It's officially my birthday which means that I'm finally 27. It feels so bizarre to say that considering that the last 5 years of my life have gone by in a blur. I still feel like a child at heart.
I stand alone in my room getting ready for the evening ahead. It's been a pretty chill day so far. I spent majority of the day hanging out with Wanda in my room. Just wanting to enjoy the day as much as possible and avoid having to think about all the issues going on around me right now.
I adjust the straps of my dress and push my hair behind my ears. "Need some help?" Wanda says from behind me.
I turn around and immediately smile. "You look beautiful" I tell her.
She smiles and does a small bow. "What can I say, my friend has good taste in dresses" she winks over at me and I laugh.
I had let Wanda borrow the dress to wear tonight and she looks stunning. So much better than I ever could've looked in it.
(The white dress is Andi's and the red one is Wanda's)
"That white dress is so beautiful" she tells me. I smile and do a little twirl. Showing off the beautiful dress.
"Will you do my hair?" I ask. She smiles and nods her head.
"Come take a seat" she tells me. I sit on the edge of my bed and she crawls behind me holding the curling iron.
"If you burn me with that, so help me god, I will kill you" I tell her with a laugh.
"Have a little faith Andi"
I smile and allow her full control over my hair. I watch her in the mirror as she curls each individual piece of hair. "Are you excited?" She asks me.
"No" I tell her. "But you were right. I really do need this right now. I need to be with my friends. You guys are my family now. I don't have anyone else left"
"Friends are the family you chose" she smiles down at me.
"I'm worried that all this has ruined my friendship with Steve. I didn't expect it to hurt this bad but it literally feels like he's stomped all over my heart. How can I try and be his friend when I was literally falling for him. He may be able to switch his feelings off but I'm not able to do that. I can't just pretend like he didn't hurt me" I tell her softly.
"I don't think he was thinking clearly" she responds. "I see the way he looks at you, Andi. There's more than just friendship there. And he knows that too. He will figure it out in the end that you guys are meant to be. It just may take him time"
I nod my head sadly. I know she's probably right. Even I can tell that he likes me. I just don't understand why he would end things like this. He said it's because he feels like we're being irresponsible. But somehow I don't feel like that's the whole truth. There's got to be more to it.
"Do you think things will ever go back to normal?" I finally ask.
"I don't even know what normal feels like anymore" she replies softly.
"So let's make a new normal" I tell her. She places her hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
"You're all done" she tells me. I look into the mirror and smile. For the first time in what feels like ages, I actually feel beautiful.
"Thank you" I tell her.
"You're welcome"
"Not just for the hair. For everything. I don't know what I would do without you" I turn around to face her.
"Ditto" is all she says. I pull myself to my feet and walk back over to the mirror.
"Which heels?" I ask. "Black or do I go with the dress and do white?"
"I'm thinking black. They'll match mine" she says tapping her feet.
"Black it is then" I slide my feet into the heels and turn back around to face her.
"You ready to drink?"
"I'm always ready" she replies with a grin. I hold my hand out to her and she takes it with a laugh.
We walk out of my room and make our way down to the bar. The fact that my bother prioritised the expansion of this bar really says a lot about his personality.
As we make our way through the halls, the sound of music, laughter and chattering comes to my attention.
"How many people did you guys invite?" I ask.
Wanda looks over at me with guilt written all over her face. "Just a few" she lies.
I roll my eyes as we turn the corner and I see for myself how many people they had truly invited. All eyes fall on me and immediately a series of "Happy birthday" can be heard from all over the room. My eyes fall upon so many familiar faces as I smile. Fury walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.
"Happy birthday Andrea" he says softly. I hug him back and smile.
"Thank you. You didn't have to come. I didn't expect them to invite this many people" I laugh. "It was supposed to just be a chill evening"
"Of course I came. Happy birthday" he smiles as we pull apart.
"Thank you"
I watch him walk away and the music picks back up again. I make my way around the room with Wanda by my side. Saying hello and thank you to anyone and everyone.
I spot Clint leaning against the wall with an empty glass in his hand. "Alright, I'm making a new rule. If I see anyone with an empty glass then they are officially labelled as boring. Get a refill Barton" I tell him with a smile.
"Where's your drink then?" She asks.
"Thats a good question" I laugh.
I step closer to him and pull him into a hug. "Thank you for all this"
"Anytime kid. You look beautiful by the way. Both of you do" he says to both me and Wanda.
"I'm gonna fetch us a drink" Wanda says from behind me. I watch her leave with a smile.
"She really cares about you" Clint says softly.
"She's my person" I reply.
"How are you doing?" He asks.
"I'm doing alright" I tell him honestly. He raises his eyebrows as if questioning my answer. "I mean it. Steve has pretty shit timing but he's right. We are better as friends. It's safer for everyone"
It feels wrong to say that as I still don't know how I feel about the whole situation. For my own sanity, I feel like I shouldn't fight this. I should just respect Steve's decision and try to move on with my life. I can't force him to be with me. I wouldn't want to anyway. He should want me as much as I want him.
"Do you really believe that?" He asks.
