ETERNITY IN YOUR HANDS
PAST
The wind streamed past them as the scenery and ground surrounding the two, the sound of laughter and pounding hoofs the only thing echoing through the quiet skies of the Ravkan woodland. The hood she had once worn had long fallen from her head, instead wrinkled in the wind as her red locks. She let her hands loosen from the leather, spread her arms wide in the flow of squalls that had not been hers but just nature's. For once since her eight year on Earth she had felt careless, as if she was able to breathe without someone pushing a burning stake against her throat for being, for walking the same grounds as her fellow Grisha.
Emiliya turned to look back at the dark haired man and even in the dark she could see a smile growing on his face, and though she had fast to drop her hands to reach for the reins again their grins had never faded. It had been exactly the freedom she had felt then she had wished for her people, for those all across Ravka and those who had fled regardless of whether they were Grisha or not. It had been the happiest the young woman had felt in a long time, it wasn't that she had been unhappy for in fact she was blessed with the safety of the Little Palace and her Kefta. As for the little friends she had met and had been the luckiest woman in all of Ravka for having a man desired by many dedicated to be on her side as much as she was on his.
But there was a time where she frowned through most of her days even long before her passage into the sea, where closing her eyes was something she ostracised and nights where she screamed herself awake. Not all scars she carried where solely mental, sported physical marks beyond the obligatory ones for surviving the Fold. To feel elation was to wake up for a purpose other than breathing, than knowing in the back of your mind you'd have to face nemeses again, to prove your worth over and over, it felt good to touch freedom.
Their silhouettes were consumed within the treeline, the meadow vanishing past the ridge as it converted into rough terrain of the woodland. She hadn't recognised her surroundings in the nocturnal, not realised where they had been headed was like a sanctuary to breathe for him.
The calm and almost soundless pour of water seeping down the green troubled rock of the water feature meeting the sound of the low breathing of their horses being abandoned in the distance. The crunching of dead leafs beneath their soles as the fountain's white had turned a horrid looking grey the closer they had come to it.
As tradition he had brought a coin, for he had never failed to believe in the superstition of the coin in the fountain, fingers turning it between his fingers before handing it out to her. Normally there had been two but tonight there had only been one. "I want you to make a promise."
"A promise?" Emiliya's eyes, brows slightly drawn into a grown as she looked down at the coinage as she reached up her to it, but each had been unmoving as it floated between their hands before meeting his' gaze again, "I need you to promise me that the wish you make tonight is not to be anybody else."
"If this is a promise we make," She closed the space between them, folding her left hand around the one holding the coin. Her blue eyes shortly met the starlit skies shining above them through curtain of dead leafs and the crisp air of late spring's winter blushing their cheeks. "Then promise me this too. I need you to promise me you don't either."
"You were just a boy, Aleksander. Burdened with such power but blessed and brilliant, and even if it is for eternity you shall never walk alone." The twenty-one year old placed her other hand on the fabric of the cloak, right above where his heart was hidden beneath the many layers of material skin. "Because no matter how many times you need to change your name, the game stays the same, but you should never wish to be anyone else."
He looked down upon her as if she had fallen from the heavens right there and then upon the mention of the words, fingers reaching to cover the one upon his chest, gaze trailing down from hers to their conjoining limbs. An offer he had long anticipated to make known but had never found its time for, hadn't possessed what he needed to do so but it had all aligned that night.
To make a promise is to have some heart and hold to your chest, it was a vow made to be kept until your dying day. It was like sharing a secret, even a wish wasn't supposed to be known by another; you were never meant to share it. To wish to be another had once been a need to want to change even if almost all before you had been everything you wanted even if it had not been all you desired, to wish even for one night to be you was to accept that the person you had been could still achieve the things you wished you wanted to change without needing to alter being.
Such a promise needed no seal bound by words, it needed to be sealed with a kiss on that very coin lips warm against the cold silver as his would follow to bind its vow before being tossed, eyes closed until the sound of the silver being tossed in the air. They watched the coin swell ripples in the moonlight's water of the fountain, a coin sealed with two sides of history bound by the same fate in the imminent.
A content silence had fallen between them, the touch of his lips meeting the side of her forehead as she stared at the cascading of water into the pit of the fountain. "Emiliya will you stand by me?"
The words were a mere whisper against her red locks, feared she had almost imagined them in the hushed atmosphere of the woods. Her fingers had tightened around their intertwined hands, "Aleksander?"
