~Kamsi~
*
Sparks. Been afraid of them since forever and I've been trying to avoid them, too. One minute I'm hating on the world, and the next minute I'm having weird chills that give me goosebumps on my skin. Jeez! What's this? I swear I don't want it. I hate it. Because this is only where the entire situation gets tougher. Run away from sparks. They only hurt at the end. Cause when there's a spark, then there'll be a fire.
*
At exactly four o'clock in the morning, I was already awake. I couldn't sleep, and my head felt like a blurry mess. It also didn't help that I felt scared, because I didn't know what was going to happen. I'd gotten accustomed to the fact that anything could happen in this house. And anyone could be a victim. I was trying to not get scared to my marrows, yet I ended up petrified and utterly shaken by the fear that gripped me.
Undeniably, I knew I couldn't handle the restlessness, and that only sucked out all the sleep out of me. I felt like heading over to Kambili's room, and just sleeping there instead, but I figured that'd come off as me being vulnerable. She'd see that her brother, who's meant to be her shield, was nothing more than a scared, insecure teenager. I didn't want her to see me that way. Not a chance.
But although I didn't want her to see me as such an incompetent brother, that was who I truly was. Quite frankly, it's a big shame on my part; but I just didn't know how to change that truth. And after tossing and turning on my bed, with no sign of sleep forthcoming, I angrily got out of bed and walked towards my window.
I sighed.
The night was chilly and calm. The breeze felt like a light peck on my skin, and I loved how less tensed the atmosphere was. I wanted to simply stare out my window, in the hope of actually getting sleepy at the end. But, that didn't happen. As I kept staring out the window, I just couldn't believe how far off everything was becoming in my eyes. Everything happened so fast.
In only a space of a few, unbearable months, things changed quite drastically. It was true that I have always had an unspoken enmity with my father, after my mother's death, but it was well-hidden. Right here, in my heart. Sure, there were days I used to find him really repulsive and was really disgusted by him, but that never even led me to ever lay a finger on him. Instead, I put up an act. It was already enough that I was also so cold towards everyone, and I guessed my heart was frozen with heartaches and sadness, that I just couldn't create a scene by bringing up the truth about my mother's death. Maybe that was why this family survived that long, before the mishaps began to occur.
Maybe it was cause of my intended ignorance, and feigned nonchalance, that made I and my father survive under one roof for that long. Although, months back, all I did was greet him when necessary and that was it. I'd even pretend to care about some things he said. I was basically tolerating him.
But then, everything changed so suddenly. Then came Alisa, and then came havoc as well. Not only did Alisa's arrival awake certain emotions I'd murdered over the past few years, but it also began to disperse the smoke of lies and deceit in our family. Those many lies, which had been so hidden all so perfectly, were slowly beginning to come out in the open.
It made me fear that all I had believed, was a total, well-built lie. And that was when I started doing something I stopped doing a long time ago, before that. I started asking questions again. Although, most of the questions seemed rhetorical and I never got answers to most of them. Still, that didn't make me stop asking those questions. Because there came a time when I felt like everything that held my family together, was built up on the foundation of pretence and secrets. I only wished I knew what those secrets were.
When Alisa first stepped foot into this house, I was pissed by her. Right when I was told my father and his wife wanted to adopt a child, I wondered why. I also learnt that they had personally gone to the orphanage, from whence Alisa had been adopted, and specially to request that she was specifically adopted. It was foolish of me to not have suspected a thing, then. Although I wondered why they wanted another child, I didn't say much to voice my displeasure.
We, Kambili and I, were told to welcome her like we would welcome our own. But I knew I wasn't about to do any of that. I didn't want her here. But she came anyway. First thing I disliked about her, was the fact that she was nosy. She didn't know when to stop asking questions, and didn't know how to respect personal space. I hated the fact that she was particularly interested in matters that concerned me. She'd ask so many stupid questions, that it made me want to pull my hair out. But those questions soon began to leave cracks on the wall I'd built up for myself. Some stuff she said began to get into my head. I was losing composure real quick. Then, the fact that she was also very talkative and annoying. Jeez! Alisa was really annoying.
I hated the fact that she wanted to know everything, when she'd only just arrived. I hated the fact that she didn't level her tongue and trim her thoughts, and at least keep her opinions to herself. She spoke without reasoning. She made her points clear and voiced her opinions without a bother. Wasn't she ever scared of getting kicked out? Because I was sure-as-hell that her appearance only created room for drama.
All these things happened in such a short time, but it was only then that I fully came to understand something. And that was: the fact that it wasn't her fault. Entirely. Sure, she did really crazy stuff which I felt she shouldn't have, but I felt she was also a victim here. I mean, at the end, she was the one with bullets penetrated into her stomach. Although the doctors managed to get the bullets out, she was still in a coma.