"Of course I do"
"How do you know this couldn't work for the both of you?"
"Because I know. I've seen what happened with Nat and Bruce. Relationships don't work within the team. I know that. I just wish he could have waited a few days or something. I need Steve right now. I don't want to hate him" I say quietly.
"He really didn't mean to hurt you" Clint replies.
"But he did"
Clint doesn't have a chance to reply before Wanda appears beside me. She is holding two glasses of what I can imagine to be champagne. I smile gratefully and take one from her.
"You're a star" I tell her as I bring the glass up to my lips. I take a long sip and enjoy the feeling of the cold liquid going down my throat. "I needed that"
"Well there's plenty more where that comes from" Clint laughs.
"If you need me, you'll find me at the bar" I tell Clint as I turn to leave. Wanda walks by my side a wide smile on her face.
I smile at a few people as we pass. I spot Sharon Carter standing a few feet away with Fury. I never really had the chance to get to know her. All I know is that she helped Steve during his fight with Tony. I had heard a few rumours over the years regarding her relationship with Steve.
As uncomfortable as that makes me, I flash her a smile anyway as she notices me looking in her direction. She smiles back and I continue walking.
"Did you see her?" I whisper to Wanda. She looks around in confusion.
"See who?" She asks.
"Sharon Carter" I tell her. "She's here"
"Sharon?" Wanda questions. She looks around but I quickly grab her arm.
"Don't look. You'll make it obvious" I snap.
We reach the bar and I lean my back against the counter. Looking around at all the people.
"She's here?" Wanda asks quietly.
"Yes"
"Why?" She asks.
"How am I supposed to know?" I huff. "Sorry." I apologise quickly. "I just wasn't expecting to see her here"
"It's okay" she takes the empty glass from my hand and walks behind the back of the bar. Pulling out two shot glasses and pouring us each a tequila shot.
She hands one to me and I hold the glass out to do a cheers. As she taps her glass with mine, I say. "To a new normal" I smile.
I take the shot in one and put the glass back onto the counter. "We should dance" I say quickly. She laughs and puts her glass back onto the counter.
"Dancing it is" she takes my hand and drags me over to the dance floor.
We dance for what feels like hours. Laughing and stumbling around the dance floor. "I need another drink" Wanda says stumbling away. I watch her walk towards the bar and pour herself another drink.
"No one should be left alone on the dance floor when it's their birthday" a voice says from behind me. I turn around with a smile.
"Hi Sam"
He holds his hand out to me which I happily take. "Care for a dance?" He asks.
"It isn't a slow song" I laugh.
"We don't need a slow song in order to slow dance" he tells me with a smile.
I laugh and let him pull me into his chest. His right arm goes behind my back as his left hand holds my own. I rest my chin on his shoulder and let him sway us from side to side.
"We must look crazy right now" I laugh out.
"Why's that?" He asks.
"We're slow dancing to Timber by Pitbull. No one should slow dance to Timber" we both laugh.
My eyes eventually land on Wanda. Having expected her to be back by now I wonder what's taking her so long. And then I realise.
"What do you recon they're talking about?" I ask softly.
Sam pauses and looks over in the direction I'm facing. Bucky is leaning against the bar beside Wanda. They're leaning close and whispering. Laughing and smiling. It's an odd sight but it leaves a smile on my face.
"He likes her" Sam says with a smile. I pull away and look up at him in shock.
"Say what now?" I ask. "He likes her?"
"Sometimes you girls really are oblivious" he laughs.
"He likes her?" I repeat in shock. Ignoring his last statement.
"Us guys have been teasing him for months about it. He didn't want to overstep any boundaries. It hasn't been long since Vision died. Bucky didn't want to be too forward if she wasn't ready for anything" he says softly. His eyes travel back to Wanda and Bucky. I watch as Bucky's arm rests against Wanda's back.
"It doesn't look like she minds very much" I laugh.
Sam nods and pulls me back into his chest. "Stop watching them. It's me you should be paying attention to" he jokes.
I laugh and let my head rest against his shoulder again. "They invited Sharon" I whisper.
"What?"
"Sharon's here" I say quietly.
"Oh" he adds.
"You were there that day weren't you?" I ask as we continue swaying. "You were there when they kissed, right?"
I feel him nod. I bite down hard on my lip to try and hold back the tears.
"I miss him so much" I whisper.
"He's not gone anywhere" Sam says gently.
"That's where you're wrong. I've never felt further away from him in all my life"
"You should talk to him" Sam suggests.
"And say what?" I pull away from him but only far enough so I can see his face. "He ended things with me Sam. Not the other way around"
"I think he just needs you to want him. To prove to him that you care for him"
I sigh. "Haven't I been doing that?" I ask.
Sam looks around uncomfortably. He takes my hand and pulls me away from the dance floor and away from the crowds.
"He needs you to be honest with him. Tell him you love him. Just be honest" he tells me.
I fidget with the rings on my fingers and sigh. "Where is he?" I ask nervously. Sam smiles, proud of himself for convincing me to go and talk to Steve.
