Legs tangled under the sheets, sliding against each other with every movement. Feeling her soft, delicate skin everywhere we touched. Her chest heaving under me with every breath she took, heart beating directly under me, ringing in my ears. My hand on her abdomen, caressing her taut muscles with my fingertips, tracing over their defined shape.
Her arm around my back, holding me close to her as if I were about to disappear any second, drawing mindless circles into the soft skin, disturbed by scars I couldn't hide. But she didn't seem to mind any of it; if anything, it's like she loved me even more for all of them. The other hand tangled in my ruffled locks, undoing the small knots and scratching my skull, making me purr into the touch and inhale her comforting scent deeply.
We've been like this for a while. Just the two of us. With the sun setting behind us, bathing the room in orange light. At this moment, I forgot about everything. Everyone. It was just the two of us; Lisa and I. No one else in the world existed. Time stopped. I couldn't hear or focus on anything other than the sound of her heart, its beating matching my own, her breath hitting my skin.
I've always dreamt of this, whether it was a nightmare or a blissful dream; this was all I've ever wanted. I used to think the only way to get here was by flying up high, reaching the skies, and entering heaven where everything was perfect; where everything was ideal. But I knew, now more sure than ever, that heaven wasn't up there but right here; in Lisa's arm. Everything I needed was on the ground, waiting to be rediscovered, and I was glad I didn't miss it. That despite all the hardships I pulled through. Because finally, after what felt like an eternity, I found heaven.
My lips made contact with her skin, placing a delicate kiss on her sternum as I exhaled with a smile now permanently etched into my face. Well, maybe not permanently because, after all, things change. But for now, it felt like it would last for an eternity. I couldn't think of a single reason I would ever be unhappy again, and I refused to give it more thought. Because right at this moment, I was here, and that was all that mattered. All that mattered was I was finally home again.
I almost forgot what it felt like - to be home. Almost forgot that it wasn't a place but a person's arms encircling your body and shielding you from the horrors of the real world. It wasn't a college dorm room, a mansion in Seoul, a penthouse in Manhattan, or a loft in Brooklyn. It was Lisa, always has been. And as long as I was with her, no matter where I would always be home. Always.
In just the last couple of hours, I felt more loved than in the entire three years that we've spent apart. Even before she told me, I could feel it, though I refused to let myself believe it was love. Because the word felt so foreign to me now; so unrealistic. Like a fairytale, you read to children at night just before they fall asleep. Something made up to give you hope in the world that's soon to crush you. I refused to hope that there was any love in her heart reserved for me when all we've done was hurt each other.
Yet there was, and I could feel it so strongly. I could feel it in every kiss, the way her lips caressed mine, our tongues dancing, feeling each other. I could feel it in the touches that were so delicate, as if she was worried she would hurt me or trigger a memory; as if I was fragile goods, having to be taken care of with the utmost delicacy. To some, it might seem annoying, irritating even, but to me it meant everything. It was the safety and the reassurance I so desperately needed. And she understood even though I didn't tell her. She knew exactly what I needed and gave it to me in the best way she could. And that alone spoke the three words louder than anything could.
Because she showed me with her actions, just how much she cared; just how much she loved me. When she nudged my nose with hers, welcoming me back, I felt the overwhelming love flooding out of her beautiful eyes, staring straight into my broken soul, and unknowingly mending all the pieces back together. I felt it in the kiss we shared afterward, short of hunger but so full of passion and emotions we were suppressing for far too long. And I felt it when I lied down on her chest and her arms immediately pulled me closer, seeking the contact and body heat.
It never felt like this before, not even in college when we were just two love-struck idiots wearing pink glasses and ignoring everything going on around us. It's like our love was just starting then, even though I thought it was ripe already like it was the best it could be. But as we endured the separation, our feelings - despite being apart, kept maturing and it was now stronger than ever. The butterflies, the heart flutters, the way my skin tingled, I could feel all of it and so much more. I could never put it into words, just how different, better, it felt. But it was everything I could've ever wanted. And I was sure I wanted this for the rest of my life. Because I knew that now that I got a taste of it, I could never go back to how it used to be.
