It had been four days.
Four days since he'd last seen Sakari, four days since he could even recall having peace of mind, four days since he'd had a good night's rest, four days since his mind rested for even a second without flashbacks and bad memories.
Ever since last Saturday, he hadn't been at peace. He was thinking about her constantly, and he had absolutely no access to her. He knew she wouldn't answer but he tried to call anyway, only to be greeted with the fact that he was blocked—which didn't surprise him.
When Sakari was upset, she cleared the subject of her anger from her fully. He knew as soon as he saw her leave his building, he wasn't gonna see her again until he could force his way to her, and he was determined to do exactly that.
"Khi, don't you have a midterm right now?" Trae asked, entering the dorm.
"Went early this morning to take it," he replied. He could barely focus on that test, he knew his grade wasn't what it could be, and he'd have to make that up soon, but his mind was everywhere but where it was supposed to he.
Trae nodded, keeping an eye on him. Ever since Saturday, he felt like he had to watch Khi a little more than usual. He was walking around like he was lost all the time, as if he didn't know where he was or what he was doing.
To be completely transparent, Traveon was scared. He'd never seen the two fight, he didn't know what Sakari was like when she was angry, and most of all, he never knew what Mekhi was like without Sakari. Since they met, he always had her, she was like his backbone—at least that's what Trae used to always say.
So now, to see him completely spineless was nerve wracking.
"You seen Aja?" Khi asked looked up hopefully at Trae.
He nodded with a sigh, sitting down at his desk. Trae himself hadn't seen Sakari since Saturday either. It was like when she turned that corner she disappeared, not just from view but from school altogether. He wouldn't be surprised if she was in Texas right now.
"W-what she say? She seen Kari?" he asked, sitting up.
"She has," he nodded. "They ain't telling me shit either Mekhi, I don't know what you were expecting. They gon know whenever I ask, it's really you asking and they're not fucking wit' you bro," he explained, and solemnly.
"I-I was...I just don't want her to be sad and crying because of me, I—" he sighed. "I fucked it up," he ran his hands down his face.
Trae had never seen this side of Khi, and it wasn't normal for him to be down for so many days consecutively. Not to mention Trae could tell his anxiety was on ten. He wasn't sleeping, barely eating and he was falling behind on his work. The only thing he was doing was that paper.
"Khi, bro you really need to talk to—"
"Sakari. I need to talk to her," he cut Trae off, and he only sighed.
Mekhi knew better than anyone who she was, and she was very stubborn and stuck in her ways, once she decided she was doing something, it took a lot to change her mind and make her rethink anything, which is why he was so scared right now.
Unbeknownst to him, until right now, this was one of his biggest fears coming to fruition. She was a part of him now, and losing that—even the prospect of losing it was driving him up a wall, it didn't let him rest.
He didn't realize how big her presence was until it was gone. Even the smallest of things, like her reminding him not to leave his cleats so he wouldn't be late to practice, seeing her before lunch, or after. Relying on her before a big test such as this morning, all these things he didn't ask her to do but she always did, he missed them. He missed her.
The longest they'd ever been without speaking was a day, and not even a full twenty four hours because they broke and apologized to each other before midnight hit—and they were 12. This was completely uncharted territory and he didn't like navigating it alone.
What he'd done hadn't even crossed his mind twice compared to the amount of time she had. Every moment they were apart he was nervous, was she okay? Was she letting her friends in or was she ignoring everything like it was okay? Did she cry? She rarely cried, and he didn't even see her crying Saturday.
Trae knew all of what happened, not just Saturday but what happened leading up to the day and he wished he knew so he could have intervened, told somebody something, because this was not at all how he was expecting their days before Thanksgiving to go.
Aja was pissed all the time, she wanted to hurt Amber—hell so did Jelani, and they both were just so disappointed in Mekhi, and he was sure if Khi knew he'd start spiraling.
Truthfully, he knew what was going on with Sakari. She was internalizing, according to Jelani. She was proceeding with her day to day as if she wasn't heartbroken, as if her best friend didn't do the one thing he swore he wasn't going to do, it was like she turned her emotions completely off and was acting as if nothing happened at all.
As far as he and the girls knew, she hadn't dropped a tear since she saw what happened, and Jeli was scared she wouldn't react at all, she was like a ticking time bomb and it was only a matter of time before something set the explosion off.
Oddly enough, Trae felt the exact same way about Mekhi, but his explosion would be internal without Sakari here to disarm him. He knew he couldn't, and the only person who could would probably set herself off in the process.
