𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄.
"Eren, what lesson do you have first?" You asked him, watching as his veins would flex as he gripped the steering wheel with one hand.
"English." You nodded your head, feeling slightly relieved as you and him had the same lesson, which meant, you didn't have to go that far to look for him as you sat beside him.
Eren seemed to like to drive, rather than having to walk to school. He found it quite peculiar taking you in his car, as he had never taken you, out of anyone, in his car before. Whilst he drove, he would occasionally focus on you, taking in your reaction or casual facial expressions each chance he got.
Once he saw the university parking lot in view, he began to park the car, lazily focusing on the parking lot. Once he had found the right spot, he swerved into his regular spot and got out of the car, checking if it was aligned up with the white lines, when it was, he tried to grab your attention.
"Y/n, we can go now..." He bluntly said, poking his head in the car, making sure he hadn't left anything behind. You looked up at him and nodded your head, placing your phone into your pocket and opening the passenger side door, getting out.
"You walking me to class, Eren?" You teasingly asked him, making sure to catch his expression each time you said something along those lines.
"There's no harm in taking you, so I guess I am, 'cause we're in the same class." He let out, placing one hand in his jean pocket, whilst his other hand went to grasp yours. You froze for a brief second, your heart fluttering as you had never genuinely experienced Eren entwine his fingers with yours in public. You found it rather cute that he had done something like that. You were glad you had grown comfortable, when it came to him being affectionate towards you — only he made you feel comfortable in that way.
You were uncomfortable when it came to being around men, especially if you were surrounded by them, or in a room with a few of them. You had a fear of men, you hated to admit it but there it was. You were grateful that you didn't fear Eren or his affectionate ways, you had never felt this comfortable with a man in years.
You were comfortable around Connie and Armin, like you could rest in a room with just them two and not mind them. With Jean, yes, but sometimes, you grew tense around him as he was hard to study sometimes. And, that in itself, made a feeling of uneasiness wrap itself around your figure. You loved Jean, but you couldn't help but slowly grow uncomfortable at his way of wording a few things.
Whenever he was relatively hard to decipher at certain points, you couldn't help but formulate a subtle excuse to bring yourself elsewhere, a place in which you felt yourself wanting to calm down. As long as their intentions were clear, you had no problem with being around them. Jean was hard to read, you sometimes wish he was more open with you, instead of closing himself off to a degree you hated.
You wish he was more honest with you when you were both in his room playing video games, before Eren knocked on the door asking for you. You just wished he would return to his normal self. The way his demeanour was now, made you feel mildly unsafe with being in a room with him. You didn't want to feel like that, he was one of your best friends. Someone you watched grow up. Someone you had practically done everything with.
You wanted him to grow back into his old self, no matter how detached he seemed from that mere persona. You yearned for it, you wanted it back, you wanted his old self back, a side that wouldn't criticise your actions. A side that would help you when you were indecisive with your feelings. Like with Eren, he would encourage you to not pursue your feelings, whilst Armin and Mikasa insisted you go through with it.
When Jean and you discussed it, he would instantly turn to the negative, allowing the atmosphere to grow severely unpleasant. Whilst with Armin and Mikasa, they would elaborate on why you should grant Eren a chance as they knew him on a personal level, but so did Jean. His opinion was thoughtless, whilst Armin and Mikasa gave reasonable reasons as to why you should give him a chance throughout the two weeks you ignored him.
"You good, Y/n?" Eren asked you, wondering why you were suddenly zoning out instead of listening to what he had to say.
"Just deep in thought..." You spoke.
"About what?" He questioned you, finding it weird that you had all of a sudden stopped paying attention to him.
"I'm honestly not fully sure, but affection. It's such a weird thing, yet it's also pleasant in certain ways, I don't know how to describe it."
"Why Affection?" He genuinely asked, speculating on the reason why you chose to think about affection, or what triggered you to think about it.
"I'm not sure, just something I don't want to talk about." You bluntly said, trying not to think of all the other negative things that also came with affection. The negative things that had occurred in your troubled past.
"If you don't want to talk about it that's ok, I'll wait till you're ready." He told you, reassuring you that he was there in a way and wouldn't be leaving you anytime soon. He was willing to wait for you to be fully comfortable around him mentally, discussing your problems with him while he lent you an open ear.
He squeezed your hand as another way of signalling he won't let go.
"Eren, why did you want to be with me? Sorry if this is random, but I'm honestly curious, you could have had anyone to your liking but you wanted me," You asked him, genuinely wanting to see what he honestly viewed in you. You weren't that special or someone worthy of him stopping his playful ways for, so you found it rather odd that he wanted to be with you.
He cleared his throat and began to speak up.
"I fell for you because you were so different. I find it hard to describe, but in a sense, you didn't give in to me rather easily than I predicted you to, you understood human decency and didn't want to sleep with me straight away. You were always willing to call me out for being in the wrong, unlike others. You were honestly someone I envied, I loved the way you took the time to spend time with me, instead of pushing me away for being a whore. "Eren spoke.
