"Lily," Remus whispers, squeezing his best friend tight, breathing in the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo. Lily squeezes him back, leaning her forehead on his shoulder.
The two friends are in front of the same café they once met up along with James, Auguste and Severus (and Xenophilus, albeit audio only).
"Come on," Remus smiles at her, even if it's difficult when her eyes are so sad. "Let's go get something to drink."
Remus manages to not bring it up until they have their drinks in front of them, two mugs of hot chocolate sending curling wisps of steam up into the air.
"How are you holding up?" He bites his lip, searching her pale face with his eyes.
Lily gives him a tired smile, green eyes so dull and so unlike her. "I'd say I'm doing okay, but that wouldn't be true," she says softly, her eyes fixed on her mug.
"What happened?"
Lily offers half a shrug in response. "I..." She takes a deep breath, "I just needed a break."
Remus takes a sip of his chocolate. "A break from James?"
Lily stays quiet for a minute. "I don't know," she mumbles, staring at her drink. "I just... Something had to change, Re. I don't know if it's James or me or something completely different... I'm just not happy anymore. And I want to be happy, is that a bad thing?"
Remus watches her in silence, unsure of what to say. He definitely knew that leaving Hogwarts had put some distance in between them, but right now, he feels so acutely aware of just how difficult it is to talk to his best friend that it makes him wince.
He stands up from his chair and sits in the one next to her, pulling her into his side in a warm hug.
"It's not a bad thing at all, Lily," he whispers into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was this bad,"
"You don't have a reason to be sorry, Remus," Lily smiles at him, pulling out of the hug. Even with such sad eyes, her smile is so pretty.
"I... I wish I knew," Remus sighs, "I just wish I could've been with you,"
"I know," Lily takes his hand in hers. Her fingers are heated from holding the mug. "But this is how I wanted it to be, Re. We both know you had enough on your mind... You still do."
Remus frowns at this, feeling almost hurt. "Lily... Just because I'm worried about Sirius, it doesn't mean I can't worry about you, okay? It's not a slot meant to be filled by one," he pauses to hesve out a long sigh. "Is that really why you didn't tell me?"
Lily looks down. "I'm sorry, Re."
Remus gives her hand a small squeeze. "Don't apologise, Lily. I don't mind that you didn't tell me... I just wish you didn't have to go through it alone."
This time when Lily smiles at him, her eyes are a little brighter. A little less sad. Remus smiles back at her.
"This is why I love you so much," she says, "You're too good for this world, Remus,"
"I know," Remus shrugs, "But unfortunately, I have no other options,"
Lily rolls her eyes, fighting her grin. They fall quiet for a bit, sipping at their drinks as they think of what to say.
"So if this is a break... Does that mean you're getting back together?" Remus finally asks.
"I don't know," Lily sighs. "I thought it would help me figure things out but... It's doing the exact opposite,"
"Do you regret it, then?"
"I don't know." Lily says once more.
Silence falls again, and Remus waits for Lily to break it this time.
"Is James... Is he okay?"
"He's sad," Remus says truthfully, "Quite sad, you know he must be,"
Lily nods. "But he's taking care of himself?"
"Yeah," Remus gives her a reassuring smile, "Don't worry about it, Lily. He'll be alright."
And then Remus remembers something. "Where are you staying? Have you moved back in with your family?"
"No," Lily says quickly, looking horrified at the very thought, "I could... I could never. They wouldn't want me there even if I wanted to,"
Remus sighs again. Lily's family has never accepted her being a Witch.
"Where are you staying, then?"
"With James, still," Lily sighs, too. "He's too pure, Remus. Told me I can just stay there because it's close to my uni, but... I can't. I won't do that to him. I'm trying to find a place but it's just so hard..."
Fate has a really funny way of working.
"Actually," Remus smiles, "It might not be as hard as you think. And I know just the perfect person to ask."
***
"How is she?" Sirius asks as soon as Remus walks inside his room, carrying a box of chocolate eclairs because as bitter as Sirius' soul may be, he can never resist chocolate.
