"Do you have somewhere to be?" I noticed Zane had been looking at his phone, seemingly checking the time. I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. I liked it here.
"Hm?" Zane said as he snapped his head up from said phone. "Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to go to O's tonight. It's his girlfriend's birthday."
"Ah." I nodded. I didn't want to leave, but without Zane's car I was looking at an hour walk home, if not more.
"Do you want to come?" Zane surprised me by asking, but then I realized he probably didn't want me at home by myself again.
"I don't think O will want me there." I told him, and when he seemed confused I clarified. "After yesterday."
I wish I could say I didn't remember trying to rip my clothes off in front of Zane's friends and shouting at them to look at me, but unfortunately I did. Vividly.
"Oh, don't worry about that. I just told them you were sleep deprived." Zane explained, although his eyes darted to the left, which made me think he was being less than truthful.
"I don't know his girlfriend. I'll be fine at home, Zane. You don't have to worry about me. I don't need a babysitter." I said as I wrapped my arms around my chest.
"Seren, I want you there. Which is why I'm asking you to come." Zane told me, and this time he looked like was telling the truth.
I contemplated my options. If I had my pills, I would go home. I would go home and I would sleep. But I don't, which meant going home and staring blankly at the TV screen, waiting for my dad to come home and being paranoid.
"Okay." I finally agreed.
"Yeah?" Zane asked, and his mouth broke into the biggest smile I have ever seen him make, and I couldn't help it. I just couldn't. The edges of my lips twitched upwards.
Zane's eyes opened wide. "You smiled."
I don't know how it made me feel that he was so surprised.
But then again, it might have been the worst excuse for a smile, and no where near as beautiful as his was, but he was right. I did smile. Sober.
Zane handed me his phone as we were in his car, and driving back towards the city. "You pick."
I grabbed the phone from him, mildly surprised at his willingness to hand over control of the music. Most guys I had hung around were such control freaks about it. But, I'm starting to realize that Zane wasn't like most guys.
I scrolled through the playlist he had open, recognizing one of the songs and pressing play. It was included on the playlist Zane had made me, called Boston.
"Do you ever think about just leaving this place? Starting somewhere new?" Zane asked me, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was referencing the lyrics.
I barely had to think about it. "No."
Zane looked pleased, like I had answered a question correctly on his How Depressed is Seren?questionnaire. I almost felt bad about completing my thought. Almost.
"The people probably are just as bad everywhere else, so there's not much point." I looked out of the window as I said it, so I couldn't see his face, but the prolonged silence filling the car said enough.
My anxiety level started to rise as we pulled onto a street lined with cookie cutter, suburban houses. They weren't as large or as grand as Zane's house, or even my house, but they were nice. I instantly knew which one was O's from the lines of cars in the driveway.
"You mind if I have a smoke first?" I asked Zane as we exited his car. Zane nodded, pausing his steps and shoving his hands in his pockets. I leaned against his car as I pulled a smoke out from my purse, bring it up to my mouth and lighting it.
"What are you anxious about?" Zane asked as he leaned beside me against his car. I hate how Zane asked his intrusive questions so casually, like he was asking me about the weather.
"I'm not anxious about anything." Lie.
Zane raised an eyebrow at me. "You smoke when you're anxious. You haven't had one since lunch, at the school."
"Yeah, it's called a nicotine addiction." I blew the smoke out of my lungs, making sure it went in the opposite direction of Zane.
"Alright." Zane accepted my lie. "You ready?" He held his arm out in gesture as he watched my cigarette burn into the filter.
"I guess." I ground the butt into the sidewalk with my shoe. I started walking in the direction of O's house, I couldn't help but notice the way Zane walked with me. He wasn't beside me, or in front of me as I had expected him to lead the way. He was walking just slightly behind me, his left shoulder directly behind my neck. It made me feel so small, and it almost made me feel protected.
I say almost, because I don't know if I'll ever feel protected again.
Zane reached around me to push open a white fence, leading down the side alley between the two houses. I could hear the thumping of music and the clashing of voices, and I couldn't help but to slow my steps, causing Zane to bump into my back.
"I don't think I've ever seen you nervous of a party, Seren." Zane said from behind me.
"I just don't know anyone." Which was true. I had no idea what kind of person I could encounter.
"You know me." Zane said as he walked around me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the voices, and the strangest thing happened. Although part of my brain was telling me to yank my hand from Zane's, I didn't.
I could see O and Gavin as we walked into the backyard. There was about a dozen other people there, but I didn't have time to take them all in, because a beautiful girl was already bounding over to us.
"Zane!" She called out as she approached us. She had curly black hair, and beautiful dark brown skin. She was taller than me, but thinner than me. She was gorgeous. She pulled Zane into a quick hug, and he let go of my hand so he could return it.