There it was again, her voice frowning with as much as her features at the words he had spoken. She almost dreaded that whatever had been happening at the Fold was something terrible, something he may have wanted to protect her by not saying even if she had faced a round trip through it every now and then already. It had caused her to step backwards in hopes to find answers written upon his face but there had been none, not the ones that would mean concern or gruesome detailing. But Emiliya herself had grown worried, a feeling that threatened to surge into him from her fingers into his, dared not look her in the eye for reasons she didn't understand.
But she had not expected the words that were to come, she who would try to become the destroyer of him to make the world a better place, once so in love with a man who deemed a destroyer for his Small Science and claiming to make it a better and safer world for Grisha growing closer to the decision of new beginnings and the start of an ending all the same.
"Will you stand by me for the rest of your very life if not eternity?"
Eternity, it was a word that held weight for them individually but too each their own reasons. Eternity to him meant more than simplicity and the twenty-one year old knew that, and after everything than hour prior it began to make sense, the words and actions as if they hadn't been thought of and still had been thought through.
It had her face painted with astonishment, eyes slow to meet his' as her mind sought for a response, feared that she had ended up in a dream and that none of that nocturnal morning had happened by the time she woke up, but his voice was too real and the touch between their fingers tangible.
"If you want, I'll get down on my knees and with my hand on your heart?"
The twenty-one year old laughed warm-heartedly, hands almost inseparable if it had not been for one reaching into one of his pockets. Even in the darkness she could make out the ring she had seen back at the Little Palace. She now realised why he had shown it to her, why a Kefta has been fabricated, realised none of this may have gone as planned but too was one of the safest. No one would be looking for them now, no one would come to realise two souls had vanished at the same time, he knew what he had been doing by making the decision in a moment of love stricken rush.
But she had not let him, instead mumbled under her breath how much of a fool he had been to even think of such as she pulled his head down and to draw their lips together even through the laughter that had bubbled up his throat. A chaste kiss before they had parted again, eyes shining with nothing but affection and bliss.
Aleksander's fingers reached for her hand, its touch so gentle she thought he must fear her hand would break upon his touch trying to push the piece on her finger. The material was cold meeting her ring finger, but it too felt as if it had always belonged there, as if something that had been missing her entire life found its way back to her. And right before their lips would meet again the words that had fallen of them a whisper, "Of course I'll stand by you for eternity."
Even in the shadows of the trees entangled with the slight light of the moon and the closeness of their faces, she could trace out the shadows on his face. Their noses had almost touched as their eyes, the ethereal silence between then and yet eyes spoke enough in knowing that kiss was meant to be theirs and only worship as longing in their eyes.
"Emiliya Morisyer." Morozova. He had whispered the name between the kiss. Their noses brushed each other upon the touch of their lightly smiling yet parted and starving lips, even if the conjoining had been softly at first it was as if they had been apart for a hundred years instead of breathing the same air.
Her hands were fast to move from Alexander's chest to trail the hair at the back of his head, the pull of their bodies impossibly closer to hers before trailing them to the side of his face as the intensity of their kiss emerged. His hand had dug into the fabric covering her lower back, as his other traced the delicate skin of her cheekbone and jaw with a tender yet demanding touch.
The anticipation before the last kisses they had not known was their last day was not the same, she longed for him and with the connection opened to them she felt his too. As used as she had gotten to feel the rush of his power flooding through her, the reason behind the touch had only made it stronge.
Sharing a kiss is like opening up your soul, a way of gentleness and affection shown in a way outside of gentle touches and loving gazes: one that could show through lust and need. Something other than catching someone smile or something lightning up your world. It's like breathing in the one you love like fresh air that feeds the soul, as if they are the only thing in the world and safe. There's no proper word to describe it, not really, unless it means nothing.
They were flush against each other, thin layer of earthy air left to move between their bodies: lips devouring each other as their hands and lips clung to the other as if they were the only thing on this world that kept them standing, fingers digging in the fabric of each other's clothes for steadiness, tender touch of the skin on the side of their faces through their closed eyes.
There had been kisses shared through smiles, laughter and tears. Kisses as they had shared them now but it was as if their bodies knew what were to happen that night, before everything would change. To want and devour the last of each other before it would be apart for the end of time.