She was mine, and I was hers. Even if I wasn't, I would always be hers. No ring could change that, especially not when she gave me one first. And at the thought, my eyes drifted to the golden ring sitting on my index finger, twinkling in the soft, fading light, and I smiled. I smiled because it was a promise that I now knew she kept. One that no other could ever break. Because no matter what happened, no matter how many times we'd cut the red string tying us together, somehow it would always mend.
Soulmates, fate, destiny; I was never one to believe in fairytales. Not until I met her. And now I was utterly convinced she was my ending, just as she was my beginning. That even if the journey was, and would continue being, difficult and filled with hardships, we were meant to be. Meant to end up in each other's arms at night, listening to our synced hearts only beating for one another.
Dreams do come true if you wait long enough. I know mine did. No matter how unrealistic and impossible it might have seemed, I made it. I was here, an arm draped over her torso, head resting on her chest. This was all I've ever wanted. And finally, after so long, I got my wish. Even with the obstacles still in place, I knew this was a start and that we would work through this, this time hand in hand. There were still things stopping us from our happy ending, but I was now more willing than ever to do everything in my power to die happy; to die with her. To live out my life in her arms, falling asleep in her embrace for the rest of my days, not in hiding, but in plain sight, untouchable by the world.
"I could stay like this forever," I confessed and Lisa's fingers, in both my hair and on my back, stilled for a brief moment before she leaned down, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head with a smile, her fingers resuming their motion.
"Me too,"
"I've dreamt of this for so long that it feels surreal to, finally, be here... with you,"
"I know," she agreed, "I feel like any moment now I'll wake up and you won't be here. Like all of this is just a dream,"
"You can hold my hand too, you know? When you get scared,"
"I'm not scared," she disagreed, "I just don't want this to end. Even if it was a dream, I would never want to wake up,"
"I don't want this to end either. After all this, I can't imagine being apart from you again,"
"Then stay,"
"You know it's a little more complicated than that," I sighed sadly, pecking the skin beneath me, "But I will do everything in my power to come back, for good,"
"It's not that complicated though. You could stay here. No one can drag you out. You don't have to go back,"
"They'll come looking for me. I can't be hiding in here. You know that,"
"Yes, you can. Besides, you wouldn't be hiding, you'd just be..." she trailed off, trying to find the right word to use but coming out empty-handed, "hiding," she sighed.
"I don't want to hide, Lisa,"
"I know you don't, and I don't want you to either, but it would only be for a short while until we'd figure out what to do next. I don't want you to go back there. We both know what will happen if you do,"
"Yeah... we do. But I don't have any other choice. If I stay here and he finds out..."
"What? What will he do?" she asked, but I stayed silent, "Exactly, nothing. He can't hurt you whilst you're gone,"
"Maybe not," I moved up slightly, burying my face in the crook of her neck and inhaling deeply, "But he can hurt you,"
"No, he can't," Lisa disagreed firmly, clearly convinced by her statement that I knew was just wishful thinking. Not only could he ruin her career, but now, after finding the gun and the possible connection to her brother, I couldn't be sure he wouldn't end it altogether. Especially as I remembered the phone call I overheard; the threat he spoke so clearly. I couldn't risk it. I wouldn't.
"He could get you fired," I decided not to mention my other thoughts. It would be better if she didn't know anyway, "Absolutely ruin your career,"
"As far as I'm concerned, he's not my boss anymore,"
"Maybe not, but Ashley is his minion. What he says goes,"
"I don't think so," she shook her head against mine.
"Trust me, she'll do everything he tells her to,"
"I get why you'd think that but I really don't think that's the case,"
"Why?"
"Remember when I came to see you at the hospital?" she reminded and all the questions I've forgotten about came to life once more. I still had no idea how she knew where I was or anything. The whole thing remained a mystery, and now that she mentioned it, I grew nervous, my heart picking its pace.
