Angst oneshot
Prompt : Phil wife leaving him , he is now left by himself with a family of three sons and with a really bad depression. The depression becoming overwhelming, he becomes the typical bad "father figure " but desperately try's to change and become better , but being blinded by the idea of becoming a better father , he only becomes worse and cause harm to his own sons (only mentally ) He ends up giving up on trying to improve his person after realizing nothings works out the way he wanted everything to when the depression takes over.
Tw : depression , voices , swearing, verbal abuse/Aggressive selfharm , cutting , self destructive behaviour , lack of self care , fighting , unhealthy family relationship .
In real life + minecraft selfs and sort of minecraft world mixed with real world.
( as real life features but in minecraft ,, idk how to explain i couldn't decide if i wanted to do a irl or minecraft world so why not mix both? I does not make sense but just focus on the prompt and angst of the story)
Phil's wife name is Lina in this
-------------
Third-person 's Pov
Years went on ,years ever since Phil's wife left him on the care of three sons , all by himself. Did he heal well from the sudden disappearance of his wife? Of course not , it caused damages , a lot of damages to phil , who soon transferred to his sons. They now had to deal with Phil's constant sadness , and that , not in the best way ever.
" What the fuck Tommy ?? Are you serious " Phil shouted at his youngest son , who was sitting at the table, desperately trying to hold his tears back as his father yelled at him. "I can't believe this , I seriously can't believe this " he growled loudly, walking back and forth with the tasks sheet in his hand " I gave you one task , ONE! And it was the easiest thing to do around but you managed to completely fail it?" He scoffed , letting out some angry cackles. He then leaning towards
"care to explain this to me Tommy?" The adult hissed to the blond . Tommy mumbled some words but Phil couldn't hear anything. The voices only got louder in Philza's mind , but he ignored them , just he would usually do . He would rarely listen at the voices , only in his darkest times where he wouldn't have the strength to fight them back.
The winged men sat at the table , head in hands. He let out a loud sigh before speaking up to his son "tommy , honestly i am really disappointed in you right now , i just don't understand how you could not get this done , this is,,, this is the easiest shit in the world . " he grunted , hearing the younger sigh from the other side of the table " i got distracted by tubbo .. im sorry Phil. " he whispered , tears rolling down his soft tanned cheeks . " I don't want to hear it , go to your room I'll bring you diner there. No games or anything i want you to reflect on your actions." Phil commanded harshly. Tommy face lifted up , him starring at Phil in disbelief "Phil , no you c-" "i said GO TO YOUR ROOM , you fucking little piece of mmph-" he screamed then mumbled quietly to make sure no one heard his last words as the voices became slightly overwhelming. Technoblade was here and observed the scene as he read his book , glasses on. Wilbur was away to Eret's so luckily he didn't get to assist to the awful sight of his family fighting .
Tommy angrily stood up , stomping in the stairs and slammed the door behind him. Phil sighed , his anger turning into heavy guilt. Those family conflicts would occur often , ever since. Rather it was on something extremely important or the most insignificant. And pointless remarks . And Phil would always hurt whoever he was fighting with , making his anger turn into unbearable guilt. He desperately tried to change his way to act but his case only grew worse . "Hey Phil, " a monotone voice said from his side . The avian rose his head out of his hands "huh?" The blond man breathed , not realizing a few tears escaped from his eyeballs. " you're crying , are you ok?" Techno asked his father ,
A pinch of worries was able to be heard in his voice.
'Wait I'm crying?' Phil thought as he wiped his tears , he let out an awkward broken laughter "yeah-yeah i-im fine pal thanks " he trailed off . Techno shrugged going back to his seat . Phil sighed for the third time in such a small amount of time as he stood up going to the stove.
