**trigger warning** themes of physical abuse/violence/blood nearer the end of this chapter - please skip this chapter if this affects you. skipping will not disrupt the storyline**
*the first section is fine to read
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"Wow! I. Am. Stuffed! Couldn't eat another bite!" Ron exclaimed as he wandered into the common room that evening after dinner with his friends. He was rubbing his stomach as he strolled over to the couch and plonked himself down on the cushions, his attention being caught by a shiny bag on the table beside him "Ooh, fudge! Don't mind If I do"
Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron's usual eye for food and sat down on the nearby beanbag, diving into her book
Harry peered out from his bedroom upon hearing their arrival. He had been feeling anxious all day. Things we're becoming more serious with Draco and it was changing him. He was brighter, more cheerful, he smiled more and loved more. He had decided it was time to open up to his friends, though he was still undecided about exactly how much to tell them, he knew he couldn't hide this part of him anymore
"Erm guys... would you mind joining me in my room? There's something I need to talk to you about" Harry said apprehensively leaning out of his doorway
Ron and Hermione shared a puzzled glance before turning back to him
"Sure, everything alright mate?" Ron asked pushing himself off the sofa and swiping the fudge as he made his way over with Hermione
They entered Harry's bedroom, a cosy redbrick room where an arched window sat to the left looking out across the grounds and mahogany beams spread across the ceiling. There was a Gryffindor poster beside his dresser where piles of clothes and quidditch gear tumbled out of the drawers and across the chair and floor. A dark red rug matched his burgundy bed sheets and the rest of the wooden floor was scattered with books.
Ron strolled in and crashed onto the rug, spreading out his legs and resting back on his palms. Hermione wandered across the room, tutting at the clutter and picking up the books on the floor, brushing off the dust and placing them neatly on his desk. She perched on the end of the chair, sliding his heap of clothes to one side. Harry closed the door slowly behind them all and made his way reluctantly over the his bed where he sat cross-legged.
Ron leaned back and pulled open the bottom drawer of Harry's dresser to find his usual secret stash of Honeydukes candy
"Make yourself at home why don't you" Harry poked at him
"Shouldn't have told me about your stash then should you" Ron teased unwrapping a bag of chocolate bon bons, tossing one into his open mouth and offering the bag to the others
"What's the matter, Harry?" Hermione asked intently from across the room, she looked concerned, her brows knitted in a frown
Harry fiddled with the thread on his jumper sleeve, chewing his lip trying to find the words to begin speaking. His gaze remained focused on his hands, painfully aware of their eyes boring into him
"Well, um..." he coughed "So... there's something I've been meaning to tell you guys, I probably should've told you a while ago..."
Ron nodded "Go on"
"I just, hope that you can support me and... and that I can trust you both cause it's quite big for me, well, not big exactly, I don't know really it's just..." he sighed and collected himself "Well... what I feel I should tell you guys is that... I'm gay"
There was a silence that filled every corner of the room, Harry felt ridiculously uncomfortable, blushing hard and wishing he could apparate from this room to anywhere other than here
"Well thank God!" Ron exhaled
Harry did a double take at his response and looked up at him confused "Wh-What?"
"You've had girls throwing themselves at you all year, Harry and you've completely brushed off every one of them. I thought you were going mental!" he laughed
"So... you're not mad?" Harry asked
"Of course not!" Hermione walked over and sat down beside him on the bed, placing a hand on his arm "Harry we love you for who you are, and whoever you love we'll love them too. We'll always support you"
"Exactly. Why would we be mad?" Ron said digging for more bon bons
"Well... because I kept it a secret from you guys for so long. You're my best friends I should've said something sooner. Also, there are some people out there that don't really accept others for being gay"
"Seriously? Why would someone have a problem with that?" Ron asked bewildered
"My aunt and uncle used to be like that" Harry frowned
"It's more of a muggle thing" Hermione added "But you're fine Harry, everyone I've met in the wizarding world has been very accepting of people with different sexualities"
"At least that explains why you and Ginny broke up" Ron said with cheeks full of sweets "I was gutted when you two ended"
"Talking of Ginny... she figured it out already" Harry huffed jokingly
"Bloody hell, she's good. Don't tell her I said that though"
"Is there anyone special that's made you come to this realisation then, Harry?" Hermione asked
Harry swallowed and clambered his words "Umm... no, nobody...I just realised I'm attracted to boys..."
