NACH UND NACH
More and More
"What will we tell the guys? About what happened..." I asked as Yoongi helped zip up the back of my black dress.
"The truth," he replied, kissing the tip of my shoulder and looking back at me through the reflection in the floor-length mirror, "There's nothing to worry about. Nothing is going to change."
We finished getting ready in our room and we heard others moving about in the hallway across the suite, so we knew they were all back from Roxy's and getting ready, too. I heard my phone buzzing on the table by the window. Yoongi slipped on his dress socks and shoes as he sat on the foot of the bed watching me.
I sat on the chair, giving Yoongi a reassuring, but small smile as I responded to my dad's message.
"What was all that?" Yoongi asked, standing up to walk towards me, carrying his suit jacket in his hand.
He looked so handsome; more than usual. I don't know if it was the excitement from the Showcase later that night, or whether he was glowing from our recent... talk... but I could see the twinkle in his eyes of someone who was finally finding himself.
"Just my dad. He wished me luck," I looked up at him with a flat, almost emotionless smile, "He hardly has an excuse this time. Philadelphia is only a little more than an hour and a half away from here. This is the one chance he has to see me, at the one show that is the single biggest moment in my musical career... and he could be meeting you..." I trailed off, getting myself worked up.
Yoongi held both of my arms with a firm, but comforting touch, taking a deep breath as he looked down at my flushing cheeks.
"Faye... Look at me," he whispered.
He moved one hand to hold my cheek, and I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes.
"It may not be how you wanted it to be, but don't let his shortcomings take away from all that you've achieved, and all that you're going to do tonight. I can't wait to see you perform tonight. You are a whole new performer, and New York is going to love you."
"I'm so lucky to have you..." I said softly, opening my eyes to look at him.
He gently kissed my nose, whispering close to my forehead.
"Come on. We need to go talk to them..."
We had all gathered around the living area, everyone waited to hear what I was going to say. Taehyung and Kookie both looked a little uneasy, but calm.
"I'm so sorry, guys. I feel so bad..." I looked down at my lap as they all watched. I looked over at Hobi sitting next to me on the couch, "I feel like this is unfair to all of you."
"Faye," Hobi looked into my eyes and held my hand as he spoke, a gentle tone in his voice filling me with instant feelings of comfort and safety, "Listen to me. You don't owe us anything. Not your body, not your voice. You owe nothing... to anyone. That includes apologies. You don't owe us that either. We had fun with you, but if the time's up, we respect that."
"Nothing has to change. Things won't be made to feel awkward. It's just a thing of the past now," Namjoon added from a nearby armchair, "We're still here as your friends and bandmates. That's what we are first and foremost."
"Friends." I smiled.
"Friends." Hobi smiled over at me and pulled me in for a big squeeze of a hug.
"Thanks, Hobi," I sighed, breathing him in. I knew I was going to miss being intimate with him. Unlike the others, he and I had grown very close and had had a lot of wonderful, memorable sexual experiences together. I knew it was the right thing to do - to become monogamous - but I knew that a part of me would always miss my Hobi, and I hoped that maybe one day down the road, when the time was right, we'd have a reunion of sorts.
"So...?" I glanced around their circle of faces with a cheeky grin on my face, "How was it?"
The whole room breathed a sigh of relief as the mood relaxed significantly. Taehyung slouched back on the couch, stretching his arms up behind his head and crossing one foot over the other leg.
"She was a freak, man..." he laughed and made his eyes big as he flashed a maniacal, toothy smile, eyes darting back and forth at his friends.
"Oooooof..." Kookie leaned back in his chair, too, "She bit my thigh. I thought she was gonna break skin. Jin had to pull her off so I wouldn't need to get a rabies shot."
"Gross!" I laughed, "Are you serious?"
"Yes, unfortunately he's serious. She was a little crazy. It quickly made sense that she was sitting there all alone and that whole crowd of men had no interest in her," Namjoon laughed heartily as Jimin cut in.
"...Probably why they all stood around to watch, too," Jimin talked with his hands, animated about the whole story.
"They probably lined up to see Faye, but stayed to watch the shitshow after she left," Jin chimed in, looking over at me, "You dodged a bullet. We didn't stay much longer after you guys left. Things went downhill quickly."
Yoongi stood up from the sofa, stroking the back of my hair and placing his hand on my shoulder.
