The whole night, Jax had been watching me like a lion watches a gazelle. He followed my every move with his eyes, watching me from afar, as though he was simply waiting for me to separate from the group. Or in this case, from Carter.
At first, I stuck to Carter's side because I knew it was making Jax angry. Now, however, I'm more concerned that the moment I leave, Jax will say something to me. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. If I never had to look at him again, I would be thrilled.
I was surprised that no one had said anything about the way Jax was staring at me. To me, it felt like a dead give away that something was wrong, that something was amiss. I'm not sure if no one noticed, or more than likely just no one cared.
I tried to remember what I usually did when we all drank together. It's usually the only time I don't think twice about my actions. Not tonight, though. I tried my hardest to act normal, not to give anyone any clues. I drank when someone offered me a booze, I smoked when someone offered me a joint. What else did I normally do? I felt like an alien trying to pretend I was human.
Carter had been increasingly touchy, he was always trying to find a way to touch me, as if he was staking his claim in front of the other guys. At first it was just his hand on my back, and then his arm around my shoulder. The alcohol that I had consumed had made it less intolerable. When he eventually pulled me into his lap, while we were all seated around the table, I barely even flinched. Well, I was sure that I didn't flinch. My body and face seemed intent on not conveying any emotion.
I thought I was doing fairly well at pretending to be me. The old me. Pre Jax me.
The curious glances I was getting from Olivia and Trinity told me I wasn't doing as good of a job as I thought. Zane's narrowed eyes watched me with curiousity. Cain seemed to look at me when he was expecting me to do something, like when a certain song came on, or when my cup ran empty. Tyler and Benji didn't seem to notice, which was comforting in a sense. At least I wasn't totally giving myself away.
None the less, it was emotionally exhausting.
So I did something I had never expected to want to do while drinking. I laid my head over Carter's shoulder and pretended to fall asleep.
It wasn't hard, I was a fairly good actor by now. I'd like to think I was, anyways. I acted like I was happy. I acted like I enjoyed the company of most of the people here. I acted like I wasn't drowning in my own mind. And no one ever thought the contrary.
"She asleep?" I heard Zane's voice ask. I had been slowing my breath down for the last five minutes, focusing on keeping it a rhythm. The darkly tinted sunglasses I had refused to take off all day were still perched on my face. I slowly opened my eyes, trusting that the dark of the night and the dark glass would hide them completely.
The rest of the group had left to other parts of the yard. Olivia and Noah were in the hot tub and Jax, Tyler and Trinity were gathered around the fire pit, leaving only Cain and Zane sitting around the glass patio table with us. They were both peering down at me. Cain's eyes were focused on Carter's hands, which were completely wrapped around my torso, both supporting my weight and keeping me from falling. Zane was looking at my face with the same observing look he had worn all morning.
"Yeah, she's out cold." Carter answered, his hand gently stroking up and down my arm.
"Good. She seemed exhausted earlier." Zane replied, leaning back in his chair.
"So, are you guys a thing now?" Cain asked, and even in the dark I could see his jaw was tensed.
Carter hesitated for a moment. "We're just hanging out."
The other two both nodded. There was a silence while Cain lit a cigarette, offering one to Zane who shook his head in response.
"Do you guys know what's going on with Jax?" Carter asked the two of them.
I had to will my breathing not to spike in pace.
"He was in a shit mood all day. He would barely talk to me while we are on the boat. Then, when Seren and I were talking down at the dock, he basically demanded she leave and go back to the house with him." Carter continued.
I watched as Zane shot Cain a look. It was quick, but it seemed meaningful.
"Do you think there's something going on with them?" Carter asked.
Zane answered this time. "He's probably just jealous. We've all seen the way he looks at her." Cain nodded in head in agreement.
So they did notice, but from the way Zane said it, it sounded like Jax had been staring at me like this for a while. How could I have not noticed before? Why was no one else alarmed?
"You don't think they were together or anything, do you?"
Cain chuckled slightly as he shook his head. "What's the first thing you would do if you were dating Seren?"
Carter laughed quietly, I could tell he was trying his best to stay still, so he wouldn't wake me. "I'd tell everyone."
Of course he would. I'm just a prize to be won, after all. Or taken. By force.
