𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆.
It had been two weeks since Eren and you had gotten intimate and you hadn't been in contact with him for a while. It was just the sheer thought of encountering his cocky self that would potentially tease you about the way you moaned, the way you whimpered, the way you attempted to grip onto his larger hand as he slid inside of you. You felt overwhelmed thinking about all these thoughts, yet as each thought came by, you couldn't help but think about his nude body that was pressed against your own.
You knew it was selfish to avoid him, allowing yourself to overthink how he was going to react when he was going to see you, but you couldn't help it. You couldn't control what it was you thought about, you desperately wanted to see him, answer the messages and calls he had left during those two weeks, but you were too cowardly to see the messages he had sent. You even had to slyly change your seat in English, departing from the window seat for a while. From the seat you sat at, you could see the sullenness scribed all over his face, causing a sense of sadness to wash over you, yet you were stupidly afraid to want to be beside him, because what if Jean was right?
But the calls contrasted his words, Jean wasn't right when it came to this aspect of a situation. However, maybe it was because you were so scared of him being correct, proving to you that you were indeed somewhat stupid for thinking Eren would alter himself for you, risking exposing more vulnerable parts of himself. You wished Jean had never plagued your mind. You wish it didn't cause you to avoid Eren every time he attempted to subtly grasp a hold of your attention, waiting until the end of the lesson to speak to you. But even with all that, you were too scared to listen to the words he was set to say — what if he told you he didn't want anything to do with you anymore?
It was nearly time to head into college, as you had roughly an hour or two since the lesson began, so you had fairly enough time to get ready for the day. You headed to the shower first, bringing your essentials with you as you opened the door of the bathroom, closing it behind you. You turned on the water, making sure it was lukewarm, then you undressed yourself and began to scrub your body, thoroughly cleaning.
After you were done, you left the bathroom, finishing off your usual routine, which consisted of applying cocoa butter to your skin and applying other important necessities. You tiredly head over to your large closet, rummaging through it as you attempted to look for a casual outfit to wear for a bitter day like this one. You hoped to at least surpass the day, coming out of it with no negative energy swirling vigorously around you. Once you did find something that complimented your body well, you headed out of your bedroom, making your way over to the kitchen, humming lightly to yourself.
You had no motivation when it came to making breakfast for you and Sasha this morning, so you rummaged through each cabinet, eventually finding the cereal box. You held the cereal in your hand and placed it onto a nearby counter. You walked over to the fridge and pulled out a milk carton, making your way over to the spot you were previously in. Once you had gathered the main two ingredients needed, you grabbed a bowl and placed the cereal in first, then milk.
After you finished, you grabbed your bowl, making your way into the dining room and sat down in a deserted space. As you looked around, you could see Sasha was sitting in the living room, watching an anime series she found herself interested in, you had already watched it, so you had no reason to join her. But you couldn't help but slightly vibe to the opening of hunter x hunter that played loudly in the background.
—
You were in the car with Sasha, making your way to the campus building. The campus wasn't that far, but it was better to drive than having to walk. Walking required effort and sometimes you didn't want to do the simple, yet hard action.
You were kind of dreading today as you had been avoiding Eren for a while. He was obviously going to look for you as you had been ignoring him, not even bothering to even try to message him or meet up again. You watched as his expression began to resemble an old willow tree. His emotions taunted and tainted the roots of the tree, thoroughly extending itself upwards, entrenching sadness within its willowy self, affecting its quality in life.
"Are you ready, Y/n?" You didn't even notice Sasha speaking to you since you had zoned out, coming up with scenarios that were stressing you out.
"For what?"
"College, we're here, dumbass."
You sighed and went out of the car with her.
▬▬▬
The hallways were bustling as loud commotions could be heard. People were everywhere, scattered around every corner nearby the entrance, waiting for friends or other people they needed to see. So far, Eren was nowhere in sight. You sighed, relieved that he wasn't in the area or nearby. You wouldn't know what approach you would take if he was nearby, yearning to try for the eighth time this week to grasp ahold of your attention, to finally get you to settle by his uninhabited side, gifting him peace instead of the thoughts he would overthink, unable to inhabit others 'happier' thoughts to cater to his sombre self.