"So, is everyone ready to head downstairs? We have an hour and a half until we have to load in at the venue," he said, looking around the room then smiling down at me.
It didn't take long to get to The Blue Note. We pulled our vans right in front of the venue and stepped out, taking a moment to absorb what walking through those doors meant.
"The piano player at La Traviata told me that Dizzy Gillespie played here," I said, looking up at the building with a grand piano sticking out of the architecture, "And we're going to be playing here tonight. This is insane."
I was in disbelief. Only a few short weeks ago, I wasn't in any ensemble, let alone aware that I'd be performing a major show tonight, here, in this city, on this stage.
Hobi walked over and held my hand, giving it a squeeze. His guitar was slung over his other shoulder as he looked down to smile at me.
His arm slinked around my waist, pulling me in for a sideways hug. I stood with my head on his shoulder, trying to suppress the stage fright jitters that were creeping up on me.
Yoongi's arm slid around my other side, and I stood between them, wrapped in their comfort and love for a moment before we took our first steps through the doors.
"Here we are," Yoongi sighed, looking at the empty Blue Note Jazz Club, blinking hard as if to convince himself it was real.
We were so early, no one had arrived yet. The lights were still dimmed, but the piano sat, unattended.
I felt his fingers release from mine, and Yoongi made his way up to try it out. As I heard him sweep the keys, landing on the intro chord progression to Stranger in Paradise, we heard a voice call out from behind us.
"Excuse me! Are you here to play tonight?" A small, middle-aged woman came out of the back office, clipboard in-hand, side-eyeing Yoongi.
"You must sign up on this paper before you are authorized to use the equipment," she handed it over to Yoongi who was approaching us.
He looked annoyed, but remained respectful, doing as the woman asked.
"And you are?" she looked at all of us, standing in a semicircle around her.
"Suga. We're from Chattanooga," Hobi answered her, "And you, ma'am?"
"Veda Hoffman. I am registering all of the participating acts tonight."
"Oh, are you Charlie Hoffman's wife?" Yoongi chimed in, "The guy who invited us..."
"Yes, that's my husband. I do his forms and legal stuff for him. He's the one you're going to want to impress tonight. He's got a bunch of music executives coming to the show tonight. It's a big night," she answered, taking the signed paperwork back from Yoongi before continuing.
"Alright, so what you're going to need to do is head backstage to the green room. You'll be sharing with other bands as you all need the space and we've only got one. The list is here," she handed it to Yoongi, "This shows when you'll be going onstage. You'll want to be right backstage, along the curtains ten minutes before your time. You have up to 30 minutes to play five songs total. All must be either originals or re-arranged covers."
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you," I smiled, reaching out to shake her hand.
"Good luck tonight, Suga. I'm rooting for you," and with a smile and a wave, Mrs. Hoffman was out of sight, back in her office.
As we stood backstage, waiting for the show to begin, several of us stood, watching the venue fill up with patrons. Soon enough, the show began, and we were stunned by the level of talent we were hearing in front of us. It wasn't too often that the guys got to hear other ensembles play music, especially at the professional level. They were utterly impressed by the musicianship they saw, from the perfect key-work of the woodwind players, to the sexy wah wah of the trumpet player using his Harmon mute.
Kookie was tapping his foot along with every act, studying the drummers' technique like he was critiquing his lesson students. I reached out and held onto Yoongi's hand, feeling my palms begin to sweat. Our time to go onstage was nearing quickly, and I was beginning to lose myself in my nerves.
Yoongi looked over at me, and without saying a word, he took my hand and dragged me out of the mainstage area and taking me down the back hallway, and yanking me into a coat closet.
He pushed my back against the wall, blocking the trickle of light coming in from the hallway into the dark closet. I felt his breath on my lips as he moved his face closer to mine, then felt fingers creeping along my neck before he pressed his lips to mine.
"Remember to relax..." he whispered, gripping my hip bones with his slender fingertips, "And if you perform well tonight, I'll reward you with something special. But you have to promise me you'll relax. Can you do that for me, baby?"
I took a deep breath, feeling his soft lips touch my forehead as I replied.
"Yes." I whispered.
"Good. It's showtime." and with a light, playful tap on my ass, we were on our way out the door and headed for the curtains, ready to go on-stage.