I felt alive and I can't complain
But now take me home
Take me home where I belong
I got no other place to go
I was running, hoping this was the right direction.
I needed to see Natalie, I needed to hug her and kiss her and hold her close to me, but my legs were too injured and my pace was way too slow. I needed to hurry up before she decided to do anything stupid.
I was a lucky son of a bitch when that fucking building didn't kill me. It left some bad wounds behind, but I was okay and I didn't even care about the blood staining my clothes; I needed to see Natalie right the fuck now.
I knew it would hurt her if I died and that was probably what she was thinking, but I threw her against Alex on purpose. I knew he'd stop her from coming back inside because I didn't want her to be the one to die, if anyone, it would be me.
I knew her enough, she didn't like showing herself emotionally vulnerable in front of other people unless she trusted them... she trusted me, getting killed after everything that happened with Zayn would literally kill her.
Her leg was badly injured whilst we got out of that building, she wasn't going to make it so I had to take an impulsive decision. And even if that wasn't the best thing I could've done, it was the right one.
And I didn't care if she was mad at me as long as she was okay. Alive and okay.
Her injury was pretty serious, it was bleeding a lot and she was lucky the rock didn't break her leg. But she still needed stitches as soon as possible and I wondered if Alex and Alissa were helping her with it or she had shut down completely.
I didn't want her to shut down, I didn't want her to be sad.
I was injured too, there was a cut on my forehead and big wounds on my knees and abdomen, but I didn't care. My main priority right now was finding Natalie and getting her to smile for me.
I managed to get out when the firemen arrived, I have no idea how they didn't see me. The building was trashed to the ground, apparently there were more bombs that we didn't hear, which led me to wonder how long we were unconscious for.
My mind was killing me, trying to find out who was behind all of this. I finally ended up with two hypotheses: this was either Niall or Mort Negra.
It was obvious, they both wanted us dead and it had to be one of them. There were more chances that this was Niall because his trader was going to be there and he probably thought of interrupting us before we started.
I just wanted to fucking kill whoever did this to us, I was so fucking pissed but worried at the same time.
I was running through the streets, unarmed and with blood all over my body. I was weak right now, this was the perfect moment to attack me and I was dreading the fact that maybe I wasn't going to make it to our house. I needed to hurry the fuck up.
I was just hoping Natalie wasn't torturing herself about what happened to me, I knew she tended to blame the harsh stuff on herself and I just wanted to be there to tell her we were alright.
I finally could put the real meaning behind that sentence, because now I knew we'd be alright for real. I knew I wouldn't let anyone mess with us because I was so fucking angry, nobody would dare to lay a finger on us after what they did to us today.
I hoped.
I noticed I was going in the right direction when I spotted our house some feet away. The lights were on but the curtains were shut and I could see figures inside, two of them watching the last one.
With the last desire I had, I wished for the keys to be in my pocket... and they were. I had no idea how they managed to stay there after everything that happened today, I even lost my gun, but I guess keys are invincible.
I introduced them in the keyhole with shaky hands, missing several times till I finally got it in and entered the house. I noticed how everyone had gone quiet and I suddenly had three guns pointed at my chest, but I just looked at them.
The atmosphere turned heavy and everyone stayed frozen on their place, wide eyes on all of their faces. I didn't know what to say, I didn't think this would literally push the words out of my body.
None of them had taken a shower, they were still sweaty and dusty, but their wounds were all patched up and they were wearing more comfortable clothes. Nat's leg was clean from any blood and I could see the stitches, making me notice how big the injury actually was.
It went all the way down to her thigh and pierced through a rose tattoo she had on her thigh, it must've been hurting like a bitch-
I heard the sound of a gun dropping to the floor but I didn't have time to react when I felt two arms slinking around my neck. She pulled me into the hug and I had to fight the impulse of wincing, my wounds were all over my body.
Slowly, I hugged her back, engulfing her into the embrace and burying my head into the crook of her neck. My whole body immediately untensed and I felt a wave of relief washing through my veins, signaling me everything would be alright.
Natalie was finally with me, she was okay and she was with me.
Fuck, it hadn't even been an hour and I had missed her so much. I was unconscious for most of the time, but she was wide awake and I didn't want to think about her crying because it hurt too much.
She smelled the same, clamping her arms around me for dear life and sobbing into my chest. I hugged her tighter and I didn't even care about the annoying pain spreading across my torso while I made sure to hug her as if I would never let go.
But she did, and she shoved her hands against my chest when she did.
