"What am I supposed to do now?" Dae Ho asks as he settles on the hospital bed after his physiotherapy session.
"Just rest for now. You'll be discharged in a few days."
"No, that's not what I mean..." The fighter shakes his head and leans back. "I don't have a job nor will I go back to the underworld obviously. I feel lost, there's no direction. My life in the last five years has been hunting down Vee. To make him pay for what he did. But now...I feel purposeless, there's no meaning in life."
Haneul sucks in a breath and licks his lips. "Your life doesn't define into revenge, Dae. There's so much more out there for you."
"You don't understand, Haneul. Yes, I chose to walk down the path myself but I was forced to. My sister was killed in front of my eyes and I had to sacrifice my career when I was at my peak and cut off relationships because they threatened that you would be next along with the others. I was scared." Dae Ho gulps on his spit and focuses his gaze on his thighs. "I left you when the one person that I needed the most was you," he whispers, scraping his nails against the inside of his palm.
"I understand." Haneul's eyes soften at admission, his hand reaching for the younger's wrist and lightly squeezing it in reassurance. "But you could've reached out to the police."
Dae Ho snorts, scoffing at the ridiculousness of the doctor's words. "Sometimes you forget the difference between the classes you and me belong to. I'm someone that would be called, a rat that grew up on the streets. And people like me don't believe in the law and its judicial system. All we have is to rely on ourselves."
"You weren't just a nobody, Dae Ho. You were a rising idol."
"The first ever memory that I remember is not the smiling faces of my parents but waking up in a cold basement, half-naked, with bandages wrapped around my body. Alone and scared." Dae Ho sighs, a ghost of a sad smile touching his lips. "So, even if my life turned around in my adulthood, you can't change the earlier years that shaped my personality and beliefs. I am what I am because of all my experiences."
Haneul stands up and wraps his arms around Dae Ho in a comforting embrace, providing him a safe haven that he always is ready with. "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with being how you are. You're perfectly fine. I just want you to be happy with yourself."
"And how do I do that?"
"Do you really want my opinion on this?" Haneul breaks away from the hug and moves back to sit on the stool.
"Yes."
"I want you to go to rehab."
"What...?"
"The first step to start anew should be you going to rehab for your alcohol addiction. The programs also have therapy. I think that'll do you good."
"I can handle myself, I don't need some stranger to make me talk and sugarcoat things." Dae Ho's previously aloofness is replaced with a stern expression, not open for further debate.
"Psychiatrists don't sugarcoat things, they'll help you and you need rehab for your addiction!"
"No, end of discussion."
Haneul sighs in frustration. "Please, you have to go through this process to heal."
Rehab and therapy, are two words still taboo in society, not as bad as before but people still are skeptical. Rehab and therapy are associated with 'out of control' or 'weak to handle life by themselves'. And Dae Ho knows what therapy would entail. He'd have to share personal details about his life and he isn't ready for that. He couldn't possibly talk about his feelings to someone in a white coat and a notepad. Or the fact that he'd meet people similar to him is more unnerving than reassuring.
"I have already accepted everything, I'm healing." Dae Ho retorts, turning away. "I can control myself now."
"Just do it."
"No."
"Stop being difficult," Haneul stresses, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I said no," Dae Ho doesn't relent. "Why are you so insistent on it? Leave me alone. I don't care—"
"Because you're dying!"
"....what?"
Haneul stops at the slip-up, slapping a hand against his mouth and peeling his eyes shut. He hadn't planned on letting the information out like that. The cat is out of the bag now. Dae Ho's face mirrors the shock just as his.
"Uncle Dae Dae is...dywing?"
The two snap their heads at the voice, finding Soomin staring from the entrance door with a flower bouquet in her hands.
"Yeah...say your goodbyes before the funeral and save an incense," the father replies and stalks out of the room in irritation.
"That piece of—" Dae Ho mutters and glares where the doctor left as he accepts the flowers from Soomin and pulls her up in his lap.
"Uncle Dae Dae, please don't die," the girl pouts, her hands wounding around his neck. The last time he saw her was when he went over to Haneul's place before the incident. He returns the gesture with a small smile playing on his lips, basking in the serenity of the moment until—
"Park Dae Ho!"
The authoritative voice sends chills up his spine and the fighter straightens out on instinct. He remembers the tone as clear as day, the one that set a path of success for him. Kim Yoona stands at the door, one hand on her hip and the other holding a Chanel clutch, dressed ever so elegantly in a baby pink blouse with ruffled sleeves and cream culottes, hair tied into a neat bun. She doesn't look a day older than the last time he saw her. One peculiar detail Dae Ho notices is the snowflake necklace she's wearing, the one he had asked Haneul to deliver to her on his behalf. Her husband, Kim Jinwook is by her side, giving a small wave as a greeting.
When Yoona's heels furiously clack against the floorboard, Dae Ho closes his eyes on cue as she raises her hand in the air. He doesn't feel the sting of a slap like he expected but two arms that pull him into an embrace, the scent of saltwater and lilies invading his senses.
