This chapter goes into detail about rape. Please do not read if you feel uncomfortable.
♡ Alaiya's POV: ♡
I can feel myself become a little hazy as I see him and how he probably saw Dylan holding me up. Fear has taken over every nook and cranny of my body, and I think I may actually throw up. He's seen me look at other guys or talk to them and we know where that led to, but I've never seen him and how'd he react if another guy touched me.
I turn around and see Skyler look at me a little funny because of my expression, but I force a smile and act like it's nothing when it's everything. I look back and see him motion for me to come here. His teeth are gritted and his fists are tightly held by his sides. I've learned that avoiding his commands is worse than actually listening to them, so I swallow the lump in my throat and walk over to him after Mrs.Lambert calls five. My heart is practically beating out of my chest and I feel as if I'm about to die because that might be the case. If I don't come, then he'll get alcohol in his system and it'll be even more disastrous than what he has in store for me right now. He sees the guys from the team so he nods at them, and they nod back up at him as he softly pulls me to the bathroom outside the room.
The door closes and he checks the stalls to see if anyone is in here. Once he sees no one is, his eyes look at me with shaking anger as he walks up towards me.
"I-I didn't do anything," I start off by promising with my shivering voice, but instead of listening to me, he pushes against my body and makes my back hit the doorknob as it thrusts into my side.
I feel tears coming the minute it lunges the into me, but he doesn't stop there. His mouth crashes onto mine with horrible force, and he won't even let the sob escape my throat that feels stuck. His lips aren't even moving, they're just trying to knock the oxygen out of me and it's a way for him to take his anger out on me.
He doesn't like being the non-dominant one, so I'm not allowed to kiss him back to match his strength.
I feel myself begin to get a little dizzy, and that's when I begin to push against his chest to save myself. He doesn't budge no matter how hard I push against him. I try to turn my head away but instead, he lunges his knee into my private area and a painful gasp comes out of my lips. I bend down immediately as the sharpness of his knee runs pain throughout my body. Carson stands back as he watches me fall in agony. I squint my eyes to not let the cry that I want to let out out, but a whimper escapes when he pulls my face towards him with strength.
I know when he's drunk. I can see it in his eyes, and I don't see it right now. His eyes aren't shaking and his breath doesn't smell like any sort of drink.
Did he hit me sober?
He's never done that before.
"Not only did you let another guy touch you, but you also lied to me about your group," he spits as he bends down to meet my height on the floor.
"I never-," I cry, but he silences me again.
"Shut the fuck up!" he demands. "You're going to quit," he swears for me, and I'm about to object to that because I can't, but that would be the dumbest mistake I've ever made.
Just stay quiet.
Stop crying and stay quiet.
He grips my hair and pulls it back to make me look up at him. I squint my eyes in anguish as I feel his hand ripping out strands of my hair off my scalp.
"Do I make myself clear?" he spits right in my face.
I nod as tears that I can't control fall onto my cheeks.
He throws me harder against the door, and a whimper that's forced not to come out still comes out, and I try to not let it happen again while he's here.
"Your parents are at home, don't come back looking like that," he pushes me away from the door and walks out.
The door shuts behind me and the entire time, all I could think about was that he did that sober. He was in complete control and he still hit me. I know I'm supposed to love him, but...I need to wash my face. I just need to wash my face.
I stand up with a grunt and walk over to the mirror to see if he made me bleed. Thankfully, he didn't.
I see my water-filled eyes, though I ignore them as I run my hand through my hair and pull out the clump of hair that's been pulled out.
"Everything is going to be fine," I repeat to myself as a whisper. "Everything-." A hiccup comes out. "...is going to fine." I nod as I look at the handful of hair I'm holding.
I look in the mirror and wipe my tears away. I tug up my lips and try look happy once again. Once the cold water I've patted under my eye has calmed my puffy eyes down a bit, I step to the door while also trying to walk normally and like I'm not in pain. The minute I step out after taking very deep breaths, my face is met with a really hard body that makes me take a step back suddenly which my genital area was not prepared for.
"Watch where the fuck you're going," a deep voice demands, and I know exactly who it is by the deepness and vibration that just ran through my veins.
I look up at Roman, and then a little to the right to see Carson looking at me dead in the eye as he's talking with the rest of the guys on the football team. I know he saw me look and bump into him, and even though it was an accident, I don't want what happened in the restroom to happen again so I don't want to take any chances.
