My body seemed to ache when I woke up. I felt sore and winced at the bright light that shined through the window in my room. When I finally began to remember the events of last night, I felt dizzy. I couldn't believe I had watched it happen.
I cursed at myself because of how much I was starting to like the pogues. I was getting too attached. So when I felt the sudden need to go over and see if John B was okay I screamed into my pillow. I knew better than to get attached to people.
The sun, although I tried, would not 'shut off'. The light continued to blind me as I woke up. I felt relatively fine but I couldn't get what happened off my mind. How Topper almost killed John B. The fact that maybe stupidly, I got involved in a fight because someone I had only met that day was in it.
I watched how much John B struggled under Topper's grasp and how he choked up water after being let go. He could've died. And then there was JJ, and I truly didn't know how to feel about what had happened there. Part of me felt like I knew exactly why he did it. I was protective of the people in my life too. But in the same token, he had a gun to someone's head. Could he have pulled the trigger?
The thoughts played over and over again in my mind as I took the longboard and started off to 'The Wreck'. I finally remembered what the restaurant Sam worked at was called and even though it wasn't a big thing, I was a very forgetful person when it came to certain things.
The ride was peaceful, the calm wind blew through my hair and I felt comfortable. When I closed my eyes it felt like nothing could touch me, like I was invincible. I felt light, like my body had no weight to it and even though something crazy had happened the day before I felt carefree.
When I got to the wreck, I sat on one of the stools by the front. I wasn't sure if Sam was working or on a break by now but I decided I might as well get something to eat. "hi what can I get you to, oh hi" I looked up and was greeted with Kiara's smiling face. "your brother is just in the back. I can grab him if you want," She suggested, using her head to point to the kitchen.
"no, it's fine, uh can I just get a fry?" I asked and Kiara nodded, "no problem"
"How much is that?" I began reaching for my wallet but Kiara stopped me. "No way Laney, it's on the house" I smiled wide at the girl and thanked her.
"so, last night was crazy huh?" Kiara said, walking around the counter and gesturing for me to follow her. The two of us walked over to a table and sat down. We talked about the night before and Kiara told me about the body the cops found in the marsh.
"Wait, so that motel room was a dead guy's?" I felt gross, cringing at the thought. "yeah, I guess he went out during the storm, really stupid of him" Kiara said, stealing a few fries from my plate.
Kiara couldn't stay much longer, her dad came out and told her to get back to work. Although I wasn't sitting alone for long. "Hey Elle" JJ's loud voice boomed as he slid in across from me.
"Hi JJ" I greeted him. " what's got ya down chum?" He asked, moving his head down to try to catch my gaze. "nothing JJ, 'm fine" I answered, looking up at him for a moment before grabbing another fry. I tucked my hair behind my ear and JJ loudly winced.
I looked at him with raised brows and he tapped his cheek. I understood what he was saying and reached for the metal napkin holder on the table. "shit" I let out as I saw the bruise that was forming on the side of my face.
"I must've hit a rock or something when the idiot threw me off of him" I shrugged, I had gotten into many fights in my life and this was nothing to be concerned about.
"Nice touch, calling him a cunt and jumping on him" JJ gave me an approving look and I laughed. "I hate rich douchebags," I reasoned.
"ya know, nice touch with the gun," I said sarcastically, mirroring his compliment to me
"you really mean that?" He asked, the boy not understanding I wasn't serious.
"no, JJ no, I don't really mean that," I said, a quiet 'oh' muttered by the boy. I shook my head at him and switched topics.
The two of us sat for a bit longer talking, and after a while of swatting JJ's hands from my fries, I allowed him to share with me. The boy was annoyingly persistent, and even though I wouldn't like to admit it, he was growing on me.
"I should get going, I gotta see my brother before I leave," I told the boy, getting up from my seat. "See ya 'round?"
"Yeah, see ya 'round Elle," He said, rising from his seat too.
