"Oh, and I was thinking..."
Kakashi reached for his tea as Iruka finally stopped pacing from side to side in front of his desk. It had been at least fifteen minutes of him rambling about the wedding, how much Naruto meant to him, how significant and life changing this was to him.
He put the cup down after a sip, hoping that Iruka had just got tired of fidgeting as much as he was tired of listening to it all.
"Which is why I came to see you, actually," Iruka planted his hands on the desk and leaned over. "The reason why the tables haven't been moved to the cherry blossom field yet. Is because we don't have enough hands to help? I can round up the older kids from the academy, I'm sure they can move the furniture from the hall in a few hours. And everything can be ready for the rehearsal at 4pm."
Move tables? Kakashi blinked a couple of times, his eyes prickly from his lack of sleep. Was he that tired that Iruka-sensei stopped making sense to him?
"Hold on. You want to move the tables from the hall? That's impossible, those are bolted," Kakashi said, trying to keep those eyes open. "Besides, most of it is set already."
The expression in Iruka's face was a mix exaltation and urgency, and now, also despair. His lips parted in shock. "But Hokage-sama—"
"Drop the Hokage-sama already."
Iruka's face took a light shade of red. "Um... I'm sorry, Kakashi-san, but we've agreed to this days ago! The cherry blossoms are blooming earlier this year, it's meant to be."
Kakashi furrowed his brows. "I don't recall."
"The day before yesterday?" Iruka persisted, leaning further towards Kakashi. "We had a scheduled meeting and everything. I didn't think you would agree, to be honest, but you did. You said it was a great idea."
Two days ago? Right. That was when Tenzō returned to Konoha and they saw each other for the first time in months. They kissed, got aroused, Tenzō escaped with a boner out the window. So that was it? Kakashi did recall agreeing to something that made Iruka-sensei leave his office with a huge smile in his face, he simply forgot what he had agreed to.
Instead of going back in his words and sounding like he was going senile, Kakashi simply nodded. "Well, it was raining yesterday. Are you sure the cherry blossoms are still there?" Hopefully, they wouldn't be and this conversation could end now.
"I saw them this morning. It was only a drizzle. Today is sunny and warm, the ground will be dry in no time."
"I suppose this needs to be done quickly then," Kakashi said and grabbed his tea, only to put it down again as it was empty. "There are other deliveries arriving this afternoon."
"The stage will be delivered straight there, I've arranged that already. But we do need the tables and chairs for the rehearsal." Iruka nodded, clearly talking more to himself than to Kakashi "I'll make sure everything is done," he said with a deep breath, "everything will be just fine."
"Stressed?"
"You can tell?"
Anyone could tell. Iruka-sensei didn't hide his feelings very well, he was the type to wear his heart on his sleeves. In the past, Kakashi disliked that about him, it got in the way of his job, he doted on his students who were meant to become soldiers and got unreasonably attached. Even for a teacher, it seemed too much at the time, but he understood Iruka better now, and even wished he could be a little like that sometimes. So, Kakashi simply nodded and looked down at the sheets of paper on his desk — preparation notes, charts, to-do list.
"I guess there is no helping it. Naruto is family to me, like a little brother but I never thought he saw me as anything other than a teacher," Iruka said and Kakashi didn't have to look to know the other was smiling. "You're in a similar position, Kakashi-san, but maybe you can deal with stress a lot better."
"Not always." He just bottled up. "I simply didn't get enough sleep. It's harder to get stressed when you don't have the energy to do so. You should go and take those tables up the hill."
Iruka chuckled and inhaled deeply before thanking him again — for some reason — and leaving the office. Kakashi would have been a little more anxious about the wedding itself if he hadn't been so preoccupied with his personal life. A personal life,... he never would have thought this to be an issue for him.
He rested the elbow on the desk and his chin on his fist and looking down at the many lists scattered in front of him. He had to focus. It was early, but the day was going to be a long one.
*****
One side of his head laid flat into his palm, squishing his cheeks and lips as the slow but deep breaths rocked him from side to side like a pendulum. Yamato stared, trying to imagine how that face looked had the mask not been there, covering most of it. If not for the events of the previous night, he would have pictured his senpai, all sleepy and squished to be cute but, out of spite, he assumed he was drooling like an idiot instead — finally, making good use of that pointless mask, to keep his messy desk dry.
