The one where Ted and the other two are fucking blind.
So Ted and Sam were talking while everyone waited for Ezra or Ref to enter the classroom.
Sam Lemons: Just saying, you could definitely make a nuclear sized explosion if you used all your Inergy.
Theo Brando: Say, we should visit our cousin in Japan.
Ren Itari: Ha, like he'd let us after what happened yesterday.
Theo: How is it that you managed to burn down an ice cream shop with mint chocolate chip ice cream?
Ren: I have my ways.
Ted Theo Cole: I'm not saying I've thought of it, but-
Just then a snow-white cat walked into the classroom.
Ren and Theo: The fuck?
Ren: Jinx.
Ted: Theo Theo Theo.
Ren: Bastard.
Once the cat reached the center desk it started speaking.
Ezra Bevriezen: Okay, so I know this is a little weird, but I got attacked by a villain on the way here and now I'm a cat for a day.
Lia raised her hand,
Ezra: No, none of you may pet me.
Lia put her hand down.
Ezra: Any more questions?
Jay raised his hand
Ezra: Jay, ask away.
Jay Olympus: So, are we still havin' class?
Ezra: Of course, now I'm gonna go get coffee, homeroom over.
The dramatic highs and lows of superhero high schools regular classes happen.
Ref: So, you fucks gonna do that rescue training or I break ya legs.
Ted: Everyone but me changed after season one huh?
Ren: Not really, Ezra is still chill as ever.
Theo: Heh, chill.
Ren: I'm gonna hit you with a shoe or something.
Theo: Try me bitch.
Ted: So are you fucks just gonna keep arguing or am I gonna have to kick both your asses?
Theo: Could've sworn I heard the sound of a bitch.
Ren: Must've been the wind
Ted: We all know me going all out, using everything that I've acquired in that other world, could probably demolish a building.
Could've sworn he should be small mountain level by now, guess that Rasenshuriken in season one took more out of him than I said.
Did Ted canonically just get weaker? No, he could wreck S1 Ted no diff. I'm saying he's stopped using his more reckless moves at full power.
Theo: Good thing you're never going back there, I owe some people a large amount of money.
Ren: By some, he meant the three kings and queen.
Ted: I regret ever taking you anywhere.
Ren: He was still mad at you for burning down the brothel.
Theo: Good thing everyone got out in time.
Flashback~~~~
Ted and Ren are standing on a building half a kilometre away from a burning brothel as people run out of it.
Ren: Ted.
Ted: Yeah?
Ren: I don't remember you ever picking up the ability to shoot normal fire.
Ted: Never did.
Ren: Then why is the brothel covered in regular flames.
Ted: We learned fire magic yesterday.
Ren: Oh right, we did.
Ted: Plus I chucked a Molotov at it.
Ren: There it is.
Screams of hysteria ensue as Theo is barely heard in the background screaming...
Theo: WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?
Flashback over~~~~~
Ren: We are never using magic despite the benefits.
Ted: Correct.
Theo: Fucking prick, knew I should've just stayed dormant.
Ren: Sucks to suck.
Ted finally opened his fucking eyes to see everyone fucking left. There was a note on his desk, probably written by Kat or Sam, Galv would have written it if he was there but he isn't.
"Ha, fucken loser didn't even notice 18 people and a cat leave a room. You're probably fast enough to catch up to us. Back garage, you know where it is.
-with hate, probably one of your friends."
Theo: Your friends aren't very fond of you huh?
Ren: I mean, look at us. All of us are assholes to each other and we love each other.
Ted: I wouldn't say love exactly...
Theo: Fuck you, Ted.
Ted: I mean if you wanna.
Ren: Pretty sure all of us are Asexual.
He then pauses. For dramatic effect, ya know?
Ren: Well, except Theo, he's definitely either a whore or heterosexual.
Theo: I will not stand for the Bi hate.
Ted: Shut up, future villain.
Theo: Oh I kill a couple kids and all of sudden I'm a "murderer," and a "bad friend for stabbing you in the gut 32 times." But when you burn down a brothel it's just "whore shaming." Double standards my God!
Ted: That's cuz no one died from me burning down that brothel.
Ren: Pretty sure Jeff the asthmatic almost died.
Theo: No one liked Jeff.
Ted: Also, "almost," yeah we could go back and finish the job, but Jeff had a bad case of the explodies the last time we saw him.
Theo: Courtesy of yours truly.
Ren: Not like Jeff didn't have several bounties on him.
Ted: Well moving past events that probably will never be shown unless there's like 7 votes on this shitty book. Let's catch up with the class.