I walked over to the counter, not sure I would be able to just walk into the back of the restaurant. "i'll take this from you, and uh your brother's just in the break room. Straight back and to your right" Kiara said, appearing on my left side. She grabbed the now-empty bowl of fries. I nodded and thanked the girl once more before going to the back.
"Hey little sister," Sam greeted me with a smile, moving over to make room for me. "I was just leaving and wanted to come to say bye before I left. Also thank you for the water and ibuprofen" I said, referring to what he left on my bedside table that morning before leaving.
"No problem, see you tonight then?" He asked, going back to eat his food. "Yeah, see you tonight," I told him before leaving. My ride home was just as calming as the ride there, although I had more to think about.
I was trying not to get comfortable with the pogues, not to let my guard down with them. To keep them out. I didn't want things to get too real for me. And maybe that's what made adventures so fun for me, there was so much going on I didn't have to think. Not about how scared I was to open up and let go.
I didn't want to let myself fall in love with the island and this group of friends. I couldn't give that part of myself up.
The house was quiet, and even though I expected it, it still caught me off guard. I didn't like the quiet. It was too still for me. And I hated being still.
When Sam got home, the sun was almost gone. I looked out the back window in the kitchen and saw my gaze falling on the dock next to ours, more specifically, the dock at the back of John B's house.
"I know you just had lunch there but I bought home more restaurant food." Sam announced as he put the bags down on the table. "Be right back," He added, slipping down the hall and heading towards his room.
I stood at the window still, watching as the pogues got off of the boat and stood at the end of the dock. I wanted more than anything to be able to peel my eyes from there but I couldn't seem to do it until Sam came back into the kitchen and cleared his throat.
"So, we never got to talk about what happened at the party last night" Sam pointed out and I sighed, moving to sit at the table as he unpacked the bag.
"What do you mean?" I asked, I had a pretty good feeling about what he was talking about but it didn't stop me from acting innocent.
"Laney" He let out and I shook my head.
"Okay, I mean clearly I am drawn to trouble. Is that what you want to hear? I'm not the same kid you left behind in Arizona. I grew up, and I got tough. I don't run from fights, I don't run from the crazy shit." I shrugged, opening the container of food in front of me.
"I guess I didn't know what to expect. I mean, you went through what I did too, maybe worse but I need you to at least keep my voice in your head, the voice telling you to be careful and safe. At least promise that you can try." Sam said and I took in his words.
"what happens if I can't?" I asked and he sighed.
"I just want you to be safe. I've been beating myself up for six years, knowing I ran from Arizona and I left everything on you. On a ten-year-old. I ran, it's what I do. I have a chance to try and make up for the last six years. Don't I?"
"apart from leaving Arizona, I'm not a runner. I don't get attached but I don't run from fights. I don't need any more taking care of, I've finished growing up Sam." I told him and he nodded slowly. "and for the record, I've never blamed you for a second. I have never held your leaving against you. And I know you want to protect me, and i'll try to stay out of trouble"
"That's all I want, is for you to try Elaine" He responded, sliding the fries closer to my side of the table. "keep my voice in your head when you're running around this island"
"I don't think I could get rid of it if I tried," I said and he smiled, laughing slightly.
"Okay, speaking of running around the island. I want to ask if you could put it on hold tomorrow and do something for me" He paused and I raised a brow, waiting to hear his request. "I'm assuming you've heard about the body that was found in the marsh." He paused again and I nodded.
"Well his wife, Miss Lana was going to be bringing over something for me in the next few days but due to the obvious I don't want to put her out so can you head over and get it, and let her know we can help her with anything she needs?" I took in the ask and nodded again, my mouth filled with fries.
"yeah, I can go over in the morning" I responded once swallowing my bite and he thanked me.
When I went to sleep that night it almost felt different. As if the island was already changing me and it was not a feeling I wanted to welcome.
It was all a bit much.