"Why would you do that!" She yelled, the tears starting to slip down her cheeks. "Why!"
"Hey, let me-"
"You were gonna fucking kill yourself for me? I'm not fucking worth it!" She cried, breaking my heart with each sob leaving her lips. "I'm not! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!"
I had no idea what was going on in her mind to make her feel so worthless... but she wasn't. She had to let me explain, she had to know the real reason why I decided to save her life instead of mine.
It physically hurt me hearing her downgrade herself like this, I knew she was insecure but I would never get used to it. She was practically saying that she should've been the one that died and I had no idea what to do besides from letting the tears stain my cheeks.
I knew she was feeling rage and sadness and anger and everything at once because it was unnerving losing someone and getting them back after, I couldn't begin to imagine what she was feeling right now. I had to explain.
"Why would you fucking-"
"Isn't it obvious?" I cut her off, talking quietly.
I glanced at Alex and Alissa and they clearly noticed, because they widened their eyes and immediately left the room. She gave me a reassuring nod and I smiled back, feeling my heart thrashing against my chest.
The air I was breathing felt heavier than usual and it rasped my throat whenever I inhaled, as if everything today was meant to hurt. It all happened so quickly that it gave me whiplash, I was still processing everything that happened today.
"O-Obvious? What the fuck are you talking about?" Natalie frowned.
"Natalie, I fucking changed for you. Every fucking time I breathe, I laugh... it's all for you," I reasoned. "I lay on my back because I know you like sleeping on my chest, I drive with one hand because I like touching your knee with the other! It's about you, baby, it's always been about you."
"Harry, what the fuck are you talking about?" She clenched her hands in fists by her sides.
I could see the faint stain of blood on her lip and I knew it wasn't because of what happened in that building... she had bit it again. There was a small vertical cut and I don't think she even noticed it.
I looked at her, feeling the tears on my waterlines. I wasn't expecting this to be how it all happened, but it had to be done. So I looked at her, my chest heaving with deep breaths as I tried to get it out.
"I love you." I whispered. "I love... you."
My heart froze in its tracks the minute the words were out of my mouth and I felt my blood running cold in my veins. I was sweating... what if she didn't say it back? She had to, she fucking had to because I had no fucking idea what I'd do if she didn't.
"W-What did you just say?" She whispered as her breathing started picking up pace.
"I said... the truth, I just said the truth." I looked at her, that anxious glint behind my words that only expected the worse but wished for the best.
Natalie didn't say anything, which only freaked me out even more. She stayed quiet and I couldn't even hear her breathing anymore, I had to prepare myself for the worse because it was yet to come.
I knew how hard it was for her to love. I never understood exactly why, but the emotions didn't pour out in her as easily as it normally should. I didn't blame her at all about it, but I just wished everything that happened this past two months with us had helped her start understanding her feelings.
"That's not... the truth. No, Harry, no." She shook her head, never looking into my eyes. "You don't love me, you love the idea of me. You love the idea of me."
She seemed to be here but somewhere else at the same time, like she had gone to that deep place in her mind which was very easy getting into but very hard escaping. I needed to get her out.
The way she was letting the words out sounded as though she wasn't talking to me, instead trying to convince herself that none of this was real. I just hoped that that wasn't a bad thing.
"No, Natalie, I-"
"No! No, no, no... you don't love me," She cried, the tears slipping down her cheeks nonstop. "I can't be the person you want, Harry."
"Natalie, listen! I don't want that person, I want you." I cut her off, feeling my heart thrashing against my chest. "I love you, okay? I love you and I can't change that even if I wanted to. I love you, I love you, I fucking love you."
"Stop saying it, stop." She whispered.
My heart shrank in my chest and I swallowed harshly given how dry my throat felt. Did she not love me back? I couldn't blame her about it, but I also couldn't help that feeling deep in my chest... it hurt.
I never expected her to say it back, but there was a small flare of hope inside me that had a little bit of faith... faith on the possibility that she might feel the same way. But that candle was immediately blown off the longer she kept talking, her words were like lashes to my heart.
"I..." I breathed out. "...L-word you?"
Her head whipped back in my direction and I gave her a tiny smile, trying to get her to return it. Her eyes brimmed with even more tears and this time I didn't see it coming when she wrapped her arms around my neck and started peppering my lips with kisses.
I took a minute to realize what was going on, but when I did, I returned her the embrace. I wrapped my hands around her the tightest I ever had, kissing her back just as many times even if the kiss was sloppy and messy.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." She whispered into my lips.
