"mmm-mmm something in the way,"
I stand in front of my large mirror, examaning my body. The morning sun hits my black hair, making it a deep brown shade. I glance over at Iris, fast asleep. I assume she returned to the room late. I woke up alone, meaning she came back after Remus ducked out at some point.
I look at my hips and notice slight finger-tip shaped bruises. I gently press against them and wince. I check my neck, there is a small purple mark under my ear. I always thought the night I lost my virginity would be filled with romance and love. This seems much more fitting for me. As I lift my legs out of my sweatpants, I groan at the severe throbbing between my thighs. Memories of last night surface, but I avert my eyes from the mirror before I can replay the scenes again.
I put on my blue and silver uniform from the floor—not even bothering to look for another outfit—and head out the door earlier than I ever have just to have tea with Lily at hogsmeade.
I suck in the cold air of the great hall and spot a few people talking, such as Amos.
"Oi, where's the fire? Because there's no other way Cordelia Evans would be out of bed before eight AM." Amos beams from across his table. I smile at him and grab a bowl as I sit down.
"Good morning," I greet as I pour cereal, "What are you doing awake so early?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Amos responds, swinging his leg over the bench and facing me to show I have his full attention now. "Some of the guys and I are studying for N.E.W.T.s before quidditch practice. Im gonna lose my fucking mind," He huffs and I chuckle. "And what might you be doing?"
"Hogsmeade with Lily, I have to pick something up for Ris." I say as I shovel a spoonful of Magix cereal down my throat. "Think we're going to the three broomsticks but it may not be open so I don't know." A piece of cereal falls out of my mouth.
"Charming," He glares at me. I nod in agreement and he laughs quietly. "How is she? Iris?"
"Talk to her yourself," I suggest.
"Ive tried, she won't give me the time of day! She's always flirting with some bloke or making up excuses to get away from me," He complains. I see Lily enter the great hall from behind Amos' shoulder, suddenly Im nervous.
"So? You hurt her. She doesnt owe you anything." I say, waving my spoon in his face. Milk flies into his eye.
Wiping his face, "But you just said—" He whines, pureblood, aristotic accent prominent. I hold my hand up to his face, cutting off his sentence. I'm obviously on Iris' side.
Lily approaches the table wearing dark bell-bottom jeans and a pink puffer coat. Red hair perfectly french braided, white scarf around her neck. "Hi! Are you ready to go?" She asks cheerfully, as she leans her hands against the table. Amos chokes on his bacon when he hears the tone of her voice. I glance down to her right hand and spot a
gold promise ring with the initials J+L engraved into it. Looking back to Amos he sends me a glare that says 'Good fucking luck,'
I give her a tight lipped smile. "Ready as ill ever be," I say in a honeyed voice.
And with that, we get up and exit the great hall.
Lily and I have always walked fast as a result of long legs. She's walking at her usual pace, so its a little painful to try and maintain the same speed as her. I wince every two minutes because of how numb my legs feel. It's as if I did a workout last night.
"Not able to keep up?" Lily jokes. She runs her hand over a braid, smoothing the flyaways. The sun hits her skin as we exit into the courtyard, taking a deep breath in and out. "It really is lovely out today,"
"Agreed," I respond with enegry. I dont want to scare her off with my usual standoffishness. We walk side by side heading to hogsmeade. "Do you think we could stop at the hogs head? I need to pick some firewhiskey up for Iris."
"Of course," She responds, sliding her small purse back onto her shoulder before it can slip, "I might actually pick up some firewhiskey too, while we're there."
"Lily buying alcohol? Underage? Thats how I know we hardly talk anymore," I comment as she shoves me lightly.
"Its for James, not me. I haven't changed that much," She snickers.
☽☽☽
We enter the three broomsticks and the aromas of tea, peppermint and butterbeer instantly hit my nose. My mouth waters as I enter closer inside.
"Will you order me a chamomile tea, please?" I politely ask Lily as she shifts towards the barkeep.
"Sure thing!" She calls. I look around for the least dirty table, ending up taking a seat at a booth near the front windows.
Lily regroups with me and we sit in an awkward silence. Carefully avoiding each others eyes.
"Will this be all ladies?" The hostess asks as she sets the white mugs on the table.
"Yes, thank you," Lily responds kindly. The middle aged lady smiles and nods as she walks away.
We both raise the cups to our lips, grateful for a reason not to make awkward small talk. Steam rises from the hot liquid into my eyes.
"Well that isn't very good,"
"This taste like shit,"
Lily and I mutter at the same time. When I finally look at her, we're both making disgusted faces that cause us both to burst out laughing.
Setting my cup back down, "I'm glad we're doing this. But what made you decide to talk to me?" I ask as my laughter dies down.
"At the party or yesterday?" Lily questions as she tears open multiple packets of sugar.
"The party," I specify. "But yesterday too, I suppose."
Lily shifts in her seat uncomfortably.
"Honestly, Remus convinced me to come by telling me that you had invited me," She says. "When I found out you hadn't actually invited me, I wanted to clear the air. Thankfully, you weren't upset when you saw me at the party,"
My heart rate increases from the mention of his name. Visions of him kissing my neck appear for a split second. I clear my throat and follow Lily's lead, tearing open sugars and dumping them into the bitter tea.
"No, I wasn't upset, just...thankful,"
She raises her brows, "Thankful?"
"Yeah, some pretty intense things have happened lately and its been pretty difficult to deal with, all i've been wanting to do is talk with you." So I guess what I'm saying is, im thankful for Remus. No denying he's the reason we're here.
She unwraps her scarf and leans forward. "What kind of things? If you don't mind me asking,"
"Things like getting attacked by a werewolf," I chuckle dryly.