"Yeah, I meant to ask you about that. How did you even-"
"Ashley," she cut me off before I could ask the question weighing on my mind heavily.
"What?" I asked in confusion, "What about her?"
When she didn't say anything, I lifted myself off of her slightly, meeting her eyes with a questioning raise of my brows. She said nothing, however. Instead, she reached forward, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear with a gentle smile gracing her full lips, "You're so beautiful," she whispered and I watched her eyes widen slightly as she spoke, clearly not meaning to say it out loud.
With a smile of my own, I leaned down, catching her lips between mine and kissing her tenderly, savoring her taste, and pulling away. Not before brushing my nose against hers, though, making her scrunch it up adorably.
"So?" I prodded, curious about the story behind the unexpected visit.
"I was at work," she sighed, recalling the memories from over two months ago, "It was a day like any other. I had a lot of work to get done as the deadline was nearing. I actually planned on staying in after office hours just to get even more work done so it wouldn't all pile up last minute. Suddenly, in the midst of editing, I heard a knock on my office door. It was strange because no one usually comes to see me that late considering most people would have had already left or would be on their way home.
When I told them to come in, Ashley walked in. I thought that maybe she'd want to talk to me about some of the pictures I've sent her a few days ago, but she looked to be in distress, completely out of it. Usually, she appears so put together, like she knows exactly what she's doing; completely composed and a little intimidating, if I'm being honest. But this time she almost looked as if she had been crying before she came. It was a really weird contrast to her usual self I was used to.
Before I got the chance to say anything, too taken aback by her appearance to even greet her, she was standing before me, handing me a piece of paper. I took it and saw a name of a hospital and a room number. I didn't even get the chance to ask. She just told me to go to the address and get there as soon as I could. She told me not to bring my camera with me, though, which only confused me further. But she kept standing there, waiting for me to make a move, so I picked up my stuff and left the office.
I wasn't sure where I was going and honestly. I had no idea what it was about at all, but then I arrived at the hospital and saw Chanyeol walking out and getting into his car. The second I saw him, I thought of the worst. We haven't talked in a while, since you found out the truth and I had no idea what was going on with you. I was so worried I almost left my bike in the middle of the road," she chuckled softly and my frown deepened despite the melodious sound.
"Honestly, at that moment, I forgot about the note Ashley gave me and I just ran up to the reception, asking if you were hospitalized. They told me you were but refused to give me your room number because I'm not family. I begged them to tell me, but they wouldn't. That's when I remembered the note. Something took over me and I went to the elevator and the room number written on the paper. It was your room,"
"What?"
"Yeah... "
"How did she—... What?" I couldn't wrap my head around the newly acquired information. Why on earth would Ashley tell Lisa to come to see me? Was this another sick ploy of my husband? Did he put her up to that? I mean, he must have, right? Ashley didn't know me, didn't know about my past. There was no way she could've known anything or that she could be on my side... right?
But then I remembered the phone call. Ashley called Chanyeol back into the office and he looked positively unhappy about the news, although I was being an "ungrateful bitch". If it was his idea, surely he would have stayed, or at least he wouldn't have been pissed to have to leave, right?
It couldn't have been a ploy, though. At that time, I wasn't seeing Lisa anymore. He told me about her brother; he knew I came to see her break things off. He thought I hated her and that I'd never want to see her again. And that was what he wanted all along. It made no sense for him to want to put her back into my life after trying to get her out.
"I don't know," she shook her head at the unspoken question, "I have no idea why she gave me the address,"
"She called Chanyeol," I told her, "She told him he was needed at the office. He left just a few minutes before you arrived,"
"That's strange," she agreed, "It's like she wanted us to be together,"
"But that makes no sense, she's like his right-hand woman. From what I know she's a friend and someone he trusts. Why on earth would she do that?"
"I have no idea,"
"Did you ever say anything about me to anyone at the office?" I asked, not accusing but genuinely curious, trying to find a motive for the CEO.
