CALANDO
Falling Away
Yoongi and I arrived at Jane's house on Friday morning, bright and early. The driveway was lined with everyone's cars. Jane was setting out a buffet of donuts and coffee and the guys were lining up like it was a soup kitchen.
"Thank you so much for bringing treats for us all, Jimin. You are such a sweetheart!" Jane's adorable little laugh made Jimin blush, and she leaned in to squeeze him.
Jane turned playfully, cupping one hand over her mouth towards me and whispered.
"Can I keep him?"
Jimin laughed heartily, reaching around her to pull her in for a big hug.
"I'll come visit you. Let's play some music together sometime, Mrs. Young." Jimin said, giving her a squeeze.
Taehyung and Namjoon were sitting, deep in conversation with Roy, enjoying breakfast and good company.
"I had this friend Eldon when I was nine or so... " Roy was already laughing at his story before he could begin telling it. I rolled my eyes, laughing.
He always does this... Such a blockhead...
"His dad was fermenting apple cider out in the barn. Had several barrels of it because his pap was an orchard farmer..."
The story was not even remotely funny yet, but Roy was in tears, laughing at the punchline already.
"Oh, for heaven's sake, Roy. You haven't even told the story." Jane laughed at him. We were all laughing so hard by that point that it didn't matter what the punchline even was.
"So Eldon..." he continued, "He was playing out in the barn one day. He got thirsty. Saw the cider barrels and helped himself. Said it was the best goddamn cider he'd ever had. Sat there and just guzzled it down. He goes to stand up... falls straight back down, face first into the hay."
Everyone erupted into a roar, doubled over, laughing mostly at Roy losing his composure. Hobi had all but thrown himself on the floor.
"But wait - wait! There's more!" Roy hollered, tears streaming down as he howled with laughter, "He managed to stumble back into his house, up the porch steps, into his mama's kitchen. She put two and two together in a span of a few seconds and sent him to his room to sleep it off, figuring his hangover would be punishment enough!"
"That's hysterical!" Taehyung threw an arm around Roy, laughing with him.
Watching everyone together, having such a candidly happy moment, really was touching. I studied Jane as she doted upon all of the guys as if they were her seven sons, bringing them coffee, sneaking them cookies from her antique cookie jar.
"Psst..." I saw Jane trying to get Kookie's attention as he was over near the sink, and I saw the two of them disappear out of the kitchen together.
She's planning something...
A few moments later, as everyone was still busy mingling, Jane and Kookie reappeared with a gift in hand.
"What's this for?" Roy seemed taken aback when Kookie passed the gift across the table to him.
Everyone watched as he unwrapped the box.
"You bought me a practice pad?" the childlike happiness glistened in his eyes, "...and sticks?"
I saw a hint of tears welling in Roy's eyes. I may have teared up a bit too, if I'm honest.
"I wanted you to have something to do. Music is a great way to occupy your mind, Roy." Jane explained, wiping away her own tears, "I wanted you to have something fun to do when I can't be there with you."
"And I would like to come visit you. I'll bring my practice pad over and we'll play together. What do you say, man?" Kookie stepped forward, extended a hand to shake Roy's.
"Son, that would be great!" and he turned to look at Jane, "And honey... what a wonderful gift. Thank you, my girl."
Ninety-two years old and he still refers to her as his "girl"...
We all watched as Jane walked around the table, using the shoulders of the men sitting around it to keep her balance as she worked her way around to Roy, just to kiss him on the forehead.
My eyes scanned the faces of everyone seated around the table, accidentally locking eyes with Yoongi, who was already looking at me. I smiled, nodding slightly, reassuringly.
When he saw that I was okay, the sweetest, softest smile spread across his face. I was grateful that he was there with me that day. It was hard enough knowing that Roy would be going into hospice that day, but it was even more painful watching Jane having to see him go.
Hobi, Namjoon, Jin, and Taehyung were moving boxes and small furniture into the back of the band van. Jane stood by, watching them carefully, worried not about Roy's belongings, but the safety of the young men out on the icy driveway.
"Mrs. Young," Hobi turned, noticing Jane standing there, "May I please walk you over to your porch? It would be awful if you'd fall out here. It's quite slippery, ma'am."
She smiled lovingly, extending a hand to him as he stepped forward to escort her safely to the porch.
"Young man, you tell your mother that she raised a good boy."
He laughed, holding the small of her back.
"Yes, ma'am."
Inside the house, Kookie and Jimin were sitting with Roy, drumming together. Roy was taking his new practice pad for a spin while the other two found some ballpoint pens and the tabletop to suffice. When Yoongi and I walked past the kitchen, all we heard was the rat-a-tat of three goofballs, practically headbanging at the table.
It did not matter that Roy was going into hospice. That man was going to have a good time, wherever he was, up until the moment he was no longer able.