She freezes.
I freeze.
The look of disbelife and concern on her face gives me deja vu as im reminded of coming here with Iris. Before she can ask any questions, I go into the whole spiel about the details. She doesn't inturrupt often but when she does its simple, fragmented sentences. Oh no. Thats horrible. I'm so sorry. I never catch a glimpse of pity on her face which I am eternally grateful for. By the end of the story, both of our cups are empty and more people have began occupying the booths to begin their day-drinking.
"Wait! This explains everything!" Lily exclaims.
"What?"
"Why you and Rem have been spending so much time together! I harassed him a few times asking if you two were a thing." She explains. It shouldn't bother me that she already knows about Remus' lycanthropy but for whatever reason it does.
My inner girl wants to ask a million questions. What did he say? What was his tone of voice? How did he react when you asked him?
"No, definitely not a thing." I mutter.
"How's your mum handling all this?" Lily asks. I place a few galleons on the table as she uses her hand to sweep loose sugar specks onto the floor.
Rising to my feet and slipping my jumper over my head, "She's not, really," I mutter. A feeling of meloncohly washes over me. I always knew my mother and I had an odd relationship, I just didn't know how odd. "I've gotten a single letter since it happened and all she really had to say was 'that sucks. I hope you have a place to stay for christmas,'"
Lily frowns and begins toying with the ends of her hair. "She still hasn't gotten over it?"
I sigh loudly as we head out the door, "She'll never get over it. Dad's death shattered her world. I'm just an unhappy piece of remaining glass,"
The contrast of warm and cold air is harsh on my cheeks. "Well do you?"
"Do I what?" I ask, confused.
"Have a place to stay for Christmas? It's just around the corner,"
Amos is going to peru with his family, Iris' family are pureblood supremeist and those have always been my only other two options. "I was, uh, planning on staying at Hogwarts,"
Lily looks at me is if i've gone mad, "You will not! Not when my parents have been dying to have you over for Christmas the last four years!"
I'm quick to protest, "Lily, really, its fine,"
"No! My mind has been made up. However, I did sort of promise James i'd spend new years at his house. He's throwing a party," She says, meekly. I groan as I pull the door for the Hogshead open. It smells of wood and whiskey. "You don't have to. But I hope you'll at least consider it,"
Spending christmas holiday with a bunch of Gryffindors? Count me out.
"Do you think two bottles will cost me more than seven galleons," I ask. For the life of me I can't remember the prices. Iris usually picks up the contraband.
"Don't be daft, It shouldn't cost you more than five sickels each," A voice laughs from behind us.
Lily stops in her tracks. I roll my eyes.
Simultaneously, we spin on our heels and come face to face with James and Sirius.
"Lovely to see you my beautiful girlfriend," James says. His eyes shift to me as if he's just noticing im here. "Nice to see you too, Evans." Neither James nor Sirius look suprised to see us here at seven-thirty AM. Lily must've said something.
"I swear to God, James. What are you doing here?" Lily huffs, crossing her arms.
He shrinks back a bit. "Im buying firewhiskey...wait why are you here?" James points an accusing finger in her face.
"I told you i'd pick it up for you!"
"Wait, that actually happened?" James scratches the back of his head, "I thought that was some bizarre dream..."
Their conversation starts to blend with the other background chatter as I finally gain enough nerve to look at Sirius. He's dressed in black slacks, a Queen T-shirt and leather jacket. He looks handsome.
I have this sick feeling forming in my stomach and I can't quite put my finger on what it is.
Sirius doesn't look angry.
I can almost feel Remus' hot breath on my ear.
Sirius' eyes soften, only slightly.
I can almost feel Remus' lips pressed against mine.
And he smiles.
Its small, tight-lipped and looks like he's straining every nerve in his body to produce it, but it's there. The feeling is getting stronger as I smile back.
Remus and Sirius weren't perfect before I stepped into the picture. I tell myself. They argue and lie and hurt each other. But, the more I think of it, the clearer it is what i'm discribing. Love. A crazy, toxic, stupid love that's nothing but their own.
Last night, Remus Lupin came to my dorm drunk, fucked me and left after I fell asleep. I'm a rebound.
What I'm feeling is guilt. Merlin, I dont think i've ever felt this before. It fucking sucks.
Lily waves a hand in-front of my face. "Delia? Did you hear me?"
I shake my head. A subconscious effort to clear my mind. "Sorry, what?"
She blushes and James smirks, "You know what? Nevermind, lets go," She says as she tries to make an exit.
James grabs her hand and pulls her close to him, "What Lilyflower here is too polite to ask is, do you mind if we get some breakfest together?" He does a pouty face, "Pleaseeee, Cordelia,"
The use of my first name catches me off guard. Such a painfully obvious ploy at getting me to agree. Before I can answer Sirius speaks up, "Oh and what am I? A bloody toad?"
"I don't mind, James." I say, softly. James' face lights up and I even catch a sliver of excitment in Lily's eyes. My eyes scan over the absurdly beautiful couple standing before me. The golden boy and good girl together at last. Living proof that, maybe the universe can work in our favor sometimes. Maybe at some point, we finally get to just be, even if its just for a little while. So who am I to stop them from getting to absorb every second of that time?
Sirius rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well I do. Prongs, you are not going to leave me alone while you two are off having some romantic getaway," He says, dramatically.
"Its not a getaway, mate. It'll be quick an hour at most." James' small smirk turns into that shit-eating grin i've detested for all these years. "And besides, you wont be alone, you'll be with Ev—Cordelia,"
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
TODAYS REMUS' BIRTHDAY!! It just felt right to update for it bahahah.
What'd you think?
Song: something in the way by Nirvana (linked at top)