"Rokudaime." Yamato called for the third time,... or fourth. He lost count. His eyes narrowing further with each step he took towards the Hokage's desk. "Roku—". What good would it do to try that again? "Kakashi-senpai." Nothing. Yamato looked around in search of the heaviest looking folder he could get his hands on from the many piles of documents that surrounded the Hokage. He held it a foot or two off the desk and dropped it.
The thump didn't shake the desk itself — not when it was pinned down so firmly by the ridiculous amount of paper on it — but it was loud enough to have Kakashi jerk back on his chair and open his eyes.
"Ten... Yama...," he stuttered. His eyes scanned the corners of the room. "... It's just you, Tenzō?"
"Just me, yeah." Yamato said, the discontent still sat in his face.
"I didn't know if we were alone. You been here long?"
"No." He had.
Kakashi leaved back to rest his head into the left palm this time. Before his eyes closed again, he reached blindly for the folder Yamato had tossed in front of him. "Do I need to do something with this?"
"It fell from that pile," Yamato said, pointing at the one he had taken it from, just in case it was something important that had to be returned to it. However, Kakashi did as he expected, put it back on whatever stack of paper was the closest without a second thought or a single look.
"About the—"
"ANBU, I know. I can spare a couple."
"It won't be necessary."
Kakashi opened a single eye, probably out of habit but to Yamato, it was as if whatever he had to say didn't deserve both.
"He's gone," he said shortly. "We came to an agreement."
It seemed that the Hokage was finally interested in the subject. He leaned back in the chair and opened his other eye. which was irritating. So Orochimaru could have his full attention then? Great.
"You managed to talk him out of attending the wedding?"
"Don't act so surprised, senpai. I can be persuasive and manipulative if I want to. I learned from the best." And he could also be hurtful, something his senpai also taught him.
Kakashi looked down at the papers on his desk. "I see."
"I will be tailing him to ensure he is holding up his end of the deal."
"Orochimaru is not a good person to make deals with, Tenzō."
"Figure of speech. I know exactly who he is, you don't need to tell me." Yamato took a scroll from his back pocket and placed it heavily on the desk. "It's all in the report."
"Oi, Tenzō."
"No, I don't have the time to read mission reports back to you. Never had and never will, you should stop asking me or complaining every time."
That was it! He reached a limit. Yamato wanted to keep the composure but from the moment he stepped into the office and his senpai looked so unfazed, he just couldn't do it. Kakashi seemed even less affected by his presence than any other day since he returned, even though he went down on him the night before. Unsolicited, not to mention. Kakashi seemed to have realised that because he looked at the scroll and ensured he avoided Yamato's eyes at all cost.
"When did you even have time to write a report?"
"I wake up early so I can do my job properly," Yamato snapped again. The quality of the report was unusually questionable though, but with a hangover he could only do so much. He was going to let the Hokage find the poor handwriting out for himself... when he got around to it eventually, if ever.
"Right..."
Kakashi took the scroll and put in a drawer. At least he had the good sense of putting it away, anything to do with Orochimaru remained secretive to most and Yamato didn't want to have to point that out with another curt remark.
"That is all, so I'll—"
"Thanks, Tenzō."
Yamato stopped and looked at him. Kakashi finally raised his eyes to him.
"This morning, you didn't have to, so thanks," Kakashi said.
Yamato's brows gathered.
"For drying my clothes."
That was unexpected, and Yamato's heart also recognised it with at heavy beat. "I don't like things on the floor," he said, feeling the need to justify his considerate act while dismissing why he did it.
"You put them on the heater, they wouldn't have dried otherwise."
"I had nowhere else to put them, but either way, you're welcome," he rushed those last couple or words. "I must be off now."
"Don't go, I need you..."
Despite knowing Kakashi didn't mean anything else by it, Yamato's stomach tightened, joining to his already racing heart. He knew more words were about to be added to that sentence, his senpai didn't even pause, it was only time in Yamato's brain that did. For a split second, he wanted to believe that Kakashi was going back on his rejection.
"...here to help," Kakashi said and yawned under the mask as he who pulled a list from within the sheets on the desk. "There is a lot to do for the wedding, I could really do with your hands."
Yamato's eyes narrowed as he shot a stare back at his senpai, not believing he chose those words without realising the innuendos that came with needing his hands. "I told you, I need to follow Orochimaru. I'll return tomorrow for the wedding."
"No."
"But Kakashi-senpai!"