He stared at it , not really knowing what he could cook today. He turned to Techno "hey uh tech? ideas of dinner for tonight please?" He asked his eldest son . The pinkette groaned , he disliked being bothered when he was doing his lecture but he would care less when it was for his father. He stood up away from his chair and got closer to his beloved dad. "Mm what about potatoes stew?" He grinned, Phil's face serioused . "Techno, we ate potatoes stew all week , nobody even likes it or think it's good so please propose something more appetizing ".Techno's grin fell as he felt slightly insulted by Phil's remarks, potatoes stew was really appetizing. "Then why don't you go and buy some McDonald's or something. I'm sure these would be way more appetizing than a healthy potato stew and I'm sure everyone would like to eat that" techno spat walking up to his chair, grabbing his book and headed to his room. "Wait techno, i... i didn't mean to hurt you" he hesitated to say , turning to his son . Awkward silence settled between the two for a few seconds before techno decided to talk again " it's ok phil , not everyone has the same taste but when you don't like something " he stopped, giving Phil a deep and sickening stare , making the adult feel uncomfortable . "Maybe keep your opinion for yourself , just a little advice " techno said , giving a forced smile to Phil before turning around and entering his room.
Phil chest pained , turning to the stove. He had hurt techno , just as he had hurt tommy. Why would he hurt them? How did he always manage to always hurt them? no matter the situation , it would end up with them being hurt. "I can't believe you left me here like this Lina... you knew I wasn't made to be a father but yet you left me here with your 3 sons.. i can't do this alone" he whispered to himself . His guilt and sadness turned into numbness , god did he hate feeling numb, he'd rather feel any other emotions than not feeling anything. He sighed and After thinking for a few seconds he decided to make potato stew . He knew that Tommy didn't like that meal much but he wanted to make techno happy and he himself wouldn't eat it so who cared , he would cook a cake and give a slice of cake for Tommy so he wouldn't whine about the stew. 40 minutes later , he was done with dinner. Potatoes stew accompanied with carrots for techno , cake slice for tommy and watermelon slice for both. Techno and Tommy were still in their room. He sat at the kitchen table writing little messages for his sons.
Hey tommy
Sorry for screaming at you earlier , you're free to get out of your room if you want to.
And no need to tell me anything about reflecting on your actions and shit.
I made you potato stew but i know you dont like it so i took time to bake a cake and give you a slice
No throwing food away :)
-phil
Hey Techno
I made you potato stew
It isn't that bad actually
I hope i made it just like you enjoy them
:)
-phil
He shrugged , not being able to figure out if it was ok but he didn't really care. Putting both meals on different trays , he went up the stairs and walked through the hallway who connected all the bedrooms of the house. He went to Tommy's bedroom first. "Hey toms , dinner is ready " he uttered , leaning towards the door. He heard tommy answer from the other side " put it down the little door , I'll take it myself " the child grunted , he was obviously still mad at Phil for screaming at him " ok pal " he kneeled down and pushed tommy's tray through the trap ( you know those cat traps under the doors , it the same thing but bigger ) "have a great meal " he said and then left to techno's door. "Hey techno? I made you stew " he mumbled " oh but i thought stew wasn't appetizing " the elder growled at his father from the other side . " techno just come and take it " he hissed back , getting annoyed and impatient. The voices started to make themselves heard a little , already overwhelming the avian hybrid. Footsteps were heard for 3 seconds and a tall piglin hybrid appeared through the high pitched creaking door. Phil stared at his son for a few seconds before lending him the tray "there , have a great meal " the adult told Techno , anxiously looking away . Techno noticed the note and read it under his breath before laughing to himself. " you're so clingy Phil . " he chuckled, showing his back to Phil before closing the door. Phil then walked away to the bathroom locking the door behind him.
He stood in front of the mirror , observing himself. He despised his image , he despised everything he was. He opened the bathroom drawer and pulled out the pack of blades . Taking one out , he rolled up his cloak sleeve , revealing his arm skin. Old wounds from past self-harm episodes were drawn on his gentle skin. He sighed, he was ashamed of himself. He was a father , he couldn't allow himself to be this weak. But yet here he was , doing it again . He was in the bathroom and was hurting himself .
