Please make sure you've read all warnings about the types of subject matter that will happen in this book.
If they are triggering to you and/or you aren't in a good headspace, I promise the story will be here for you when you're ready.
"I regret giving you my number. What do you need Ni?" My legs felt so heavy as I trudged through the apartment. My shoulders were slumped and my back ached like I was in my 70's.
I'd been a model today for some local artists. They all used different mediums to capture me in the same pose. I was standing on a pedestal for hours, holding the same position with one arm above my head and one holding the silk draped around my naked body.
I had two painters, a sketch artist, and a sculpture artist. They were all friends so they talked and laughed the whole time, filling the studio with my favorite kind of energy.
My plan for the night was very simple, an Epsom salt bath followed by a lengthy orgasm and a pint of cherry garcia ice cream.
I should have known the second Niall's face appeared on my screen that that would not be the case.
"I'm getting tattooed. Come hang out with us, we'll take you out."
I hung my head and shook it gently, knowing this would be a battle.
"Niall you have the WORST tattoo ideas. Do not get a tattoo. I'm not going anywhere, I'm exhausted and I do not have the energy to watch you be an idiot."
"Too bad, Louis should be at your place any minute. Get your juicy ass downstairs and come hang out with us."
I huffed an annoyed sigh before whining into the phone, "Niall I'm so tired! I just want to rest." to which Niall responded with, "Hey remember when you abandon all of us for three years without so much as a phone call? You owe us. Get. Down. Stairs."
"UGH, I hate you. Bye." I hung up on Niall and stomped my way to my bedroom to change my clothes
I managed to brush through my hair, slide my ass into a pair of jeans and a cami, and zip on a pink sweatshirt before I heard the buzzer go off at my door. I answered in a rush, telling Louis I'd be down in a second.
I slid on some air force ones, grabbed my purse, and made my way downstairs.
"Hey, Stranger." Lou greeted me with a smile and an open packet of cigarettes while I rolled my eyes at him.
"Hey, Shortstack. How'd lucky charms convince you to kidnap me?" I slid the addictive treat out of the carton and let him light it for me before we made our way down the sidewalk, toward the station.
"He didn't have to try very hard, we all miss you. Any opportunity to get your ass back out with us is an opportunity I'm gonna take." He gave me a quick wink and moved behind me as we moved through the crowded streets.
They always walked behind me. There was never a time I remember being with them where I wasn't flanked by them on all sides. Anytime there were people around, especially men, the boys assumed their positions. I never walked next to the road, they always kept me on the other side of the sidewalk. If we were in a parking lot, they were always between me and any moving vehicles.
They did it so subtly that I didn't notice until a man tried to approach me one night while we were out in Miami. We were walking, being loud and rambunctious as college kids do, and a drunk idiot whistled at me and moved toward me, trying to talk to me.
Liam moved directly in front of me, Louis and Zayn each took a large step and placed a hand gently on my back when I flinched away from the man. Niall was on my right and I felt his shoulder suddenly press against my own. Harry was on my left, his hand immediately came out and landed harshly on the man's chest, pushing him away from me before snarling something at him.
The moment felt like the slo-mo scene in Twilight where the van is about to crush Bella... like it took an eternity, but in reality, it was only a 15-second interaction.
It was just a flash of fear, but it was enough.
It was just a flash of fear, but I was so grateful to have my boys.
The first time a man approached me
on the streets of New York, I wanted nothing more than to feel as safe as I did that night.
But I didn't.
Instead, I was pushed back against a wall and groped until I could get my hands free and break his nose.
Liam taught me how to do that, and at the time I always thought the only man I would use it on was Harry.
Today Lou kept a short distance from me, and never laid a hand on me unless someone got too close. Even then it was just a reassuring hand on my back to let me know he was watching.
My sinuses stung, it made me emotional to feel that again after so long. It was so comforting that it made me ache for the past as I did so often.
We shuffled our way into the subway tunnel and got settled quickly on the hard plastic seats. We talked about his cutie girlfriend and I annoyingly insisted on meeting her soon. I told him I didn't want to see his tiny self again unless there was a hot redhead attached to him.
I got pinched for that.
