It was actually quite interesting listening to Hange tell you about Sawney and Bean, her new titan-children so to speak. You found out she was even more sympathetic towards titans than you though, as she grieved and regretted them accidentally killing the last captured titans. She saw personalities in them- they were living, capable beings. You know it would take a lot for you to view them as anything else than monsters, whose only purpose is to kill, but you were on board with researching them. Even Eren got around in the end, inspired by Hange's hatred-to-fascination story. It's when Eren asked her for details about the mornings experiments that it became harder to keep your eyes open. Her word's melted into each other, making it impossible to separate and piece the sentences together. You zoned out with your eyes still open, and apparently you zoned out for a long time, as rays of light made their way inn, peeking through the window glass. It was morning already.
The doors to mess hall opened with a bang, an exhausted and frantic Moblit standing in the middle of the doorway.
"Hange! The test subjects! Both titans were killed!", he exclaimed. Hange quickly got up from her seat and you all followed her out. Along with the Levi squad you quickly rode to the titan research area. Hange's cries of agony could be heard across the whole town as you saw the bony remains of what once was Sawney and Bean.
You stood between Eren and Levi in the crowd of soldiers spectating the scene. Eren had his hood on to not be recognised.
"You think a soldier did it?", you asked Eren, still eyeing Hange worried as she broke down in front of the remains.
"Maybe... Someone might not have liked that after everything that happened they got to live? But at the same time, they were really valuable to humanity...", Eren answered, thinking out loud.
"Who would but their own revenge-agenda in front of what's best for humanity? Even you and I understand that, and eliminating all titans was our whole thing during boot camp. In your case that very much is your whole personality still", you added with a smirk, as a quick jab at him.
"Hey!", Eren exclaimed half-offended, but someone grabbing a hold off both his and your shoulder stopped it from escalating.
"What do you see?", Erwin asked the two of you out of the blue. You both looked at him confused. "Who do you think the enemy is?", he continued, looking straight ahead.
'What have I signed myself up for?'
"Sir?", you asked carefully after Eren didn't answer.
"I'm sorry to ask something so odd. Never mind", he said, seeming more like himself than half a minute ago. He walked away from you, joining Levi as he had already made his way towards the exit.
"How strange", you said to Eren, but he kept quiet. He just stared after the commander.
~
The MP's took the killings of the titan-subject's seriously and ordered for every soldier's gear to be checked. You end Eren were excused as they had solid proof that you were nowhere near the scene at the time it happened. You had been talking with Hange at the time of the incident after all. Hange was a wreck, but had Eren's titan experiments to look forward to, so she managed to push her grief to the side and resume her usual excited manner.
"I said I'd only be able to stop you as a titan if I killed you. But with this method, you would only end up badly wounded, which is better than being dead in my book", Levi said, moving closer to a chalkboard to illustrate the method. You scrunched your nose at how casually he was discussing killing him, but you guess it couldn't be helped.
'Hey, at least he took the initiative to find another alternative'
The sound of chalk hitting the board in swift and long motions filled the silence as you all waited in anticipation for Levi to move and reveal his drawing.
"Of course this relies on the squad's skill", he added, moving out of the way so you could see. He had drawn the most simplified outline of a human as possible, short lines forming a circle cutting trough its arms and legs.
"The idea is to cut you right out of the titan's neck. We'd end up cutting the ends of your arms and legs off, but they'd just grow back like a lizard's tail", Levi paused and looked up at Eren, the slightest hint of smirk precent on his face. "It's creepy, really..". You also looked over at Eren, curious as to how he would react. Though his body parts would regenerate, you would imagine it would hurt having them cut off either way. Eren looked stressed. It was a look you saw a lot of these days. It was actually rather surprising if he didn't look stressed, or any emotion close to that .
'Poor Eren, he is really going through it'
"Wait, I don't know how they grow back... Is there some other way-", he started saying, sounding more and more frantic as he spoke, though not raising his voice. Levi's eyes narrowed, making Eren shut up.
"So you're saying you don't want there to be any sacrifice or danger?", he asked unimpressed. You could see Eren was dumbfounded, not knowing where to go from there.