Yoongi took my hand and we made our way back to Jane and Roy's room to check for any last minute things to pack. Yoongi slipped his fingers from mine to walk silently to a bookshelf in the corner of the room. It was covered in doilies and old, gold-lacquered picture frames. He bent down to a lower shelf, pulling out a thick, maroon photo album lined with aged, yellowing lace.
He sat down on Jane's bed, opening the book in his lap. The first page opened, and it was a picture from Jane and Roy's wedding in 1948. They were nineteen years old. Their faces glowed with happiness. You could almost hear their laughter and pure joy through the old photograph.
Yoongi looked up to see me standing beside him. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder.
"Look at how in love they look here..." he smiled at me then looked back down, "They still look at each other this way..." he shook his head, blinking slowly, deep in thought.
"They are incredible, aren't they?" I reflected on the couple I'd grown to love as my own flesh and blood, taking a seat next to Yoongi on Jane's bed, "I feel lucky to have known them. I feel as if I was meant to know them, especially now, at this stage in their lives."
"They're lucky to know you. The love they have for you... If I didn't know any better, I'd have guessed they were your actual grandparents. They sure act like you're their grandchild..."
I laughed, leaning my head on his shoulder.
Page after page, Yoongi and I saw Jane and Roy's lives chronicled: Vacations to Florida, military reunions, Christmases, photos of their summer garden.
"It's a shame that people don't take photos like this anymore. There's something about turning the pages, feeling the thickness of the old photographs in your hands. The way the photo fades... even that's something I kind of miss... These photos feel so much more... authentic. Real." Yoongi was deeply interested in each and every photograph, asking me questions, hoping I could answer them. Unfortunately, I had limited knowledge about them, so instead we had fun trying to guess the years the photos were taken, using context clues like car models and fashion.
Yoongi closed the book as we finished the last page, and turned to me.
"Let's bring the album along. I'm sure Roy would love to look through this while he's away from home." he suggested.
I smiled, closed my eyes and nodded, and he leaned over to kiss my forehead.
We loaded up the last of the boxes and a small end table into the van.
"Looks like we don't have to leave for another hour. We got done ahead of schedule. Our appointment for Roy's move-in isn't until 4:00." I said, looking around at everyone standing around on the driveway, "Thanks everyone for your help today. You've all done so much. So, really... thank you."
I wiped a tear as I glanced around at the group of generous, loving men, gathered around the two most important people in my life, keeping them safe and loving them like their own family.
Yoongi smiled over at me as he hugged Jane.
Hobi reached an arm around me, pulling me in for a hug.
"You okay, kid?" he asked, looking down at me with a gentle smile.
"Yeah," I smiled through tears, "I'm so glad they had this day with all of you. Something to remember."
I paused.
"They don't have many visitors. Jane's main socialization is through teaching her lessons, and those kids are everything to her... But... so is Roy. And she's torn between wanting to be with him all the time, wanting to take care of him... and being at work where she's creating new musicians every day..."
"I can imagine that's very difficult for her. That's a lot of change all at once. She's so fortunate to have you, Faye," he tapped my chin gently with his thumb, a sweet smile in his eyes.
"Thanks, Hobi. You're a great friend. I'm fortunate to have you."
We spent the next hour sitting around the kitchen table, listening intently to Roy and Jane tell us stories of their lives together.
Jane smiled proudly as she listened to Roy chat away, and she brought out a pot of reheated chicken dumpling soup for everyone.
How did she find time to cook from-scratch soup during all this? This woman should write a book on how to be the ideal "grown-up". The things I could learn from her...
"Jane and her sisters had the most beautiful singing voices. At family gatherings, they'd always put on a performance. They were like the local Andrews Sisters* with their three-part harmonies. Their daddy was so proud." Roy beamed, recalling his wife's youth, "And Baby Jane here used to play a mean harmonica... Isn't that right, honey?"
I turned to Jane with a gasp.
"Jane! You never told me you played harmonica!" I laughed, and everyone else cracked up too. Jane was so endearing - the way she just shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal.
"Play us something! Please, Mrs. Young?" Jimin begged, pouting his lip at her and tugging her arm.
Jane grinned sheepishly at Jimin, falling for his charms, and eventually sighed.
"Okay. I'll be right back." and she got up from the table.
I was expecting Jane to go back into her music closet, digging through boxes for some dusty old harmonica, but instead she took two paces to a kitchen drawer, pulling out a case that held three harmonicas.
"Jane! I feel... betrayed!" I joked, and she shot me an adorable little smirk, "Not only do you play harmonica... You also have three of them. And... you keep them right here in your kitchen drawer. Do you play harmonica often?"
She chuckled bashfully, nodding. And then she slid out a shiny, polished, but clearly vintage Hohner Harmonica, and played the most beautiful, soulful southern melody.
Namjoon closed his eyes, swaying his head to the music. Taehyung and Kookie were grooving on it, too. I couldn't believe this was the same Jane I'd known all these years.