"The way you would welcome me without judging me when we were always in your room, honestly was my breaking point. The way you got comfortable around me as we watched shows I recommended warmed my heart. I had never experienced what I did with you like that, you brought another side of me out." Eren added on.
Truth was, Eren discovered himself falling in love with you, due to the fact that you wouldn't tolerate him as others would. The way you paid barely any interest, when it came to giving him attention in the ways he expected people to crave for him in. He found himself craving for your attention slightly, and that caused him to fall in love fairly quickly. As he had finally found someone who wasn't willing to let him get away with stuff, just because he was hot and had some sort of charm. He was just truly grateful to find someone who would treat him almost how she would treat anyone else, he found it refreshing.
He thought he was dumb for falling in love too fast but he didn't care as he knew he wanted you. People are so quick to hate people so why am I not allowed to fall in love with someone quickly, it's the same thing.
He had never felt this way with Amilia before, she would just give in to him when he was with her out of pity. She would beg for him to have sex with her but not once did he, he preferred to have sex with people he would rarely see again.
The way he felt with you was a way he was rather foreign to. He felt subtly sad when he came to the realisation that he had never been able to experience sessions where he was able to watch Netflix with a girl in their room in peace. They always expected him to seduce them, eventually sleeping with them.
He could recall having this project with a girl and she and him were alone in her room, attempting to take in information.
As they watched a documentary to get a good insight of the topic of the project, she paused it, sexualising herself in order for Eren to want to get intimate with her. She purposely stuck her butt out in the air, swaying back and forth as she went to 'reach for something'. Her large breasts remained pressed against him as she leaned closer to him, trying to get a reaction. Eren only scoffed, bringing himself away from her, but she only inched closer.
The words, "If you think I'm going to fuck you, I'm not. I'm leaving," left his soft lips as he got off of the soft bed, leaving the girl's delicate heart to decay. He left, leaving her alone in her room to ponder on her misstep.
No matter how much of a player Eren was, he still had feelings many others tended to invalidate. Sure he once found joy in being intimate with different people ― like many others do, but, he was still a man. Aman with feelings, not a mere sex symbol many others wanted to get with.
He enjoyed the way you treated him as if you were friends when he caught you watching a show on your own. He remembered the way he leaned against your door frame, his eyes weary and his lips resting in a soft smile. He viewed you engulfed in a show you watched for a brief second. Your eyes softly lifting to view his presence as he leaned against the door frame, waiting for you to at least speak up. He didn't want to speak up in the moment; he felt a sense of sadness within him.
You could sense his sadness, so you spoke. "Hey, Jaeger, you good? Close the door and come here, if you want to watch, I can see you staring from afar." The way you welcomed him with a smile, after three months of becoming friendly with him, caught him by surprise. He was honestly expecting a 'what do you want?' from you, yet you were welcoming.
As he sat down on your bed, beside you, you gestured for him to move closer to you as you couldn't show him the laptop from a distance. "You can't see from there, come closer, I don't bite, you should know that," You teased, causing him to scoff at your feeble choice of wording.
"I'm surprised you let me watch, Y/n." Eren shyly spoke, a light crimson hue hugging his tanned cheeks. "You seemed as if you wanted to, and you seem off, normally you're the one to speak up or make your presence known. Are you ok?" You asked, your eyes scanning his features as outer banks played in the background.
"I'm fine, thanks for caring." Eren felt a certain warmth in his heart from your words. "You can have a hug if you want, I'm not as big of an ass as I seem to be." You let out, wondering why you were getting so comfortable around him, but it was probably because Eren made you feel so safe and you guys would practically watch shows in your living room 24/7 with the others.
"Sure, just don't try anything weird," Eren uttered. "Jaeger, I'm not like that, I have respect for others, now get your big ass over here." You grumbled, sucking your teeth. Eren only laughed, inching himself closer to you.
You wrapped your arms around him, feeling as he buried his head into your chest. You whispered a few inaudible things into his ear, helping him calm down from the random thoughts that had entered his mind. He felt safe in this moment. As your arms were wrapped around his side, he closed his eyes, burying his head comfortably into your chest — you helped soothe his pain.
"It'll all be okay, Eren, trust me. Don't be afraid to speak to me if you want, I'm here, you're a friend, remember?" You chuckled, your heart stinging from your words. "A friend... Thanks for this, Y/n. I appreciate this, no matter how much of a dick I might be." Eren let out.
"You're a dick, but you're just lost if I'm going to be honest." You uttered, rubbing the back of his neck as you felt your shirt slightly dampen. "Jaeger, I'm sorry ― I didn't mean it like that ― sorry. Shit, cry all you want, I'm here." You called out, feeling as your shirt dampened even more as he quietly cried into your t-shirt.