Sasha noticed your slightly distressed posture, so she took you to an outside area, not many people go to, to calm down fully or let out the pent up thoughts you were piling on top of each other. She could tell these thoughts weighed on you, unmerciful to the already demonising thoughts you carried —garnishing your thoughts with a less happier emotion. You follow Sasha, the both of you sat on the lush grass, inhaling the natural air, feeling a light breeze brush against your exposed skin, causing you to shiver, yet relax at such a calming sensation. This in itself, may have been the only peaceful moment you had ever stumbled upon during these last few months, everything was rather complex.
"So, Y/n, what's up?" Sasha asked you, tilting her head to the side to face you.
"Since I trust you, I can tell you.." She looked at you, confusion written upon her features as she took in your feeble sounding words as you turned around, scanning the whole premises. She thought you were being stupid as this was secluded for a reason, sealing away the words you yearned to disown and let free, to others.
"What was that for?" Sasha asked, glancing at your face as you rested against the grass, breathing lightly.
"It was so no one was spying. I'm not having this stuff exposed. Wait, just let me text you it, this is too risky." You say, sighing as she glances at you with ruffled confusion — only to realise the jealousy many girls held toward others with Eren. He disdained the thought of being nearby a lot of girls, but a large proportion of them grew blind towards the fact that he held not an ounce of care for them, his brows bundling in annoyance at the thought of them.
"Sure, weirdo."
You:
I don't know how my
first encounter
with Eren's gonna be.
Chargerstealer:
He's gonna want more
from you...
PLAY HARD TO GET...
😏
You:
Bit much,
but I'll undoubtedly
bump into him today, BET.
Chargerstealer:
If you do, HAHA
😂
You:
IT'S NOT FUNNY
I'M STRESSING OUT
You:
AMILIA IS PROBABLY
ONTO MY ASS
Chargerstealer:
😎⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
🥁 ‼️‼️‼️‼️
You:
STOP WITH THE
DRUMROLLS
Chargerstealer:
that's what you
get for avoiding him
😭😭
You:
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE ON MY SIDE.
as you said before,
he might be playin' with me,
he doesn't love me like that, bet.
Chargerstealer:
Awe, but baby he does 😏
You:
OK LET'S GO TO CLASS NOW.
You and Sasha were gasping for air as you both laughed at the text messages you sent. The way you both texted each other was stupid, yet you couldn't help but continue to text like that, not caring if you overuse emojis. After a brief period of time of struggling to breathe, you both stood up and headed towards the direction of your biology class.
It was a fifty/fifty chance Eren was in. Given the circumstances, he would definitely be in as he was interested in seeing you like he normally was. And as expected, he was in. He walked in with Mikasa and Armin, laughing at something one of them had said. You attempted to hide yourself from him, but you stuck out like a sore thumb in need of being aided. He restlessly glimpses at you as you walked in, his viridian eyes drinking in your characteristics as he glanced at the expression that you wore. You couldn't enable eye contact with him as you felt unusual butterflies pent up in your stomach once you thought about him in the red room — you couldn't think of him in a purely platonic manner.
Eren caught on to what you were doing but he wasn't going to let you ignore him that easily. He realised he had to wait after class since he didn't want to physically make you uncomfortable right now. He wanted you to feel comfortable as lessons passed, in order for him to finally get through to you, who was obviously ignoring him. He could tell as you wouldn't randomly flip him off, roll your eyes, smile or wink at him as you both passed each other in the hallways. And based on the way you had ignored him, only made him feel as if you wanted a quick fuck, nothing else.
You and Sasha headed separate ways as you had two different lessons from each other. You walked by yourself over to biology, heading over to your seat as Jean sat beside you, his demeanour was tremendously off. It had been off for two weeks all because of the argument the two of you had with another. You decided to forgive him, embedding the argument into a mental patch of dirt, attempting to enable a sense of peace within yourself — you were trying to maintain the peace you had. A peace you were aware was now becoming a lingering feeling, not a solid feeling that remained in stillness beside you.
"Jean, why you so mad?" You asked him, taking off your bag and placing it under the table.
"Your 'boyfriend' is staring at you." He sarcastically stated, not bothering to face you. You scoffed at him, pinching his shoulder subtly as he wouldn't lower his tone. Jean rubbed his shoulder in a circle like pattern as you sat down. You glanced at Eren who had distanced himself from Amilia, focusing on his work as he had been doing for a brief period of time.
