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So dignified in your well-pressed suit
So strategized, all the eyes on you
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Sashay away to your seat
It's the best seat, in the best room
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Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"
So far above me in every sense
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So far above feeling anything
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T O K Y O G H O U L : r e
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The fact that it's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember is true. Well, at least to ( Y/n ). Her mind was occupied with so many regrets and sorrow for almost her whole life and yet, she's still waiting for that one someone to always stand by her side. She thought that it was Kaneki, that one person who she thought will always stand next to her, but she now realized that things will not go her way. It was more like it will never go her way.
There was this one feeling that was floating inside of her and no matter how many times she tried to get rid of it, it would make her feel so sad as if all hope is gone. That feeling was her love for Kaneki. She loved Kaneki so much, so much that she would do anything to protect him. It was because of one night. That one night was the last time they met and that one night was also that time when she felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach for the first time. She knew that one day, she needed to make things clear between her and Haise although, from the bottom of her heart, she will definitely regret doing that. Unfortunately, that one day she was referring to was today.
( Y/n ) was loitering around the lobby with a hand on her phone as she continued to stare sadly at the gadget she was holding. It was pretty obvious that she felt anxious and worried but it was now or never. She took a deep breath and sighed before she gathered all her confidence and pressed the call button that was displayed on her screen. It created few ringing noises first but not long after, the person she was calling picked up the phone.
" Hello? This is Haise speaking."
" Hello, Haise. It's ( Y/n )," the ( h/c ) said as she closed her eyes and continued to speak, " How have you been?"
" Everything is going alright," he responded, " Is there something you want to ask me?"
" Actually, there is. Are you free today?"
" Yes, I should finish everything by around 4 in the evening. Do you perhaps want to meet up?"
" You guessed it correctly," she chuckled through the phone with her heart starting to race, " I'll text you the address."
" Alright. Bye ( l/n )-san."
" Bye... Haise," she hung up the call before she exhaled while covering her face with her two palms. She had never felt such unhappiness before. For almost her whole life, she regretted a majority of actions she did but this time, it was different. It almost felt like it was the end of everything. The end of her actions, the end of her happiness, and the end of her life.
» [ cardigan ] «
0:00 〇───── 4:00
Taylor Swift
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻
( Please play the music while reading this story. It will feel much better, at least to me. )
It was sunset already. The sky blended in with the colors from red to yellow and the gentle breeze, that made the weather feel pleasant, blew few strands of the ( h/c ) female's hair to her right. She was sitting on a bench, alone, while staring at the river that had few sparkles on the water's surface. Footsteps were heard coming from her right however, she didn't bother to look because she couldn't bear to face him, Haise Sasaki.
" The weather is really nice today, isn't it?" the male said in a calm manner as he took a seat beside the female ghoul. He placed his hands on his lap and continued to enjoy the view that was in front of him.
" I agree. It isn't usually like this," ( Y/n ) agreed and flashed Haise a small smile, " How have you been?"
" I'm doing well. How about you?"
" It's the same here. Not much has been happening lately."
" I see," he paused and took a glance at her dejected-looking face. They both continued to remain silent, staring at the water that was flowing gently to the north, " Saiko really missed you. She told me she would be extremely glad if she can meet you again someday. She also told me that she started reading .. Attack on Titan? I'm not sure what it's called."
( Y/n ) chuckled," It would be my pleasure to meet her again. She's really a nice person. It must be really nice to have someone like her as a comrade."
" I agree. If I may know, ( l/n )-san, what did you call me for?"
" I almost forgot about that. The reason why I wanted to meet you is that I felt that there's something you're keeping away from me," she turned her head and placed her hand on her chin, making Haise stare at her ( e/c ) orbs, " This. I've been observing you lately. Whenever you place your hand on your chin, it's either that you're hiding something or you're lying so that's why I called you. I felt that there's one question you have been wanting to ask me but you haven't. Don't keep it to yourself."
" I think you're getting a misunderstanding," he placed his hand on his chin, making him realize what he just did. ( Y/n ) just chuckled at his action before she calmed herself down and inhaled the cool air.