Eren quietly wept into your t-shirt as you caressed his nape, whispering things in order for him to calm down from the sadness that overtook him. He had so much going on, yet he never knew how to form it into words. He felt as if it would tarnish how people felt about him. He had such a hard time expressing the emotions that overtook his body. He would stare at the fan, planted above his head in the midst of night, as the thoughts and feelings, he didn't know how to handle, plagued his mind.
He never knew how to express himself, so the fact that he had come to you, unknowingly, set a deep feeling of uneasiness within him. But he was grateful he did, as who else would he go to? Armin and Mikasa yes, but he didn't want to crumble in front of their peering eyes. People pitying him, that's what drove him out of granting his thoughts the access to seep from his corrosive mind.
"I'm sorry for bothering you like this," Eren quietly let out. "Don't go soft on me now, Jaeger. As I've said before, I don't mind, no one has to know about this, yeah?" You implored, running your fingers through his hairs that didn't fit in his hair tie. "Don't tell anybody, not even Jean, he won't let me live another day if he finds out." Eren laughed inaudibly.
"Jean won't, he cries worse than you, but it's ok. We both know him so this won't hurt to say, when he cries it's sad because he covers his ears at first whilst he panics. It's scary when he does that because I know it will take a while to calm him down, but it's worth it. Jean's a lot softer than you imagine, Jaeger. He cries on my shoulder and into my shirt too when he's sad, it's normal. " You said to him, grazing the side of your thumb against his neck.
"I've seen all of you cry now. All of you have cried on me now. You, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Marco, the list goes on." You laughed, realising how many of them had cried on you. Yet each time, you had always comforted them which made you happy.
"At least now I feel less embarrassed, I hate crying, it's not my style." He said as he lifted his head up to face you for a brief period of time. "You look pretty when you cry, Jaeger." You honestly spoke, glancing at his face before he went back to his previous position. He remained silent as he listened to your heartbeat, tears flowing continuously.
"I'm here, take your time, ok?" You breathe softly, allowing him to listen to your soft heartbeat that fluttered beneath. "Hm," He mumbled, staining your shirt with tears. "Your shirt smells nice," Eren let leave from his lips as he listened to your heartbeat quicken from his innocent words.
"I know, and so do you." You uttered, glancing at the Paddington poster that rested on your wall. You wondered why you still had it, but you weren't surprised as you have it for years, accidentally taking it with you as you moved from your parents' home to your dorm.
"If you had a place you could go, where would you go, Eren?" You move your hand against his neck, causing him to jolt subtly. "New York, it's beautiful." He spoke, calming down mildly.
"Favourite season?" You asked. "Autumn, I love watching all the trees slowly die out and lose their leaves, it's cool." He croaked out. "Sounds kinda emo to me," You laughed, your chest rising lightly beneath Eren whose hands rested on the back of your shirt, clutching onto the soft fabric. "Do you feel any better, darling?" You asked, your word choice causing Eren to become flustered.
"Kind of, but I want to stay longer. Would you let me? If this is too much you don't have to, Y/n." Eren abruptly spoke softly, his firm grip gently tightening on you as you cradled his pained frame. "Of course, we have a long time, anyway, the others are too busy so they won't mind." You assured him, listening in on how he mumbled inaudible things.
▬▬▬
He never once had the urge to sleep with Amilia, he just couldn't. It was just out of pity so he had a real reason to not want her body for pleasure. Everyone thought he had but he wasn't as big of a hoe as they made him out to be. He had made out with her before but he didn't take it to the next level.
He was a carefully picky guy when it came to who he was going to fuck.
"Keeping it real is the base of loyalty, friendship, or anything in general." You didn't say it out loud, but you thought it was cute how he would empower you in a way, boosting your ego. Nobody had spoken about you in this way for a while, so hearing someone else saying it felt nice.
"Jaeger, you're cool, keep it up and I might buy you food." You sarcastically let out, trying to keep your pent-up emotions buried inside of you as he kept boosting your ego.
"Come on, we're almost there, no more couple talk, yeah?" He let out making you laugh as he said it in a sarcastic tone, purposely trying to make you laugh.
"Is it that funny?" Eren stated, feeling your figure shake as you continued to laugh at the random words.
"I don't know, Jaeger."
"Come on, you don't want to be late."
You sighed, feeling quite sad that you didn't have enough time with Eren. You liked the random conversations you had, and the many times you would purposely annoy him, just so you could entertain your boredom and feed into your desire of being close to him once more.
Your class was in sight, so you removed your grip on Eren's hand and whispered a goodbye to him. You pressed your lips against his briefly, leaving him flustered as you inched away from his figure. You left him alone as he thought of the kiss you had gifted him — you would rarely kiss him in public.
You had to leave him as you didn't want to be seen entering with him straight away. Though you had kissed him, the girls in class would be a different story as the hallways were practically empty.
The kiss made you feel happy...