"No," Lisa answered quickly, "I haven't told anyone anything. I would never do that to you,"
"I know," I assured, pecking the tip of her nose, "I just... I'm trying to wrap my head around this. It makes absolutely zero sense... What did Michael say when he saw you at the door?"
"Nothing," she shrugged, "He just smiled and let me in,"
"Just like that?"
"Just like that," she agreed.
"He didn't look surprised or anything?"
"No, its almost like he expected to see me,"
"What the heck... " my thoughts roamed free but I couldn't come up with an answer, not even a conspiracy. None of it made any sense. Ashley, Lisa, Michael, none of them fit into one picture.
"Maybe try asking Michael about it when you see him next?"
"Yeah, I definitely will," I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thoughts that went nowhere anyway, and laid back down on Lisa's chest. There would be a lot more time to overthink some other time, but right now, I wanted to focus on the present.
Right now, the past didn't matter. All I wanted to be aware of was Lisa, her hands on me, her body heating mine under the covers. I couldn't come up with any answers, and I wouldn't be getting any, any time soon, so why bother thinking about them when I had the most beautiful woman I've ever seen naked beneath me, holding me close. I would be insane if I let my thoughts distract me from this moment.
However, now that we've started talking, weariness had worn off. Just moments ago I was ready to fall asleep to the sound of her heart beating and the feeling of her fingers deftly playing with my hair. But now, sleep was the last thing on my mind.
She answered one of the many questions I had, and I couldn't help but wish to know more. Though I wanted to focus on her, and on the intimate moment we were sharing, I couldn't stop the thoughts I tried to forget about from reappearing. I was curious and, quite frankly, impatient, and I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep now when my mind was running free like it just escaped its confines and went on to enjoy life for the first time.
"I've been wondering," I started, my fingers skimming her skin, occasionally making her shiver, causing me to smile against her skin as I'd kiss her.
"About?"
"How did you and Sooyoung... I mean, how do you even know each other? One would think you guys wouldn't talk ever again after what happened in college," I explained, trying not to let on just how jealous I was and how the mere thought of them together made me beyond annoyed.
"She used to work at YG for a while. I ignored her, but she insisted we bury the hatchet, that she's changed and isn't a bitch anymore, and whatnot. Honestly, I didn't want to have anything to do with her at first, but she was pretty persistent and since we worked together, it was hard to steer clear of her. Over time, we actually sort of became friends,"
"Oh,"
"We were never a thing," she quickly jumped in, not wanting me to arrive at my own conclusion that she knew could be pretty destructive when I overthought, "She had a girlfriend at the time, this girl Yeri. We met up a few times for drinks and stuff, but yeah, we were always just friends. Not exactly close ones though, more like friendly coworkers really,"
"So what was the thing that happened earlier all about?" I tried to stop myself from asking, but the words came out bitterly before I got the chance to stop them. Lisa, however, only tightened her arms around me, bringing me closer as if worried I'd leave. As if. No matter what happened in the past, I was determined to never leave her side again, even if my jealousy was getting the better of me.
"Sooyoung and her girlfriend broke up a couple of months ago and when I saw you at the ball I just... something inside me broke. I was trying so hard to forget you and suddenly you were standing right in front of me, absolutely stunning, having a husband and expecting. I couldn't take it so I... I went to see Sooyoung and I... "
"And you what?"
"We hooked up," she breathed, and I tensed because though I knew it happened, I hated it. Absolutely loathed the thought of her with someone else.
"I was angry and jealous, and drunk. I just, I guess I wanted to get revenge somehow, so I went to her, and yeah... It never meant anything to me, though. I promise. Ever since you left I... I'm ashamed of myself, honestly. I've just been sleeping around trying to forget you. You know the saying 'Get over them by getting under someone else,'. I guess I tried to put it to the test. Trust me, it doesn't work,"
"Have you been with anyone since we... " I trailed off, biting my tongue as soon as I spoke the question, worried to hear the answer. I didn't want to hear that she was still hooking up with other people when we were figuring stuff out after I came to see her in here for the first time. Even though I knew I had no right to be jealous. We weren't together. She had every right to do whatever she wanted.