Remus sits down on the empty bed, facing Sirius. He places the box on the bedside table.
"She's... Coping," Remus tells Sirius, leaning over to open the box. Once he's done, he nudges it closer to Sirius, who eyes it with the caution of a child surveying a shiny gadget he hasn't seen before.
"I'll eat half," Remus smiles. Smiles like his heart isn't breaking all over again. Because Sirius is still not eating, and Remus doesn't know how to help him.
"Okay," Sirius smiles back, but Remus can't help but feel like it's a little plastic.
It's sticky business, but Remus manages to wrestle an eclair into two halves. "Come sit with me," Sirius pats the bed. He's still on painkillers, even if they're not as strong as the ones he was given at St. Mungo's. But Remus thinks they're still affecting Sirius' self-control somewhat.
He sits down next to Sirius, holding two sad halves of an eclair in his two hands.
But it's okay because Sirius eats all of it. And then reaches for another, which fills Remus with such joy that he can't stop staring and he can't stop grinning.
"Tell me what happened," Sirius says, cheeks going a little pink when he sees that Remus is watching him. Remus blushes, too, quickly looking down at his hands. This is a big mistake, because his scars look even uglier than usual. Anything would look unattractive next to Sirius' profile. Remus clears his throat and chooses to look at the wall in front of him instead.
"Remus,"
"Hm?"
"What did Lily say?"
"Not much," Remus shrugs. "I think she's stil unsure about everything... And she's still staying at James' place."
"Oh," Sirius mumbles, "I'll ask her to come here. She can Floo her way to uni... I'm sure we can find a fireplace nearby."
Remus' heart swells. Is this the same boy who believes he isn't good? That he can't be good? It's so unfair.
"Actually," Remus can't help smiling at the thought of his dear employer. "We already found a place for her to stay,"
Sirius raises an eyebrow.
"You remember Miss Hall, right?"
"How could I not?" Sirius gives a wry smile. "She gave me tea, even if I was a man." Sirius makes air quotes around the last half.
Remus can't help his laughter. "That sounds exactly like something she'd do," he shakes his head.
Sirius gives him a wonky grin.
"What?" Remus asks, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious.
"I like it a lot when you laugh," Sirius says.
Remus blinks a couple of times, until he remembers the medicine. "Thank you," he chokes out, looking down at his lap as his ears start to heat up.
"You should do it more often," Sirius grins, scooting a bit closer. His knee pokes Remus' side when he leans forward.
"Your eyes," Sirius says. "They crinkle up. And it's cute," he laughs a little, as if he's finding it amusing, "Really cute. Right here," he gently taps the corner of Remus' eye with a finger. "It crinkles up right here."
Remus wonders if he'd say those things sans self-control-inhibitory painkillers. Probably not. He turns his face to Sirius, catching Sirius' hand as it drops.
And he wants to kiss him.
But he can't. Not when Sirius is like this.
But he doesn't have to dwell on it for too long, because the door flies open all of a sudden, revealing an uncharacteristically wild Regulus.
Remus frowns, scanning him from head to toe. Regulus would never come in without knocking.
"Reg? What's wrong?" Sirius straightens a little, holding on to his side as he goes to stand up. Remus grabs his shoulders to stop him, and stands up himself instead.
"You..." Regulus looks at Remus, his face pale. Remus takes a step closer to try and calm him down. "I called the others. We need to talk right now."
***
Author's Note
Hi, remember me? Yeah, I still exist (unfortunately)
I missed you guys ngl, life is so miserable rn. I'd whine about med school if I had the energy but I don't
BUT BROS I CUT A DEAD BODY AND the aesthetic is thriving rn (I have seen things that I never thought I'd see and it's low key concerning how that one dead body is 300% better company than literally everyone else at med school) but yeah
I'm sad
And stressed
But I like cutting so I guess it's okay
I'm leaving now bye xx
((P.S. Did you miss me, too?))