"And who's this?" She looked at me with a smile as they broke apart. Not one of those fake girl smiles either, she seemed actually happy. I wonder what that felt like.
"Cassidy, this is Seren. Seren, this is Cassidy." Zane introduced us. "O's girlfriend."
"Happy Birthday." I told her, trying my best to return the smile that hadn't left her face.
She grabbed me by the shoulders, looking at my face from all angles. "She really is that pretty, huh?"
I didn't know what to say, so I rolled lips together instead.
"It's really nice to meet you, Seren. Zane's told me all about you." Cassidy said after a moment. "Come. Let's go introduce you."
Cassidy took hold of my hand this time, pulling me towards the large group of people. Zane followed close behind me, in the same stance he had been in before.
"Everyone! This is Seren. Seren, this is everyone." Cassidy said as we arrived. Some people said hi, as other's just waved their hands at me.
"Hey Seren!" I recognized Gavin as he came towards us. "I'm so happy you could come." He smiled at me. He raised his hands like he was about to hug me, but I guess he thought better of it, because his movements awkwardly changed into a fist bump. I raised my fist to his, giggling.
Gavin's eyes lit up at my giggle, and he glanced at Zane. What is it with these guys and monitoring my mouth movements?
"Glad you could make it, Seren." O said as he approached us, sliding his arm around Cassidy. Cassidy pecked his cheek quickly, before turning back to me.
"So, not that I mind at all, but what brings you here?" Cassidy asked me, and I couldn't stop staring at her smile. It was so genuine.
"We were hanging out at the bridge, and I invited her." Zane answered for me, and I didn't have to turn my head to tell how close we was to me.
"Like, the bridge?" Gavin asked, his eyebrows shooting up.
"Mhm." Zane confirmed. They were doing that thing where they were talking with their eyes again.
"Sorry to interrupt." A voice caused me to turn my head. "I just wanted to introduce myself." A boy with brown hair walked up to us. He barely glanced at the others, he was looking straight at me. He held out his hand. "I'm Brandon. It's nice to meet you."
I don't know what about Brandon in particular it was that made me freeze. He seemed nice enough. He wasn't threatening me. He didn't say anything wrong. But something about the way he looked at me, reminded me exactly of Jax. I felt a hint of fear in my chest, threatening to grow bigger every second.
"Nice to meet you." I said. It felt like a minute had gone by, but I was sure it had only been a second. Knowing I had no excuse not to, I raised my hand and met his, shaking it.
"You're really pretty." He said, and his hand tightened around mine. The panic started in my chest, and without even thinking about, my hand moved out behind me.
My fingers grasped onto Zane's hoodie, almost like I was pulling him towards me. I don't know why I did it, maybe I searching for that sense of protection that I had felt earlier. I knew the moment Zane felt my hand reaching for him. I could feel him standing taller behind me. I could feel him darting his eyes between Brandon and his hand which was still holding mine.
"I'm going to take Seren to get some food. She hasn't eaten yet." Zane said firmly. He grabbed the hand that was still clutching his hood and pulled me away, leaving Brandon looking confused.
"You know him?" Zane asked as we got to the food table.
I shook my head, hoping he wouldn't press the issue, and to my surprise, he didn't.
The rest of the evening passed quickly. Zane didn't leave my side, and strangely the other three didn't either. Gavin, O and Cassidy sat with us around the fireplace, roasting marshmallows. I had been listening to them chat all night, about every topic imaginable. Their old school, Zane and mine's school, sports teams, tv shows, movies. I didn't say much, but that didn't stop them from trying to include me. They weren't offended by my one worded answers, in fact they seemed thrilled anytime I said anything at all.
We were sitting on a wooden bench close enough to the fire that we could roast marshmallows, if we wanted, but far enough away that my body was still shivering from the cold. Zane had offered me his sweater, and I had to refuse it three times before he let it go.
My body tensed as Brandon sat down on the bench opposite us. He didn't say anything to me, but he would look at me every few seconds. I was determined not to meet his eye, so I looked at the fire instead. It didn't help, though. It's like the hair on the back of my neck stood up every time his eyes were focused on me.
I knew Zane noticed my reaction again, because he moved closer to me. It's like Zane could feel my energy, the way he knew something was wrong without me saying it. I felt his hand on the small of my back, rubbing comforting circles. It didn't stay there long before he moved it around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest.
And I was so thankful. My body seemed to instantly calm by his touch. The way his arm shielded me from the rest of the world made me feel like nothing could touch me.
I didn't move from that position. I listened to Zane talk to his friends. I wasn't even sure if Brandon was still sitting there. I didn't really care. I was content.