"No," she interjected quickly, "Not once,"
"Okay," I spoke quietly, nuzzling my nose against her chest.
"Are you angry with me?" she asked tentatively.
"No," I answered honestly, "I'm not angry,"
"Are you sure?"
"You have every right to see other people, so yes, I'm sure,"
"I know we aren't together," she spoke sadly, "But I would never be with anyone else when you're right here. I don't ever want to be with anyone else. You're all I want, all I've ever wanted, and no matter how many people I was with, none of them was you. I could never forget you or stop loving you. You're it for me, Rosie. I never want anyone else,"
"I know," I smiled gently and rose from her chest, seeking her insecure, saddened eyes, "I know," I repeated, and leaned down, capturing her lips.
Her hand moved to my cheek, caressing the skin as she kissed me back, desperate to prove the truthfulness of her words. But she didn't have to. I believed her. I knew she was being honest with me. I felt it. Every time she would as much as look at me, I knew she wanted me.
So when she mumbled, "I love you," against my lips, I pulled her closer, nipping on her upper lip, looking for an entrance that she gladly gave.
"I love you too,"
Her tongue brushed against mine, and I shuddered in her embrace. She was so warm, her kisses so soft and I couldn't get enough. And I thought, this was how we fall in love; letting go and letting the other hold you up - trusting them wholeheartedly. Being vulnerable and open, despite the fear that is always so undeniably present. But I guess that's the difference between love and lust; trust. The feeling of closing your eyes and feeling them pull you closer. Letting that omnipresent feeling of fear go in favor of trust in the one you put your faith in.
And I put all my faith in her, in her touches, in her gentleness, in her kisses, and her soft eyes. Not everything easy is right, some things you have to fight for, but that's how you know they're worth it. That's what makes you appreciate the little things. That's what makes every kiss feel ecstatic, like walking on the moon, hovering over the surface with each step. It's those hardships that make her arms feel so much warmer and her kisses so much more powerful.
That's how I realized that this is the way the universe makes introductions for lovers that are destined to do great things together; to make life better for others rather than simply for themselves. Yet the introductions can take time, can be staggered over weeks, months, or in our case - years. In this time the pain of separation acted as a focusing lens, to give us the time to see the purity of our love and to truly appreciate it once it came back around. It was a way to ensure that we would know just how lucky we were to have found each other; to have found the only lover in our lifetime.
Perhaps if our love was easy, things would be different now. Maybe we wouldn't appreciate each other as much as we did now. We might, upon our start, let the dark force and the pains of our past separate us. But we didn't, and I couldn't help but feel like all this would only make us stronger in the end. That after the terrible pain of the separation, after the clarity it brought each of us, we could become one unit of two souls, free and united by our own choice.
That easy road other couples appear to travel on - it leads only to mediocrity... but one like ours, it is one walked by the greatest lovers in history. I was sure that's what we were, anyway. Because despite everything, we found solace within each other. In our shared touches, kisses, longing looks, beating hearts.
I couldn't know for sure whether this would last forever, whether we would ever get the happy ending we both deserved. Perhaps our story would turn into a tragedy, one that ended just as tragically as it started - alone and forgotten. But with every swipe of her tongue against mine and the nudge of our noses, drawing that cute giggle from the raven's lips, I let myself hope we would live out a fairytale ending.
My life was full of uncertainty, yet I was sure of one thing; Lisa was my always and forever.
'Cause you're the right time at the right moment
You're the sunlight, keeps my heart going oh
I know when I'm with you
I can't keep myself from falling
Right time at the right moment
It's you
...
My eyes fluttered open, however, it was still pitch black outside, the only light in the room coming from the moon behind the window. We haven't moved from the position we fell asleep in; I still laid almost flat on her chest and she was still playing with my hair absentmindedly, almost as if out of habit.
And though I was tired, I couldn't suppress a smile as I breathed her in, her natural odor filling me to the brink with an overwhelming sense of safety and comfort. I gave up on the idea of feeling like this ever again a long time ago. I was positive I would never feel this way after I've left, and yet, here I was. Finally, for once, I wasn't scared anymore.