Which led to me pinching him back.
Which quickly escalated to us running through the subway car, dodging each other, and hiding behind pissed-off strangers to avoid getting pinched. By the time we reached our stop my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. We stumbled out of the train like drunk idiots, giggling incessantly.
The walk to the tattoo parlor was short, we continued our light-hearted conversation and laughed all the way up to the door.
I felt the shift as soon as I walked through the door that Louis was holding open. One particular laugh stopped abruptly as I walked in, and I felt the tightness pull painfully in my chest.
His whole body changed the moment he saw me. His shoulders tensed and his nose turned up, going rigid in the exact space he'd been filling with laughter before.
I was never naive enough to think that Harry liked me, even when we were younger and fucking like rabbits. He never enjoyed my company unless I was getting naked. He never hung out with me just to be around me.
I was only there because I had to be, Liam was responsible for me since our parents certainly weren't going to take care of me. I was always with Liam and so were they, so we had no choice but to coexist together. The other boys truly cared about me, I knew that, and while I always felt safe with Harry, I never felt like he cared about me.
He cared if I got off though, so I guess that's better than nothing.
However, even in the moments where I was the most annoying, the brattiest little shit I've ever been, I never felt like Harry hated me.
I could feel it now.
I could feel his hatred for me now, his distaste at my very presence. Like I was a bitter taste in his mouth and the only way he could stomach being around me was against his will or when he could make me small like he did at the studio.
I brushed it off, because what other option did I have, screaming at him in the middle of Lou's business? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
Liam gave me a quick side hug while he drank his beer, Niall gave me a tight squeeze and a quick ass grab which resulted in Liam slapping him upside his head.
"Hey Dimples, you're looking mighty pissy tonight, as usual."
He ignored me, which was not surprising but still stung a little bit. I quickly moved past him to look at the books of art that rested on the shelf behind him.
Louis's portfolio was stunning. I was immediately distracted as I flipped through the pages of his designs, the whole room around me dulled to a low hum.
He specialized in black and grey artwork, realism mostly, which I didn't expect.
"Ni, what are you getting?" I asked absentmindedly while I flipped through the pages of artwork. "I'm thinking some kind of snake or dragon with like a knife thing, real tough yanno?"
My fingers left that book as fast as lightning so that I could turn around and look at him to see if he was kidding.
He wasn't.
"Niall. You are not getting that. Under no circumstances are you getting that permanently inked into your skin. Who the fuck do you think you are!?" I leaned against the counter behind me and couldn't wipe the bewildered expression from my face.
"Well, what else should I get!? That's a very manly tattoo, it's supposed to be hot!" My head hung forward into my hands as I listened to him talk.
"That is is the DUMBEST thing I've heard you say, and you say a lot of dumb shit. You aren't a tattoo guy Niall, and that's okay! You don't need tattoos to be hot, I promise."
"But!-"
I stepped up to him and squished his cheeks together so he couldn't talk anymore, "You don't need tattoos to be hot. The rest of them? They need them to be hot. But not you, you can be hot with naked skin and your glowing personality, Lucky Charms."
I kissed the tip of his nose and let go of his face with a wink before backing away from him.
"Well shit, Ash. You're gonna make me blush. Got me all hot and steamy in here." He fanned his crotch dramatically, and Liam whacked him upside the head.
"Lou, do you do piercings?"
I walked up to a glass case on the other side of the room, full of different body jewelry.
"Nah but I have a girl who does it, why?"
"Do you think you could do it? Have you watched enough?" He walks up to me with an eyebrow raised.
"Probably...why?"
I give him my devilish grin and flip myself back around to face Niall.
"Ni! Come here. We're gonna pierce your ear."
"Oh for fucks sake." A grumpy tone makes its way to my ear from the corner where he's sulking. I can feel the tug as soon as I hear his voice.
"Shut it, Dimples. Nobody asked you." I snapped at him sharply, not wanting him to ruin Niall's fun. He took a long pull from his beer and glared at me over the bottle.
"If I'm getting holes poked in me I'm gonna need a distraction to make me feel better." Niall flung himself onto the chair while Louis grabbed the supplies he needed. He then patted his lap while wiggling his eyebrows at me.