The next day, a day before their flight to Texas, Khi was on edge and he was exhausted. The night before he didn't sleep—again. He wanted to call his father and ask what he should do, but that would mean telling him what happened and he couldn't do that right now—or ever.
He needed to fix this himself, but he couldn't think of how he was supposed to do that when she wouldn't give him the time of day.
When he took psychology last semester, they talked about dependency—whether that be to a substance, a piece of your childhood, or a person, and at first, he didn't really understand how you could place your comfortability and happiness in a person, place or thing. He didn't get how it was that once that thing was taken away either by force or willingly, a person could suffer.
Now, he understood.
He didn't necessarily place his happiness in Sakari, but his comfortability, one hundred percent. He didn't even mean to, it'd just been so long with her, being without was showing him something he didn't like.
His anxiety showed its ugly head regularly. He could feel the effects so much more—unlike some people whom he read about that had comfort objects, or music to find solace in, he had his best friend and he was now scared he wouldn't have her anymore. Not just for what she could do—just because she is the girl that she is.
The girl he grew up with and the girl who he promised he wouldn't hurt, he was losing and he was feeling a physical ache in his chest.
Not only that, but when he did briefly close his eyes, daydreams and flashbacks would hit him like a truck, he couldn't escape anything, in any crevice of his mind he was not safe, and it was starting to take a toll on him. He needed solace, he needed refuge.
Currently, he was in the library. He had to get out of his room, or he'd drive himself crazy, but he soon realized no matter where he went he'd feel crazy.
That was, until he saw Jelani walk in with a yawn, looking as if she was returning something. Before he could miss his opportunity, he jumped up and went to where she was standing.
"J-Jelani," he said to her, and even from the side he could see her face completely change, which he was expecting. He wasn't expecting a warm welcome from any of Sakari's friends, he was shocked she even acknowledged him.
"What, Mekhi?" she asked, turning to look at him, actually shocked by what she saw.
Dealing with Kari the last five days was all she was worried about, although she tried to make it seem like nothing was wrong, she had to physically stop herself from dragging Amber up and down the football field every time she thought about Sakari coming home on Friday in tears crying about the two.
But Khi looked like the guilt was eating him alive.
"You gotta help me, man," he sighed, feeling his mind slowly giving up.
"For what, Khi? Why would I go out my way to help you?" she turned her full body toward him and she was still taken aback by his appearance. If she wasn't so disappointed and pissed at him, she's ask him what the hell was wrong with him.
"I-I can't keep doing this. She won't talk to me and I can't explain I—it's killing me man, I just need—"
"Explain what? You don't think what she saw was enough of an explanation, Mekhi?" she folded her arms over her chest and his face fell even more if that was possible.
"Please," he began to beg, literally. He didn't know what else to do. "Please, Jelani. I can't have her thinking I went out my way to hurt her like that! Not on purpose, y-you know I wouldn't do that to her, I couldn't," he emphasized.
Jelani was confused now.
"Mekhi...you did though. You knew Amber was her friend and you know how she feels about shit like that and you still...wait," she paused to think. "You need to tell me what the hell you're talking about. You're talking like you didn't know what was going on," she said, suspicions beginning to rise.
The look on his face didn't help dispel those suspicions in the least.
"Look up here," she said sternly, and she'd never seen a grown man look more like a child than Mekhi did when he looked into her eyes. "Did you not know what was going on?"
"I-I—" he began to stammer. His hands were sweating and Jelani's heart was drumming in her ears, waiting for him to respond. When he couldn't bring himself to speak again, a lump formed in her throat, and she was moved.
"O-okay, come on we gon go see her. She gon listen, I'll make sure of it okay, just come on," she said, turning around and rushing in the direction of her dorm room.
"Sakari...come back here please," Jeli sighed. Ever since She'd brought him up to the room, she was ignoring the both of them.
"For what?! Are you dead ass serious right now, Jelani?!" Kari replied, venom dripping from her tone, words laced with anger and sadness, it was hard to distinguish the two. "You brought him up here after everything I told you?!"
Jelani could clearly understand why Sakari was upset. She'd been through this so many times before, and now for it to be someone she had such a close relationship with—she felt betrayal from both ends and not only that, there was just that one more person to look down on her. One more person on a pedestal atop her head.
It was so much worse because she was in love with Mekhi. She loved him so much, it hurt to her core to even think he'd do something like this but she saw it. She watched him twist the knife in her back after Amber stuck it in there. Worse than what Amber could ever do, Khi hurt her—and now Jelani was taking his side too?!
