CADENCE
A melodic or harmonic configuration that creates a sense of resolution.
"How did you know?" I asked softly.
We were together later that day on an old bench swing in the sun porch. I was laying with my head in his lap as he ran his fingertips through my hair.
"Hmm?" Yoongi snapped out of his daze, "Know what?"
"About us..." I said, my voice low, "About me... What changed?"
"When I saw you with Roy and Jane," he whispered, "I knew."
He sighed and looked down at me, smiling warmly.
"What they have... I didn't think it was possible," he leaned back to look up as he spoke, "I didn't think anyone could be that happy together, for that long."
His fingertips traced down the side of my face.
"When I saw them together, and I watched you helping Roy, all I could see was you," his voice was soft, but full of emotion, "And I realized, I could see myself growing old with you."
I reached up to cup his cheek in my palm.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you too..." he whispered back, and I watched his smile fade as he collected his thoughts.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
I slid my hand up his chest, resting over his beating heart.
"It's nothing... It's just... I always looked up to my parents as the perfect example of marriage. I'd hear everyone at school talking about their parents getting divorced, or about kids having step-parents, but there was my family, still... intact." he sighed, "I don't know how she could do something like that. To our family... to my dad..."
I felt a tear fall on my arm.
Min Yoongi, virtuoso, is broken.
I sat up and pulled him back into my arms. I leaned back and he cried on my chest, so deeply that I had wondered if he'd allowed himself to cry at all since his mom left.
"Yoongi, it's not your fault. Your mother made a choice. It was a terrible thing she did, but you cannot let her ruin your life. You have to allow yourself to heal. To love." I hushed, "I'm here with you. I'm not going to leave you the way your mother did. I never want to cause you pain..."
I stroked his hair as he whispered to me.
"I know I've only just met you, Faye, but I feel as if I've known you for a lifetime."
"I know what you mean," I smiled.
He sniffled a bit as he sat up, looking over at me to silently chuckle, laughing at himself and the weakened state he was in.
"You don't have to feel ashamed for crying," I said softly, reaching out to wipe his tears with my sleeve, "There's nothing you can do to scare me away, Yoongi."
He leaned in and kissed me gently, sustaining for just a moment before leaning back again next to me on the bench.
"When my mom left, at that time, I was engaged. We were together for five years. She helped plan my parents' Anniversary with my brother and I," Yoongi started, looking off into the distance, staring blankly out the windows at the snow-covered fields.
"My dad was so distraught about everything, I was worried he was going to do something stupid. So I was spending a lot of time with him. It was draining."
"You never had time to process any of it..." I turned to look at him.
"No, and Kate never had time for me. I couldn't go home to her and talk about any of it because she was never home. She was always out with her friends. I was always coming home to an empty apartment."
"Kate was your fiance?"
"Yes..." he murmured quietly, sighing with a bit of frustration before continuing.
"I had enough of it. I was alone. My mom was gone, I couldn't go to my dad because he was a wreck. I couldn't go to Kate because she didn't give a shit..."
"Oh, Yoongi..." I cupped his hand between both of mine, "You didn't deserve any of that."
I reached up to turn his chin to face me.
"I hope to be someone who brings happiness into your life." I said, softly, but matter-of-factly.
"You do." he whispered, and a small smile spread across his lips. I could see the love twinkling in his eyes.
"And having you here in this house... This big, empty house used to be full of laughter... Now it's just empty, and all that is left are memories..." he closed his eyes, deep in his thoughts, "But, for the first time in the past two years, I have been... happy here..."
He opened his eyes, turning to look at me.
"...with you."
"I saw how happy you were this morning. I could tell how happy you were to help Jane and Roy... You made them so happy, Yoongi. And me..." I smiled.
"They really inspire me. I want to live like them. I want to have a happy marriage into my nineties..." he let out a little breathy chuckle, shaking his head, "If Roy and Jane can do it, so can we, right?"
He flashed me his big gummy smile, finally seeming like he was feeling a little better.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
He nodded.
"What's the song about?"
He looked down, taking in a breath, then looked back up at me.
"I couldn't cope with everything. I had no one to turn to," he started, "Kate and I called off the wedding and I moved into the farmhouse. I couldn't lean on my dad or my brother. They were already hurting over Mom. So I kept it to myself."
I reached around him to gently stroke the back of his hair as he continued.
"Then my dad couldn't take being in the house anymore. He couldn't sleep. There were too many memories in the house. So my brother and his wife took him in for awhile until he was able to find a new place." he paused for a moment, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
"So there I was, alone in this big house. The empty house felt almost haunted. Every now and then I'd see shadows of my mom. It's like my brain wasn't convinced she was gone and was... filling her in where she was supposed to be," he rested his forehead in his palm, looking down, "I felt like I was going crazy. So I channeled it into my music. I sat at the piano for hours, playing whatever came to my fingertips. And then this melody came..."
"The song..." I whispered.
"Yes... But it was so melancholy. I had thought that maybe writing a melody would be therapeutic, that I might find some relief. But it never came. The song never felt finished to me."
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, resting my hand on his thigh.
"A song needs to resolve. It feels unresolved. I've changed it - rewritten it - over and over again. And I just..." he trailed off, frustrated.
"Hey..." I pulled his hand so he would lift his face and look at me. Holding his hand, I looked him in the eyes.
"Let's finish it... together."
"Faye, I..."
"Maybe we won't succeed, but at least we can try..." I quietly reassured him, smiling gently, "Maybe you need it for closure."