You see that ring that had now adorned her finger was more than just a binding of love and affection; it would prison them into something with no return and could only be undone by himself. The ring had a value to the Fold's future, the problem was neither of them knew the backlash of the jewel, the things he had done to create it into its final form. He hadn't known the consequences of the object formed with the help of a Durast and his actions as much as he had back when creating the Fold out of his rush of emotions.
The plan had not been to be unfold the proposal then for he had acted out of the irrationality of blinding love and in a way to possess the power that lay within her, she had not yet understood its true value. He too knew she would've parted from his side at some point regardless of her hand in marriage, for she had not been eternal or rather they hadn't yet realised that an end would come to be whether that had been today or tomorrow.
In another world they would've been described as two teenagers who saw nothing but each other, careless of the love they shared in the world. But in this world he had been ancient and her teenage years had consistent of nothing but ruination, reminders of a broken world none of them were ever meant to live in for it was generations of broken lives regardless of the war or the streets they lived on. The force to hide away in the shadows to ensure the wrath of their superior: the King, would not be unleashed out upon them, on her as a past lover had endured with death.
Giddy laughter escaped past their lips as they stumbled back in the chamber, the once moonlight drawn out by daybreak creeping up on them as the door fell shut rather loudly but they had not bothered, too focused on each other, too hungry for each other. Sleep had been far from overtaking them, the press of the black Kefta against her skin through the arms around him as they stumbled through the room, one of his hand buried deep within her hair as hers had in his, desperate to close the gap between them that no longer could become any closer.
Emiliya could feel his lips trailing past he lips and down to her jaw, then neck and the desperate touch of his hands trying to undo the impossible buttons of the Kefta in hopes to reach her collarbone. His name had left her mouth breathlessly, could feel the fabric suffocating her lungs come undone.
Cold fingers pressed against the skin of her hip, back meeting one of the pillars of the bed and she could feel his fingers sliding past the fabric of the shirt, their minds set on anything but rationality of the sun rising or the Palace coming back to life in a matter of time once it had. Because the problem with wanting is that some would say it would make you weak, makes you forget where you are in the moment and what you should be doing instead, but it could make one powerful too. It would give one the ability to understand one's body and weaknesses, even if the reasons why giving in to the wanting then weren't out of softness but lust and perhaps greed in a way.
The couple had been consumed in the world they had created in the middle of the night: a world where it had just been the two of them, where he had momentarily forgotten about the troubles he had brought upon their world and she had failed to recall a time where ache had been all she knew in the back of her mind. It had been them against the world and no one could ever get between that: if it had not been for death closing in on one of their doors.
Their physiques were entangled with the sheets and each other's limps, fingers dancing absented minded lines over the skin on the edges of their faces and collarbones, lips touching dreamingly between the blissful smiles decorating on them still.
He had been like home, as the three friends, individuals that would always find their way back because it was a sacred feeling. Aleksander was sacred even with the past she had been truthfully been told about, even if it had only been half of it, the young woman knew no better than to believe it and the face now held between her fingers. The way Emiliya had been safe haven where he need not hide who he was, a means for a future and had been sealed with a ring on her sanctifying the promise. They were a home to each other where they could just be who they were without needing to hide its most horrid truths, except the Fold's becoming.
Their lips faltered in the midst of it all, the sudden outburst coming from the behind the wooden door as it came to a halt midst creaking, the light behind the shadow steaming into the room upon its frozen stature in the same seconds as their faces to turn to its source, "Saints, I should've knocked."
Her face burned up and though she could feel the skin burn of his touch still, but the bliss they had once been in was stripped away from them upon the sight of their friend, upon the realisation of the reality of their lives bringing them back to their senses.
But a their choked down giggles threatened to flood the room regardless, forehead of the Shadow Summoner falling between her forehead and nose with a deep intake of air, faces parting just enough for her to make out the slight shaking of his head in the dark. And as if wanting to torment the Grisha the ancient man drew his face down to hers for their lips to meet again.
"As if you've never done any of this before." The redhead mumbled the words against their parting lips as he pushed him away playfully. Not willing to embarrass neither party any further.
They had been lucky that Raisa had found them then, it having slipped her mind to check whether they had returned or not before bursting into the room. But still, it was better than anyone else finding the pair in the state they had been. In fact, the dark haired girl had gushed over Cian, and all she ever had to say was how her friend and General had been over each other once behind doors. It had not been a secret within the friend group, three of them knew and if more of the Second Army had caught on no words had been spoken loud enough for the others to catch on and too proven their loyalty, to not dishonour the man.
