voices. • the third book in the mute. series • muke au

tainted.

Michael.

I am completely miserable.

Nothing is helping. I have met with every single therapist in here, they can't help me. I just can't open up to them, I don't trust them. The only person I want to talk to is Luke, or Ashton. I always find some reason to not trust the therapist, even over the most petty things.

Like Doctor Kendra, one of two female therapists here, didn't wear any shoes. She called herself a 'free spirit'. I couldn't trust her, she didn't even own a tv and she had never eaten anything that wasn't gluten free.

Doctor Heeter was way too formal. It was almost as if he read from a script. He asked the same questions and just seemed disinterested in any kind of problem I had. Plus, he wore cuff links. Cuff links. You can never trust a man wearing cuff links.

There was one though, absolutely perfect. He was actually only a couple years older than me, and he talked to me as if he was my friend. And he always gave me popcorn and root beer. I was extremely comfortable with him, it was just like hanging out with a friend. In fact, the first session all we did was talk about ourselves, and just get to know each other. I was actually going to tell him everything.

Everything. But right before I did, I had it all planned in my head and everything...I didn't. I couldn't. As soon as I opened my mouth they made me close it.

Wow, he seems like such a nice person. Someone you can trust. A friend.

Just. Like. Calum.

I never went back to him after that.

Although, I still haven't been to the therapist Ashton recommended. He always so booked, I don't even bother trying. I'm going to wait until he is available, I guess. I still need to talk to someone, get updates and such...which is why I talk to Ashton.

Everyday.

I feel almost if I have been annoying him, I call him everyday and talk to him for hours, I would much rather just get out of here and talk to him face to face about all of this, but I am trying here. I'm trying for him...and for Luke.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ash-"

"Hi Michael, I haven't talked to Luke." he interrupts. That was always my first question. 'Hey Ash, have you talked to Luke?' and his reply would always be the same. I twirl the cord between my fingers and glance at the security guard a few feet away. I guess he was there to make sure I didn't strangle myself with it or something.

"O-Oh, well, have you tried calling him?"

"Oh my God Michael, this needs to stop. I honestly cannot handle this anymore. I put you in there for a damn reason! To get over him, to show that you don't need him for everything! I honestly just don't want to fucking deal with you. Otherwise I wouldn't have admitted you to the institution."

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to know if Lu-"

"Luke, Luke Luke. That's all I hear out of your mouth! Are you even trying to get better? Or are you still whining about missing someone who doesn't even care about you? You know what, I'm through with lying. I have talked to Luke."

"Wha-"

"He is perfectly happy without you! He is in America with April and Calum and he is over you. He loves Calum now, he is never coming back. He didn't even ask about you! He doesn't love you anymore! Get the hell over it!" he yells. I wince, tears streaming down my face.

"Ashton-"

"You know what, no, just...stop calling me." he huffs.

"Ashton wait! Please, please get me out of here! I can't stand it, it's not helping! I-I promise I won't bother you, just get me the hell out of here!" I sob.

"God Michael..." he laughs, "I can't get you out, not anymore."

"W-Why?"

"Because you belong there, your fucking crazy Michael."

I slam the phone on the receiver so hard I'm surprised it doesn't break. I sink to the floor, clutching my head and sobbing loudly.

See Michael, you are going to be here forever, just me and you. Your crazy. Luke doesn't love you, Ashton hates you, and you are going to rot in here. No one is going to help you.

Luke doesn't love you.

He's probably kissing Calum right now.

"SHUT UP!" I scream, clutching my ears harder as I cry. I can feel people tugging at me, I just swing my arms to get them away from me. I can't hear anything over the screeching of the voices inside my head. I can feel a sharp pinch in my upper arm. A new form of numbness washes over me.

It was almost as if I was paralyzed, unable to move, but my mind was still racing. I couldn't do anything about it, just sit there limply and allow the voices to scream hateful words. I tried to think of something happy, but there was nothing left.

Every good memory, tainted.

~

I remember waking up in a different room, this one looked like a hospital room. I was in a hospital bed, still unable to move. I could wiggle my arms and shimmy my legs, but I couldn't sit up...I was strapped to the bed.

"Oh, Michael, you're wake." Dr. Philips says, startling me. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

"W-Where are we?" I ask.

"We are still in the institution, just a different part." I hear a frantic, blood curdling scream erupt from somewhere not to far away. I flinch at the sound. "Just ignore that, they're probably just confused." he tells me, not even jumping at the noise. "Michael, do you remember what happened?"

I nod, memories of Ashton's words replaying in my head.

"Can you tell me exactly what occurred." he asks, pulling up a chair. I shift uncomfortably under the restraints and he notices. "Can I trust you to take these off?" he softly questions and I nod. He removes the straps and I sit up, stretching my limbs.

"I-I was on the phone with Ashton, just like everyday. He told me, he said he talked to Luke. He said that, t-that he didn't love me anymore. A-And Ashton said he wasn't going to help me anymore, that he was just going to leave me here, he sad I was crazy." I begin to cry, not being able to hold it back.

"Michael," he says softly, "That isn't what happened."

"What? Yes it is..I called A-Ashton-"

"No, no you didn't" he sighs, "Michael you never dialed the phone."

"Yes I did! I talked to Ashton..."

"The security guard said that you just picked up the phone and started talking, you never called anyone. We checked the cameras and it's true. We also called Ashton, he said he hasn't talked to you since yesterday."

"Then..then who was I talking to?"

"No one."

What the fuck...what does this mean then? Was it the voices..it all seemed so real. Does this mean it that Luke doesn't love me...or that Ashton hates me? Does this mean I'm getting worse? Is this even real...is this really happening.

What else never actually happened?

You'll never know, you are loosing it more and more everyday Michael. You are truly crazy.