung limply from his lips, already burnt out and used though he didn't put in the effort to put it in the ashtray, instead, he just spat it away, leading it to land across his coffee table piling with magazines and empty pop cans. He was too caught up in the music, how it made him feel as he focussed on honing his craft that he'd never reveal to anyone, even to people like Majima, Kiryu or Ryuji whom he trusted dearly. No, this slice of peace was simply for himself, he wanted to play music just for his own ears with no one else to comment on it.
For once he wanted to be a bit selfish, just to keep this little passion of his completely locked away for his heart. His cold, usually unmoving heart felt somewhat alive when he played music when he listened to that small voice calling out, urging him to sing or pick up a guitar. He started hearing this voice, his passion for music, when his target for the night decided to hang out in an underground club with a live band. It was an easy job, an easy kill leaving f/n sometime after to hang around and eventually slip out luckily, the worry of a body to deal with wasn't one he had to deal with that night so he decided to linger.
He never was interested in these types of places, he just found them too flashy, and he didn't enjoy people pushing or shoving their way past him, but he decided to stay for a few minutes to look a little less suspicious. He listened in on conversations with disinterest, only for once silence go fill the small building. He blended into the crowd using his small height to his advantage so he could slip through people and sit himself down on a nearby chair. He watched as a band walked onto the small stage though no one really paid attention himself; they announced their name but once again, no reaction.
The group began playing, and it was as if a wave hit him. He watched with winded eyes as the small group played with passion. More eyes began to drift towards the group as f/n's stayed locked on, specifically the main singer who also played electric guitar. He did both with such ferocity and heart put into the performance, letting out all his emotions into the performance noticing how not many paid attention except for the young boy who sat near a corner of the room. At seeing this, he smiled and played even harder, even better than he did before making f/n's face smile.
Their song came to a close with F/n and a few others being the only ones to clap, F/n kept sitting there in awe before the singer went up to him with a smile as his bandmates wandered off. "Hey. Seemed you enjoyed our performance" the shaggy brown-haired man said squaring down beside f/n's seat, the 13-year-old nodded looking at him still in awe. "You looked so alive." he said, making the singer nod, "that's what it feels like when your in the groove. Like pure adrenaline running through your veins as you play with only you and your instrument mattering" the singer explained seemingly think back to a few minutes ago with a smile. "Maybe you should try, it's hard at first, but once you eventually get good, it pays off." He added, offering out a spare guitar pick he had on hand.
"Here, think about it. You might enjoy it." he said before running off with his band mates, leaving the young assassin behind staring at the small pick in hand. It was that one experience that sparked his interest, which eventually lead to now as the song ended and he breathed out a sigh.
"Alright. Now for real," he mumbled picking up his guitar and first making sure it was tuned correctly, be always hated this part the most but it was just part of the process. He sighed finally getting it correctly tuned and picked up the old guitar pick he got that fateful day, he felt a glimmer of emotion at the sight of it before he began playing. It would never sound as good as the original, he knew this well but he did this cause he wanted to, he did this because he felt something other than emptiness for the brief moments he "got into the groove" and played for only himself. Sometimes these "groove" moments would last minutes or second but those moments he treasured, like a flicker of light in the dark or a small puddle in a desert.
"I've got this friend, you see, who makes me feel, And I wanted more than I could steal" he sang softly in something more like a mumble trying to strum his instrument as best he could, trying to remember how to correctly play this part as he kept repeating it over and over yet still couldn't get it right. He sighed, getting it wrong one last time before placing down the guitar, he'd try again tomorrow, he promised himself glancing down at the electric blue of the guitar.
He'd try again until he got it right. He'd try again and again to get into "the groove" and feel alive.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
Your hands sift through old boxes upon boxes of junk as you dad lifted some of them out the old closest, he had apparently forgot to clean it out for years so now you and him decided to finally band together and do so. "Wow, you looked so small when you were younger" you mumbled looking at some old Polaroids of your dad, he looked about 9 and was wearing an oversized shirt that practically swallowed him in the cotton material, your dad peered over looking at the photo and then laughed. "Yeah, I was pretty small back then. Majima's shirt definitely isn't making me look any better as well, he used to give me some of his stuff that didn't fit anymore cause I refused to buy new clothes. I remember several times where he had to drag me to a mall just to get some new pants" he chuckled reminiscing of when he was younger.
With a smile your hands sifted through another box before stopping when noticing a box at the back with something sticking out of it, with widened eyes you reached into the closest pulling out an electric guitar set up to a small speaker that starboy helped you pull out. It was a dark blue with several scuff marks and scratches but along with that you spotted a few stickers on it specifically band stickers and stars that still had a dull glimmer to them after years of being in the back of a dusty closet. "Hey dad you played guitar?" You asked holding up the electric guitar as you noticed your dad jolt up from his crisscross position on the ground.
He practically stumbled his way over to you, almost tripping over several boxes before diving down on the floor beside you and taking it into his hands with an excited look in his eyes. The excitement in him practically radiated off kinda like something you'd seen in an anime making you giggle a bit at the sight. "Yeah, used to love playing. It was a secret of mine that not even Majima knew about. My go-to's to play were mostly Nirvana, nine-inch nails, pearl jam, tears for fears and Metallica. It's partially why I used to sing you all those songs when you were younger. I eventually stopped though." he explained with his enthusiasm slowly dying out, he stared down at the guitar with his fingers lightly scraping the strings.
"Well, why did you stop?" You asked honestly making your father's eyes widen. He thought back to the last time he picked up his guitar but couldn't think of why. Why he had left his only other lifeline before you were born, the one thing that made him feel somewhat alive during his teenage years when he was more like a walking corpse to everyone but his friends who could see a glimmer of emotions in him. "I got busy, I had a job and I eventually had you. I just kinda stopped playing one day, and hadn't thought of it since." he answers rubbing the back of his neck, he closed his eyes giving a forced smile before he felt your hand gently holding his. He looked down, seeing that small tears trailed down his hand, he hadn't even realized he had started crying.
"I don't think you haven't stopped thinking of it. You never had." You respond back smiling a bit thinking back to when you were younger, all those times your dad sang along when you played music in the car or when he'd fake air guitar which you now knew was him recreating what he'd actually have to do to play the rift of a song playing. "I mean, you said it yourself. You used to sing nirvana to me as a lullabies and R.E.M when I had nightmares" you explained chuckling a bit at the memories pulling out your phone pulling up Apple Music, you scrolled for a moment before landing on "come as you are". Just as the song began to play you noticed him pull off one of his necklaces, it had a old weathered guitar pick.
He brushed his fingers against the neck letting his fingers get into place, it wasn't tuned correctly for this song but neither you nor him cared. He just simply played to the best of his ability, it wasn't the best but his passion made up for it especially as he began to softly mumble the words before leading up to confidently singing as you watched in awe. Your father always had a beautiful voice, it honestly surprised you that he ended up associated with the yakuza when he could sing like no tomorrow. Maybe you should ask Majima or Kiryu to bring him to a karaoke bar, or even ask Emiko's uncle if he could sing at the bar.
Yeah, that sounded like a nice idea
Got some amazing fanart but I'm gonna save that for the chapter I wanna post this week so be prepared for that. Also, I've been on a binge of listening to grunge so please don't mind if I keep name-dropping a few bands. I was already gonna have f/n have a passion for music but after reading the Shiori experience I decided to write this lil snippet of it.