His antics made me laugh, he's such a goofball, how could I tell him no?
"Li, you're gonna want to turn around."
Niall pumped his fists in celebration while Liam groaned and turned to face the wall.
Harry walked quickly toward the front of the building, grabbed a cigarette from Louis' pack on the counter, and shoved it between his lips before turning for the front door.
"Oh my god, Dimples is gonna poison his body like that!? Something must really be rubbing you the wrong way...speaking of rubbing, do you want ass or titties, Ni?"
Louis shook his head at me while Niall erupted in laughter. Harry slammed through the front door, ignoring me completely. Liam had his hands over his ears.
"Let's go for titties, they are looking so luscious this evening." He offered both hands to me to help keep me stable as I crawled on the table/chair. I straddled his lap and sank down onto him, it wasn't the most comfortable but I knew it wouldn't last long, piercings are quick.
Niall's face was pure elation as he stared directly into my chest while Lou marked his ear and opened the needle.
Louis grabbed his ear to steady him and Niall panicked with a loud, "Wait!! Wait. I'm scared. Give me a little shimmy? For good luck?"
I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a quick shimmy shake of my shoulders to shut him up. "Ooh yea. That did it. I'm calm now. Well, not really, but you can stab me now."
Louis snorted at his stupid comment and lined the needle up to his ear. Niall gave my leg a quick squeeze when Louis popped it through but he was well behaved. In just a few seconds it was over, and Niall had a pretty little hoop in his ear.
I crawled down off the table much to Niall's dismay and let him inspect his new accessory. "I like it. Hot?" He looked over at me and I gave a quick nod and a wink, "Hot."
"I hate you two." Liam groaned from the corner as he turned around. Niall took a quick selfie and then promptly turned his attention back to me.
"So what are you getting pierced, Ash?" He gave me his best innocent smile as he sauntered back over.
The door chimed and I felt Harry come back into the room. He brought the cold with him and the breeze that hit my skin made my nipples harden.
I felt the devious smile fill my face at the same time as the idea entered my brain.
"Louis! Pierce my nipples."
A chorus rang out all at the same time,
"Fucking hell, I need another drink."
"Jesus, Fuck."
"HELL YEA!!"
"You sure?"
I nodded at Louis enthusiastically and skipped over to the chair to sit down.
"Me and my beer are going outside. Let me know when you're all ready to go to Rudy's." Liam quickly escaped the room before the chaos ensued. I assumed Harry would follow him but to my surprise, he didn't. I could still feel him sulking in the corner so I decided to test his limits, see if I could get him to bend to me just a little bit.
I removed my shirt and bra and stood where Louis asked me to so that he could mark me up. He didn't blink an eye at the sight of my chest, a true professional through and through. Niall on the other hand was practically drooling, and hovering so close I thought Lou was going to stab him just for fun.
Lou also didn't seem to have any reaction to the fact that Niall and Harry seemed unphased by my bare chest, which made me question just how much he knows.
I took a deep breath like Lou told me to as he put the clamp on and only winced a little bit. I closed my eyes and listen to him countdown the seconds until he finally pushed the needle through.
The air left my lungs so quickly, making me gasp in shock at the pain. My eyes instantly watered and "FUCK!" came ripping out of my mouth.
Niall was on me instantly, letting me squeeze the life out of his hand. Lou froze at first and then slowly put the jewelry in to finish off the first side.
"Are you sure you want to do both?" Lou asked with a look of dread on his face.
"I want both. I want them, but holy fuck that hurts. Ni, can I squeeze your hand again?" He agreed immediately and held my hand tightly, leaving one open.
"Harry, will you hold my other hand? Please?" I pleaded with his shadow, I couldn't turn around to see him.
"Absolutely fucking not. You're on your own, Poppet." He spat out at me in distaste.
"Please. I can't ask Liam to help! Please, Harry, it's only for a second I promise. It just hurts really bad, please hold my hand, I need you." I had turned farther around so that he could see my face. I knew there were tear stains from earlier and that my eyes were still wet, I was praying to God that it worked because I really did need to squeeze his hand.