"Yell at me again," I quietly demand up at him urgently.
He looks at me confused, and he's really not helping me at the moment.
"Why the fuck are you whispering?" he asks in his normal tone, and I hush him down discreetly instantly.
"Just yell at me," I command.
"I'm not fucking yelling at you," he thankfully lowers his voice and states.
"You just did it two seconds ago!" I whisper-yell at him.
Why's he being so infuriating? I accidentally bumped into him, he yells at me. I tell him to yell at me because I'm desperate, he doesn't and lowers his voice.
"Will you just yell I hate you to me!" I give him a pointed look as Carsons' eyes watch me like a hawk.
"Hell no," he stubbornly says, and more frustration builds inside of me.
Fine.
He's never going to forgive me for this.
"I'm so so sorry in advance," I apologize beforehand.
He's about to ask for what but I'm a step ahead of him.
I kick him right where the sun doesn't shine before he can react or stop me, and a pang of guilt consumes me because that was so wrong and I feel like such a disgusting person. I feel even worse as he squints his eyes and bends down in pain, and I wish that I could help him.
"I fucking hate you," he says loud enough for it to be heard by Carson, making relief wash over me.
"I hate you too," I say a little louder so that I can be heard as well.
I begin to walk away, but apologize one last time from the bottom of my heart. "I'm so sorry."
God, I'm such a horrible person.
Carson seems satisfied by what just happened, and although I should be happy by that, I still feel super bad for what I did to Roman. He didn't deserve that. We barely even know each other.
Carson's eyes turn back to Rider and Eldon who he's talking to, but then he looks right back at me with a pointed look. He motions towards Mrs.Lambert, and I'm about to shake my head no but then realize what the heck I'm doing and who I'm talking to.
I nod and walk over to her.
Ivy walks down from the bleachers and without saying a word, she points towards Legend and Riley talking enthusiastically. A smile forms on my lips as I see Riley flirting, and Legend doing the same back.
I tell Ivy that I'll be right back before I walk over to the speaker that Mrs.Lambert is standing next to, and since she heard my footsteps, she turns her head around from her clipboard and looks over at me. Carson has been watching me every step of the way each time I turn around, and I really don't want to do this. Dance is something I'm not bad at and I enjoy. I don't want to pursue it, but still. It's one of the only things that I can find relief in.
"Yes Ms. Storm?" Mrs.Lambert asks me with her arms folded.
I build up the courage by taking a deep breath in because I know that once these words are out, they're finalized.
"I'm dropping out of dance." It feels like I just lost one of the most important things to me as those words fall out of my mouth with no choice in the matter.
"I'm sorry, what?" Mrs.Lambert is taken back with me, and I don't think I've ever seen more of an emotional expression on her face.
She wants me to repeat it? I didn't even want to say it the first time rather than two times.
"I'm quitting dance," I repeat, making her eyes a little bigger than usual, but then again, this is Mrs.Lambert so she covers it up quickly.
"Ms.Storm, I did not put you on this team and give you the lead part so that you can abandon your team this late," she scolds. "Now if there is a good reason as to why this is occurring, then I have no issue, but I must ask you to stay otherwise."
I have no good reason because I wish this wasn't happening in the first place. Unless she counts what Carson will do to me which I think is a very important reason in my opinion. If Mrs.Lambert reacted this way, then I have no idea what I'm going to tell my parents, especially my mom.
I look back at Carson and see he's switched his position in the circle of guys so that he can watch me clearly.
"I apologize again Mrs.Lambert, I really do enjoy being on this team," I apologetically repeat as I turn my head back around to face her.
She keeps eye contact with me and her hazel eyes look straight into my soul as if she's trying to read behind the real reason I'm quitting. I see concern written a little, but it could just be the reflection of the lights shining on her face.
"Take your things and I wish you well," she wishes me farewell, and I wish that she wouldn't have given in so easily deep down, but I had to do this.
I was being unfair to Carson and I lied to him. He's the love of my life and to make sure he keeps loving me, I have to make sacrifices no matter how much they hurt.
***
✩ Roman's POV ✩
She just kicked me in the dick. And then she apologized as if her foot was being controlled by someone else. Like ones foot just lifts and kicks someone in the balls by accident. She may be small, but damn she has a good kick.
She actually kicked me in the balls.
I fucking hate her.