Two things could have caused that coma. One, the shock from it. And two, the fact that she was shot using a sniper. The speed from the bullet must've affected her spine or must've really damaged some organs. But I was no doctor, so what did I know?
Anyway.
I still couldn't fathom the reason why she got shot. I mean, what hand did she have in any of this? She was completely out of the picture, so what must've been so important about her that got her dragged into all this? After having all these thoughts, then I realized something, too.
Alisa was no ordinary girl.
There was something about her that had a hand in all other mishaps that took place. Like, why on Earth did all these have to happen the second she arrived? Why all the chaos? And WHY on Earth did a lady and her daughter barge back here, calming to be Alisa's biological mother?
That didn't sit well with me. If anything, it only confused the sh*t out of me. Like, why? Why did everything have to happen within the space of time Alisa got here? Sure, my family wasn't perfect before she got here — in fact, it was far from perfect — but at least no one got shot. At least no one else died after my mother did. At least we could stand each other. But things changed! Things frickin changed, and we had no control. Absolutely no control over any of it.
Why I was thinking about this? Well, that was because I just couldn't sleep. And the feeling of not being able to sleep, happens to create room for the craziest thoughts. You'd think of everything, and anything. But fortunately, I was slowly beginning to get sleepy again. I heaved a tired sigh, and a yawn escaped from my lips. I took that as my cue to go back to sleep, but the minute I lay down to sleep again; my alarm went off. It was time for me to get off of my bed, and get dressed for school.
Couldn't the universe be pitiful towards me?!
Crap!
* * *
Today, Kambili finally came to school. We both had to endure a really awkward ride to school, and that was because our father insisted on driving us. I didn't want that, in fact, I argued my out my utmost displeasure. Still, he insisted on taking us. I had to endure being in the same car with him. Secluded, and breathing the same air as him. I felt sick to my stomach, but I had to not try to cause a scene. Kambili had tried making small talk, but I wasn't in the mood to participate in anything that concerned my father. I simply shut them both out.
After the entire fiasco three days ago, about Alisa's biological mother and stuff, no one seemed to want to bring the topic up again. Kambili was still shaken by the fact that my father had always known that that woman was Alisa's mother.
I'd reflect back on that day. This was how everything else went down:the lady said my father had known Alisa was biologically hers and still refused on letting her take her daughter back (even though he knew that she was looking for her). Instead, my father went ahead and adopted her, and kept on hiding Alisa's presence in our house from her "mother". According to the deranged lady, she had given Alisa up for adoption years ago. And she had claimed it was because she had just lost her husband, and was pregnant for another child (which was the girl who was with her that day) and couldn't afford to take care of both her and Alisa. She knew the financial difficulty would be too much for her to bear, and so she offered Alisa up for adoption.
I noticed she wanted to say more, but for some reason my father kept shooting threatening glares at her. She was just about saying something else, but my father soon called the security guards on her and she was forcefully dragged out. I wanted to question him on why he did that, and I almost did, but I ended up not doing anything. Although, I knew he only threw her out cause he was hiding something.
I wanted to know what it was.
Moving on,
I made my way to my class and dumped myself at a seat at the back. That was my seat, and no one dared to drag it with me. That, I was happy for.
Unfortunately, I wasn't alone and the loud noises and disturbing chatters from my stupid classmates made it really hard to not want to slap them out cold.
Pretty much everyone in this class was avoiding me, as usual, and I didn't have a problem with that. In fact, I was glad. I didn't care. And I'd be more than happy if they happened to evaporate from the surface of this planet called Earth.
And just when I thought I'd have a few more minutes to myself before the assembly, Tyrone soon walked into the class and loudly rushed towards me. "Hey, bro!" He yelled and I rolled my eyes at him. I still hadn't forgotten that stunt he played on Friday. Like, why?
"Oh. You're still upset about missing the party, huh?" He smirked and placed an arm over my shoulder. "Well, if it makes you feel any better; then I had a lot of fun without you." At that? I stared at him like he was a disgusting piece of sh*t and shrugged his arm off of my shoulder.
"You're crazy."
"And you need to upgrade your social life. Let me help you, please!" Dramatically, Tyrone begged.
I sighed, and rolled my eyes at him, again.
Well, unlike me, Tyrone was pretty much cool with almost everyone. If not everyone, even. But, he still didn't make me feel bad about it. In fact, he was the best at giving support when I needed it. And although I know I was being a grouch by refusing the help he offered by bringing Angel, I still knew he was only trying to help me out. As always. And for that, I just couldn't be mad at him. I mean, who could be? He was Tyrone. The vibe when you needed it, and the real gee when you needed someone to listen. I couldn't be more happier to have him as a friend.
Although, I'd never tell him that cause I didn't want his head bloating twice the size of a watermelon.