"Are you really going to refuse to help me with Naruto's wedding? You were responsible for him just as much as I was." Kakashi held out the paper. "Here."
"Emotional blackmail won't work," Yamato said, but still walked forward and grudgingly snatched it off Kakashi's hand with a deep and loud sigh. "Can't anyone else help you with...," he looked down at the paper, "ensuring flower arrangements are correctly placed. What does this mean? If there even a wrong way of placing flowers? What is the criteria for placing them correctly? I'm not the person for this."
"That's why I need you. You ask the right questions and you're methodical to a fault. It's what I need. Someone who can be rational, organised, who can lead so things get done. Everyone is so emotionally involved, they can't think objectively."
"You don't need to throw flatteries at me."
"They aren't working?"
Flatteries from his senpai always worked, even when his mood wasn't the best. "I didn't say that, but I have my mission. What happened to your assistant?"
"Shikamaru? He's less of an assistant and more like a second in command by now, but he's actually dealing with Hokage stuff I rather not look at."
"And what is the Hokage doing?"
"The Hokage didn't have a lot of sleep last night."
"I wouldn't have guessed, judging by the snoring when I woke up."
Not only Yamato also had little sleep because of his usual 5am schedule, he was still half drunk, half hungover, which worsened with every passing minute. It hadn't been a delightful morning either. Even though the snoring was made-up, he had to look at his senpai and remember everything that happened. All the hurt from that rejection, the contradiction and confusion that followed after he creeped into his room. His chest had tightened at the sight of Kakashi breathing heavily and peacefully in his sleep.
A day ago, Yamato thought he had finally figured all out, his feelings and Kakashi's, only to have his senpai create havoc in his head again. Yet, capable of taking his bed and sleeping as if he was fine — as if they were fine. Although, he had no idea when Kakashi ended up leaving his apartment, and neither did he care — he kept telling himself — he couldn't be more tired or more sleepy than Yamato was. So stating something like that aggravated him.
Kakashi stood up only to walk around and sit on the corner of his desk, on the little edge that wasn't taken completely by paper, and only a few steps from him. "I stayed awake most of the night."
Was he supposed to be sorry? Because he wasn't at all, and if that statement wasn't a way to introduce that much needed conversation about why he had come to his place so late, why he wanted to stay in bed with him, why the hell he went down on him in the middle of the night, then it didn't interest Yamato the slightest. He held the list out to the Hokage. "I must return to my mission."
"I decide what your mission is." Kakashi leaned away from the desk, took the list only to press it against Yamato's chest.
"Senpai..."
"Please, Tenzō?"
There it was, asking nicely, in a nice tone. Kakashi knew his weaknesses way too well. Even though Yamato constantly did things for him, pleases and thanks didn't come easily. When he did say them, despite him knowing his senpai just wanted to get his way, Yamato tended to comply. That please was followed by a smile Yamato couldn't see but he knew it was there, like always.
The hand still pressed the list against his chest to keep it from falling to the floor since Yamato refused to take it. He looked down at it, or rather, at Kakashi's hand, turning his gaze at him as he took an unexpected step forward, narrowing the gap between them, invading his personal space.
"I have other things you could do... if flower arrangements aren't your thing," Kakashi said in a quieter tone, his eyes now staring clearly at his lips.
Yamato swallowed dry, his heart pounded faster and his face quickly warmed up. Kakashi's hand seemed heavier, as if purposely trying to feel that deafening heartbeat of his. "Of cour...," Yamato's voice broke. He cleared his throat. "Of course they aren't my thing,... Kakashi-senpai... I prefer the... living ones." What the hell was he talking about? Whatever it was, his voice got smaller and smaller. "Not... cut off."
Silence. Yamato stared into Kakashi's eyes as they stared at his lips. He hesitated to move his hand to hold the paper, knowing Kakashi's was still there... if he did, their hands would touch. Kakashi's fingers pressed a little firmer and Yamato's lips parted. Not by a lot, but his senpai eyes were on them, watching closely, he probably noticed Yamato had been holding his breath. As much as he wanted to tug that mask down and kiss him, he wasn't going to go easy on his senpai, not before they talked, before he knew where they stood.
"Then...," Kakashi said and leaned in further, his other hand raised, reaching for the mask.
Yamato froze, possibly his heart too. If the mask went down... if they were this close and he could see Kakashi's face, Yamato 's stoic facade would crumble. No matter how upset he told himself to be, the truth was in his heart and he couldn't fake that. His eyes dropped to where Kakashi's lips hid.