My heart fluttered so fucking harshly that I thought it would snap out of my chest, the only thing I could do was try to hold onto her and bring her towards me impossibly closer.
It was finally done... I loved her and she loved me too. I had finally gotten the moment to tell her everything I felt for her and she had said it back and now I couldn't stop the clenching in my stomach and the emotions pouring out of my lips.
The many times I had wished she could read my feelings through my touch were finally becoming reality because now she could. I knew she could taste the love on my lips and the relief on my hands... I just felt happy.
"I love you," I whispered when she pulled back. "Always."
"Always, forever. Yes, I love you." She mumbled incoherently.
I broke the hug and looked at her, and that's when she noticed all of the blood that had made my white shirt turn red. Her eyes immediately widened and her jaw dropped open as if she had just seen a ghost.
"Harry, what the fuck!" Natalie shouted.
Oh wow, the mood swings.
"Hey, it's okay, it doesn't-"
"I literally pushed you. I could've fucking hurt you, idiot." She shook her head, yanking me towards the couch. "Come here."
I soon found myself laying down with Natalie's hands all over my chest, stitching and cleaning and patching up the gushes on my skin. There was a cute pout on her lips and I'd always admire the way she looked when she was concentrated, she was so fucking pretty.
The frown on her eyebrows as she finished bandaging the cut on the side of my torso made me smile and I started thinking all over again about what the fuck I did to deserve her. She wasn't a good person... but she was for me, and that was all that mattered.
God, I'm so corny.
"You know, I've wished so many times that I could just say if out loud. Now I feel more free, I can say it whenever I want to." Natalie looked down at me, biting her lip to repress a smile. "I love you."
My heart went crazy all of a sudden and I shoved the urge of crying back down my throat. I felt so emotional, she always managed to have that effect on me and mostly now that she was revealing the fact that she loved me all along.
"Yeah?" I smiled. "Me too. I don't know why I didn't, there was something that just wouldn't let me."
Natalie chuckled, running her finger in circular patterns over the butterfly tattoo on my sternum. The mere touch of her skin against mine was enough to make the muscles on my stomach quiver.
"When I proposed... that night in the car, in the parking lot of the supermarket..." I numbered.
Those were just a small piece of a very long list, I literally would've wanted to wake up and tell her I loved her once an hour because it made me happy knowing she knew.
"I just hope it didn't take a fucking resurrection for you to finally say it," She laughed. "you scared the shit out of me."
I giggled, trying not to move since the wounds were hurting like a bitch, "I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen-"
Gunshots.
Several gunshots echoed in the room and I suddenly forgot about all of the injuries and the talk we were just having, standing up like a bolt as Natalie did the same. She retrieved the gun from the table and gave it to me before she ran away towards the back door.
I followed her, feeling my pulse start to quicken with every step I took because Natalie was unarmed and what the fuck was happening.
The door burst open and we suddenly found ourselves staring at five or six men shooting at Alex and Alissa, who were hiding behind a wall while they shot back. The bullets were ricocheting and reverberating in the alleyway and I didn't think twice when I fired my own gun.
Fuck, for a second I thought things would be calm for a while. That minutes of happiness with Natalie cleared my mind so much that I nearly forgot about the whole shitshow we were living in.
I often found myself imagining what would've happened if Natalie and I met under other circumstances... normal circumstances.
Instinctively, I urged her behind a wall, right when a bullet flew past us and made its way into the house. The blow was way too close and my heart nearly stopped beating, so I muttered to Natalie to go look for her gun before she got herself killed. Luckily, she followed my orders.
Every little sound was ringing in my ears and I was sweating, feeling like I'd start hyperventilating if I didn't calm right the fuck now. The pain from the wounds was resurfacing but my whole body was numb, I couldn't feel a thing.
I stood behind the wall for some more seconds before peeking over once more. I managed to shoot one of the guys on the head and he immediately felt limp on the ground, the blood starting to pool beneath him. Natalie arrived and with her, more gunshots and bullets.
But suddenly, everything was happening in slow motion.
A bullet into Alex's hand made him drop the gun some feet away... but he took the impulsive decision of running towards it to get it back. I wanted to scream at him, tell him to go back to his place, but the words were hitching on my throat.
The only thing I could hear was the sound of his shoes tapping against the floor and my heartbeat hammering in my ear as I watched him. He held his bloody hand while he shut his eyes in pain and ran back to Alissa.
If only he would've made it.
"Alex!"