CONTENT WARNING: This chapter consist of PTSD and Torture
Lan Ying's POV
When i open my eyes, I was standing inside an old familiar room. A room that i will never forget and will haunt me forever.
Suddenly...
A young me appeared in front of me, sobbing. Her hands were chained up, her clothes were torn, exposing some parts of her body that was full of wounds, bruises and cuts.
My body trembled, seeing my young self like that. I didn't know I look like that.
I look so hideous...
I tried approaching her but the door suddenly opened with a bang. A drunk guy, wearing the Qishan Wen Sect's sun robe, entered the room. He was still carrying a jar of wine.
My legs shivered. I walked backwards trying to avoid him. I was shaking a lot that I stumbled down.
Behind me was a table, even though I'm scared by his presence, I still chose to stand up. Holding on the table, supporting myself to stand up.
As I stood up, my eyes landed on the things that was laid on the table. My eyes widened, it was the torture devices that was used on me. I looked away, trembling in fear.
I looked at my young self instead, her face are so pale,shaking. The guy walked toward her, caressing her face, looking at her with lust. The scene disgusted me that it even made me want to vomit.
She was already crying, shooking his head away to remove the guy's hand from her face. The guy was dissatisfied so he attempted to touch her chest but she kicked him before he can touch her. Anger could be seen in her expression but it changed quickly to fear. She said 'sorry' multiple times.
The guy got mad from the kick. He swung his hand, hitting her face with the jar of wine. The jar broke into pieces, the wine splashed on her face. The wine streamed down on her face along with a mix of blood coming from the new cuts on her cheeks. Blood started pouring down from the side of her head.
I shut my eyes closed, my body shivering in fear, sobs coming out of my throat. I couldn't endure the scene.
I suddenly felt someone's presence walking toward me. I opened my eyes and I just noticed that the guy was walking toward me. My body fell to the ground, my hands tugging at my hair. Tears suddenly rolled down my cheeks, shooking my head.
"No... please... don't..." I sobbed, shaking vigorously. I was crying for a few seconds but nothing happened to me. I looked up, seeing the man standing in front of the table. His eyes roaming around the table as if deciding what to use from the torture devices. He then grabbed the whip and slowly walked away from me but was walking toward my young self.
She was still sobbing from the pain, indicating that she was still conscious after the hit.
"Jiejie!" a voice could be heard for a moment, it was unrecognizable and unclear.
He raised his hands and began to whip her. She screamed in pain, she shouted a few words, asking for help but no one came for her. He suddenly whipped her face to shut her up that made me flinch.
As if I was the one getting whip, I cried and mumbled. "Please... stop... it hurts."
"Auntie!/Chengsu-ji!" another unrecognizable voices could be heard again.
Please... help!
He was smirking and was saying something to her. Although i couldnt hear it, i know what it is, threats,insults and others.
He continued to abuse, torture her as if she was nothing but a thing.That made her feel so hopeless, her eyes are lifeless as if she was about to give up on living.
I could feel it the feeling of being hopeless, helpless. Its suffocating, as if the air became heavy.
"Lan Shanli!" another voice could be heard again but the voice was familiar this time.
What he does to her began to became worst and worst. My eyes are so horrified as if my nightmares starts to come alive.
"St-stop!!!" I shouted as loud as I could and then he stopped, and he looked at me. His eyes are so dark, I was so scared that my legs became numb.
As he walks towards me. "Stop! Stop!" I continued screaming.
"LAN YING!" A loud voice called for me again. The guy disappeared and my surrounding changed as familiar voices called for my name in panic.
"Jiejie..."
"It's okay Shanli, we're here."
"No one's gonna hurt you."
I opened my eyes slowly, it was a little bit blurry at first. I still couldn't breath properly, sobs filling my throat. My body trembled under the blanket.
Someone touched my cheeks as I flinched.
"It's okay, calm down. We won't hurt you, you're safe." a soothing voice said, as he wiped my tears.
My vision became clear a little, human figures started filling the room. After a few blinks it became clearer than before, Wei Wuxian was sitting on my bed, beside me. Lan Wangji was behind him. Jiang Cheng, Sizhui, Jin Ling and Jingyi was also standing beside the bed. Worried expressions was written all over their face.
"Wei Wuxian..." I mumbled.
He held my hand, holding it gently. "I'm here, I'm here."
Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I unconsciously hugged Wei Wuxian, crying on his chest. He caressed my back gently.
