Thanks for the comments and votes!! I'm sorry that this chapter is short but I will add another chapter soon! I hope you like it. It's the first time you see Teri vunerable so comment and let me know what you think!
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Oh my gosh! What have I done. I ran out of the room without looking back, i didn't want to see the look on Dan's face and straight into the bathroom locking the door. With my back to the door I let my legs collapse and I slid down the door to the floor. Still in shock I brought my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. I started to cry. I couldn't keep it in anymore. So many things made me feel so upset that I was going to burst.
First the fact I was trapped because I feared my own life. I had to be locked up or I would be killed. Death didn't seem so bad at the moment.
Secondly, Scott, I had upset him. We were fine until Dan showed up. Scott was a truly lovely person. Why did I have to ruin it with a stupid kiss? Scott is too good for me. I don't deserve him! I don't deserve anyone. I don't even deserve friends let alone anything more!
Back in england I was hated. That is why I left. My best friend hated me. I don't even know why. One day she just couldn't stand me. I asked her why and I even apologised for whatever I had done. She never told me but eventually she turned everyone against me. I had no one. No one to laugh with, to go out with, to even speak with. I was all alone. The whole time I could only think of one person who would help me, talk to me, but I knew they would never be able to help. Never speak to me again because she couldn't. She was dead. Watching the whole event from heaven. Telling me to be strong but I couldn't.
Thirdly why should such a waste of space be able to live when so many people in that shop died. They probably had great lives that would benefit society much more than I ever could. They would have many people who loved them, Cared for them.
Now the tears just wouldn't stop. I felt my heartbreaking as I sat crying against the door. Since all of this I had never even thought of all of it. Since moving to america to start my new life I had never thought of my old. I had blocked it all from my memory not wanting to be reminded of it. I had not thought of Ang my dead friend who would never be able to do what we had planned. Never laugh again. Never hug me again. Never comfort me again.
All of this broke my heart and the loneliness and grief engulfed me. I rolled over so I was now lay on the floor holding onto me stomach trying to hold myself together but failing completely. I tried to disguise my sobs by putting my head on the soft mat on the floor.
I didn't want Scott or Dan to hear. I didn't want anyone to know that I wasn't as strong as I made out to be. I was never as confident either. The truth was I was a shy, lost heartbroken girl who needed someone to look after her.
Throughout my upbringing I was taught to be tough. Never let anyone say bad things to you. Never cry in front of people. I thought I could do it but the truth is I can't anymore. I want to be able to cry freely and not listen to the people that tell me to stop.
Even after Ang's death I was told that I shouldn't cry. They said it would not help, it wont bring her back. I knew she was gone and she wouldn't come back but crying does help. Bottling everything up like I had done just makes things worse. Things build up and up until you just explode and everything just comes pouring out like it is now.
I want to be who I want to be not who others want to see. Everyone had told me how to live my life. Why can't I live it the way I want? Life is too short to be normal so why not live a little. Be crazy and have fun. Wear whatever I want and not what my parents want me to. Why can't I just be me and be accepted for it!
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Please comment and vote! If I get at more comments I will post early!!