"Kakashi!" A voice broke silence so violently, Yamato jolted as the the door to the office sprung open. "Don't forget the—"
They both turned to see Tsunade peeking in. Yamato hoped Kakashi would step back. They were so close, it probably looked strange to anyone who interrupted the moment. Though, flailing and moving away would maybe give an even stranger vibe. Both of them seemed to have thought alike as neither of them bulged an inch. Kakashi kept a palm pressed over Yamato's chest, their faces just a palm stretch from one another.
"Sorry, Shikamaru said you had no meetings right now, so..." she said, staring at them as she stepped into the office. She continued to hold the door as if she knew she had walked into something more private than expected and was ready to leave as soon as she had her say. "I just wanted to remind you about dinner."
"What time is it again?"
"It's at seven, please don't be late. Oh and also, the Elders want to see you this afternoon before the rehearsal, 3pm."
"Hm..."
Kakashi finally pulled the hand away, taking the list with him and making that spot on Yamato's chest miss the heat of his touch. What a timing for Tsunade-sama to show up, Yamato closed his fingers into a fist, both disappointed and relieved. They were having a moment, one that Yamato didn't exactly want, yet Kakashi made him feel so many things, he couldn't hold on to one emotion at a time anymore, so as mad as he was, as much as he wanted to keep distance for no reason other to make Kakashi feel guilty, the second they were close, all feelings collided. However, it became clear the discussion he wanted about the previous night, wouldn't happen now, not when his senpai had other ideas in his mind. Being enticing rather than facing the mess he made of everything — typical. But, Tsunade's interruption confirmed that it wasn't the time or place for any of that to happen.
"If you have the time, could you?" Kakashi said.
"I can come with you, they are a handful and I have no idea what they want this time."
"I appreciate it, thanks."
"Just don't be late, you know how they are. I'll see you then!" She said and looked at Yamato. "Make sure he's there, he seems to be very forgetful these last few days?"
Yamato nodded. "I don't believe I have the power to make him do anything, but I'll do my best, Tsunade-sama."
"Great, then until then." And with a step, she was out of the office and the door shut behind her.
Was it possible that the 5th didn't even notice the tension between them? Maybe it didn't look as intense to other people as it felt to him. Yamato followed Kakashi with his eyes as he locked the door. How dangerous. Was he going to pick up where he left off? Close, almost whispering. That hand could touch him again, warm his chest, accelerate his heart. The fact he wanted that to happen made him a little angry with himself. Kakashi being alluring couldn't be all it took for Yamato to forget that he was still hurting.
"Anyway," Kakashi said, walking back to his desk.
Then it was a no. The moment was gone... for now.
"You can help Iruka and the academy students with the heavy lifting, if you are not too tired, that is."
Kakashi's tone was different, maybe something Tsunade-sama said. Had he really been that distracted? If it only started a few days ago, then maybe he was to blame. They had spent every night together, every evening and a good chunk of the day. They hardly slept, they wasted energy. Yamato had to be the reason because his senpai was just as distracting to him.
"Why would I be tired, senpai?"
"Yesterday."
Yesterday... so they were going to talk about it after all. "What about it?"
"You were drinking."
Or maybe not. "Not so much I wouldn't be able to carry on with my duties."
"Well then...," Kakashi sat down and folded the sheet in his hand. "I'll give this to Sakura."
"And what is this heavy lifting for Iruka-sensei?"
"We need to take the tables from the hall, then across the village to the cherry blossom field,"
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why? We need people to sit on chairs and eat from tables,..." Kakashi added as he rummaged through the several lists on his desk.
"Those tables are bolted to the floor."
"Exactly what I told him."
"Then why are you even considering this?"
"Iruka-sensei asked me and I was..." he paused. "That day you came back, remember? I had a meeting with him."
"How could I forget?" It even ached his stomach to think about that morning now, but more to do with how he felt being close to Kakashi after so long than having to leave the office through the window like a pervert. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"My mind was busy with... well, you... so I didn't really pay attention and just agreed to whatever he was saying."
"Is that so?" Yamato said, the corner of his lips twitched. "Are you sure it was your mind that was busy?"
"Amongst other preoccupation, yes."
"Funny, it wasn't my fault, but I have the feeling that's what you're implying, senpai."