—
The lesson finished quicker than you could recall. Eren didn't even attempt to communicate with you once, respecting the barrier you had put up briefly. Moreover, he didn't want Amilia attempting to act up as he spoke to you. So he respected your learning and his own, focusing on the course instead of seeking to grab your attention. He didn't want to complicate his chance with you, tainting the lack of restraint he held in this situation — he knew you were in control.
You and Jean exited the classroom once it was over, heading inside of the cafeteria in silence. You honestly didn't know what had gotten into him, but you knew that it must have been something from a few days prior — he had promised to forget about his words, treasuring the forgiveness you coloured over him. You wanted to ask him what it was that was nagging him to the point you both remained in a tense silence, but you knew he would brush it off, making you seem as if you were overthinking the littlest things he did. You knew it was all because of Eren, but at the same time, something else seemed to be the answer, but you honestly thought you had gotten past that stage with him. How could someone hold so much anger against their soul?
You sat down in the cafeteria opposite Connie, after the awkward silence with Jean. You relaxed your body, easing your tense muscles as you felt as if you were in peace for once. You focused your gaze on the table as you admired the scratch marks that were littered all over the table. You close your eyes, frustration bruising your mind as you sat, desperate for the darkness to be the light that you desperately searched for, dismissing aspects of certain situations in life as you wanted to be gone, you didn't want to deal with all this, feeling as if you were on the run. You were running away from the fears you carried, mentally. You were stupid.
"So, Y/n.." Connie randomly called out.
"Yes?"
"Why are you avoiding Eren?" Connie stated, wearing a confused expression on his face.
"Yeah, why are you avoiding me, Y/n?" A voice spoke out, it was Eren. He scared the shit out of you, you had to have a minute to calm down as your heart was racing so fast.
"Don't fucking scare me like that, Jaeger," You called out, your heart racing and heat flooding to your cheeks as he stood behind you, breathing gently.
Your luck was awful, striking you in situations you prayed to not be a part of, though it always concerned you. You wanted to turn to face him, allow his eyes to meet yours, but you were too smitten with the thought of him spotlighting negative aspects of the situation over you — positioning you as if you were an unsound fox, scattering away from the ugly fears it held — causing a surge of emotions to overwhelm you.
"Sorry." He sarcastically stated, rolling his eyes as he stood behind you, not caring if he had scared you to a point you weren't fond of.
"You guys are assholes, why didn't you tell me he was behind me?" You mumbled, still recovering from the shock.
"You were gonna have to face him anyway," Sasha stated, trying to hold back her laugh while you were still dying.
"Y/n, can you come with me?" Eren called out from behind you, slowly getting impatient.
You glance at Sasha with a look of uncertainty, dismissing Jean who attempted to suppress what it was he felt towards you at this moment. He couldn't operate with his life here with Eren nearby you, his eyes softening as you had finally paid attention to him, gifting him a sight he had craved to see for weeks. He had laid on his bed for two weeks, glancing at the fan on his ceiling as he thought of what he was going to say to you after you had left his room. The silence in his room overwhelmed him and the bitter cold that was gifted to him by you.
"Ok," You uttered, turning around to face him as he had his arms crossed. You got up from your seat, your eyes still glaring at his own as you stood up.
Eren began to walk ahead of you, turning back to see if you were following behind him. He turned back to see you glancing at Jean, trying to decipher a neglected piece of information. Eren wanted to care about the emotions Jean held behind his features, but he couldn't bring himself to care, Jean had already scolded him for sleeping with you two weeks ago. Eren watched as Jean grew livid as he walked through the front door of his home, his fists tightening as he edged towards him, his shouting stripping Eren out of his thoughts.
Jean was frantic, his eyes widening, his lips parting in panic, his fists uncontrollable as he inched closer to a confused Eren, attempting to beat the living shit out of him, but Eren was able to handle him in seconds, unable to bring himself to care for Jean's anger, he was too slow when it came to you. Jean still hadn't apologised to him, apologised to him for shaming him for being with you. Shaming him for allowing himself to be your first time because you were comfortable with him being there with you in that moment, allowing your feelings to slip into the intimate session you both shared. He failed to realise how stupid he seemed to be, he failed to see the branch that had extended in your paths, symbolising that Eren now held a place in your life, even if things were to sour, to prosper, it didn't matter.