The voice took advantage of Phil's current mindset and showed him no mercy.
They shouted harmful words , inhuman sentences to his weak being.
Making sure he wouldn't get out of the bathroom clean.
He dug the blade deep into his light skin, deep enough to make blood drip out in less than a instant . The adult moved the blade across his skin. He made sure he would feel it for the next upcoming hours , even days . The voices grew louder in his mind , telling him to go deeper , to his veins but he refused. He pushed them aside , it wasn't his time to die yet , he wasn't ready. He continued to slit his skin and did the same process on his others.
He collapsed in a corner of the bathroom, the floor was stained with crimson red liquid, shining under the weak lights of the bathroom.
"How pathetic am I" he swore to himself , wincing at the burning sensation on his arms. He wasn't even the one hurt , he was the one causing the pain so why did he act like he was hurting? Maybe he was , was he? And for what reason? It didn't make sense to him , he had nothing to be sad about. All he had to do was take care of his sons. Be a good father. He tried . Did he try enough? He did his best . He was doing his best. He is doing his best. Yet he was still an horrible father
When he finally took full control over his mindset, he stood up unsteadily , cleaned and bandaged his arm up. He cleaned out the stained floor and when he felt ready he left the bathroom , making sure nobody was near and walked away .
He continued his pace towards the living room where he found Tommy and Technoblade watching tv . "Hey boys it's late, I think you guys should go to sleep " Philza said quietly , rubbing his eyes as he directed himself to the kitchen. He heard the two boys groan and the click of the remote meaning that they had shut down the tv. He opened the cupboard widely, reaching out for a glass . He felt a presence near him , making him uncomfortable. He turned and saw techno stare at him arms crossed. "Uh.... do you need something pal?" The blond man gulped , only earning a scoff as an answer. Techno turned around and went to his room , closing the door shut behind him.
The old man huffed , confused. "That was strange " underneath his breath. Cold transparent liquid poured itself into Phil cup , him taking a sip and putting down the glass in the sink. He sat down at the table , withdrew his phone from his pocket to be able to text his son Wilbur. He was supposed to come home at 6 but it was now 11 , which means he was 5 hours late to home. But he didn't have to because at the instant he opened Wilbur's contact , he heard the front door creak open.
He stood up and went to the noises.
It was Wilbur indeed "Wilbur. " he said in a dominant manner, making the middle kid flinch at the sound of his voice. " o-oh hey Phil " he exclaimed nervously " how come you're coming home 5 hours late , you told me you would come back at 6 and now look at the time" the winged man asked his son , disappointed of his actions. " Look I wanted to have more fun because you literally only let me 3 hours with Eret and Eret is my best friend " the curly haired guy explained to his elder "3 hours is literally nothing so I decided to stay longer to have actual fun with him. Oh but I'm sorry if I disrespected your demands" Wilbur told the other in a mocking tone, chuckling under his breath. "At least send me a message saying you'll stay longer instead of making me worry" He replicated .
His son got closer to him , Philza always has been a short man and thought his height would transfer to his sons but they managed to grow higher than him, which could be really intimidating for Phil "You? Worry? You don't care about me or the others , all you care about is your little person and nothing else. So no , no messages because you won't even check them." Wilbur sneered , widely grinning. Those words hurt phil , he didn't care about himself. He would be the last person he would ever care about. He did care about his sons , was it not obvious? Did he not do it right? What was he doing wrong? Those questions and thoughts ran through his mind at such speed he couldn't think properly anymore . He snapped out , noticing his son was gone , hopefully to his room. He did the same and went to his room. Entering his room , he turned the lights off and drew the blinds shut. He then sat down on his bed and let himself fall into the cozy fabric. He pushed the covers away , he was heated up by all the emotions he felt today, he didn't need those .
e
-------------
pt . 2 coming aoon
2531 words