MAGNETIC [H.S.]

31. rippin' my heart out

Harry's apartment was concerning, to say the least. Not to me, because I'd been living the same way, but an outsider would have been concerned. I could feel the shame roll off his shoulders and permeate the air. It was like he didn't consider what his place looked like when he invited me over.

I didn't want him to feel bad, the pizza boxes, dried-out cereal bowls, tissues, booze bottles, ashtrays, dirty clothes, and dust were all things that I'd become all too familiar with. There was cat food all over the floor, the garbage was piled up the wall instead of being taken out, it was a familiar scene. It was exactly what my apartment would have looked like if I hadn't been at Liam's.

"So you've been doing well, huh?"

"I didn't uh- I, you should just go. This is-" I pinched his lips closed between my thumb and index finger before he said something stupid.

"This is normal. When the world feels like it's ended who the fuck is worried about housekeeping? Go get the garbage bags and the broom." I watched a small, sad smile twitch at the corner of his mouth before he turned away from me and went to get supplies.

I kept my shoes on, just in case he broke a few bottles and forgot about it, lord knows I had. I made it across the living room to the dark curtains that were blocking out the light, and I pushed them open. I opened the windows and the blinds to let some air in, Evie seemed to appreciate that. She jumped into the first available windowsill and soaked in the late afternoon sun.

We worked quietly for a while, just the sound of us shaking out garbage bags and dishes being stacked in the sink. We were both still fully dressed in our funeral attire, down to the shoes. We got the garbage picked first up and Harry started taking loads of bags downstairs to the dumpster. I found his vacuum in the coat closet that doubled as a shoe closet and got to work from there. Evie glared at me anytime I dared to be in her vicinity with that contraption, but she was happy that the rug was soft again, I knew she'd be laying on her sunspot there in the morning.

When all the garbage was gone and the floors were clean we started on the dishes. Harry took his suit jacket off to wash, his hair was still long enough that it flopped in front of his eyes when he looked down. I got tired of watching him toss his neck trying to move it so I dug a clip out of my purse and pinned it back and out of his face. He rolled his eyes up to see if it would fall and then he flashed me a lightning-quick dimple and said "thanks poppet."

He'd turned on some music when he got back upstairs and I was finally piecing together that I knew the playlist, "Is this the playlist from senior year?" He nodded with a small smirk and handed me another dish to dry. "Oh my god, I haven't heard some of these in years!" We finished off the dishes in the sink while we swayed and mouthed the words to Drake songs and Post Malone. That was the year I loved Ariana Grande and I remember Harry getting so pissy when I would sneak her songs onto his precious playlist.

Harry's hip bumped against mine while we finished up the dishes and he gestured toward the bedroom over his shoulder. "We should change, I'll pull out some clothes?" I nodded in agreement and went to the bathroom while he did that. I wanted to wash the makeup off my face, it felt foreign after my skin was bare for those couple of weeks. I found myself opening his drawers and digging through them for a soft towel with no apparent regard for his privacy. I don't even think my mind registered that I was invading his privacy until I was reading 'Lexapro' off the label of a little orange bottle.