Ren: Who left five minutes ago.
Ted: Wait what?
Theo: Sometimes you're an idiot. Sometimes you're like fucking Einstein or someone.
Ren: He's gone.
Theo: Wait what? But, how did we not notice him leave?
Ren: No I noticed, saw him do it, fucker's probably there by now.
Theo: Then what the fuck are we still doing here?
Ren: Oh I'm not even here, I left when Ted left.
Theo: Then what the fuck am I talking to?
Ren?: Clone.
The clone disappears in a cloud of grey smoke.
Theo: I'm gonna shoot that smug bitch when I see him.
Theo finally leaves the empty room running after his... I actually don't know what to call them. Roommates? Friends? Thirds? I guess roommates could work since they all inhabit the same body, they aren't really friends, and there are three of them. Ah, bros, they're bros.
So Theo ran after his bros, only catching up once he used the E.C. to boost his speed. But by then the class had been gone.
Theo, somehow out of breath: God I fucken-! deep breath I fucken hate you two!
Ted: Well hate me a little less because now we have to catch up to a bus going roughly 60 miles per hour.
Ren: Correction, you two have to catch up to a bus. I'm gonna chill in one of the thinly furnished large buildings that now reside in my slice.
Theo: Yeah no, fuck that, I'm sleeping in a tree for the rest of eternity.
Theo and Ren vanish into puffs of grey dust.
Ted: Lazy bitches. Good thing I don't actually have to do that.
Ted is surrounded by swirling black and white flames as he switches places with a pin he left on Sam.
Theo: You could have done that the entire fucking time!? Next time we spar I'm gonna shoot you in the fucking face you little bastard.
Ted: Shut up, comic relief.
Ren: Not wrong.
Theo: No wonder I become a villain, you two are bullies.
Ted: Sucks to suck.
Ren: Wait, fucking idiot did you even grab your costume?
Ted: Nope, but I did do something to the box and contents of said box.
Ted snaps his fingers and a swirling mass of his fire appears in his lap as it slowly reveals the box his costume is kept in.
Theo: I got one fucking asspull and you get like sixty-nine.
Ren: Ease it on the fuck word.
Theo: You can't tell me what the *bleep* to do.
Long silence as Ted's classmates chat in the background.
Theo: He *bleep* censored me.
Ren: Nope, he censored all of us. Your *bleep* *bleep* swore too much now all us have to suffer the consequences.
To clarify, everyone else, bar Kat, hear the things they're saying regularly, and I won't be bleeping their lines, only the three lads.
Ted: *bleep* idiots.
Ted then noticed the slight weight on his lap, then a sudden cold throughout his chest.
Ezra: Pay attention, we're at the U.T.F.
Ted starts coughing, like, a lot.
Ezra: What, it's not like you're dying.
Ted continues coughing his lungs out.
Ezra: Oh crap are you actually dying?
Ted: possibly *violent coughing*
Fun fact, the reason Ted is so warm is that his constant use of the fire element requires his body to be above 121 degrees Fahrenheit, so his body is always super hot. If by chance, his body temperature goes under that, he starts violently coughing because his lungs don't know how to work in cold temperatures.
Ted: Sam, do me favour cough use firepower to retching cough heat me back up.
While Ted was violently dying, he then realized a faster solution.
Ted: Wait no, violent series of coughs I have a faster thing.
Ted somehow gets his hands together to summon Theo.
Ted: This is the one time I'll let you do this.
Theo dons a Cheshire smile as a flaming Deagle appears in his hand and he points it at Ted's head.
Theo, out loud for everyone to hear: Watch out kids, this one has a splash zone.
Ted's brains are blown out onto the floor.
Everyone was screaming, some people were crying, and Theo was laughing, threw his head back and everything.
The bus driver couldn't hear a thing as they were almost completely deaf, apparently.
Ten seconds later a bright light fills the bus and Ted sits right back up, any wounds on his body gone and his body back at normal temperatures.
As you would assume more screaming ensued, along with Ted getting tackled to the ground by Sam who thinks his friend is now a zombie.
Little time skip past the screaming as now everyone is inside the giant dome used for Rescue simulations.
Ref is also there, doing things.
Gwen Quincy: So, you're practically immortal?
Ted: Nope! I'd tell you how many times I can do it but I don't wanna.
Theo: He trusts none of you with the information.
Ren: Even if he did he wouldn't tell you, some of you might sell the information to villains or something.
