She sat down on the couch with shock-widened eyes and a trembling hand ripping through her hair in frustration. She couldn't believe it, she didn't want to believe any of it. The number kept growing at a pace so quick that she could barely remember, barely keep up with it anymore. And, that was the sad part about it. Lily Evans couldn't keep up with how many people had died in the month of July alone.
It started out with Edgar Bones on July 1st after being ambushed on a mission. Then came the death of the Prewett twins, who valiantly fought against a crowd of Death Eaters by themselves only for both of them to be finished off by Antonin Dolohov. Not even a week later, the Order was informed of the blowing to shreds of Benjy Fenwick, his body not even being able to be returned as a whole. And although those 4 deaths took a toll on the Order and everyone within it, nothing quite prepared them for the night of July 31st; the night which just so happened to be the very same night Lily arrived at the Potter household unexpectedly.
She didn't plan on going there at first, but after the traumatic event that had just occurred a few hours earlier, she knew she couldn't stay at home anymore. It wasn't safe for her family, it wasn't even safe enough for her. But then again, Lily didn't think anywhere was safe anymore. Not when 5 more deaths were added just from today day alone.
You see, Lily had always been a stubborn girl, never letting anyone else tell her what she should or shouldn't do. It was in her blood to fight fiercely for who and what she wants, and even after tonight that was not going to change. Not even after she saw one of her best friends, their parents and brother, and their girlfriend laying lifeless on the floor of their house. Not even when she fell to her knees clutching onto Marlene's dead body in hopes that she would start breathing again. Not even when the words 'All Mudbloods will die' were carved into the wood of a halfblood family's house just above where all of their bodies were lined up. No, Lily Evans was stubborn; she didn't want to go into hiding like everyone begged her to. No, she wanted to fight with her friends and avenge Marlene's death.
When all the members of the Order had met up at The Burrow after the knowledge of the McKinnon's and Dorcas' death spread, Lily made sure to make this known. She pointedly ignored Remus' and Sirius' comments about how she was a muggle and was at a bigger risk of dying than anyone else there. She darted her eyes away from the knowing and saddened stare of Professor McGonagall. And hardest of all, it took everything in her not to listen to Molly Weasley's, who was still mourning the death of her brothers, pleading to do what's best and go into hiding until things get a little better. But no, Lily refused to give up fighting. She had nothing else to lose, in her mind; Elsie was gone, Marlene was dead, and Alice had a baby to look after. Everyone she loved was slowly slipping from her grasp, and Lily felt that she needed to fight to make up for this loss.
She thought she had convinced everyone, until Alice grabbed her arm just before she was about to apparate away from The Burrow. And the conversation was one that would replay over and over in her head, and ultimately made the decision for her.
"Lily," Alice spoke so softly and so sadly that the ginger girl had barely noticed she said anything.
Lily turned her head around to see Alice's eyes glazed over with both tears and worry, "Alice."
The two had already collapsed into each other once that night, just a few hours earlier when they both discovered Marlene's body on the ground. But staring into Alice's eyes felt as if they were reliving the moment all over again.
"Lily, y-you have to listen," the brunette pleaded with her, the grip on Lily's arm not loosening one bit, "Please, you're a muggle-born and it's not-,"
"Alice, I have to keep trying," she spoke out sternly, cutting Alice off before she even had a chance to lecture her about what to do like everyone else did, "If I stop fighting, t-then Marlene's death means nothing. It means that Vol...You-Know-Who...holds power over me, it means he wins."
"But just think about-,"
"No, there's no buts," Lily snapped a little more harshly then she meant due to pent up frustrations, "I'm not going into hiding. I can't do-,"
"For fucks sake, Lily, would you stop thinking about everyone who's dead?! It's fucking horrid, I know it is, but they're dead. You're not!" Alice yelled with tears spilling out of her eyes and a trembling lip, her scream catching the attention of the whole room and everyone in it. It was something about her tone that made everyone go silent; it wasn't just angry, it was in pain. "Think about me, think about Elsie! You really think that I want to see another one of my best friends die because she was too stubborn to listen? You really think Elsie went into hiding just to come out and be told that all of her friends are fucking dead?"
The quietness that filled the room was nothing compared to that which filled Lily Evans. Everything she had ever learnt about sticking things out and fighting for what she wants was completely silenced by the tears streaming down Alice's face and the words ripping out of her lips.
"Marlene's gone, Lily. Please, don't do the same. Go into hiding, I need you here when this war is over," her voice was softer and lower, but the message she was trying to get across screamed even louder.
Lily didn't know if it was the way Alice looked so broken or if it was the words she begged her to hear, but that's exactly how she found herself on the Potter's couch talking to Sirius and Remus.
"I want to go into hiding," she huffed out, staring at him knowingly.