As you and Eren walked out of the cafeteria, you walked down a deserted hallway, only to settle in front of a storage room. You knew what was about to happen, yet you still went through with it, not caring about the fact that it was obviously about to become intimate. But despite the fact that it was set to get intimate, you couldn't help but find yourself growing nervous at the thought of being secluded with him, discussing the reason why you were so eager to avoid him, failing to think for yourself, not letting others influence the path you decided to follow, in order to move forward.
"You wanna go in?" He murmured into your ear, causing you to mildly grow weak at hearing his deep voice protrude through your ear.
"Sure.." You gulped, gripping onto the fabric of the hoodie you wore, unable to suppress a homely feeling you felt when you were with him.
Eren opened up the storage room, granting you access to head in before him. He trailed behind you, before briefly turning around and locking the door with a key he strangely owned. He moved closer to you, resulting in you backing up against a wall, breathing heavily as he towered over you. His hands rested beside your head as he glanced at you, a certain vulnerability lingering within his eyes. You couldn't help but bring your fingers against his face, attempting to soothe the pain you had brought to him mentally.
You could see the hurt that smeared against his face, shifting as if it was snakes that yearned to not be touched. The movement of your soft fingers on his face, enabled the metaphorical snakes to somewhat settle, gentleness being enabled at the touch of your fingers, though it wasn't a possible thing to do. Eren momentarily closes his eyes. You press your fingers against his face, cupping his face as he remained still, savouring the emotions he felt when he was with you, in the silence you maintained with him for a moment. Oh, how you regretted allowing the feelings of others influence how the two of you would have progressed.
"I don't know why you chose to ignore me, that shit frustrates me, Y/n..." You felt yourself grow flustered at his closeness, flashbacks raced through your mind as he got closer to you.
"I barely ignored you.." You called out, breath hitching as he grazed his fingers against the bare parts of your neck. You wanted to submit to him so badly but had to stay strong for now.
Now why did you say barely? You spent two weeks without him, practically allowing yourself to grow rather sad as there wasn't that balance you once had. It was the longest two weeks you had ever had to endure, it felt like a dream, phasing by you as you were influenced by your thoughts. You wished you were able to confront some of the badness in your life, plaguing it with your realisation. Without your anger attempting to fix it, though fighting anger with anger always had the same outcome in some situations. You saw how you had poisoned him with sadness, making him now savour the warmth you provided him.
Though staying strong and not submitting to Eren was hard, you were practically falling in love with him and you didn't want to. You tried desperately not to, but how could you not. A few times in a week he would always be in your dorm, watching a movie with you and others and then proceeding to grab your attention. The way he would lift you on his shoulder, dragging you around the living room to 'humble' you, whilst you began to ruin parts of the movie, made you fall for him.
The way he once picked up on the fact that you were stressed out, though you were in mere silence in your room. He only knew you were stressed as your brows were creasing the slightest as you passed him at a quick pace, mumbling incoherent words under your breath. So he walked over to your room, once you were in there, pressing against the door and walking in, allowing you to lay in his lap, under the alias that you were both friends, as you spoke about a few things that stressed you out.
Though it was a few weeks ago, you couldn't help but treasure these memories. They were memories you now deemed as precious as you had been distanced from him for a while, almost a whole month without his presence. The weeks made you realise that you were finally beginning to fall for him, replicating something similar to love, something you hoped would form into something in the upcoming future. You weren't aware of what you wanted emotionally, but what you knew, in many aspects, was that you desired for Eren in many ways, it was ways that were friendly, yet not friendly. You knew you were falling for him, but you didn't want to call it love, you wanted it to mature itself.
"But it was enough for me to notice, Y/n. When Mikasa asked for me to come over to watch something like we all usually do, you decided to go out to ignore me. You didn't even go out with anyone, you just went out on your own, obviously trying to avoid me, even Sasha noticed too. Normally you're excited to watch something beside me, but you completely disappeared for two weeks." He abruptly stated, burying his head into the crook of your neck.
"Sorry, Eren for ignoring you for so long. I honestly thought you wanted a quick fuck." You guiltily let out, turning your head to the side to avoid his gaze as he moved away from your neck, attempting to stare at your face. As you turned away, he pulled your chin, commanding for you to face him.