Who did she have on hers?
"I'm serious, Sakari. You have to listen to him. You know I wouldn't have brought him up here if I didn't think I needed to—and I needed to. He wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was serious," she added. "You need to hear him," she emphasized.
Yet and still, Sakari's stubbornness reared its head as she stepped out of the bathroom, staring at Mekhi, saying absolutely nothing, which stung. Her silence was more deadly than her words at times.
She began to walk past the both of them when she heard his voice for the first time in days, and the desperation stoped her in her tracks.
"Please. Please, listen to me," he begged, a crack in his already low, shaky voice. She battled with herself internally. While she didn't want to give into her feelings for him, the way he was speaking and the look on his face when she actually did look at him was concerning.
She turned a little and met eyes with Jeli who just mouthed another 'please' to her.
"Fine," she said simply and Jelani let out a breathe of relief. "Talk," she said simply and Jelani moved to scurry out and give them a minute of privacy.
"F-first I wanted to apologize—"
"Apologize? What are you sorry for, Mekhi? You knew what you were doing and you knew how it'd make me feel. You went out your way to hurt me! You broke a promise you made to me and I'm supposed to sit here and listen to you say you're sorry?!" she finally blew up, making him flinch back. She hadn't raised her voice at him seriously in years, and he still hated the feeling.
The look in her eyes was enough to break his heart ten times over. She wasn't crying but her eyes were red, like she was about to or she had been, and it made him feel lower than low, lower than he'd been feeling for the last few days, a part of him was regretting this. But the bigger part of him knew he needed this. He knew they needed this.
"I-I didn't," he shook his head. Her head jerked back and she took a step toward him, and another till they were only a few feet apart.
"You didn't?! Didn't what? What part of the fucking story am I missing beca—"
"I didn't do it on purpose! I didn't want to!" he cut her off, getting louder himself. "I didn't," he assured himself, shaking his own head as if to silence the voice in his head screaming over his own thoughts.
She was completely silent. Her mind was processing those statements and her mind started to clear, in the worst way possible.
It seemed as if the anger melted off of her slowly until her eyes softened completely looking at him with the gaze she usually gave, warming him up on the inside despite the chaos in his brain at the moment.
She slowly reached for him and he allowed it, letting her take his hand in hers, squeezing it gently.
"Khi. I need you to tell me what you mean," she said.
"I-I don't wanna hurt you anymore I can't —"
"Mekhi," she cut him off that time. "Please tell me, I need to understand," she said. After a few seconds of looking into her eyes, he nodded hesitantly, and she led him to her bed, letting him sit on the edge. She tried to scoot away, but his grip tightened on her hand.
⚠️ TW ⚠️
"At the game on Friday, the away game, Amber told me she liked me—I wasn't even expecting it, she just walked up to me and-and said it, but I told her! I told her I didn't feel comfortable sleeping with your friends or dating them," he said. "But-but she said you said it was okay, she kept showing me these messages of y'all talking about it," he explained.
That was a blatant lie—because Amber knew how she felt about Khi and she knew she's never agree to that. So clearly, those were fabricated.
"I just told her sorry, but no I'm good," he continued. "She eventually got the hint and she left it alone, she said no hard feelings none of that. But I knew we had the peer review, so I was hoping she wasn't being spiteful and wouldn't come because I said no. So the next day, she and this other girl from our class come and we started.
Everything was fine, it was going normally, but the one girl said she wasn't feeling good—which was understandable because I think she's pregnant or something so I told her we'd finish, we literally were almost done Sakari I swear! I knew you were coming so I tried to hurry b-but she-she," he began to hyperventilate, and she was on alert immediately.
"Hey, hey," she placed a hand on his back. "It's okay, take your time. It's just me, I'm right here," she spoke soothingly and he nodded along.
"I—I took a sip of my juice, and t-then a few minutes after I started getting tired and a lil dizzy or something, I was woozy," he said. "I told her I was sleepy and she should probably go—and," he took a deep breath. "I think I fell asleep or something—I can't remember Kari I swear I can't remember what happened. Then you came. I don't know what came over me but I-I got up and I tried to get up to follow you buy I felt really weak and I fell. Then...well the you were gone,"
Her heart felt like it'd stopped beating, her mind was completely empty and she was sure her eyes were half the size of her face.