Zane frowned briefly at Carter's words.
"Jax would have told us. Definitely." Cain concluded, glancing back down at me. "You'll have to get used to it, if it works out I mean."
"I don't know. I mean I've seen the way you all look at her. Yet he's the only one who seems to have a problem." Carter mused, and I briefly felt him stiffen beneath me. "I'm not scared of a little competition. I just don't want her to feel awkward about it."
"I don't think Seren even notices, honestly." Cain muttered before taking a drink out of his plastic red cup.
Zane's eyes hadn't moved from my face in a long time. I would have thought my act was up, and he knew I was not really asleep, had it not been for the fact he looked lost in thought, a million miles away.
"How did she seem today?" Zane asked suddenly.
"Uh, normal. I guess." Carter answered.
See? Normal. Because nothing happened. It's like the more I repeated it to myself, the truer it would become.
Hopefully.
Maybe.
"I think everyone else turned in." Cain noted after a moment. My eyes glanced over the perfectly decorated back yard, we were alone. I wonder how long ago everyone left.
"I guess I'll carry her in." Carter said.
That was my cue. I wasn't above pretending to sleep on him, slouched over his shoulder, but I was sure as fuck above being carried to bed like a child.
I slowly moved my neck, nuzzling slightly against Carter's shirt before craning my head upwards, like I wasn't sure where I was. Carter looked down at me when he noticed my movements, a smile crept onto his face.
"Hey, sleepy head. We were just about to go inside. I can carry you, if you want to go back to sleep." Carter said softly. I had to give it to him, he could be pretty sweet after all.
I shook my head, pulling my upper body upright before sneaking a hand under my glasses to wipe my eyes. "That's okay. I can walk."
"Sure." He said, letting his arms fall from my waist so I could stand up.
I felt like I should acknowledge Zane and Cain's presence, maybe because I just eavesdropped on the last hour of their conversation, but I didn't want to. So I didn't. I turned and walked away without another word.
The house was quiet as I entered. I had no idea what time it was, but it was late enough that everyone else was sleeping. Once I was in the house, I felt painfully exposed. I was still in my bikini, the warmth from Carter's body had fended off a chill. Not here though, I was all alone again.
Just as I reached my door, a sudden jolt of unease shook my body. My fingers caressed the door knob as a brief flashback of last night entered my mind. I had walked into the room, just in my bikini as I was now, not a worry for my safety present in my mind. I didn't want to go back into this room, where Jax knew I would be. I could lock the door, but I didn't have much confidence in the flimsy knob lock.
"You okay?" Carter's voice interrupted my thoughts. I probably looked like a fool, just standing here idly in front of the closed door.
"Seren?" Zane asked. Zane's voice prompted me to turn my head, finding the three boys watching me cautiously. How long had they been there? How long had I been here?
"I don't want to sleep in here." I said flatly, praying they wouldn't ask for an explanation.
Zane's eyes narrowed. Was he angry? Was I annoying him? I was being needy.
Come on, Seren. Just go in the room, and go to sleep. They're going to know somethings up.
But I couldn't.
Carter scratched the back of his neck. "I can sleep in here with you, if you want."
"No, I don't want to sleep in this room." I repeated.
There was an awkward pause, they didn't know what to say. "The three of us are in the bunk bed room. There's an extra one, if you want." Carter finally answered.
I nodded, waiting for them to lead the way. I didn't know where any of the rooms were besides this one. I stayed in this room every time I stayed at Carter's lake house.
The boys walked by me, seemingly understanding I wanted to follow them. Cain reached the door first, and opened it, while the other two followed him in.
The room looked like a kids room, with two bunk beds, one one each side of the room, all with single beds. I briefly wondered why Carter was sleeping here, assuming he would have had the master bedroom since it was his house. I didn't care enough to ask.
I made my way to the unmade bed. It was the bottom bunk, which I was disappointed by. It would be harder for Jax to get to me if I was on the top bunk. It would be harder for anyone to get to me. I climbed into the blankets, laying flat on my back. The boys quickly jumped into their own beds. No one spoke, because I don't think anyone understood what was happening.
"Night." One of them said. Cain maybe.
"Goodnight." Zane answered.
"Night." Carter joined in.
I didn't bother saying anything.