I walk up to the guys after the pain begins to dissolve, though my hatred for that girl is still very much present. I see her leaving with her things on her shoulder after a couple of minutes, and she looks at me apologetically, though I don't give a shit. I send a glare at her back because a fucking look isn't just going to explain what she just did. We haven't even talked more than two times and she's already pissed me the hell off more than I've ever felt in a while. Even after what happened at the restaurant which hasn't left my mind since.
She's seen rush towards the door and Walker follows behind her.
Mrs.Lambert calls the team to practice for whatever they're doing, but Alaiya just left and she's the lead which is a little odd.
Not that I give a shit.
"Alaiya has dropped out of the team," we all hear Mrs.Lambert announce.
Everyone makes a confused and shocked face right as they hear this piece of news, especially the dance team.
"She did what!" Ivy is the first one to exclaim.
"Why would she quit?" the guy who was touching almost her ass while he was lifting her questions.
Not that I was looking at her ass.
"She didn't give a reason," Mrs.Lambert shrugs. "Now Skyler, you've got the lead and Sammy, you'll be taking Skyler's place. Let's get this show on the road." She claps and everyone obliges, though their expressions are still left in confusion.
The guys look utterly shocked at the information they just heard and Ivy walks up to us with the same expression.
"Alaiya looked like she loved dance way too much to quit," Eldon confusedly points out, and everyone nods.
"Maybe she got tired of that spin?" Ivy thinks of a reason as to why this could've happened.
Why is everyone so concerned about her? We met her a couple of days ago. Many people quit sports, that doesn't mean there's always a reason behind it. She could've just gotten bored of it or something.
Who gives a shit.
"We have a game in a couple of hours, all your asses to the field," I remind them assertively.
They all nod with a realization face and walk out the double doors so we can prepare.
~~~~
Later that Evening:
Our team walks onto the field as the other team is already here.
Since it's the first week of the season and we worked our asses off all summer, we're pretty prepared. Plus, if we lose, coach will never leave our asses alone about it. We lost last year and the year before that in the finals, and that's not gonna fucking happen this time especially with how much training I've put into winning.
"But what if I get my shoes dirty?" Rider whines like a bitch, and I swear I'm this close to punching him.
"Get your ass up there," I point, and he sighs before walking over there.
The game play gets called and Sanchez passes me the ball. Rider as the linebacker, goes to guard defense and Eldon and Sanchez go for their tackle. I run with the ball and call for Legend to cover me. The other team hasn't made it very far, and their quarterback and their coach know as much as shit about what they're doing. We've gone against them before and they lost super badly, though they haven't changed much.
Kingston stands far, making me call a new play as I throw him the ball across the field. The crowd went silent for a second but came back as soon as he catches it in his hands. Our defense team got a whole lot better after coach didn't let them leave until they couldn't breathe anymore. I calculate as Kingston is running towards their defense and know he won't be able to make it. Coach is already yelling at Rider who's running to help Kingston, so I call for him to stand offense at thirty yards.
Rider may be fucking annoying, but he sure as hell can run fast.
I notice him trying to save his shoes, and I swear to fuck if he doesn't stop I'm going to toss him to across this field right this second.
He thankfully makes it just in time and I call for Kingston to throw the fucking ball as quick as possible. Right as he throws it, he's tackled to the ground and now Rider is on the run with the ball in his hand.
He runs towards their scoring field and scores a touchdown with relief by the way he's holding his heart. That might be the quickest touchdown we've ever gotten.
Their defense really is shit.
***
♡ Alaiya's POV: ♡
"I don't understand?" my mom questions for the millionth time.
Neither do I.
"Look, there's Carson," my dad points toward the TV, and we both look over and see him tackle someone.
The camera goes to number twelve and I can't tell who it is, though he has a really good throw by the looks of it. The ball goes all the way across the field and my dad's on the edge of his seat as number sixty-four catches it.
My dad makes a shocked face by the throw, and I do the same. I'm not great at football knowledge, but that was a really good throw.
"Why are you quitting dance?" my mom whines as she holds my hand.
"I'm gonna get to bed," My dad pushes himself off the the couch and I direct him to the extra bedroom I have.
I take a seat with my mom and she continues to complain again.
"Can I ask you a question?" I interrupt her rant about dance which has been going on for what feels like forever.
"Sure." She puts her hand under her chin, stopping her rant.
"I have this friend," I begin. "And her boyfriend is struggling with alcohol," I try and explain to her, but don't say Carson's or my name. "What should she do?"