She was right here, and I thought what was fear if neither of us knew what came next. And that thought alone reminded me of the song I've gifted Lisa for her birthday on the sunflower field. I remembered the words again and wondered why I've ever forgotten them in the first place. Perhaps it was because I lost hope and I tried to move on from the memories echoing in my head every time I would hear her name.
But it all seemed silly now that I was back here. The rest of the world got blown away by the wind to the far land of the unknown while the two of us stayed in our little bubble, untouchable by reality. Nothing existed in our world, just the two of us. And so I thought I spoke the absolute truth when I sang "And what is fear when no one knows what comes next? So yeah, I'm scared but I won't let it get to me,"
Because this time I was positive, I wouldn't. This time, I was sure I would do anything to make this a permanent reality; to spend all of eternity with her. No matter what the world would throw at us, I would come out victorious every time. Because for once, I had something to believe in, something to hold on to, and someone to come back to.
Suddenly, the realization of the movement against my hair set in; Lisa must've still been awake. So when I pushed myself off of her chest to glimpse at her face, I saw her eyes opened, staring into space. And without thinking into it, I reached forward, fingertips grazing her cheek, causing her to look down at me, eyes wide but not with fear or panic, but surprise.
"Hey, why are you awake?"
"I could ask you the same thing," I smiled, fingers running against the soft flesh.
Lisa turned her attention across the room again, breaking the eye contact, however, she nuzzled into my palm as if seeking warmth, causing my heart to flutter at the adorable sight, "I just have a lot of things on my mind," she confessed quietly.
"Like what?"
"I don't even know," she sighed and turned to look at me once more, "It's just... I guess I'm trying to find a way to end all of this but no matter what I think of, it's never enough,"
"Hey," I sought her eyes as she looked away in shame, "Lili, look at me,"
I saw the corners of her mouth tug upwards at the nickname, and that alone, I already considered a small win because I hated seeing her so down, so helpless when all I wanted was to make her smile. She was always the human embodiment of sunshine and I hated when her happiness was taken away, especially if I was the robber.
"We'll figure it out," I promised, "Together,"
"He will never lay a hand on you so long as I'm alive," she pledged earnestly, determination burning in her gaze.
"We'll be fine," I agreed and despite thinking I believed in my own words, it seemed I wasn't as convinced, the statement sounding questioning and unsure.
"We'll be fine," Lisa said sternly, leaning her forehead against mine, "Together,"
She brought me closer and for a while we just stayed like that, holding onto each other for dear life, as if afraid the other would disappear. We held each other without any talking, and I knew we would try to go back to where we started. And even if I offered I didn't even have to stay, she begged me to. Despite my apprehension and doubts, I decided to listen for once; I wouldn't go back again. I would stay, and so, if I woke up with her in the morning, perhaps I'd forget all the ways we're broken. Because God knew we were.
Stay.
I'm not going anywhere.
Slipping out from under the warm covers, I slid on the first shirt I found discarded on the ground and pulled on my underwear that was conveniently lying next to it. Lisa just watched me wordlessly as I distanced myself from her. Not quite literally this time, though. Because this time, I wouldn't put any space between us again, not because I was scared, anyway.
This time, I was ready to share myself with her. I was ready to show her all of me, even the parts I hated about myself. I wanted to be utterly honest with both her and myself. Because I realized now that the woman in the mirror I despised so much was still me. She was with me at my lowest and weakest points in life, and perhaps shunning her out wasn't the right thing to do. After all, if she was miserable, wouldn't I be as well?
She needed love and care the same way I did. And now that Lisa has given me both, I knew it was time she received it, too. It was time to show her to the light and let her regain the spark she once had. Because though she was the present me beaten by life, she was also my past holding onto all my fears that were the only thing that kept her alive; the only things that gave her purpose. She represented everything I hated about myself, everything I feared, and everything I wanted to forget. But maybe, perhaps, I ought not to forget.