Sirius looked at her with relief crossing his face, his body resting on the back of the couch, "I think that's amazing, Red, I told you-,"
"I want to go into hiding with Elsie and James," her words sent a nervous chill down his spine and the room fell quiet.
"That's a great idea, Lily. But why tell us...why tell me?" His body tensed as he questioned her, his back straightening and his eyes darting over to Remus before landing on Lily.
"Because, you're their secret keeper," She gave no further explanation and stood up from her seat, "I'll go get my things and you'll take me there. P-please, I won't go into hiding unless I have them. I need to know I'm being useful to at least someone. Maybe I can help them with Harry, I am his Godmum after all."
Remus and Sirius were staring at each other nervously, before Sirius stood up and asked her anxiously, "Lily, how did you know it was me?"
"It's quite obvious, isn't it?" She spoke softly, not understanding why they were staring at her with fear flashing across their faces, "You're James' best friend and everyone knows you'd do just about anything to protect Elsie."
"Right," Remus cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably as he watched the gears turn in Sirius' head, knowing exactly what he was thinking, "W-well, aside from that, who's going to tell Elsie about Marlene? It's Harry's birthday, maybe wait until-,"
"No," Lily cut off Remus abruptly. She hadn't planned to do that, but as soon as she heard Harry's name come out of his mouth she knew she had to. It was as if her Godmum mindset kicked in and she was solely focused on the little brunette boy that was turning 1 today. "We can't tell her about Marlene. At least not until the war is starting to get better."
"What do you mean?" Sirius finally snapped out of the trance he was in, speaking a little more harsher than he meant to, "Marlene was one of her best friends. She deserves to know."
"Yeah, but right now I'm thinking about Harry, Sirius," she crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him, speaking in a voice that exhibited nothing but finality to it, "If we tell Elsie about Marlene she's going to spiral downwards. It's bad enough as it is that she's being forced into hiding, if she finds out about this she's going to lose it and James will have to worry about her. And then who's left to take care of Harry? We can't take away what little happiness they have now, I-I can't do that to them."
Sirius stayed quiet, but Remus stared off into the distance while slightly nodding his head, "She's right, Pads. I think it's best to avoid the topic of death altogether."
The long-haired boy still remained silent as he watched Lily disappear to get her things. And as soon as she left, he turned to Remus and blurted out, "Peter."
"What?" Remus asked Sirius while intertwining their hands comfortingly.
He looked over towards the scarred boy with his eyes wide and determined, "It has to be Peter. No one will expect it. The secret keeper has to be Wormy."
And so, Sirius bombarded Peter with the idea of being secret keeper, which he reluctantly agreed to, and immediately met back up with Lily to take her to Godric's Hollow. As soon as they flashed into the house, a small smile fell on both of their faces at the playful familiarity in front of them.
"James Fleamont Potter I swear on Merlin's grave if you don't give me back my pants I will-," Elsie's back was facing the two and her foot stomped down as she shouted towards James, who was staring wide-eyed at the pair behind her.
"Pads?!" He exclaimed with a confused face as he held Elsie's pants high up in the air away from where she could reach.
"What? I don't need any pads right now, what are you-,"
"Looking good, Els," Sirius smirked and winked at Elsie, who whipped around to see both of her friends staring at her in one of James' shirts and her knickers.
She rolled her eyes and chuckled at him before running over to Lily and throwing her arms around her, "Lils, what are you doing here?! I missed you so bloody much. How are you? How's everyone?"
"Everyone's good," Lily forced a smile and held back tears while thinking about Marlene, but eventually pushed passed her feelings and began explaining herself, "It's getting pretty bad out there for muggles so I decided it was best I went into hiding. Do you lot mind the company?"
"Of course not, Evans!" James smiled at the sight of his friends and wrapped his arms around Sirius, "We have an extra room anyways since Harry sleeps with us."
After explaining that they just put the birthday boy down for bed, Elsie excitedly pulled Lily into the guest room and told her that it's hers now. Sirius, on the other hand, was having a conversation with James about the revelation he came to.
"It's a given," he whisper-shouted to James and shot him a focused look, "Lily figured out it was me, who says You-Know-Who or his spies won't?"
"I don't know, Padfoot," James scratched his head while thinking over the suggestion, "Elsie was pretty set on it being you, I was too. I love Wormtail, but we all know he's never been as mentally tough as we are. What happens when they figure out it's him?"
The two boys' conversation was interrupted when Elsie curiously walked over and tucked herself under Sirius' arm, "What happens when who figures out what?"
"Padfoot wants to switch the secret keeper over to Wormtail since Lily figured it out," James explained as he leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest, "I said that I love Wormy, but I just don't know how it would end if anyone ever figured out it was him."
"They won't figure out it's him," Sirius commented before Elsie got a chance to speak, his arm draping over her shoulder, "They'll think it's me and try to force me to take them here, if anything. But we all know I'd rather die than do that. Nobody will ever think it's Wormtail, and he's already agreed to do it."