Ref: Now that whatever that was is out of the way, we will be simulating several rescue type situations in which you will all need to get a bunch of Ezra's ice clones out with as few "casualties" as possible.
Ezra: I have already set up the clones so now all we have to do is put you all in teams.
Ref: Ted, Sebastian, David, you're on sinkhole disaster.
The three nod and head to the part of the building.
Ref: Daniel, Ashley, Que, you're on Forest fire rescue.
Daniel started walking away once he heard forest, already down the stairs with the help of Ren. Ashley and Que x2 not far behind.
Ref: Hmmm, Suba, you're on stranded with Gwen, I feel confident that you two can do it.
The two left, unknown to the third party sneaking along with them.
Ref: Emily, Ethan, Harvey, Katia, you four are on flood rescue.
Without complaint, the four left.
Ref: Johann, Julien, Lettuce, Rockslide.
You get the idea.
Ref: Caitlyn, Lia, you are back up in case anyone gets injured.
Lia: Why us?
Caitlyn: I too am curious.
Ref: Forgot about you two, now go sit with Ezra or something.
They sit with the cat and pet him, Ezra didn't mind because no one was around to see, except Ren who was sitting right next to them.
With the first three.
Sebastian: I'm curious to what you can accomplish David.
David: I can do what I can and that's what I'm gonna do.
David and Sebastian arrive at the location and wait for the disaster to happen so that they can help.
Ted: What took you so long?
Ted says playing with a kunai.
Sebastian: Well, unlike you I don't have an abundance of Inergy to waste.
David: Same.
Ted: Well let's wait for this disaster to take place so we can "save" some clones.
Sebastian: Pretty sure all of them could stop a sinkhole single-handedly if Ezra gave them enough Inergy.
David: You can't stop a sinkhole, just reduce casualties and property damage.
Ted: Word. Well, while we wait wanna see who would win in an arm-wrestling competition?
Sebastian: Did... did you just say "word"?
Ted: Shut up and arm wrestle.
Ted creates a table and leans over it with his arm ready.
Sebastian: This is dumb.
Sebastian grabbed Ted's hand nonetheless.
Ted: David, be a dear and count us down will you?
David: From what? Three? Five? Ten?
Sebastian: Three.
David: Three... two... one!
Ted and Sebastian are surprisingly evenly matched as they push against each other.
Though when Sebastian started pushing harder Ted used about 68.9% of his full power to push back to the middle.
Sebastian: I didn't know we were this evenly matched in terms of strength.
Sebastian continued to push against Ted who put on a facade of struggle.
Ted: I'm surprised you made me use so much power.
Sebastian seemingly almost wins but Ted uses 69% of his power and through the power of memes or whatever he wins.
Sebastian: What the hell is up with that ridiculous strength?
Ted: Well... I am a close-range fighter so it's only reasonable that I absolutely dominate in strength.
David: Who cares? Let's get this over with.
David grabs Ted's hand.
Ted: Sebastian, you know what to do.
Sebastian, not knowing what to do, punched Ted across the face.
Ted: You knew I meant jerk us- I mean count us off.
Ted: Maybe I have changed.
Sebastian: Three... two... one!
David's body bulked up as he almost slammed Ted's wrist into the table.
Ted: Ohohoho! That's what I like to see!
Ted pushed back with all his strength but still struggled to keep David at bay.
David: I may have overestimated your strength, didn't think we'd be this evenly matched.
The ground around them cracked as the temperature raised around them.
Sebastian: It's getting pretty toasty don't ya think?
Sebastian was ignored as the two continued to struggle for the win.
Make no mistake Ted isn't holding back like he did in the Tournament, he's using... well, not his full power but enough power to kill a normal person by punching the air in front of them.
He hasn't even used his or Ren's Ticks, just the plus 1/3 the E.C. gives him.
David: Maybe I should up the ante and go to times three.
Ted: What? He's only using double his normal strength and he's already pushing me back by this much! I knew he was this strong but I was just hyping him up!
Sebastian: Nani! Ted should be the clear cut winner from what the Tournament showed me! But even David is equal to his strength!
Ted: If you did that I'd have to use more power too. We might even break the building before the sinkhole does!
David: Ah who cares! We'll just blame it on the Sinkhole!
Ted: Alright!
Ted, instead of using his ability to double all of his stats, just flooded his arm with Inergy to improve his strength that way, like some mindless brute.
Sebastian: Guys. Guys! GUYS!!
David and Ted stop to look at Sebastian.
Ted: What?
Sebastian: Look behind you fucking idiots.
Ted: The *bleep*?