"Well, alcohol abuse doesn't just start. Did you try asking your friend why he's acting the way he is?" she asks back.
I've known Carson my entire life. I know when he's lost someone or something is going on with his family. I also know he takes alcohol whenever he's stressed or had a bad day.
"She said that he only does it when he's stressed," I keep my story up.
"Is this about your father?" she sighs.
I shake my head no quickly. I forgave my father for what he did while he was drunk. He went to therapy and got better and that's all that matters. I still get afraid when he's drinking, but I know he won't do what he used to do again since he's changed.
I tell her it's about a friend again, and she doesn't seem to believe me but still goes along with it.
"Well from my personal experience, I stood around until your father got better," she shrugs.
Should I do that with Carson? Maybe he will get better like my dad and end up being normal. Maybe if I let this phase pass, it'll go away and he'll be fine. It could work. My dad was just like this and did some horrible things to me and my mom, but they're happy now. They both made it through it so Carson and I can too.
I nod at her and focus my eyes back on the TV while I think about all this.
I love him. He's who I saw spending my life with since I was sixteen. I can't just betray him when he's struggling.
~~~~
I have no idea what's happening in the game, but after watching for an hour, our school won which is technically the most important thing to know about. My mom fell asleep on the couch a couple of minutes ago, so I wrap her in a blanket and make the couch comfortable because I'd rather do that than wake her up. She will quite literally unleash what dad I call "The Morning Devil". I did it once and somehow, I ended up getting grounded, yelled at, and a new set of chores to do.
I quietly walk into my bedroom after making sure my mom is comfortable and get showered for bed. When I pull my comforters off my mattress so I can lay in them, Carson walks in through the door.
Panic arises in me because he hit me before when he was sober, meaning I have to be more careful now.
He seems to have showered and looks pretty tired as he walks inside. I stay quiet until he wants me to speak, and he doesn't so I don't say a word either. He lays on the left side of the bed and shuts his eyes with his arm over his forehead.
"Congratulations on your game," I say quietly so if he yells at me, I can act like I didn't say anything.
"Thanks babe," his voice is barely heard, but it's something.
I smile at his much softer tone and walk over to the light switch to flick it off. My feet move back to my bed and my body lays down on the right side at a good distance so he doesn't get bothered. As I'm about to say goodnight, I look over at him and see he's already asleep so I move deeper into my blanket and shut my eyes as well.
I'm pretty tired, so I can already feel the sleepiness coming over me.
When I feel half-asleep, still slightly aware of my surroundings, I feel a soft kiss being laid on my cheek. At first, I thought it was cute and maybe he was being sweet, but then I felt his hand going down my body and the concept of what he's doing completely change.
I have to pretend to keep sleeping because if I tell him to stop, something will happen and I don't want to wake my parents up.
I move my body to the right side and act like it was just a normal switch in position when in reality, it was just me trying to move away so maybe he'll stop. His hand keeps going down to the waistband of my pajamas and I let a breath out as he slowly turns around my body to face him.
My whole body is frozen with fear and my eyes are forced shut with harsh pressure. The room is dark so he can't see my eyes technically, but if I move he'll know I'm not sleeping.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Stay calm!
It's not like I've never done this before. I lost my virginity to him. He probably was just frustrated that I wouldn't do it with him for so long and I was probably being unfair.
I feel something push inside me and actual pain levitates through my entire body. I heard him open the condom packet, making the rubber be felt against me. My body feels dry, and his grinding into me creates a different kind of throbbing to exhilarate through my body in a horrible way. I grab onto my sheets under the blanket as the pain increases the harder and faster he pushes in, and through it all, my eyes are forced shut and I'm staying still as best as possible.
A whimper is threatening to leave my lips, but I bite my tongue to stop it.
He finishes after a couple of minutes and climbs off my body, still thinking I'm asleep by the way he softly got onto his pillow. My hands are shaking beside me and I feel my heart beating at a very fast and irregular pace.
I turn my body around to let my tears finally fall as my entire body feels numb and empty.
I know he loves me, but he still could've woken me up. I mean, I haven't done it with him for a while and I guess he knew that I would've said no. I am his girlfriend and I have to pleasure him sometimes, so maybe he just didn't want to ask.
Just go to sleep.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and push the rest down before shutting my eyes again and making myself not think about it.
I feel sick.
♥ ★ ❦ ✱ ♥
A/N:
Please tell me if there are any errors.
Word Count: 4186