"I'm so happy to see you're well," the woman starts with a relieved sigh. "I couldn't believe when Haneul told me you were in a coma." She moves away with a smile and smoothens out Dae Ho's hair lovingly, out of habit.
"It's been a while, yes," the fighter chuckles shyly, helping Soomin get off of the bed. "How have you both been?"
"All's been well. Don't disappear like that again," Jinwook answers, taking a seat on the couch.
"I'm sorry. Things just happened and I couldn't stay and cause more trouble."
Dae Ho doesn't have words other than a bland apology. He's already surprised to see how calm the two are, welcoming even. Haneul's family had become special to him after Minji. They had their differences but they put aside everything after he helped Haneul when he was kidnapped years ago. Especially Kim Jinwook, the same eyes that had looked at him with disgust evolved into gratefulness since then.
"I already had an idea that Haneul may have reconnected with you but my suspicions cleared up when he told us about you three months ago."
"What do you mean?"
"He asked me to cook comfort food. It was exactly the way you liked your meals whenever you came over to our place." Yoona states pulling at her sleeves. "But it must have been a hard time for you since he told me his friend had just lost someone. I didn't pry then."
"Oh...you remember..."
Kim Yoona pays attention to details, a skill that comes with her job description. Dae Ho applauds her for not being nosy and forcing out details from her son.
"Dae Ho, I won't take no for an answer. For old times' sake, I want you to have dinner with us when you get discharged from here." Jinwook orders, eyes settling on the younger.
And Dae Ho wonders what great deed must he have done in life to be surrounded by people filled with love and care. They make small talk and catch up, minutes turning into an hour. It is when Haneul comes by, that the older couple bids farewell and makes their way home.
"I'm sorry," Haneul says as soon as they're alone again. "It was wrong of me to push you into accepting rehab so aggressively. I didn't take into consideration how you'd feel about the matter."
"It's okay. But what did you mean by I'm dying?"
"Your liver is affected because of your heavy drinking. If you don't stop anytime soon, it will cause liver failure. We could only detect this because you went through surgery."
"Oh." Dae Ho fiddles with the blanket, nodding his head. "I see."
"But the good news is it's not too late. That is why I wanted you to get professional help."
"I...understand. I'll do whatever you suggest."
"Are you sure?" Haneul questions, "The first step is the willingness to change, and the rest the rehab center will guide you."
"Yes, I want to do this." The younger's answer is firm this time.
It's funny how he had been against the idea of rehab since Minji died, still is a bit reluctant but he wants to try it. The presence of each family member of the Kim's has motivated him and helped him realize there's still hope for him, after all that he's been through and somewhere along the lines, Dae Ho thinks he deserves a break, has the right to live a better life for his sake too. And this rehab may be the starting point to attain it. He's still not sure about it but he doesn't want to disappoint anyone anymore. He has Haneul, Yoon, his family, and even Haneul's parents who are there for him. They still accept him after everything. He wants to go to rehab for himself but more than that it's for the people he cares about. Many would say it's useless if it's not for himself but for Dae Ho, this is a reason to take the first step. He may not know what will happen in the future but he wants to try at least once before he gives up.
A few physiotherapy sessions and a full body checkup later, Dae Ho was given the green light to leave the hospital. He's been living with Haneul for the past few days after the doctor suggested a change of scenery was what he needed.
"Yoon told me everything. About the stupid stunt you pulled. How could you give Vee the USB with such lethal information? What if he had succeeded in what he wanted to do?"
Dae Ho shrugs, increasing the temperature of the inductor to heat the water in the utensil. "Did Yoon miss out on the part where I asked him to tweak a few things." He grabs a bottle of coffee and adds a tablespoon of it to the water, waiting for it to boil. "As soon as Vee accessed the USB, the virus installed in it would destroy all its content within an hour. I didn't know if he was bluffing so had to do my own thing."
Haneul gapes, his lips forming an 'o' shape. "That was smart."
"I know."
"Where's the data now?"
"Here," the fighter brings out his wallet and picks a memory card from it. "This is the only copy of the whole research that exists."
"Can I look into it?" Haneul's eyes shine with curiosity.
"No," comes a blunt answer. "This is a double-edged sword and I'm going to discard it." Dae Ho drops the chip in the boiling water without a second thought, Haneul jumping to grab it only to have his hand slapped in return.
"Are you crazy! You'll burn your hand, that's boiling water!"
"Then why'd you throw it!" The doctor cries, "You should have at least discussed it with me. That research could make you and your future children rich forever."
"I'd rather have them work and earn. The food on the table that comes with hard work will have value and they will also learn how to tackle life."
"Ugh," the bluehead groans, "I hate when you make sense."
Dae Ho grins, "Unlike you, I always make sense."