He stared at me hard for a few seconds before finally pushing off the counter and making his way to us.
His large hand grabbed mine roughly, folding around my own. A shiver ran down my body and I could feel his eyes trace it while it happened, like he knew it would.
"Thank you," I mumbled quickly. He scrolled through his phone, not even acknowledging my presence. I rolled my eyes again and then squeezed them shut when Louis lined up the clamp for my other side. I had a death grip on each hand, and right as the needle went through I felt Harry squeeze my hand back, but really fucking hard.
"OW! What the fuck!?" I ripped my hand away from him and he met my eyes with a shrug. "Didn't feel the needle did ya?" He said with a bored expression.
"Oh...I guess not." I winced as Lou put the jewelry through but it was quick, the squeeze really had distracted me.
"Thanks...I guess," I mumbled toward him while I rubbed my hand.
"Anytime, Poppet." He flashed me a fake ass smile and then adjusted the beanie on his head. He made his way outside then, cool as a cucumber, just waiting with Liam.
I put my bra back on, keeping it snug, and then finished dressing myself while Louis cleaned up. Before long the shop was clean and we were ready to go. While he was locking up for the night Louis informed me that I shouldn't drink for 72 hours, to prevent excess bleeding.
That would have been helpful to know before we were headed out to a karaoke bar...
...
Rudy's was busy, the booths were packed and it was uncomfortably hot inside. We maneuvered our way through the swarm of people to a table in the back.
The lighting was always fun on karaoke nights, purple lighting lit up our section, while some others were doused in yellow or red. The stage was lit up blue, drawing more attention to the words moving across the screen than the people embarrassing themselves on the mic.
I hadn't been here before but it had a familiar feel, probably because it was like every other crowded bar in the city but it was familiar nonetheless.
Things were a little bit awkward when we first got seated, I hadn't been out in this kind of setting with the boys for so long that it was bound to be a little bit weird before it started loosening up, the booze helped with that.
Being the sober one with a group of four drunk men would normally be a terrifying experience but tonight it was perfectly safe and wildly entertaining.
Two rounds of shots got the boys comfortable, the third and fourth round made them very fun, the fifth and sixth made them borderline obnoxious.
Even the grinch himself seemed to have some fun. He stopped flinching when his hand would brush past mine on the way to the nachos, he relaxed into the booth in his seat next to me and didn't seem completely disgusted by my presence, so that was a win.
Niall and Liam were laughing at each other and scheming something in hushed voices that I'm sure they thought were much quieter than they were.
"Hey, dumb and dumber, whatcha plannin' over there?" I asked while I leaned my head back to fill my mouth with nachos. They both went far too quiet and then started laughing like they were the funniest men to ever exist.
I shook my head at them and just watched in amusement as they made their way to the stage and signed up to sing. I have no earthly idea who told them that they can sing but whoever it was fucking lied to them. My poor ears suffered years of abuse at their tone-deaf car concerts. All five of them used to scream songs out like they were the next *NSYNC. It was tragic.
Niall and Harry could at least play instruments, I'll give them that. Harry can sing, which I suppose is good for his profession, but none of them are going to be rockstars anytime soon.
Our table dispersed a little bit, Ni and Liam hovered around the stage mingling and making conversation with the other drunk idiots that were signed up. Louis was still at the table with me, sipping vodka on the rocks and quietly observing his surroundings as per usual.
I was watching Harry. He had gone to the bar for another drink and I just watched the people flock to him like he was a beacon of some shit. Men, women, single, married, it didn't matter, they all wanted to talk to him. He was wearing a sweatshirt and a beanie for god's sake, it's not like he looked that good. I mean, he always looks good, it's fucking infuriating how his sex appeal radiates from him even in sweatpants, but I always thought that was just a me thing.
I watched him smile and laugh with them, fully engaged in conversations, eye contact, and all, and it made me feel angry. He was so charming with them, so lighthearted and charismatic that strangers in a bar just feel like he's approachable and then he'd look at me and be stone cold. Ice and sharpness and cruel toned jabs, no warmth or charm to be found.
He hated me so obviously and publicly that it was almost embarrassing, but on the same hand he spit in my fucking mouth the last time I saw him, so this dude was going to give me emotional whiplash.