"She used to play blues and gospel with church. And she was active in the community, so she accompanied blues piano students on her harmonica. It wasn't something most teachers would do." Roy explained.
"That's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. We'd all love for you to play alongside us someday, Mrs. Young. I do hope you'll consider..." Jin smiled, gesturing with his hands with excitement.
She smiled, wiping her harmonica clean with a little silver polishing cloth before putting it back in its space in the case.
"I would love to, Jin. That's very sweet of you to invite an old lady to play with you. You all have so much more energy than I do..." she laughed.
"It's not about that. Energy is irrelevant. As a musician, your musical soul is the driving force..." Yoongi chimed in.
"That's beautiful..." Jane smiled, reaching over to hold Yoongi's hand, squeezing it.
The guys helped load Roy into Yoongi's SUV so I could drive him to the hospice center. Jane opted to keep Yoongi company as he drove the van. Everyone gave heartfelt goodbyes. Jane gave each of the guys a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and the trademark grandma farewell, "be careful", before seeing them off.
"This isn't goodbye. This is See You Soon, right?" Jane smiled at Jimin, "You promise you'll come visit me?"
"I promise. I'll bring my clarinet next time." he beamed.
As we were waiting for the other cars to back out of the driveway, I looked over at Roy, and I saw tears streaming down his face and his lip quivering. He was backing out of that driveway for the very last time... and he knew it.
I reached over and squeezed his hand. He sobbed, staring straight ahead at his house, until we finally backed out of the driveway.
"Jane and I grew up in that house. We were just kids when we moved in. Only nineteen... And now we're ninety... I'll never see that house again."
"I wish I could take away your pain..." I whispered, "The life you've built with Jane was something truly remarkable. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives."
I paused to rub his hand with my thumb.
"I know there's nothing I can say," I whispered, "But I want you to know that I'm glad that I'm here with you right now."
We sat in silence for the rest of the ride, but he squeezed my hand in return, letting me know that he appreciated me being there, too.
Once we got to the facility and loaded everything into Roy's new room, the four of us sat and talked until the sun went down.
"This is what life is all about," Jane reflected on everything that had led up to that moment, "While today is difficult, and sad... We know we lived a fulfilling life because we got to this point."
She paused, looking over at Roy fondly. It was remarkable how composed and calm she was. She almost seemed content. Out of all of us, Jane seemed to be the most accepting of this new reality.
"Look at those photo albums... that wedding quilt... Those are things that came about because we lived our lives to the fullest. And now, what is there to fret about? This is a time to celebrate the life that we've shared. It was a beautiful life, Roy. Thank you for giving me the best life I could have ever asked for."
Yoongi squeezed my hand when he heard me sniffle.
Jane looked over at me, smiled, and handed me a tissue.
"Oh, kiddo, don't cry... We didn't miss out on anything." she reassured me warmly, "There are people who never get to experience this kind of love, or this kind of marriage. I am thankful every day for what I have."
She really was an icon in her own right; a woman of endless wisdom.
Yoongi and I said our goodbyes that night after Jane said she planned on spending the night at the hospice center. She didn't feel comfortable leaving him there alone on that first night, so the nurses kindly rolled in a cot for her to sleep on.
"I'll swing by tomorrow to drive you home before the show, okay?" I said before kissing Jane on the cheek.
"Okay, sweetie. Don't rush. I'll be ready whenever you get here."
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked her quietly, trying not to let Roy hear me.
"Mmhmm... I will be." she squeezed my hands and smiled with her eyes.
I wrapped my arms around Roy, holding him tight.
"I'll see you soon," I whispered, kissing him on top of his head, "Behave yourself in here. No pranking the nurses..."
Yoongi and Roy both chuckled impishly before reaching over to hug each other goodbye.
I drove back to the farmhouse alone in the SUV while Yoongi drove the van. It had been a long, emotional day. I didn't have any tears left to cry, and was craving the comfort of pillows and blankets.
That night, Yoongi and I were laying in bed together. He was twisting my hair between his fingers, humming a quiet tune.
His humming ceased and he cleared his throat to speak.
"I have a question..." he started, "and it might be a little soon to ask..."
"It's okay. Whatever it is, I'll answer honestly," I reassured him.
"You don't go back to your townhouse much anymore," he paused, "Maybe you could just move in here instead..."
"It is soon..." I started to reply, "But I do really love it here. And I'm happy here. With you." I smiled up at him. The love was radiating from my heart, and I was beaming.
He tipped my chin up to kiss me tenderly.
"I want you here. Please... be with me." he whispered, and I nodded, closing my eyes.
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* Editor's Note:
I don't know how many times I've probably proofread this and only now just realized that I had written "Anderson" Sisters as opposed to the Andrews Sisters. Biggest facepalm moment I've had in awhile, though I'll admit it's hilarious how long it went overlooked.