Elsie pondered over the information splayed out for her and didn't realize she hadn't spoken until James placed a hand on her cheek and softly asked, "Els, what do you think?"
She looked up at James before her gaze shifted towards Sirius, whose eyes were filled with both hope and determination, the same look she saw all those years ago when they made their pact. Elsie knew he always had their best intention at heart, even if her gut feeling was telling her to not transfer secret keeper over to Peter. So she listened to the boy she had trusted with her life instead of herself, after all she was still only 21. She may have been thrown into an adult's war, but that doesn't mean she had magically aged or became wiser. Of course she was still going to trust others over herself; she was Elsie Figg.
"I'd follow you anywhere, Sirius, I've told you that before," she kissed James' hand before turning her head to do the same to Sirius' cheek, "If this is a path you think we need to go down, then I'm right there with you."
Sirius nodded and gave them both a lengthy hug before leaving and promising to have the transfer done as soon as possible. James looked around at the empty living room, noticing how Lily was in her room and it seemed as if she were already in bed, and Harry was fast asleep in his crib. He stared over at Elsie who had yet to say a word since Sirius left and held out a hand to her. She curiously took it and instantly smiled as James wrapped his arms around her and began swaying.
"What are you doing?" She giggled as she placed her arms around his torso and copied his unrhythmic movements.
James simply shot her a goofy smile as he used his wand to start the record player, music filling the room as he exclaimed, "We are not thinking about the war, we're dancing."
"Right now?!" She chuckled under her breath as she stared up at the boy she loved, "James, I'm still not wearing any pants, you git."
"Oh," he winked and moved his hands downwards to squeeze her arse, "I know."
"Prat," she mumbled through her laughs before a smirk formed on her face and she quickly moved to pull down the pajama pants he was wearing, leaving him in his boxers.
"Oi, what was that for?!" He leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers, kicking out the pants from around his ankles and over to the side of the room.
"Well if I don't get to wear pants than neither do you," she taunted him and nuzzled her nose up against his, "Fair is fair, Jamesie."
James scoffed before pulling Elsie into his chest and humming along to the song while swaying them back and forth. And somehow, they both knew that this dance wasn't supposed to be playful and energetic, even though they weren't wearing pants. Because this dance wasn't a celebration, it was a distraction. Neither of them believed that everyone was good as Lily had said they were. If that was the case, Lily wouldn't be here in hiding with them. The war was getting worse, and as Elsie and James swayed back in forth in each others arms they recognized this. So, they danced because they were scared to do anything else.
He pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head as he felt the small girl's body shake against his, "It's alright, love."
"It's getting worse, James," she mumbled into his shirt, their bodies continuing to move in sync with each other, "What's going to happen to us?"
He removed one of his hands from around her and brought it up to her chin, tilting her head until it looked at him, "We will be alright no matter where we end up."
"As long as I have you," she replied while dipping her head back into his chest, her grip around him tightening while doing so.
"As long as I have you," he copied her and held her as close as possible, ignoring the war going on around them.
Lily was standing in the doorway of her room with Harry in her arms, sadly smiling at the sight in front of her. James and Elsie had been to busy dancing to notice that Harry had woken up and that Lily was now bouncing him in her arms watching the two of them. It was so pure, so innocent, yet so terribly heartbreaking listening to them. And it was for the first time ever that Lily Evans was seeing the effects of the war. It wasn't when she was on missions or when she saw lifeless bodies in front of her. No, it was watching the scene play out in front of her that she realized just how bruised this war had left the group of friends from Hogwarts.
Because in that moment it was just James and Elsie dancing around without pants as kids in love do, but with heavy hearts and saddened eyes, only wishing to have more time. That's all they could ask for at this point, just more time.
And how sad it was, Lily thought, for that to be the last wish of the two lovers that were barely adults; just to have more time.
——————————————————————————
AUTHORS NOTE:
The big bang is coming y'all and I don't think I'm ready for it. AND JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, I HAVE NOT FORGOT ABOUT CORMAC. Trust me, Cormac will have his time to shine. You just have to keep reading to find out when that will be;)
Side note: I know a lot of decisions made by the characters in this chapter may not have been smart or reasonable, but I did this because I truly wanted to embrace how young they were. This wasn't a group of seasoned people with wits beyond their age like it was portrayed in the movies, this was a group of 20-21 year olds. Being in your twenties is known for making shitty decisions and living with them, and that's exactly what happened with the Marauders. They made some wrong decisions, because they were young and inexperienced, and they had to live with them. And I absolutely hate how the movies downplayed this by casting older actors, so I just wanted to emphasize that here.
There's going to be 3 more chapters after this one I think and I'm so super sad this is ending soon, but it's okay because I'm publishing the few few chapters of the George fanfic right after!!!