HI
IM SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG*cries
I MISSED YALL
I LOVE YALL
yeah ive been v v busy and my laptop got a virus on tuesday which sucks cuz i was gonna update wendsday but i couldnt cuz my laptop was at A+ computers
ITS FIXED THO AND IM SUPER HAPPY!
k here is da chapter:)
ily you SOSOSOSOSOSOOOOO MUCH
hugz and tickles
-carlee
Luke.
The funeral was short.
April cries, bawled actually. I could only stare in disgust.
But I did feel bad, for April.
On the other hand, I was relieved.
"D-Daddy, say something." she cried. What the hell was I supposed to say? That I loved it? I swallow, racking my brain for something to say.
"Uh, sorry that you...died. We will miss you very much Mr. Goldfish."
I then dropped the slimy creature into the toilet, flushing it as April whimpered. "I love you Mr. Goldfish. Have fun in Heaven."
I smiled, holding back a giggle. She literally had the fish for three days. She was worried that it never got enough food, so she fed it. A lot. Like every ten minutes she was dumping more food into the tank.
I guess she over fed it, which I didn't know was even possible. But, sadly, Mr. Goldfish is gone.
Thank God I didn't get her a dog like she wanted.
Michael has been doing extremely well and only has bad days once every few weeks. The hospital has even allowed him to come home, even though he can only stay a few hours, it's amazing. It's almost normal again. It's not like we do anything eventful when he's home. We do the usual.
We do what we did before all of this started.
Before everything went wrong.
When everything was perfect.
"Oh, April, honey it's time to go. Don't wanna be late." I hurry her, I wipe away her final ears and grab her bag, holding her hand down the stairs. As we passed through the kitchen I quickly got two Chips Ahoy cookies from the pantry.
"Daddy? Is Fairy gonna be home again?" she asks sweetly, sniffling.
"Yes princess, Fairy will be there to pick you up." I tell her, offering her the cookies. She was literally in love with them, and I just wanted to see her smile after the tragic loss of her pet.
Instantly, her face lights up and her lips stretch into a smile. She quickly takes the cookies, shoving it her mouth happily. I grin at her, walking to the door.
~
"Hey, Mikey." I smile, seeing Michael walk out of the visitors room. He was dressed in jeans and one of his ripped band shirts that he knew I loved.
"Hey kitten." he mumbles softly, going to hug me. We hear a slight tsk tsk from the nurse. I'm not sure what it was, but one of the patients flipped out and nearly choked there visitor. So, as a new rule, we can't have any contact.
While on the premises.
We both sigh, hurrying out of the building. As soon as we reach the car, Michael presses me against it, kissing me deeply. I kiss back hungrily.
"Missed you." he mumbles.
"I just saw you yesterday." I giggle as he plays with the curls starting to grow on my neck. I really need a haircut.
"Yeah, but I hate not being able to fall asleep next to you, to wake up without my arms around you. It's just-it's lonely. I missed you." he says, my heart withering in my chest.
"Let's go home." I whisper with one last kiss.
The ride home was filled with Michael dropping some not so subtle hints about what he wanted to do when we got home. He continuously rubbed my thigh, inching it closer and closer, then, take it away all together. Or, reach over during a red light, kissing my neck, or whispering into my ear.
"Michael." I say firmly as his hand gets closer and closer.
"Mhmm?" he hums, lips brushing against my ear.
"Stop. Teasing."
And he does. The rest of the car ride home he wears that stupid smirk, knowing what he's done to me.
"What time to we pick up April?" he asks as we pull into the driveway.
"Uh, around four, why?"
"I really miss my little princess, even though I just saw her yesterday." he chuckles. "When," he sighs, "When do you think I'll finally be able to come home? For good." he says, becoming much more serious. I watch as he stares at our house, his brows furrowed. I stare at it along with him. Lately, our house has just become a shell. An empty shell with the longing memory of a home. Because without Michael, it really wasn't a home. And every time I stepped through those doors I was reminded of how it all used to be. I can't wait until the day finally comes when he is back for good and we can forget everything that has happened. When we can make our house a home again.
"I really wish I had an answer to that..." I tell him. He tears his eyes away from our house and fumbles with his fingers.
"W-What made me like this Luke?" he whispers, raspily. "I just don't know how I got to be like this, hearing things in my head, loosing myself, feeling completely lost. When people loose someone they love-not like they die, but they just leave- this doesn't happen to them. I did a terrible thing, a thing I will never be able to forgive myself for, and yet, you did. You didn'y have to, but you forgave me and you love me, but I don't love me. I hate myself, more than you'll ever know. And I just don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix myself and not hear these things in my head and not hurt you and not have these awful thoughts. Why did it happen to me? People cheat and lie and get left behind everyday, and this doesn't happen to them. Why did it happen to me? What did I do, that was so bad, that I was punished like this? Even worse, this thing doesn't just hurt me, it hurts you too. It hurts April and you two don't deserve that. I just-I don't know how to fix this, to fix me. So we can be happy, and normal." he says, still staring at his pale fingers.
I am at a loss for words, I honestly don't know why is this way, or how he became like this. I don't know what to say to him. I love him no matter what and I don't think he needs to be fixed, Michael is better. He's okay. He'll never be completely the way he was before, but he's still Michael and I still love him. Even if he's missing some pieces, because honestly, I'm missing some too. But when I'm with him, it doesn't mater. I feel like a whole person.
"Michael, you don't need to be fixed, you're not broken. I love you, all of you, even the parts that aren't still there." is all I can fathom to say to him. He sighs lightly, nodding his head. I can tell that he doesn't completely believe me, but I just don't know what else to say to make him believe it.
"C'man, lets go inside." he fakes a small smile, getting out of the car quickly. I follow him out, walking to the mailbox quickly and taking out the contents. I hurry into the house where Michael already was. He was watching tv by the time I reached the house. "So, what do you wanna do today?" he asks casually. I toss te mail down on the couch next to him, he picks the stack up, shirting through it.
"Michael-" I start before he cuts me off.
"Luke." he says sternly, his expression changing. He is ending death glares to an envelope he has in his hands.
"What?" I ask, he quickly tears open the envelope, ignoring my question. He pulls out a postcard, turning it over and reading the back. His eyes widen.
"Fuck." he mumbles under his breath. I take the card from his hands. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." he says louder, "What are we gonna do?"
I read the card, my heart dropping. My hands begin to tremble and my breathing gets shallow.
Hey Lukey! Can't wait to see you, it's been so long and I miss you so much! See you soon.
xoxo -Calum<3
HI AGAIN
so im really sorry but i proly will not update next week at all.:(
Im going to NYC with my showchoir and i can't bring my laptop, so I wont be able to update for awile:((
I won't be back till suuuper late sunday, then I have to go to school monday and catch up on my school work and yeah. So I wont update this weekend IM SORRY IMMA MISS YALL SO MUCH:(
I LOVE YOU AND IM SORRY(i left u at a cliffhanger muahahahaaaa)
ALSO I HAVE A NEW INTRO STAORY CALLED LONG WAY HOME
ITS ABOUT ZOMBIES(TWD) AND ITS MUCK OF COURSE CHECK IT OUTT
hugz and tickles
-carlee