"Shut up." Haneul sneers and leaves the kitchen, grabbing a chocolate bar on his way. "But I'm still sad about it, make some good dinner tonight!" Dae Ho hears him shout from outside. "A whole five-course meal!"
"Then I'll have to serve myse—"
"Eww!" Haneul gags, making choking sounds. "I said five not zero!"
Dae Ho shakes his head with a grunt and pours the water into the sink to prepare a new batch of coffee, breaking the memory chip into two just in case.
It's become a routine for them since Dae Ho started living at Haneul's place for two weeks now. Although the doctor insisted on not letting Dae Ho do anything and just live with them, the younger needed to do something to keep his mind occupied and refrain from the urge of drinking and his clouding thoughts. And it would be the last straw if there was a repeat of last time. So, he asked Haneul to let him make their meals daily along with picking and dropping Soomin from school. He also helps her do her homework. It was the least he could do for all that they've done for him.
Days pass by in a reverie, the three settling into a calming dynamic until it's time for Dae Ho to leave.
"Are you ready?"
Dae Ho nods, taking in a long breath and releasing it. "I guess."
Haneul registered Dae Ho in rehab, the treatment being three months long. There could also be an extension if the fighter felt comfortable with how things work there. He'd have the best facilities at the center to help him overcome his alcohol addiction and a psychiatrist to guide him if he ever wanted to open up about his past.
"You can have one visitor per week so you'll be seeing either me or Yoon or anyone else you want," Haneul says as he pulls the brakes of the car and parks it in front of Seoul Addiction Rehabilitation Center.
"You all don't have to come every time."
"It's alright," the doctor shrugs. "I need to make sure you're treating your fellow mates at the rehab with respect and love. Walking around and making friends instead of being a sad man in seclusion."
"Wow, I'm truly feeling overwhelmed with the affection I'm being fed with right now." Dae Ho scowls playfully with a shake of his head.
"Oh, you definitely will feel that," Haneul chortles and takes out a file from the dashboard. "Here."
"What's this?" Dae Ho opens the folder, his eyes widening at the content. "H-Haneul...what?"
The bluehead chuckles at the shocked expression. "After all the events in the recent months, I thought crossed my mind. Kept nagging me until I found a solution. No one's life is guaranteed but one could at least do something before they're gone."
"But this—" the fighter looks at Soomin who sitting in the back of the car, playing with a doll.
"You said you had no purpose in life and I know you care for Minnie just like I do, you consider her family. So, if anything happens to me in the future, you'll be her legal guardian. You told me you didn't want to get married nor could you adopt a child because of your criminal records. This arrangement is viable then."
"I don't think I'm the right person for it." Dae Ho chokes, his throat closing onto its walls. How did Haneul translate wanting to have a purpose to assigning him a whole god-daughter?
"Oh..." the single father swallows, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry if I'm imposing this on you! I know this is not an easy respo—"
"No, no. That's not it!" Dae Ho defends himself. "It means the world to me that you're doing this for me, I'd never want anything more than this, and it's flattering you think of me as someone worthy after all the things I did." If Haneul's not wrong, he sees the younger's eyes shine with tears. "Soomin is the only pure and untainted ball of sunshine that has been present in my life in the past year. She's just a child but I draw strength from her and somehow feel anchored, stand my ground to do better. Spending time with her is a complete bliss...but I don't know if I'm someone she could lean on. With how I am..."
Haneul pats Dae Ho's shoulder, grinning like an idiot. "Exactly! If it's anyone, I'd trust her with you because I know the lengths you'd go to protect your loved ones." He unbuckles his seat belt and the three of them get out of the car. "Keep the file with you, you have months to decide whether you want to sign it or not."
"...alright." Dae Ho nods his head, retrieving the hand trolley from the car's trunk.
"So, this is it."
"Bye-bye, Uncle Dae Dae." Soomin waves at the fighter.
Dae Ho crouches to her level and hugs her. "See you soon. Take care." He kisses her cheeks and moves away, standing back up to face Haneul.
"You know, there's something I've always believed in, 'people come and go', but somehow you're still standing here despite everything. So, thank you." The younger gives a marvelous toothy smile with luminous eyes and a breathy laugh, something he hasn't offered in a long time.
The doctor says nothing, instead opens his arms wide to which Dae Ho reciprocates by wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
"It's okay, you were lost on the path of life." Haneul bubbles, "Welcome back."
"It's good to be back."
'I'm finally home.' He thinks even if he doesn't say it out loud.
All seemed lost after fired bullets and broken promises, a connection beyond saving. The constant game of push and pull exhausted the two but they couldn't give up, not when there was a possibility. Hope. There always will be hope even in the darkest times, under the plunging weight of life. Park Dae Ho and Kim Haneul remained ardent at heart, finding their way back and fulfilling the vow of being each other's 'ride or die'.
Thank you to everyone who read this book. I hope you enjoyed reading. Do tell me how your thoughts about the whole story ^_^
Signing out,
FeralClaws
.