"Maybe you're right." he sucked in a quick breath of air and stretched back to look up at the ceiling.
"Come on... Let's go sit at the piano..."
As we sat together that afternoon, Yoongi was calm, quiet, almost passive. The controlling, alpha side of him that I was used to seeing, hadn't manifested itself. Instead of leaning into his perfectionism and dictating what we composed, he settled back and let me do a lot of the writing. He sat, listening and watching me intently as I fiddled around on the keys, trying to find the next notes to write down.
"We need to modulate this piece into another key. It can't be this somber..." he thought out loud.
"Hmm..." I kept feeling around, listening to different combinations of chords, moving back and forth between different possibilities.
"That's it! What was that?" Yoongi stopped me when he heard a certain chord, so I played it again.
"C major 7..." he was able to tell what it was just by hearing it again, "That's it. That's exactly what we need."
"What if we keep the first half of the song as it is? Keep it melancholy," I suggested, fingering through the original progression, then modulating (changing keys), "And then move into the C major 7 from there... It would sound like this..."
As I played through the progression, Yoongi closed his eyes, bowing forward slightly, absorbing the music flowing into his ears.
"It's perfect." he whispered, not opening his eyes, "Do you think you'd be able to sing over it?"
"I could, but what words would I sing?" I asked.
"No words. Improvise," he opened his eyes and looked over at me.
"Music transcends language. Music transcends words. If you sing a melody that comes from your soul, that flows out of you naturally, you will become the song." he continued, then put his fingers on the keys and started playing the song from the beginning, nodding towards me to encourage me to sing.
Without putting any thought into it, I just vocalized along to his playing, using varying vowel sounds to convey the emotions of the music. Sorrowful, wide vocals that sounded almost like crying. And a beautiful, comforting, soulful style for the new section at the end, conveying a feeling of warmth and love through my vocals.
I hadn't been watching him while he was playing, but when I turned to him after singing through the song, Yoongi was in tears.
I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close.
"It's finally finished..." he whispered.
"We should play it at Formal Night on Saturday. We don't have to tell anyone. Let's just do it. You and I." he said, wiping away his tears.
"I think that's a fantastic idea." I smiled, leaning in to kiss him on his forehead.
He sighed, looking over at the darkened windows, realizing it was getting late.
"Hey, do you want to go lay down with me? I'd love to just hold you..." he asked, smiling warmly.
"Of course."
As we lay in bed, we talked more about Jane and Roy, and the impact they'd had on him after only having just met them.
"They both really love you," I told him how Jane and Roy both couldn't stop asking about Yoongi, "And they will be ecstatic to know we're finally together."
"You mean, they didn't already assume we were?"
"Well, no, because you told me that you didn't do relationships, so that's what I told Jane when she asked."
"And what did she say when you told her that?"
"Well, she said that she knew you were a good man, and that she thought you'd come around eventually..." I let out a little giggle.
"Oh did she?" he laughed, "Man..."
He changed the subject, tucking his arm under my head to pull me onto his chest.
"I wish I knew what it was like to grow old with someone, seeing them during every stage of their adult life, right by their side...It's hard to imagine what that must be like." he sighed.
"The best thing we can do is learn from them. Watch how they treat each other, watch how much they respect each other. And then try to live our own lives that way." I offered.
As we lay, reflecting on all of our heart to hearts of the night, Yoongi gently caressed my back, running his fingers up and down my spine.
He rolled over so he was laying on his side, looking down at me, and he reached down to palm my cheek, kissing me delicately, like I was suddenly fragile. He carefully, slowly moved his body on top of mine, and softly scooped his hand behind my head to deepen our kiss.
He reached under the baggy white tee I borrowed from him, sliding his hands up to my breasts and running his palms in circles over my nipples. I gasped from his cool fingertips at first, but started moaning and leaning into his touch soon after.
His hand slid down, pulling my panties to the side as he slid his length into me. He lifted my legs up around his waist, wrapping me around him as he deeply thrusted into me.
His hand slid upwards, making a V with his fingers on my throat. He didn't apply any pressure, but he held his hand there while he watched my face as I took him inside me.
"Mmmmm.... You look so good like that..." he groaned, smirking at me.
"Like what?" I asked.
And his fingers tightened around my throat, causing me to writhe around.
"Like that..." he smiled as he released his grip on my throat, then crashing his lips back into mine, fucking me harder.
"Yoongi... slow down..." I said, making him stop to look at me.
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Nothing... It was just a little painful. Could we please go a little gentler tonight?"
I couldn't read his expression, but he nodded, continuing, but at a slower, more gentle pace.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered into my ear as I felt him thrusting hard again, penetrating deeper.
"Yoongi..." I sat up. He looked stunned.
"I was hoping for something more gentle... maybe more romantic tonight..." I said quietly, looking over at him.
He scooted over to sit face to face with me, taking my face in his hand.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I get a little out of hand sometimes," he rubbed his thumb across my cheek, "If you'll let me, I want to make love to you..."
I nodded, leaning back as he climbed back on top of me.
He gently stroked my hair around my face, kissing me passionately as he made love to me. He slid his fingers in between mine, pulling my hands over my head, thrusting into me in a slow, even tempo; in long, smooth strokes. After he finished, he whispered against my lips.
"I love you, baby..."
And we fell asleep that night, wrapped up like a burrito in the twisted sheets, finally a couple.
I knew that we'd eventually have to discuss what had just happened between us, but I didn't want to disturb the peace and calm we had finally found after such an emotional day.