Perhaps I was supposed to embrace all my fears and insecurities for them to go away and for me to be whole again. Because I knew I was only half of me, that I missed a huge part of myself that no one else but me could bring back. That along the way of horrors I've faced, I lost sense of the person I used to be and feared becoming her again, doubting her ability to stay strong throughout the terrors.
But it seemed silly now; repressing the part of me that made me... well, me. Becoming a whole new person just to survive. Maybe it was slightly easier, but deep down I knew it only let him cut deeper. I needed her to be me. And I couldn't pretend like that wasn't the case anymore. I couldn't let myself live, pretending I was someone I was not when she was banging on the walls of my being to be let out.
So when my fingers grazed the polished wood of the case, hiding away the keys of the piano, I've done nothing to stop myself. I let her take over while I sat back, enjoying the ride. I was in control for far too long, and it was time that the part that was so used to being caged came out and molded back into me; making me whole.
I didn't fight it when my knees bent as I sat down on the bench or when I gently lifted the cover off, the now exposed ivory keys shimmering temptingly under the soft moonlight bathing the room in silver. This time when my fingers skimmed over the instrument, re-familiarizing themselves with it, I let them. My fingers were itching and twitching with the need to press down and fill the loft with music, something I've deprived of them for ages. And truthfully, despite fearing the pain the harmonious melody would bring, I had to admit; I craved it as well.
Just like when I played the guitar for the first time back at the penthouse, it was a way for me to communicate not only with others and the world outside my windows but my inner self. It was a way to communicate my deepest, darkest secrets, feelings, and emotions, and I've been silent for far too long. The guitar was great, but there was nothing like the magnificent sound of the piano. Nothing could touch my soul in the same way.
So when a single-digit pressed down, filling the space with sound, I shuddered. Goosebumps rose all over my body, and I gasped softly as the sound reverberated through my entire being. It was like I was finally reunited with the last thing that remained an obstacle in my life. I felt like finally; I regained my ability to speak after being mute. Like seeing color or hearing for the first time. Perhaps it was like not having a sense of smell your entire life and then suddenly smelling the scent of freshly baked pastries coming from the window of the local bakery. It was something indescribable.
And so I let my fingers dance. My breath hitched in anticipation of what they would produce next, as I let them remember the sounds each key made. Each time the hammer inside the piano stroke the strings from below, the soft sound would resonate throughout the entire instrument and through me. And I would feel my heart beat just a little faster each time.
But then it was over. I've pressed all the keys, heard all the sounds, and wasn't sure what was next. Before I could think about it any further, however, my fingers moved skillfully, skimming across the keys and pressing.
And before I could realize what was going on or what I was doing, I spoke the words that I've written in bold, in my diary, without realizing - I memorized them all.
What am I supposed to do without you?
Is it too late to pick the pieces up?
Too soon to let them go?
Do you feel damaged just like I do?
Your face, it makes my body ache
It won't leave me alone
And this feels like drowning
Trouble sleeping
Restless dreaming
You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I'd rather choke on my bad decisions
Than just carry them to my grave
You're in my head
Always, always, always
Cracks won't fix and the scars won't fade away
Guess I should get used to this
The left side of my bed's an empty space
I remember we were strangers
So tell me what's the difference
Between then and now
And why does this feel like drowning?
Trouble sleeping
Restless dreaming
You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I'd rather choke on my bad decisions
Than just carry them to my grave
You're in my head
Always, always, always
Always, always
You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I know there's nothing left to cling to
But I'm still calling out your name
You're in my head
Always, always, always
Always, always, always
I sat there wordlessly, staring at my own hands, tears streaming down my face, heart beating in my throat. Suddenly, I felt myself being spun around, Lisa standing in front of me, bent down, staring straight into my eyes, her own glistening with tears.
That's when she picked me up from the bench, my legs wrapping around her waist, as she kissed me and carried me back to bed, her words dying against my lips.
"I love you,"
"Always?"
"Always and forever,"