2 years later
I licked my lips while taking in everything in this big auditorium. A lot of students had arrived already, some were siting in pairs, some with a whole group of friends.
I was of course on my own. But I made a promise with myself this morning; I would not be an outcast in my university life. I had been one in my college for two senior years. It sucked being a loner. It did not bother me at first but not after a few weeks, I was still surprised and impressed that I didn't commit suicide back then, when a break-up, losing all my friends, being bullied by everyone at school happened to me all at once.
2 months after I broke up with him, I went to a therapist, I didn't tell my family about it, I didn't want to become their burden. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was indeed the darkest time of my life, being lonely on a daily basis did not help at all. I started going to the therapist every week because I wanted to let things go, it's doing me no good if I kept on blaming myself and feeling guilty all day. If he's gone, he is. He wouldn't come back even if I wanted him to. Even though my mum and my brother seemed to have sensed something wrong as they noticed me regularly going out on every Saturday at 4 pm, they did not stop me.
It's likely that they knew what I am up to. With my gloomy miserable face, they're probably more than happy to know that I sought for help.
Seeing a therapist for 2 years made me feel better. I felt less weight on my shoulders. But I would still experience sudden mood swings all the time.
I cannot get over the loss.
I still miss him so much that it hurts.
Sometimes I wondered, does he feel the same pain as I do? Or perhaps, has he moved on with someone else?
Jealously burnt in my heart, but who was I to care, I should be glad that he found someone who could take care of him selflessly, a hundred times better than how I did.
I tuned back into my surroundings. I tightened the ponytail on my head and began to take out my psychology textbooks. I frowned when I came in contact with something rough and paper-like in my tote bag.
I pulled it out. A smile abruptly broke out on my face as I read the words written on the small yellow sticky note.
My brother's messy handwritings.
Fighting! I know you can be a successful therapist and help thousands of clients. Love you fucking loads. -Tae
He had been so supportive ever since ... my mental disorders happened. I guessed he understood that I needed help. I still remembered the day when I sat in the living room, formally telling my mum and my brother that I'd finally chosen my future career. They looked so excited. But I was scared, worried that I would get their disapproval when they knew I wanted to become a therapist. I would rather die than to hear words like 'you can't even take care of your mental health, how can you help others?' or 'is that a joke sista?'.
They probably wouldn't be this harsh, perhaps I was being overly dramatic again.
Instead of saying anything negative, they smiled. My mum pulled me into a hug saying she's so proud of me, and my brother did the same too, but his hug was rather violent and tight.
I wanted to help people who were living in the dark. They needed help, but they might not notice it or were too afraid to seek for help.
I carefully slipped the note into my pocket and turned to the front. I've neatly prepared everything on my desk. I took a sip of water from my blue water bottle.
Am I going to have friends today? People here seem to be friendly.
"What!" My attention flew to the pair in front of me.
The other girl grinned, "can you borrow me your notes? Please!"
The girl who just shouted rolled her eyes. "Stop worrying. Our professor won't scold you. This is just our first lesson of the term."
"But I wanna have a little sneak peek of our topics this year. Come on, don't be so selfish."
"Why?" The girl seemed so irritated.
They reminded me of Lyla and I. Thinking back, we're so childish to have ended our friendship simply because of a man. It was such a shame but at the same time, it's not. I was disappointed that Lyla didn't understand me. If she could leave me so easily, how much did our friendship actually value to her?
I did not want to think about it.
"Cause I wanna leave a good impression to Mr. Park!"
BPUUUUUU-
I instantly choked on my water. Water splattered everywhere on the table.
Did she just say Mr. Park?
My eyes were in horror, I wiped away the water from my chin while bowing my head to everyone who's staring at me right now, apologising.
Great.
I wouldn't be surprised if I was still a loner this year.
After sending me a 'the fuck?' look, the two girls focused back on their conversation.
Please play 'Your Eyes Tell' by BTS here.
My ears twitched every time when they mentioned the name, the same surname.
They were really talking about someone named 'Mr. Park'.
I remembered Jimin always going to different universities for talks so it made sense if he transferred to be a professor at this university.
My breathing became uneasy.
Calm down, calm down.
I reminded myself and tapped the side of my hand, it's a gesture that my therapist taught me, it's said to be able to cool myself down so my panic attack wouldn't happen.
What should I do if it's really him though?
I frowned.
But can it be?
I always believed in coincidence. It's also a coincidence that I met Jimin on Tinder among the thousands of users. isn't it?
My breathing came to a stop when I saw the door being swung open.
Coming in was a man dressed in a grey suit, his hair was combed backwards, he had a pair of black-rimmed glasses.
He's fat and short.
He looked up, sending a quick look at every new faces here. He said loudly, "good morning everyone. I hope you all had a wonderful summer. I'm Mr. Park and I'll be your professor for psychology."
My eyes were clouded and blank. Disappointment washed over me, somehow I felt nauseous too, it's the comparison between this professor and my professor.
As if the door to my past wounds was opened again, I couldn't control my breathing, I couldn't pay attention to what this Mr. Park was saying.
Every single college memories flashed back into my mind like bolts of lightning.
The coffee shop, the classrooms, the rooftop, Disneyland, the woods, the picnic...
Although a lot of people came and went, none of them stayed with me, he did, he had been patiently loving me.
Him being a part of every single memory hurt me like a bitch. But I deserved it.
My breathing slowed down. I forced myself to come back to the present.
I had failed a person already, I couldn't fail my family.
"...you should've received 3 books in total, one is the textbook, one is the workbook and-" he paused.
I was taking notes of what he said. I lifted up my head.
The professor leaned against the wooden desk, palms supporting him to stand. He was staring at the doorway with clear annoyance spread on his face.
"Sorry, I'm late."
It was a light playful voice, mixed with a bit huskiness.
My ears twitched.
The professor took off his glasses and massaged his eye sockets. "I do hope all of you can remember that I really hate being disturbed during my lectures. I hope this'd be the only time someone's late for my class."
He turned to the doorway again. "Now, please can you explain, why're you late Mr..." He checked his student list. "Park Jimin?"
My body flinched.
Once the figure stepped into the classroom, he turned to me, my eyes locked with a pair of beautiful hazel ones.
My lips parted and I gasped.
Hmm will it be another big fat Mr. Park?
Please vote and comment!
(I told yall to trust me *wink*)