"Eren, I'd say anything is better than your starting point, which is actual death. I can only imagine how much it would hurt to get your limbs cut off, but I know you are strong enough to endure it", you encouraged him. He looked at you with painful eyes, but you could see your words calm him down. His eyes got their confident spark back. Eren gave you a grateful nod and smiled.
"I understand the risk sir, and I'm willing to give this method a go", Eren said, looking back at Levi. You did the same and noticed Levi looking at you with curious eyes. He swiftly turned his gaze back to Eren.
"D-does that mean I can do experiments?", a feverish voice stuttered from the corner to your right.
"It's very risky.. But that doesn't mean we can't use him to investigate", Levi said, side eyeing Hange, not bothering to turn his head fully.
"I can be in charge of planning this, right?", she asked, calm but with an undertone of suppressed excitement. "This is well worth the risk of any of our lives...", she added quietly to herself. You looked over at Eren who looked absolutely terrified.
~
Eren was placed in a well, Hange and Levi standing next to it to give him the last instructions. You sat patiently on your horse, a little distance away, with a notebook placed on your lap, ready to write down anything that were to happen. Moblit was on his horse beside you, explaining the best techniques to ensure you get the most important things written down fast. He is well accustomed to taking notes and sketch drawings on the go, as he has to do that constantly in his profession with Hange. He showed you a couple of examples.
"Wow, Moblit! You are really good at drawing! Is that really a live sketch, must have taken you hours!", you exclaimed amazed, looking at a sketch he made of Sawney and Bean as they got captured. He smiled at you sheepishly, and you got a feeling he was as modest as you, not one to enjoy boasting about any special ability they may possess.
Levi and Hange joined the two of you, Hange holding a flare gun pointed towards the sky. A green flare was sent up, signalling for Eren to start transforming. You grasped a better hold of your pen, eyes not leaving the well.
Nothing happened. In fact, it had been several minutes, and not even a little flare of the usual intense golden light was to be seen.
"Did he not see the signal?", Hange wondered.
"No... His ability just isn't that reliable...", Levi said beat, motioning for his horse to move towards the well. You sighed, feeling bad for Eren. Things just never seemed to go his way. You suddenly got worried something bad happened and quickly motioned for your horse to gallop towards the well, passing Levi and Hange on the way.
"Oi, Y/N! Careful!", Levi said with a raised voice, but you had to make sure Eren was okay, you owed Mikasa that much. The guilt of you being here with him instead of her, after everything she went through in Trost, had been gnawing on you the whole time here. The least you could do was to make sure you did a good job watching him in her stead.
Reaching the well, you hopped off your horse, looking over the edge. Your heart stopped at the sight before you. Eren looked up at you helpless, his hands covered in bitemarks, leaving deep flesh wounds oozing with blood.
"Eren!", you exclaimed, starting to climb down the latter to get him. The shadow of two figures was casted over you as Hange and Levi looked over the edge. As you finally descended to the bottom of the dried up well, you crouched down by Eren's side. He looked at you, trembling.
"Y/N... I-I can't turn into a titan", he said, almost in a whisper. You didn't know what to say, and you felt your face automatically contort into an expression of worry and understanding.
"Let's get you out of here Eren", you said carefully, not wanting him to sit on the damp, cold floor of the dark well any longer. You helped him up on your back, his elbows resting on your shoulder's to make sure he didn't damage his hands further by holding onto you. Together you ascended from the well.
"I'll patch him up", you told Hange and Levi as you passed them. They were quiet, but followed you as you brought Eren back to the rest of the squad, standing by some tables.
~
Everyone was very quiet as you drank your afternoon tea. It had become a daily part of your routine to drink tea together at 6 p.m. You really enjoyed it as it was usually at this time you really had time to talk to one another about more than just training. However, today the mood was tainted by the resent events, making it take a while for conversations to start flowing like they usually would. Hange had gone back to the castle to get something, ruling out the one person that could start an alluring conversation in the midst of tension. You sighed and got up from the bench to talk to Moblit.
"Hey Moblit, could you maybe teach me how you do those quick sketches so well?", you asked him, wanting to improve your skills. You though it would be a useful skill to have, and pictured all the memories you could capture and treasure forever if you started drawing. Moblit looked surprised to hear someone being interested in one of his abilities. He mostly only talked to Hange, most people shying away from them because they were intimidated by her.