The nightmare I just had really terrified me, I just want to cry. I want to forget it but I can't. It just keeps coming and coming. It won't leave me no matter what I do.
It's been 17 years...
How long do I have to endure it...
---
"Have you calm down already?" Wei Wuxian asked and I nodded. I looked at Wei Wuxian's white robed around his chest. It was wet from my tears. I feel guilty now for crying on him.
"Wei Wuxian... I'm sorry about your robe. It's wet now because of me." I apologized. He suddenly laughed.
His lips pouting, while his arms crossed across his chest. "You know? I really hate it when my robe gets wet, you owe me something now-- Ow~ Jiang Cheng! That hurts!" Wei Wuxian whined dramatically when Jiang Cheng suddenly hit Wei Wuxian's arm.
"You know what just the person has gone through! Stop being dramatic over your robe!" Jiang Cheng scolded.
"Wei Ying, stop fooling around." Lan Wangji said.
I giggled.
"Okay okay, I was just joking." Wei Wuxian said, rubbing his arm. He then faced me and spoke, "It's okay, I have my black robe with me. I'll change later."
"Sect Leader Jiang, here's the water." Zizhen came in and gave a cup of water to Jiang Cheng.
"Drink it." Jiang Cheng said, passing the water to me. I thanked him first before drinking the water.
"Chengsu-ji, are you feeling okay now?" Zizhen worriedly asked. I smiled at him and nodded.
I looked up at my surrounding for the last time. It was really just a nightmare. I didn't know but it somehow feels real. The room, my young self, the guy, the torture devices, her cries and sobs, her screams, his eyes looking at me, the blood. All of it felt so real, as if I was really inside the event.
I took a long breath to remove this disturbing thoughts.
Sizhui suddenly walked behind me, holding a comb. "Jiejie, let me comb your hair." Sizhui said, a smile plastered on his face.
"Thank you." I thanked him as he started combing my long hair, trying to be gentle as he can.
I looked at the open window, the sunlight coming in from the outside.
It's already morning. I totally disobeyed the rules about waking up at 5 early in the morning.
"Did you guys eat breakfast already?" I asked.
"Not yet." Lan Wangji replied.
"Let's eat together!" Wei Wuxian energetically said. I chuckled.
"You should have eat without me."
"And leave you here having a nightmare?" Jiang Cheng asked. I didn't get what he said at first until Jingyi spoke.
"We were just about to eat breakfast but Hanguang-jun ordered Sizhui and me to wake you up so that you can eat with us." Jingyi explained. "Jingyi suddenly run downstairs and told us you won't wake up and you we're crying." Jin Ling added, his voice calm.
I finally understood what Jiang Cheng said. If Lan Wangji didn't ordered Sizhui and Jingyi then I wouldn't have wake up from the nightmare, we also don't what might happen to me inside my nightmare. If stayed to long in that nightmare, then it might also worsen my trauma.
"Sorry... I troubled you all again." I said in a low voice, my head hanging low.
"Stop saying sorry, it's irritating." Jiang Cheng said, and it really looks like his irritated.
Wei Wuxian laughed but stopped right away and he looked at me with such soft expression.
"You didn't trouble us at all. Remember, we're always there for you, don't shoulder all your pain alone. We want to help you Shanli." Wei Wuxian said, his voice full of sincerity.
What he said made my eyes teary. I wiped the tears away in my eyes and nodded at him while smiling.
"Thank you." I mumbled.
"Done." Sizhui said, finishing my hair. I didn't notice that he was also tying my hair.
"Thank you A-Yuan." I said and smiled at him as he also returned a smile..
"Let's go downstairs and eat now! I'm getting hungry now." Wei Wuxian energetically shouted, standing up and stretching his arms up. I laughed.
"You can go downstairs first, I'll follow after I change into my robe." I said.
Wei Wuxian energetic expression suddenly turned serious. Lan Wangji was always serious but his face became sterner than before.
Wei Wuxian told the junior disciples to go downstairs first. After the juniors went downstairs he turned to me, looking at me seriously. It seems like Jiang Cheng noticed this too but he didn't say anything and just waited for Wei Wuxian to speak.
"Lan Ying..." Wei Wuxian suddenly called me by my birth name that made me nervous. He never calls me by birth name before.
Jiang Cheng frowned and asked, "Oi, Wei Wuxian, what's wrong?"