"It's a little your fault," Kakashi said, glancing at him from over his lashes. "Maybe more than a little. At least 60%."
"Ah, so it went from a little to most of the fault in 5 seconds?" Yamato crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, returning a narrow stare at the Hokage. "If I remember right, you asked me, so I would say 80% your fault, 20% mine for complying. And I'm being generous, considering you are officially my boss. I should take no fault at all."
"You can't play the employee card now."
"I'll play that and the kouhai card if you test me."
"All asked for was a kiss, not for you to get all excited about it."
"So me being excited made you forget a bad decision? Really?"
"No. You made me make a bad decision."
"I believe you are more than capable of making those all on your own, senpai."
They stared at each other for a moment before Kakashi chuckled and Yamato tried and failed to hold back a smile.
"You're right," Kakashi said. "I guess you win this one. I don't have a good comeback to that right now."
"Now that I have won this pointless argument—"
"Do you want a prize?"
"My prize would be you telling me why we are unbolting tables and taking them across the village when I can just make some right there."
Kakashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "So you can... I somehow forgot."
Yamato shook his head, uncrossing his arms as he walked past the desk to the window. "Tsunade-sama is right then. You being forgetful and all lately. It's because of me after all, I'm a distraction. Maybe I shouldn't me around so much."
"Maybe," Kakashi said, spinning his chair to follow him, "or maybe I should... untangle."
There were so many interpretations of that word, Yamato didn't want to ask which one Kakashi meant in case he didn't like the answer. Deep down, he still had a glimpse of hope that his senpai would face the fact that he meant everything to him, rather than pretend to reject him out of some misguided idea of how undeserving he was.
"But until then," Kakashi said after a moment of them silently staring at one another again, "Iruka-sensei must be taking the hall apart now, could you tell him of the changed and then go to the cheery blossom field and do your thing?"
"I need to know how many tables, how many chairs per table, how—"
"Tenzō, I don't know all of that."
"How come you don't?"
"I just don't, I'm not a wedding planner. If you didn't know, this is my first one, so all is new to me," Kakashi said and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't really know what I'm doing. Being Hokage, now planning a wedding, I'm drowning in paper work, have to answer to the Elders, have to socialise with the Kages... and then there's you," he sighed loudly. "This should have been spaced out in ten years, not three. Life doesn't give me a single moment, it just throws everything at me in one go,... always."
Yamato eyes widened and he held back a smile. Kakashi-senpai losing his cool, oh he was going to remember that and throw in a conversation in the future, use it against him somehow. As much as he wanted to be mad at his senpai, he felt a little sorry for everything he had going, and Yamato had a part to play too. Maybe he had been selfish, his life was a lot simpler, no matter how seriously he took his mission, observing and writing reposts summed up his everyday. He had to come to terms with his feelings, which wasn't easy, but clearly easier than it was for someone like Kakashi, with who he was and everything he had to deal with.
"I'll ask Iruka-sensei, I'm sure he knows," Yamato said, turning from the window, walking past the desk and glancing briefly at Kakashi. He wanted to assure him he had everything under control, but seeing his senpai struggle was nice for a change, even if a little cruel."I'll be on my way then."
Kakashi frowned. "Tenzō, you're not the same."
"What?"
"As the other things,... my responsibilities, my work, all this." He gestured at the piles paper. "You don't get in the way of them. If anything, it's the other way around."
Yamato felt his throat knotting.
"Anyway," Kakashi said, looking down at the desk again, "Just make them nice, like you always do everything."
"Nice?"
"Hm, show off a little."
"I don't show off', but sure, I can make it intricate. Tables are not the hardest things to make."
"Thanks"
"Sure"
"Then see you when it's done."
"Of course. I'll report back."
"Tenzo..."
"Senpai?"
Kakashi raised his head if he wanted to say much more than just his name, but all he did was stare. Yamato wanted to know whatever was going through his senpai's head, but he was determined to have him talk to him first. If he didn't, then Yamato also wouldn't, and in a day or so from then, they would leave that situation hanging one more time. It bothered him, and in a way he thought his attitude to be childish, but he had his pride too and he had no intention to bail Kakashi out of this.
"I'll be off...," he said before turning his back and pacing away.
The longer he stood there, the closer he remained to Kakashi, the harder it was to keep that determination up. His chest hurt having to leave without further words from his senpai, and as he walked away with nothing, he thought that leaving things unsaid was turning into a too common moment between them.