I would not stand for it. I was tired of letting him affect me so much. I'm a strong woman. I look out for myself above anyone else because I have to. I will be damned if I'm going to let some fucking man turn me into a whimpering puddle of self-doubt.
...
"Fuck! fuck, fuck, fuck, please, Harry. Pleeeeeease" I whimpered into his neck while his fingers fucked up into me faster.
"Shut the fuck up." His hand pulled harshly on my hair, pulling me away from his body like he couldn't stand me touching him. He used to pull me to him. He used to cling to my body like he couldn't get enough of me, but not anymore.
One of my arms was against the bathroom stall for support while the other grasped his arm tightly, my foot was up on the toilet seat which I knew was disgusting but hey, that's what shoes are for. He had my pants shoved down my thighs and my underwear pushed to the side as he relentlessly tortured me with his fingers.
Every time I got close to a release he would stop. He would rip his hand away from me and tell me I didn't deserve it. I was on the verge of tears after the third time but I just couldn't tell him to go away.
I should have known letting him drag me into that bathroom would end in tears.
I had just finished watching Liam and Niall's god-awful rendition of "Hit me Baby One More Time," Louis and I were laughing so hard that we were in tears. I was sweating from laughing so hard. I needed another soda water and lime so I made my way up to the bar quickly while they were preparing for the next performance.
I knew Harry was at the bar, I'd been watching him for like twenty minutes and I'm not very subtle so I'm sure he knew I was watching, but when I approached the bar he continued to ignore me like I didn't exist.
I had my bad bitch panties on tonight though, I was unphased. I ordered my bubbly water with a sweet smile and a heavy dose of cleavage that made the bartender lick his bottom lip. I gave him a quick wink and turned around to rest against the bar while I watched a very intoxicated blonde sing "I Kissed a Girl."
The soda water tickled my lips as I sipped it slowly and I grinned when I felt my chest heat. I could feel his eyes on me now. He was getting sloppy with his freeze out because he was drinking and I swear my skin burned where his eyes traced the length of my body.
"Toxic" filled the room, playing loudly from the speakers. The gasp of joy was perfectly in sync as people recognized the iconic song.
No karaoke machine was needed for this one, every woman and most men were singing along loudly, myself included.
I got a little too cocky when I decided to meet his eyes over the edge of my glass. I just couldn't help myself. The pretty little brunette in front of him noticed that he was distracted momentarily so I decided to intervene.
I walked over quickly and then I fumbled out the words that would ultimately lead to the frustrating predicament in the bathroom stall, "Babe don't waste your time with this one, he's an asshole and he's shit in bed. He'll leave before you get a chance to finish yourself off...that brunette over there though? In the Nike sweater? He'll rock your fuckin world, scouts honor."
The cute little drunk girl smiled at me and giggled a little bit before giving Harry a disappointing look. She thanked me for the heads up and made her way over toward our table.
I immediately erupted with laughter. A fit of giggles that I could not stop. My stomach started to hurt from being so contracted and I only laughed harder when Harry grabbed my hand and drug me toward the dark hallway in the back of the bar.
"Oh fuck that was too easy. She just fucking dipped. She was out. Ahahahaha!" There were tears in my eyes and I was gasping for breath to get the words out.
My back slammed against the wall as Harry's hand held my jaw and throat roughly. "You think you're soo funny huh?" Bad in bed? What a fucking joke." His lips quickly pressed to my ear, making my laughter halt and replacing it with shallow and shaky breaths.
"How many times have I made you cum while you screamed my name? You're gonna tell me you weren't satisfied when you soaked my fingers or my cock every weekend? Used to feel your legs quiver around my head while I licked you clean." My thighs clenched at the thought.
"Bet you're soaking yourself right now." He growled into my neck while his hand trailed down my stomach.
I looked him dead in the eyes when I responded, "Wanna find out?"
He pulled me to him by the throat but stopped himself before his lips met mine. He was breathing heavily now, his eyes were dark and the vein in his neck was straining against his skin. I wanted to lick it so bad.