"Oh, y-yeah, sure Y/N", he said with a smile, and you sat down beside him on the gras. You both opened your notebooks, and he started showing you how he starts off his sketches, stressing that details comes after. He used Levi as an example, drawing him as he moved towards Petra. He captured the flowing movement in his firm but elegant walk, only by drawing his outlines. He then moved on to adding details, telling you how you now could add in any specific features you may remember now that the pose had been locked in place. You noticed conversation had started flowing naturally again at Eren's table, as you watched Moblit sketch, intently. You tried to follow his lead, attempting to draw Petra as she talked to Levi. Your lines were a little shaky, but not the worst.
"Yeah, like that. It'll get better as you practice. You'll do it faster as well", Moblit encouraged you, as you self-consciously showed him what you had done so far. You gave him a modest smile. You moved on to add some of the special features, when a strike of golden light blinded you and a powerful force sent both you and Moblit flying backwards.
'Wtf was that?!'
You looked up to see Eren tugging at his arm which was stuck in a... in a giant titan arm? You quickly crawled forwards, hoisting yourself up as you moved. The sight of four soldiers with their blades drawn made you quicken your pace.
"Guys stop!", you called out to them as you ran. Petra held out her hand, stopping you from passing her.
"Y/N, get back! This isn't safe!", she said firmly, looking directly at you.
"Why now?", Eren exclaimed stressed, struggling to get out of the titan arm. You noticed Levi stood between him and the others, holding a hand up to stop them. You pulled your hand out of Petra's grasp, making your way to Eren.
"Calm down. All of you", Levi said calmly to the squad. You got as close as you could, the heat radiating from the arm stopping you from climbing it and helping Eren out yourself.
"Eren, look at me", you said calmly, trying to distract him from the sight of your hostile comrades. He didn't seem to listen, as their scared and stern voices rang out, voicing their concerns all at once.
"Eren! What is the meaning of this?!", Eld screamed out. "Why now? Without permission?!".
"Answer him, Eren!", Oruo demanded, not even giving Eren room to answer.
"Oruo, wait", Levi tried again. Nobody seemed to acknowledge his orders to stand by. You watched stressed as Gunther moved forward.
"Prove you're not our enemy! Humanity's enemy!", he said stern. Eren only managed to inhale once before Gunther screamed again. "Prove it! Now!".
"I dare you to even move that arm an inch, I'll cut your head off!", Oruo screamed, overlapping with Gunther's words.
"For god's sake, you're not letting him talk!", you screamed out. "Shut up!". They paused for a second, not expecting you to talk back to them. Levi turned his gaze to you, keeping his body turned towards the others. You took a deep breath, ready to give them a piece of your mind.
"I know its your mission to make sure Eren is no threat to mankind, but can't you see the boy is struggling!?", you motioned your arm dramatically towards him. "I know nothing more of this situation than you, and if you would actually take your time to examine the situation at hand you would notice he doesn't know what the fuck is going on either. But I do know stressing him out is not the solution. This was clearly an accident!", you yell out, taking a little break to examine their faces and demeanour. They looked to be actually listening to your words, giving you the confidence to continue. "It's also first and foremost your job and duty to answer to the commands made by your Captain, which has clearly been to stand by and keep quiet. So how about we all just put away the god damned blades!", you added, scowling at them. Their gazes faltered, hands starting to shake slightly as they held on to their blades.
"Ereeen!", Hange's voice called out and you watched her run out of the forest towards you, Moblit following her like a shadow. He must have gone to get her the second Eren turned. "Can I touch that arm?!", she yelled in ecstasy, a red tint covering her cheeks. "It's okay right? Right?! Just let me touch it!", she continued to plead.
"Hange... W-wait a second!", Eren manage to stutter as Hange reached out for the hot tendons. A sizzling sound could be heard as her palms met the arm. Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped.
"Ahhh, It's hot! Without the skin, it's really damned hot!", she screamed, jumping around waving her hands everywhere. Moblit looked terrified.
"Section-Commander! You're too reckless!", he exclaimed dumbfounded.