Sakari never thought in a million years though that she would ever hear Mekhi say something like this to her. She knew it happened to men, and she'd heard stories of girls doing it on campus, but she never thought her best friend would be the one it happened to.
Her heart shattered like glass falling from the top of a building, she could physically feel it breaking. He was so concerned about her and about their friendship, the fact that he may have broken their one rule and lost their trust—lost their relationship, she knew he hadn't grappled with the fact that he was violently sexually assaulted.
"Please forgive me," he spoke, breaking through her thoughts. "I really would never do anything to hurt you Tootie you gotta believe me I—" he started to explain again and she just threw her arms around him to stop herself from crying.
"I'm so sorry," she spoke, voice trembling dangerously. "I'm so sorry," she sniffed. His strong hand finally connected with her back, and she felt a singular tear on her shoulder. It was like something in him knew—but he couldn't process or accept it.
After a few minutes of that, she finally pulled away, and the look in his eyes was so absent it was hurting her.
"S-so we're okay?" he asked.
"Of course, Bubba. I'm sorry I doubted you," she sighed. She saw him smile a little bit after that. For some reason, that smile lit. a fire in her brain.
"You know what? Can you stay here for me?" she stood up, feeling anger rise in her chest suddenly.
The fact that not only did Amber use her for a full year to get next to Khi, she drugged and assaulted him when she was turned down had her head ready to blow up.
"Stay here? Why?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows. "Sakari no...don't do this, you can't," he stood up once he saw her sliding her shoes on and throwing her hair up in a ponytail. "Kari!" he reached for her as she threw the door open. It slammed against the wall and actually shook the room.
One more thing about Kari and her anger—she was basically unstoppable. If she wanted to fight, she would. He'd seen it enough times in middle school in their neighborhood to know that words weren't gonna stop her from hurting somebody physically.
"We sliding," she said simply to Jelani, ignoring everything Khi was saying, starting to literally bite her new acrylic set off. "You got lotion in your bag? Vaseline? Fuck it, come on," she shook her head.
"Sakari," he said again, grabbing her arm. "You cannot do this," he said.
"Why the fuck not?! We flying out tomorrow! Staff gone! I'on got no scholarship to get revoked! Let me go," she said simply, not even waiting before she yanked her arm from his grip. "I'll be back," she spat and he knew she wasn't going to stop now.
Aja met the girls on their walk to Amber's dorm hall. The longer she walked, and the longer she thought about it, the angrier she became. She was literally seeing red, her hands were shaking and she could barely breathe at this point, she was literally seething. Steaming. All she wore was a tank top an leggings—her shoes smacking the pavement.
Aja and Jeli didn't even know the full details, but to see Kari so angry she was about to cry was enough to get them on board.
She saw Amber and two other cheerleaders outside—just returning from practice or something of the sort, as she expected and she her vision was locked on Amber.
"Don't let them bitches jump in," she mumbled and the girls shared a look, nodding, as Kari sped up. Luckily, a large chunk of the student body was already gone, as well as lots of staff or she'd have to be way more careful—part of her also didn't care who was around.
Sakari didn't say a word, she shoved her way through two girls and gripped Amber's ponytail, slinging her to the ground and immediately throwing repeated hits to her face, causing the other girls to scream, and before they could even think to reach, Aja and Jeli squeezed between them and the fight.
"Try it," Jelani snarled.
Meanwhile, Sakari has surely broken Amber's nose. "Fight back! You so fuckin tough, right?! You big and bad right? Hit me the fuck back!" she yelled, kicking her in her stomach. "You tried the wrong fucking one," she sneered as Amber tried to stand, still in shock that she was even in a fight right now.
As soon as she scrambled to her feet, she charged—sloppily, at Kari, and all Kari had to do he step out the of way and trip her, watching her fall and slamming her head into the ground, grabbing her head and lifting her by her ponytail again so her bloody face was on display to her friends. Her pupils weren't even visible it looked like she may have blacked out—but Sakari was way past the point of caring.
"Snitch if you fuckin' want, y'all gon end up just as fucked up as this rapist ass bitch. Tell em, right? You like drugging people right?" she gripped her hair tighter, making a pathetic whine leave her mouth. "Weak ass bitch. Stupid ass bitch I swear if I could take yo fuckin life right here I would. Ima make sure you see a fuckin' cell hoe. Believe that shit—I put it on yo' life," she sneered in her ear.
They all heard tires screech—Kari was too focused on ripping Amber's hair out to notice Khi and Trae coming up behind her and pulling her off. She didn't even fight it. She just held a tight grip on her hair and started dragging her up—just enough to spit on her face. Twice.