" It's alright. It's just me and you."
" I'm not hiding anything.."
" Haise."
" No, really, I'm not."
" Please. I want to know the truth. The truth does hurt but it doesn't hurt as much as lies."
" If you... really insist," he whispered and smiled sadly while clenching his fist, hoping that what he thought isn't true, " Then.. ( Y/n ), are you.. are you.. are you.. a ghoul?"
" Yes, I am," she answered without any hesitation before Haise softens his eyes and continued to gaze at the river sadly, " I understand, the reality we are facing is indeed horrible but there isn't anything we can do about it."
" ... "
" The promise.." the ( h/c ) female muttered, causing Sasaki to look at her confusingly. ( Y/n ), who was closing her eyes to prevent the tears that were starting to form, could only chuckle after realizing that he still hasn't remembered it, " I'm sorry. Please forget what I said before."
" Why... were you hiding this from me?"
" Isn't it obvious? I'm a ghoul, an ugly, useless, ruthless creature that feeds on humans."
" You're not ugly..."
" Please, the CCG kills us, ghouls, for a reason," ( Y/n ) covered her mouth and continued to speak, " I only lived because I still wanted to meet the one I love. For all these years, I've been wondering why was it only me, who's been given all the pain! I don't even know why I'm still alive until this point! Was it to feel the pain? Was it to make me feel so sad? I might be looking fine outside but inside, I am dying because of this one man I liked so much! I thought he would always stay by my side but he left me. Look at me, I'm still standing patiently, hoping he would love me back but- he left me without a single trace."
" Kaneki Ken might be inside me but I'm still Haise Sasaki. A ghoul like you can't love me and I, a CCG officer, can't love a ghoul like you."
( Y/n ) stood up from her bench, wiping the tears that started flowing down her cheeks using her hands that were shivering. Haise, who felt like punching himself, could only look down because he no longer had the courage to make eye contact with her
" Do you hate me?"
" .. I don't. Although I'm starting to accept who I am, I can't bring myself to love someone I'm supposed to obliterate."
" Of course," ( Y/n ) said softly as she bit her finger, " I'm such an idiot."
" ( Y/n ), you aren't-"
" If you think I wouldn't beg on my knees for you to stay, then you're absolutely wrong," she bit her lip, " But we were something, don't you think so?"
" .... "
" Haise," she said his name and made eye contact with his grey eyes with her teary, glossy eyes, " Then.. let's just pretend we don't know each other. For the sake of your reputation as a CCG officer and for my sake as a ghoul. Now that you know I am your enemy and no longer a friend, let's just treat each other as strangers."
" ... "
" I never said I hated you though. I am in fact, grateful, that I was able to meet you so thank you, Kaneki- I mean, Haise."
" ( Y/n )... " he whispered while gritting his teeth and clenching his fist, " .. I.. I... I'm sorry."
" You don't have to be sorry. There isn't any valid reason for you to be sorry. This is the reality and I have to bring myself to face it. I'm the one who has to be sorry."
" ( Y/n ), please listen to me-"
" Please let me say this one thing or I'll regret not saying this until the end of my life," she turned back and looked at Haise, who had a tear flowing down his right eye, " I... love you."
She flashed him a sad yet heartening smile as more tears started to flow down her cheeks. Haise could only stand still, trying to reach out to ( Y/n ), who began walking away from the white-haired male. She regretted it all. She hated herself even more for doing that and the only thing she could do was to let it all out at the place where they promised to meet. And that place was Tokyo Tower.
Let's keep promises. One, you'll meet me in Tokyo Tower when this is all over. Two, you'll back to me alive and I'll come back to you the same.
'It was all a lie,' ( Y/n ) thought, standing at the edge of the tower. More tears started to form and slip down and so, ( Y/n ) could only collapse on her knees, continuing to cry. She couldn't bring herself to face anyone anymore. She was weak, no, she was too weak. She lost her parents, she lost all of her hope and there will be this one day where she would lose herself too. Life isn't fair and it will never be.
Author's note : Not gonna lie, guys, this made me cry a bit lol