"What is it?" Aleksander had tried to pull himself together, moved away from his lover onto his back to her side; moving himself flush against the headboard in question as he stared at the silhouette of the Grisha.
The young woman had pulled the sheets over her upper body as she sat up, could only then see the girl had humbly turned her back to them, could barely make out it had been the Tidemaker if it had not been for her voice, "I sent word out a team of us will leave at daybreak, as you requested."
She had forgotten something happened at the Fold, the reason they had all been awake in the first place and long before anything from the past five hours had happened. Had been so selfish to be carried away by desire and her pining over an ancient man and his love declarations that she had forgotten about the pledge to her country.
"Alright love birds," The Tidemaker's silhouette retreated from the doorway, as her voice resonated back into the room. "I'll leave you to it so I can go and rinse my eyes."
If it hadn't been for the girl leaving all she would've done in truth would've been to roll her eyes and laugh about it. But not that day, not upon knowing where her friend was being sent off to, the many skiffs that had failed to make it across that month.
"Asa, wait." The twenty-one year old had been swift to clasp the robe that had once been on the bed from the floorboards, horridly tying it around her like a second skin as her feet padded after her friend. "Ray."
But as she saw the door being opened, it had been too late to withdraw the movement she had made and for it to slam shut. Emiliya looked down at her hand in as much disbelief as the girl at the end of the room, why had she just done that? She had not meant for it to happen, never even thought about doing so but as she tried apologising for the display of aggression towards her friend what she had gotten in return was forgiveness.
Raisa had thought it perhaps had been the intensity of contact with the man in the other room that was affecting her there, missed the ring resting on her finger to be the cause of change flooding through her friend's system.
"We never leave without saying goodbye." It was a promise between two friends settled in the early days, you never leave without saying goodbye, because they as children had seen too many to know luck wouldn't always be on their sides, how neither had ever gotten the chance to say goodbye to a parent or guardian, if not friends.
It had been a promise that even as the years passed Emiliya had held onto the most, she had not believed in something as destiny or a higher power that would keep them safe. She had only believed in the luck of survival bound by the actions of others, if not her own.
"Why do you always make it seem as if one of us is about to die?" Her blue eyes shut upon the words of her friend, to be brave and own bravery were two different things, one meant pretending whilst they other had already been within. But just because you are brave doesn't mean something deep within the self isn't scared, because in the back of their minds they knew this wasn't just a round trip without sacrifices being made.
"Because many don't, those scars on your arm mean nothing to the Volcra but luck." Their arms linked around each other tightly, a hug you wouldn't mind being suffocated for if it meant it was the last you would come to share. Saying your goodbyes had been one part in parting your ways regardless if that was to return or the end of forever, but to be able to hold onto it a little longer whilst saying your silent words of wisdom and safe-keeping could bring a little peace for the road ahead.
"Be careful." Everything starts and ends with just being there for each other, their parting way and the ending of a friendship without knowing it was. "I'll come back home sporting a brand new mark."
The twenty-two year old moved away from the younger girl and was as swift to vanish through the gap of the wooden doors as she had once come. The Tidemaker left her standing there in the darkness thinking about how she had not been able to speak the words of the ring around her finger and the reasons as to why she had to find her friends the way she did for she feared it would distract her on the mission. And perhaps Raisa not knowing had been the better option in the end, no one knowing at all.
As you can see there had been love once, a lover and a chosen family that accepted each other for who they had been and did not judge the power they held within, people that had seen each other as a human beings and family first. A family that had begun to crumble at the seams the more hours passed in that final diurnal of the olden days. A home where she belonged by just breathing, even if she had not be in the right place with everyone within its walls. The walls of the Little Palace had no longer been the same after that day, haunted with the ghost of their pasts until it became truth. Not everything that dies ceases to exist, not if something preceding your understanding of its consequence keeps it from doing so.
Perhaps that would be the saddest part of the forthcoming, the realisation of the things you may have last said to someone you loved and how easy it would be to hide away the things that they didn't if they had not been spoken or shared. It was to leave a cut that would struggle to mend and questions where it went wrong even if it had not been an outcome that lay in your hands.
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name pronunciation
moh-rihs-jer
welp, don't kill me and my plotting partner for this, we accidently turned an idea into wanting to invest in the chaos of what it came to be through my words.
PUBLISHED MAY 7, 2021