"Hey, don't you feel it's hot, Eren?", Hange asked fascinated, still making sounds of pain and delight from the burns the touch gave her. You peeped over at Levi, his eyes narrowed as he eyed Hange. Eren groaned behind you, and you watched as he finally managed to pull his hand out, freeing himself from the tendons. The momentum made him crash down onto the ground, landing by your side. You quickly crouched down, helping him up to his knees.
"What?! Eren, wait! That was too fast!", Hange said stressed, as the titan arm already started to evaporate. She suddenly stopped whining, but you were too busy examining Eren for any kind of harm to notice what silenced her. Levi walked over to the opposite side of Eren, looking down at the two of you.
"How do you feel?", he asked, directing his gaze to Eren. Eren breathed heavily, leaning on all fours while you gently stroked his back.
"Not... Not so good", he said in between his breath's.
~
As the night fell you were all gathered in the mess hall again. You felt tired and weak as you took a seat at the table.
"Look at this", Hange said as she placed a silver teaspoon in front of her at the table.
"A teaspoon?", you asked her, unsure of what you were supposed to notice.
"Yes. The right titan hand Eren created was holding this, between his index finger and thumb, just like I am right now", she said, picking up the spoon. "And for some reason, the heat and the pressure didn't warp the spoon at all. Anything come to mind?", she asked the group. Eren seemed to realise something.
"I was trying to pick it up... I transformed right after", he explained.
'How strange... why would he suddenly change when he was picking something up, but not when he actively tried to shift?'
You started thinking hard at what the reasoning behind it could be.
"I see... That may explain why you couldn't transform earlier...", she said. You gasped slightly as it dawned on you. They all looked over at you, Hange giving you a slight smirk. "Are you thinking the same thing Y/N?", she asked, urging you to share your theory.
"Well, I started thinking about every time he has ever turned, not just today, looking for any kind of similarities between the different scenarios", you started explaining, Eren looking intently at you as you spoke. "It seemed to me at least that each time, he had a specific purpose needing fulfilment before he turned. Like sealing the hole, shielding your friends, killing the titans in Trost, picking up the spoon, etcetera...". You watched as Hange's smile grew wider and wider.
"Yes!" She said delighted. "Exactly my thoughts as well!". You felt Levi's gaze upon you, and you looked over, curious as to what he was thinking. His expression revealed a slight look of curiosity and content. You returned your gaze back to Hange who continued explaining.
"Your self-inflicted injury seems to not be the sole trigger for your shifting-abilities, you may need a goal as well", she concluded. Eren looked down at his healed hands, deep in thought.
"In other words, you didn't deliberately change without permission?", Gunther asked him. You huffed and rolled your eyes at this obvious statement. Levi quickly gave you a light kick to your shin under the table, and you put your hands up in an exaggerated manner, silently telling him you'll behave.
"No, sir", Eren answered him, straightening up his stance. Gunther inhaled deeply before giving the others a look. The four of them seemed to all silently agree on something. The rest of you watched as they bit their hands in the same manner Eren does when he transforms, simultaneously. They all winced in pain, as blood trickled down from the bite wound. Eren looked bewildered. You gaped at them slightly, taken aback by this sudden action.
"Wait, what are you doing?", Eren asked them worried.
"That hurt...", Oruo said to himself through gritted teeth.
"This isn't easy...", Eld quietly expressed, looking at his wound. "I'm amazed you manage to bite as hard as you do, Eren".
"We made the wrong decision. Take this as our official apology, a symbolic gesture for our insensitivity towards you and your sacrifices, Eren", Gunther said, looking at Eren with a newfound respect. You felt you heart warm up as you realized Eren was finally given the recognition he deserved.
"We need to all be able to rely on each other for this team to fully work. Have faith in us Eren, and we'll have faith in you", Petra said, smiling up at him.
_______________________________________________
A/N:
And here it is! Sorry for being a bit slow with the update, I got home a bit later than expected.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! We'll get back to some more Marco-action very shortly, but I hope you guys like these chapters where I focus on Y/N's relationships with other characters as well:)
It's very late, and I'm super tired. So if you see any spelling errors or stuff like that, I will get to proofread and edit the story first thing when I wake up, but ya girl need's some sleep.
Have a good day!<3
~Jen