"He's on the roof. Mentioned something about needing some air"
I thank Sam but don't wait for his response has I run from the room. I make my way to the stairs that lead directly to the roof. I haven't even figured out my intentions yet. Am I ready to tell him how I feel? He just ended things with me. What if Sam is wrong and he doesn't have feelings for me? What then?
I decide to just ignore the doubt and bite the bullet. I can't hide from my feelings forever.
The cold air hits me before I have the chance to step outside. I see Steve standing alone at the edge of the roof. Leaning against the wall and looking out over the grounds.
I start walking forward but suddenly stop when I see another person walk up beside him. I can feel my heart beat quicken as she comes into view. Sharon Carter.
I feel rage build up inside me as I watch her lean in. Don't do it. Please don't do it.
As their lips touch I suddenly feel sick. I should have known. How stupid of me to trust him. I hold my hand against my chest in shock and try to hold back my sobs.
I turn around and go to leave. I need a drink. Or maybe 40. I just need to not feel right now. I slam the roof door behind me as I make my way inside. I feel sick.
The door opening again after me forces me to turn around. Steve is standing in the doorway. Shock and guilt written all over his face. "Andi?" He goes to step forward but I hold my hand up.
"Don't you dare come near me right now" my voice comes out in a soft whisper. I am way to calm on the outside compared to how angry I feel inside.
The door falls closed behind Steve and it's suddenly just me and him alone in the hall.
"I'm so sorry" he whispers. "I had no idea you would be there" he tells me.
"Would that have changed anything?" I ask. "Would you have not kissed her? Because from where I was standing it didn't look like she forced herself upon you. You leaned in too Steve"
"I know that" he sounds defeated.
"I can't do this anymore. I don't even know why I'm here" I begin to cry.
He tries to step forward but once again I stop him.
"Don't!" I threaten. "You've done enough"
I turn around and make my way down the steps. I can still hear Steve behind me. The sound of his fist connecting to the wall only increases my sons. I wipe my tears as I make my way through the halls and back towards the party.
I don't enter until I feel like I have myself under control. I walk directly over to the bar. Avoiding the eyes of all those around me.
I pour myself a shot. Down it and then pour another. I do this until a hand reaches out to grab my arm. I turn to face Sam.
"What happened?" He asks me.
"Sharon happened" I lift the glass to my lips and gulp down the shot. I then go to pour myself another when Sams hand grabs the bottle away from me.
"I think you've had enough" Sam says softly.
I turn to face him and roll my eyes. "I haven't had enough until I can no longer stand. Do you understand me?"
Sam eyes are so full of pity it makes me want to punch him. "Please sort your face out" I tell him. He looks at me in confusion. "Stop looking at me like I'm broken. I'm not broken. I'm just hurting. Sort your fucking face out Sam"
He apologises and obviously tries his best to straighten his face out. It doesn't work though. I can still feel the pity radiating off him.
"Where is Wanda?" I ask as I look around the bar.
"I don't know. She disappeared a while ago with Bucky" Sam tells me.
"Great" I huff.
I step around Sam and go to leave the room. "Andi wait" he calls out.
I ignore him and keep walking. I walk until I reach Wanda's room. I stand outside for a while. Unsure if I should go in. She deserves to have this moment with Bucky. I hate myself for constantly dragging her into my mess. Forcing her to hold me whilst I cry. She deserves to be happy.
I turn around to leave when the door suddenly opens behind me. I turn around in shock to see Bucky stumbling out of the room. His hair a mess and his belt undone.
I can't help the smile that appears on my face. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights. I bite my lip to stop me from laughing as he steps around me.
"Happy birthday Andi" he says with a smile.
I laugh and nod my head. He stumbles down the hallway. Doing his belt up as he disappears around the corner. When he's finally gone I walk into the room.
Wanda is sat on the edge of her bed. Her hair is also a mess and I have to hold back my laughter as I spot the issue with her dress.
"Your dress is on backwards" I laugh. She turns around to face me and rolls her eyes. I watch her look down at her dress and groan.
"Shit" she mutters. She stands and begins removing her dress. Instead of putting it back on, she throws it to the floor and instead pulls on a T-shirt from the pile beside her. The T-shirt falls just below her waist. She climbs back onto her bed and I walk over.
"So you and Bucky?" I ask. She looks up at me and smiles.
"Don't say anything" she warns me with a smile.
I sit down beside her and lean my head against the headboard. "That's a duo I never expected" I admit.
"It's because we're drunk, right?" It sounds like a question more than a statement.
"He likes you Wanda" I tell her. She looks over at me. The smile on her face is contagious.
"He likes me?" She asks. All I do is nod.
"I can't believe I slept with him" she laughs and covers her face. "God I'm such an idiot"
"Wait, why?"
She uncovers her face and looks up at me. "He's our friend. There's an unspoken rule that you should never have sex with your friends"
"Yeah that rule is probably a good idea" I say with a sigh.
"What's the matter?" She asks. I look away and shake my head.
"I'm fine" I lie.
"You're a terrible liar" she tells me.
I roll my eyes and look over at her. "Steve kissed Sharon. On the roof"