"Yo, bud!" Some dude walked over to us and high-fived with Tyrone. And as expected, he didn't acknowledge me. By the way, I still didn't care.
Then, they both started talking about random stuff and I just kind of zoned out on all the things they were saying. I soon got up and left, heading to nowhere in particular.
I shoved both my hands into my pockets and made my way down the crowded hallways of Eagles Prep Academy. A school for the snobby, bratty, rich kids; who felt they could buy the entire world with daddy's money. I scoffed. I may be snobby, a bit bratty, and from a rich home or whatever, but I didn't think I could buy the entire world with my father's money. In fact, I didn't want his money. I didn't even want to touch it.
But,
I'd be out on the streets, if not for the same goddamn money that put clothes on my body, gave me a roof over my head, food to eat and water to drink, and even offered me an education. Still, I didn't rely on that same goddamn money all the time. Because I knew they were gotten, somehow, from shady means.
I soon made my way to the school's library. This was the one place in school that was usually extremely quiet, calm and barely had anyone in it. I was glad. In fact, I was thrilled. Because at the moment, that was exactly what I needed. No annoying, pesky morons. No idiots to but in. Absolutely no one to make up stupid rumors and get on my nerves.
This was perfect.
I walked into the library, and was welcomed into the sanctuary of literal wonder. Books, kissed by time and touched by literal wisdom, filled the numerous shelves in the spacious room. You could almost smell the wisdom and adventure through all these books.
The librarian was somewhere at the corner, furiously typing on her laptop like no man's business. I muttered a greeting to her, and I wasn't sure she heard but it wasn't like I cared. Then, I made my way through the shelves of many colors and which houses nearly thousands of books.
No one really knew this, but I liked to read. In fact, I loved it. But it was something I did in secret and not many people would've ever guessed that I even did. I only come here when I felt like I couldn't take being surrounded by toxic, poisonous human beings anymore. I only come here to find solace in the pages of a really interesting book. I'd forget everything that bothered me, and for once; I'd pretend to be lost in the world of another character who had a less suck-ish life than mine.
It was soothing. Comforting. Overwhelming.
It brought me relief. It helped ease the pain sometimes. And most times, it made me the Kamsi I used to be. The carefree boy with a devil-may-care attitude that was beyond infectious. I'd been told countless times, but I let that boy die and I didn't ever think to feel remorseful.
Sometimes, reading helped bring that boy back to life. But sadly, afterwards, he was long gone again. Dead, and lost in the shadows of the past. Seemingly lost forever.
My fingers left traces on the shelves as I browsed through the tall shelves; in search of a good book. Then, I found one. Snow to Ash by some author who I didn't really care to identify. I stared at the book, and turned to it's descriptions.
It was about a boy who thought he could have it all and still make the ones around him happy. But, along the line he got lost in the chaos created by his determination. And that not only left him to bear the burden of wanting too much, but left him housing the bruise of unintentionally hurting the ones he wanted to help.
Well, ouch.
For some reason, that really appealed to me.
"That's a really nice book." I swear, I almost shrieked and almost used the book to slam against the face of the petite girl infront of me.
I blinked. Once. Twice. Yet, she was still there, smiling and looking like she'd been kissed by the sun, hugged by the stars and played in the clouds all day. Her personality was infectious. Her smile was contagious and her eyes were beyond enchanting.
How she must've sneaked up on me like that, was something I'd ponder later. But the fact that she was even here, in this school, was something I couldn't understand.
"Angel?"
She chuckled, and I realized how smooth it sounded. Rainbows clashing with hailstorms. I didn't know why, but I found myself getting somewhat jealous at how happy this girl appeared to be. She reminded me of my old self. Only this time, she was the female version of who I used to be.
"Wow. I'm surprised you even remembered my name. I'm impressed," her fragile hands found a book on the shelf. Othello, a shakespearean novel. "I was convinced you hated me the last time we spoke. What a way to leave your date hanging, huh?" She was still smiling, although she wasn't looking at me anymore. Instead, she was staring at the book in her hands.
Normally, I'd just walk away and act like I didn't know her and didn't give a f*ck. Because, well, I didn't know her and really didn't give a f*ck. But, I felt the need to explain myself. I didn't even know why.
"I— I'm not a party person, sorry." Then, I took my book along with me and finally left.
But she followed.
"I get it. I'm not either... But I wish you'd told me that before storming off like that. Anyways," she followed me till we got to a seat and sat down. "I didn't know you'd be into books." Her eyes seemed to lecture me, mocking me with the beautiful glint in them.
"It's not something I like to talk about." I murmured, as I flipped through the pages of the book now on the table.
"Well, I have a thing for boys that love to read. Just so you know." She winked at me, and smiled!