They look at the now-collapsed building in a hole and see that the forest is also on fire behind it.
Sebastian: While you two were dicking around the training started.
David: What are we waiting for? Let's go!
Ted: Right!
Seb and Ted jump into the hole as Dave slides down the side.
Once they found an opening Ted threw a Clone at it before rushing in after it, Seb and Dave right behind him.
Ted: Seb, first floor, Dave you check this one I'll go for the middle.
Seb flies down the stairs going to search the first floor, Ted right behind him.
Once the Clones were found they were all swiftly taken out of the building and out of the hole.
Ted: I can't believe I'm actually asking this. Do any of you have any injuries?
Clone: I think I sprained my ankle when the building collapsed.
Ted: *bleep*, if you did I'd see the ice, I know you *bleep* can't heal without it being painfully obvious.
Ted: Really? Come here, I'll check the wound.
Ted then realises his mistake.
Ted: Wait no! That was stupid of me, you stay still there, I'll come to you.
Ted: What? This ankle... is really sprained! Ezra somehow made a perfect copy of himself down to his bone structure. I just make hollow shells with pretty good defence! This is seriously next level types of intelligence!
Obligatory cut to person being called smart doing something stupid.
Ezra is on his back taking a nap on Caitlyn's thighs as Lia rubs his belly.
Ren sighs deeply a little bit away from them.
Ezra: I could get used to this. Maybe I should, "get attacked by a villain on the way" more often.
Cut back to Ted.
Ted: I should get him to tutor me.
After doing something to the wound, Ted wraps it in the bandage he now keeps on him.
Ted: You shouldn't walk on it but you should be fine.
Clone: eight-point six out of ten, nice job.
Ted nods in thanks.
And because we're getting close to 3000 words I'm gonna cut it there.
Also, I wanted to add in after chapter shorts. You know, for comedy.
So here's one titled, "Akatsuki"
Ted: Ren!
Ren confused but intrigued: What?
Ted: Not's made a Fan Fic!
Ren even more confused and intrigued: What!?
Ted: Yeah! The main character's name is Tatsumi Akatsuki!
Ren: Well let's go meet the son of a bitch!
Ted: Wait what?
Ren: We use this thing for meaningless stuff all the time so let's fucking go!
Ren forces Ted into the portal as they appear right in front of a young man with a rather skinny build, spiky black hair, and black eyes that looked more annoyed than confused.
Tatsumi: Why do you look like me?
He says referring to Ted who's black eyes and black hair were in the same style as Tatsumi's.
Ted gets up from the ground and checks out Tatsumi from every angle, saying "Uh-huh" every few seconds.
Ted: Yep, you're one of me, you also dye your hair it seems. Wonder when you'll stop.
Ted says, being completely wrong.
Tatsumi: Oi! Get the fuck away from me you creepy brat!
Ted: Who you calling a brat, punk!?
Tatsumi: You! You creepy short brat!
Ted: I'm taller than you shortie!
Tatsumi: Who you calling short!? Huh!?
They were about to get into a fistfight if Ren hadn't held Ted back, and a person that looked suspiciously like Ren held Tatsumi back.
Ren: Okay, maybe don't kill him? You're here to meet him not burn his body to a crisp.
Ren?: I don't know who you are, but I apologise for this one's actions, he's a bit short-tempered.
Tatsumi: Oi! Ikari! You're never this polite! What gives?
Ren: I too, apologise for my friend's actions, he's usually a lot more chill when meeting new people.
Ted: What the fuck Ren? You aren't ever this nice to other people, even my friends.
Ren Ikari: I see your name is also Ren, how... surprising.
Ren: It is a bit weird that we also look alike.
Ikari: Your friend also looks like my friend.
Ren: So it would seem.
Both Ren's grabbed their friends by their heads and made them bow.
Ren: Say sorry you little shit.
Ikari: Apologise asshole.
Ted/Tatsumi: I'm sorry for being an asshole!/ I apologise for acting like a little shit!
Ikari: Do you two happen to be foreigners?
Ren: Yes, we're Americans.
Ikari: Well enjoy your time in Japan.
With that, Ikari and Tatsumi walk away.
Ted, rubbing his head: We didn't even meet him properly.
Ren: I got to meet my counterpart, he seemed to be a nice person.
Ted: Akatsuki's a fucking jerk.
Ren: He also doesn't dye his hair, fucking idiot.
Tell me what you think ._.
See ya losers!
Sayonara
Arrivederci
Adios
Ciao
Auf Wiedersehen
Afscheid
Whatever