"If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. You're so fucking stupid sometimes. It's so fucking obvious, yet you tend to steer yourself away from the most noticeable option." Eren sighed, his eyes swirling with a sense of sadness and irritation.
"I'm not fucking stupid. You don't have feelings for me, do you? If you do, tell me. I don't think I can be here if you don't." You asked, looking him directly in the eye. You may have made yourself sound stupid right now, but that was the whole point, no matter how much he held you in this room, desiring to feel different aspects of your touch. You needed him to perceive you as dumb in this moment, so you could hear his raw emotions leave his lips — you could tell he was at his breaking point.
"What if I do? What if I do have feelings for you? What if my heart yearns for you?" Eren says, using the words you used to say you weren't interested in Jean, after you broke down in front of Sasha. His hands pressed beside your head as he freed himself from the emotions once bound to his body, his eyes sealed shut as he felt as if he was in his red sea. A dangerous sea that had a pulse because of his anger. His sea was only active because he thought of what Jean said, saying he wasn't capable of loving you or being in love with you first.
"Actions speak louder than words, Jaeger." You stated, your heart pounding as he had practically confessed his love to you. "But you don't feel the same, do you?" Eren asked, feeling as if he had ranted for nothing. He felt as if he had confessed all for nothing, all for someone who may have not loved him as much as he loved them. He felt fucking stupid.
"I do fucking feel the same. I want you, I want to mentally take it slow with you, Eren," You carefully admitted, caressing his jaw as you spoke, before moving your thumb against his lips, running your finger along a faint scar nearby his lip.
"I want you, I'll do anything, Y/n. I hate revealing my feelings but you're so fucking different." Eren muttered out, his head pressed against your shoulder.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked you.
You watched as he glanced at your face, removing his head against your shoulder as he glares at you, his eyes fixed with a sense of admiration as he watches as you gently smile at how vulnerable he had allowed himself to be — he finally confirmed what it was Armin was hinting at to you. He had finally allowed himself to fully voice his emotions to you at once, filling the hollow-feeling void in his heart with the feelings he held for you and the feelings you held for him.
You wanted to feel his lips meet with yours, queuing a pleasant to stem and bloom in your mind as you finally had him, finally was able to see if the two of you truly had something — he was too deep in love with you to tell you that. He couldn't even tell you he loved you yet because he was heavily nervous, he just wanted to hold you in his arms, kiss the lips that missed his presence the most. If you allowed him, this was bound to be the second kiss you were both to have with meaning. A true meaning, a feeling of new beginnings. You wanted him to kiss you, so you gave in.
You nodded your head as he lifted his head up to face you once more. He grasped ahold of your face, holding eye contact with your eyes. He grazed his slightly calloused fingers against your jaw as his breathing rose to a point he felt as if he was choking on the air that entered his lungs. He brought your face ― blanketed over with a vulnerable expression, he had encountered a few times in the past ― against his own. Your faces were not even a centimetre apart from each other. Eren's minty breath brushed against your lip as you closed your eyes along with him.
He rested his dainty fingers upon your chin as he pressed his soft rosy lips against your own. He had been craving this for the weeks you had avoided him. He desperately yearned to feel your lips against his own as you were pressed against his body, he needed you so bad. He missed the way you were around him, the way you would do the most random things whenever you were in each others company. He missed the foreign yet familiar sensation your lips brought his own, he missed it as bad as you did.
He wished you had allowed yourself to make your own judgement, not listened to Jean who had attempted to break the two of you apart. The man treated the situation as if you were both Romeo and Juliet. He treated the situation as if the both of you weren't meant to be together. Weren't both to know another, weren't supposed to be in another's company.
But Eren was somewhat grateful for the fact that he at least had you resting in his arms, apologising for the fact that you had left him vacant for two weeks, completely dismissing the fact that you had to speak to him at least once. Almost drove yourself into a crazed mindset, as well as him.
You regretted departing from him, you wondered how much would have happened. You felt stupid but you also knew that you would have time to be with him, regardless. He had promised that he would spend his time with you, so you knew you could soothe over the selfish actions you had taken, even if you had placed them under a category you deemed safe for you.
Shortly after, he pulled away chuckling from your slightly desperate state that craved for him to just hold you, seal away the strained thoughts you had once held.
"Meet me at my place at 5 pm." He said, leaving you in the storage room, you stood there and shortly after left...
—