"You gotta stop," Khi spoke in her ear. "People can see you, Sakari! You need to stop"
"Fuck them!" she yelled. "Mekhi I will kill that bitch do you hear me!" she continued, and he could hear that she was about to cry—and again, part of him knew why. But the bigger part of him couldn't process, and did not accept it.
The next morning, bright and early, bruised knuckles and all, Kari and Khi sat in silence waiting for their plane to take off, as they'd been delayed for 25 minutes now.
"You still mad?" she asked.
"I wasn't mad before, and I'm not mad now. You just did some irresponsible shit and I wish you wouldn't have," he shrugged.
"Well what would you have me do?" she turned to face him. "She wasn't gon just walk around like she didn't fucking try to sexually assault you! She—she did! And if you wanna be mad at me for that, I'll fully accept that shit because I don't play that shit, especially not with you and you know that," she sneered.
After that, he was quiet. He didn't say a word. She knew sometimes she could speak without thinking, and she figured now was one of those times, because after she calmed down the night prior she talked to Trae. He told her he hadn't acknowledged it once, he couldn't come to terms, and here she was trying to force him.
"He hasn't even spoken a word about it. All he keeps talking about is you, it's like he can't accept that she tried to rape him, Sakari that shit is scary. I'on know what we gotta do, but he needs to tell somebody. He needs to talk to somebody about this or it'll just eat his mind away"
"Khi...I'm sorry I—" she looked over and gasped quietly when she saw a tear rolling down his face.
Khi was angry. He was sad, he was confused. Assaulted? Sexually? He didn't know that he'd ever felt this emotion. It was like his heart knew but his mind told him that was weak. He was weak for letting a girl half his size have her way with him like he was nothing. He was ashamed at the thought that someone could have taken advantage of him.
"Mekhi, look at me," she said, holding his head down so he would look at her. "This wasn't your fault Poppie. None of it," she said softly.
"I'm-I'm supposed to be able to stop it," he recited what he'd heard so many times. "It's not supposed to happen to me I-I should have stopped her," he said, looking everywhere but in her eyes, making her want to cry. "I should have been able to—"
"Mekhi, you could not have stopped her. She purposely put something in your drink to make you lost the ability to stop her. You weren't you, Pop. She took advantage of you while you were defenseless, you can not blame yourself for that," she sniffed, trying to keep her emotions in check.
He didn't even reply, but the lack of reply said everything. He started to sniff, and wrinkle his nose, she knew her words hit him.
"Don't cry, Khi, please don't," she whimpered. She knew he must have felt so low, and the last thing she wanted was for him to cry, but she also knew he couldn't stop it. "I'm so sorry, Mekhi" she muttered as he started to cry, and she hugged him close to her.
She just allowed him to get it out. If he was gonna cry, she wanted him to get everything out. He must have been battling so much and it must have hurt so much. Her chest was aching for him.
After he calmed down a tad, he raised up. She could tell he didn't want to talk. So, instead of making him, she did the same thing she used to do on their bus rides to Kindergarten when they were five. She just offhand him her hand on the arm rest.
He glanced down at it for a second, looking back up at her, seeing her just looking with warm eyes full of something he needed. He didn't know what it was but when he saw it he didn't dare look away.
He just took a shaky breath and held her hand like when they were young, allowing the simplest of touches to provide him with some semblance of comfort. Some warmth. Some silence and a distraction amidst the chaos that was wreaking havoc inside.
well........first things first.
as we all know i incorporate real life things into my books all
the time and unfortunately this is a real life thing.
men and women of any age can find themselves in a situation like this and unfortunately a lot men feel similarly to khi here. we're here to tell y'all you're all very valid, your feelings are valid, your experience is valid, and don't let anyone tell you they're not.
now, back to my regularly scheduled program.
now i KNOW. i just KNOW y'all aint think khi would just spit in her sakari face like that..........did you 🤔?
how do we feel about some of the conclusions khi came to about his relationship with kari?
who do we think trae was trying to get khi to talk to?
how do we feel about the conversation between khi and kari? lmk.
what about her reaction? yall would have done the same or a different approach?
and lastly, the place scene and khi's conflicting feelings. please lmk your thoughts on this one.
i love yall all, remember if you need help please talk to someone who cares. i want all of y'all to he happy, and feel safe.
i hope y'all enjoyed this one although it was kinda sad.
till next time ❤️