Was she flirting with me?
If she was, then wow. I couldn't understand why a girl like her would flirt with someone like me. I mean, I wasn't the happiest, nor nicest person in the school. I was far from being anything close to welcoming. But for some reason, she was here. Trying to start up a conversation with a boy who'd rather be alone.
"Are you new here or something?" I couldn't help but ask. I couldn't shove the question aside any longer because I couldn't understand why she'd be willing to be around me. Every girl in this school would be sure to have a heart attack by only hearing the sound of my name. But she? She wasn't affected in this least.
And the only reasonable explanation for that was, either she was a new student. Or, she has had her head buried in the clouds for far too long. Everyone hated me in this school. Everyone, besides Kambili and Tyrone, that is. Still, the others loathed me. They all avoided me like a plague and they all wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.
I was the outcast in this school.
Then why? Why wouldn't she just leave like the rest of them did? Why wouldn't she just disappear into thin air like they all did? Why wasn't she afraid of me? Why couldn't she hate me like the rest of them did? Why the f*ck was she even being nice to me?!
I couldn't understand it.
"Yes. Yes, I'm new here. I joined three days ago." And there was my explanation.
That was the only reason she wasn't acting like they were. I'd give her a week, and the minute she hears the rumors, she'd be long gone too. That was how it always was. It wouldn't take long before she'd think I'm a monster, or jerk, or murder, or demon. Name it! She'd hate me for sure. It was the unspoken circle-of-life in this school. And even she couldn't defy it. She wouldn't.
And although I really wished I could stab myself for having a slight pang of sadness, I still had to bottle it all up inside of me. It hurt. More than it should have. In fact, it shouldn't have even hurt me at all.
But it did.
"Well, that's why." I replied and she peered at me through her curly, full lashes.
"Why what?"
"Why you're not afraid of me. Trust me, by the time you get to hear all the rumors, you'd loath me too. And I think that'd be better for you," I sighed. "I'm not someone you should be around. I'm a terrible person. And soon? You'd think that too."
I expected her to gather her stuff to leave. Or punch me in the face, or kick me in the sheen or do something violent!
But she didn't.
Instead, she just had on that smile that never seemed to leave her face. It was really becoming annoying. I wanted her to leave before I found myself asking more things I'd regret. For instance, why she smiled too much. Or why she was acting all weird by not like, y'know, hating me and stuff.
"Believe it or not, I'm not like that. I don't judge by what I hear alone, Kamsi," her fragile hands shocked me by finding my cold, larger ones. "I judge by what I see, what I know, and what I feel. And if you think you're a terrible person, then I'd take that risk of hanging around you for a while. To see and know that for sure." Again, her smile never left her face. Her warm hands were somehow making mine a little warm and I couldn't ignore the tingle that went up my entire body at the contact.
"And you wanna know something?" She stared at me, like she were trying to read me and trying to pull every fence I'd put up around me, down to its foundations.
I had to look away, and I swear I had to reinforce those fences again.
Still, those hands of her turned my face towards her. No fear, whatsoever.
Eyes locking with mine, caging me inside her orbs that seemed to kill all the arrogance in me. I tried to break free from those eyes that held innocence, but I was drowning instead of getting out. "I don't think you're all they say you are, Kamsi. You're just hurting, that's all."
I shook my head, trying to shift all her words aside. Trying to shake her off. She didn't know what she was saying. She— she didn't mean any of those things. I was sure of it.
But,
A feeling all so overwhelming and electrifying, went through me in that exact moment. I almost forgot to breathe when I finally made eye contact again.
At that exact moment,
I was convinced this girl wasn't human.
She couldn't be.
*
Okay, so Kamsi and Angel?!?!%%$$#&# *spark spark* ~system overload~
Who's seeing what I'm seeing??👀
#KANGEL or #ANGSI
or... You pick a ship name for them before I ruin the romance and sink their almost sailing ship with my terrible, HORRIBLE ship names (thereby causing said ship to capsize before it even reaches the shore, and killing all the happiness before it grows)🤭
I just really really reeeeeeally wanted to give Kamsi a love interest. Like, I feel bad about this his sadness-is-my-life kind of attitude. He needs some kind of love, y'know?
And yes, we can weep now (for us girls that may or may not have crushed on him)😭💔
Kamsi: didn't ask you to give me a love interest!
Me: I made you, so yeah. I can frickin do that! Go me!
Anywho,
Please comment, let me know what you're thinking. Please...
Drop your words in the comment section, huns!↪
Also, don't forget to vote. That's very important... And also share if you can✨
PS: my little sis made the cover in the media box. I mean, it's not amazing but I love the fact that she was so enthusiastic about my book and made it. That was so cute... So I thought I'd share it with y'all 🤭❤️
Love you guys...
Bye!❤️