Wei Wuxian ignored him and looked at me straight in the eyes. It wasn't that hot inside the room but I started sweating, getting nervous.
"A friend of yours told us something." Wei Wuxian said. I didn't know who he was referring when he said 'a friends of yours'
"W-what? Wh-who?" I nervously said, my voice stuttering.
"Do you remember her name Lan Zhan?"
"Lan Cuifen." Lan Wangji replied. My face turned pale after hearing her name.
Lan Cuifen, she was my closest friend in Cloud Recesses. I didn't know what she said to them, but I have clue about it and it's making me more nervous. I've been hiding this to them. Lan Cuifen once saw me do it but I told her not tell anyone. I do have a few secrets but this is the only secret that I really don't want others to know about it. I don't want them to worry about me...
But I think Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji already know it...
"Shanli, give me the knife." Lan Wangji bluntly said. Jiang Cheng's browes knitted together, confusion could be seen in his face.
"Lan Shanli, what is he talking about? Can you guys explain it to me?" He angrily said.
"You sound like a boyfriend who demands explanations from her girlfriend who just cheated." Wei Wuxian said, his grin reaching his ears.
"Are you asking for a beat up?!" Jiang Cheng shouted.
"Wahh~ Sect Leader Jiang is going to beat me up~~ Protect me Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian dramatically said, hiding behind Lan Wangji. I chuckled.
Jiang Cheng, "Wei Wuxian!"
Wei Wuxian laughed loudly. "All right, all right. Just calm down you grumpy volcano."
"You-" Jiang Cheng was about to shout to him again but he restrained and calmed his self as he crossed his arms.
Wei Wuxian finally spoke.
"Your friend, Lan Cuifen, was the one who approached us. Me and Lan Zhan was at the back of the mountain to feed the rabbits and Lil' Apple and that's where we met her." Wei Wuxian said.
"She told us about what you've been doing after you get a nightmare." Wei Wuxian added.
Jiang got confused even more but he didn't dare to speak and just waited for Wei Wuxian to tell all about it.
"Shanli... Why are you harming yourself?" Wei Wuxian asked, his tone full of concern, wearing such a pain expression.
Something pierced through my heart after seeing his reaction. I gulped at my own saliva.
That's why I don't want you guys to know it...
I hate seeing them wearing that kind of expression because of me.
"Wei Wuxian! What kind of nonsense are you talking about? Why would she harm herself?!" Jiang Cheng asked, shouting confusedly. Not knowing what his brother actually mean.
"Lan Cuifen told us that you've been harming yourself after you get a nightmare. You would cut your skin with a knife all around your body." Lan Wangji spoked.
"W-what?" Jiang Cheng asked in disbelief. He suddenly grab my arm making me flinch. He ignored my reaction and rolled my sleeves, seeing nothing but my fair and smooth skin.
"Jiang Cheng, you're scaring her. Let go of her first." Wei Wuxian ordered. Jiang Cheng let go of my arm as he mumbled 'sorry' to me.
"You won't see any scar around her body. You probably know about her healing powers, it'll heal everything, not even leaving a scar." Wei Wuxian said.
Jiang Cheng looked at me, pain swarming his eyes. He asked, "Why? Why are you hurting yourself?"
I bit my lower lip, holding back my tears. I took a heavy breath and stood up from my bed and walked toward the desk. I grabbed my Qiankun pouch, taking out the knife I've been using to harm myself. I walked back to Lan Wangji and gave the knife to him. Lan Wangji took it and grab a piece of cloth from his inner robe and wrapped the knife with it before putting it back in his inner robe.
"I'm sorry..." I apologized, looking at the floor. Warm liquid started running down my cheeks again, droplets of tears falling to the floor.
"I... I just don't want you g-guys to worry about me... " I said, my voice cracking because of my sobs.
Lan Wangji suddenly embraced my small body, my head buried in his chest.
"Stop crying." Lan Wangji comforted, as he separated his self from me right away. He looked at his back.
"Wei Ying. I want to talk with Lan Shanli, alone." Lan Wangji said, as if he wants Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng to get out. Wei Wuxian nodded and pushed Jiang Cheng out of the room and closed the door.
- - - - -
Another night and another update. How's the chapter guys? It was really hard for me to write Lan Ying's nightmare. Even though I wrote this, I'm not actually into torture stuff but I can be evil sometimes. Many things will happen to this story. I hope you'll continue reading my story, just wait for my update.
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