He released me and spin me around, pushing me into the women's bathroom. He quickly ushered me into the tiny room and locked the door behind us. He gave me a hard look which I knew meant " Be Quiet" but it made me shiver anyway.
He made quick work of unbuttoning my pants, roughly tugging them down my legs. He positioned my legs how he wanted, I had to grip the wall for support with my legs so unstable like this.
He said nothing to me as he pulled my jaw open and lifted two fingers to my mouth. I welcomed them with my tongue and sucked on them slowly, enjoying the brief melt to his features as his lips parted and his eyes fluttered closed for half of a second.
It didn't last long though, the harshness returned as he pulled them out and immediately brought them down to flick my clit over the thin fabric of my underwear. It made me jump, a small gasp entered my lungs.
He gripped my delicate panties and shoved them to the side, immediately running his long fingers up and down my puffy lips. I felt so overstimulated being in this dark little bathroom, unable to move my legs, drunk off the smell of him and the feel of his hands on my body after so many years. My head rolled back and I hummed out a satisfied groan at the feel of his rings still on his fingers. I knew they would hurt inside of me but I couldn't seem to care.
He slipped two fingers into me without any warning, burying them to the hilt and then immediately pulling them out. He pinched my clit between his thumb and his wet finger and then plunged back into me again.
My body had no clue how to react, I was just spasming from the intense feelings, gasping and grasping whatever I could hold onto.
He continued that game of fucking and pinching until my legs were shaking and then he stopped entirely.
Then he played a new game of just rubbing vicious circles on my clit while he choked me. My whole body was shaking when he stopped that time.
The third time he gave my clit a break and just massaged my g spot like a jackhammer, which led us here, with me begging for a release and him telling me to shut the fuck up.
He pulled his hand away from me again and I couldn't stop the tears. I needed an orgasm so badly, my body was so sore and I was mentally exhausted from the rollercoaster of stimulation.
"Look at you, Miss independent woman. Bad bitch Ashton, with her legs spread in a grimey bar bathroom, crying for me. Crying for an orgasm from a man who hates her. Not so tough now are you Poppet?" He mocked me while I tried to compose myself, but he kept his hand between my legs.
"Fuck you," I said through the sniffles as I tried to wipe the tears from my face.
"You wanna cum?" He swiped his finger over my abused clit and I cried out, gripping his arm even tighter than before.
"Yes! Yes you fucking asshole, I want to cum." I spit the words out at him between gritted teeth and then my mouth fell open when he slid two fingers back into me.
He held the back of my head by my hair again as he worked into me at a steady pace. He wasn't rough this time, just hard enough to make it feel good, and his thumb was brushing softly against my swollen clit.
His mouth hovered over mine, never touching me but close enough to drive me mad.
It only took a few strokes before I could feel it building again. I was scared to tell him or let him know because if he denied me again I was going to collapse and sob on this bathroom floor.
He knew my body too well though. He felt even the smallest of clenches around his fingers and he knew what was coming. It was so strong now, the knot in my stomach felt huge. There were more tears welling in my eyes from the overwhelming pressure.
"Come on Poppet, be a good girl, let go. I'll let you have this one." He whispered into my ear before licking a strip down my neck. My whole body froze and tensed as my orgasm overtook me. A moan escaped his lips when he brought them to hover over mine again as he worked me through it, the sound of his soaking wet fingers plunging into me was the only thing I could hear, all my senses had been fried in the heat of my release. There was nothing else but that sound and the feel of his fingers inside me.
Nothing else mattered until my ears heard the words he was whispering into my mouth. They almost sounded like a plea or a prayer.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."
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hey, hi, hello!
I'm so sorry it's been so long since i updated this story for you. i had only intended to skip one update in order to work on chrysalis, but life just got a little overwhelming and time got away from me.
if you're needing a little extra magnetic fix in your life, there is a playlist on spotify! the link to it will be in the thread of my pinned tweet.
you can find me on twitter @/ stachestyles_
there is also a magnetic harry account now which was a surprise to me, but is fun! they get sneak peeks at the chapters before they come out so look for some fun clues and interactions there @/ magneticharry_
i'm excited for this story. i hope you are too. i love you, endlessly.
thanks for being here. 🖤 mo