"Wait-" Hermione cut in, pointing her finger in his direction like she'd put two and two together, her brow furrowed and she turned to Harry "This isn't why you've been spending so much time with Malfoy all of a sudden, is it?" she asked
Harry froze and he felt his breathing stop, Ron shot up alarmed. Fuck, they knew. Getting through this conversation was already overwhelming enough without adding on Draco Malfoy too, he wasn't ready for that yet
"What?! Malfoy? Eww absolutely not!" Harry laughed, he made a sick face and broke into nervous laughter "We're just friends and besides... I think he's straight"
"You making out with Malfoy? Could you imagine!" Hermione grimaced
"Well, when you do meet someone, please introduce us to them, yeah? Even we're sick of you third wheeling us" Ron joked sharing a playful smirk. Harry gave a soft chuckle and smiled to himself
"I'm so glad I could finally tell you both"
Hermione clopped him across the back of the head "That was for not telling us sooner! You can trust us, Harry, with anything!" she looked at him dearly and he rubbed the back of his head, nodding "I know"
"No more secrets, agreed? We tell each other everything that's going on, everything that's running through our minds. This is our last year at school all together, we should be as happy as possible" Hermione looked back and forth from Ron to Harry, her face asking for this one request as friends
Harry chewed his lip, dread filling his chest. He could tell them about Draco now, it would be easy to, like ripping off a band aid. Only, they made a promise to each other to keep this a secret until they were both ready to come out, Harry even wondered if Draco would be having the same conversation with his friends? The moment of silence grew longer as thoughts raced through his mind. What would he even say to them?
'Oh by the way, I've been meeting up with Draco Malfoy in private and snogging his face off
or
Draco and I are friends with benefits!
or
I go to sleep at night thinking of the way his chest feels under my hands and his tongue across my neck
or
Draco Malfoy is my boyfriend! Wait... boyfriend? That's a big word. He's not my boyfriend he's... actually, what is he? We haven't really discussed that much yet. I mean, I kiss him and hold him and want to have sex with him. I think about him all the time and my favourite moment of the day is when I get to sneak into his bedroom and fall asleep in his arms. Oh...
No. He needed more time, he could explain everything to Ron and Hermione later on, he was sure they would understand that it was a mutual agreement to come out together so they would allow him this one secret, right?
Harry swallowed and put on a weak smile "Agreed, no more secrets"
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"So you finally come out to them?" Draco asked. Harry had snuck into Draco's room again for the night. They were both laying top to tail on the bed, Harry laying on his side, his elbow propping up his head as he looked over to Draco who was laying with his back against a mound of pillows which allowed him to see Harry clearly, he crossed his feet and stretch out his arms letting out a long yawn. They were both exhausted.
"Yup. I pulled them into my room and basically just said "I'm gay""
"And they took it well?"
"They really did. They were so supportive, I don't know why I was so nervous of course they would be, they're good people, they're my best friends" Harry smiled to himself
"What about the little insignificant part about it being with... me?" Draco grimaced with curiosity
Harry twisted his mouth and grimaced "I didn't tell them it was you"
"Oh?"
"I just, I thought it would be best if we discuss it properly first. I mean, I'm not even sure what we are exactly?" Harry mentioned timidly, crinkling his nose at the awkwardness
"Oh, well... I suppose you and me, we're... dating?" Draco stated, sounding unsure of himself. Neither one of them wanted to press the other, just both had been wondering the same thing
"Dating? Hmm... I guess we are" Harry thought., pushing himself up to sit cross-legged closer to Draco at the head of the bed "Although, we haven't really been on any dates yet?"
"We've seen each other loads" Draco pointed out
"Yes but all we've really done is meet up, make out and piss off again" Harry said, letting out a slight chuckle
"Alright, how about the next time we meet up we actually do something, like a proper date?"
"That would be brilliant except Hogwarts has rather a limited supply of restaurants and date venues inside" Harry teased
"Good thing we have a certain room we can visit that will provide us with everything we need" Draco smirked. Harry's eyes met his own with excitement
"It's a date then!" Harry chirped, leaning in to Draco and planting a kiss on the end of his nose sweetly. He pulled away to find Draco's mixture of confusion and disappointment
"What was that? That kiss? That was pathetic!" He jested, jabbing Harry in the ribs
"Oi! I was being sweet, you arse. I'll give you more" Harry moaned
"I bloody hope so" he teased jumping off the bed and pulling his shirt off over his head, tossing it to the nearby chair. He walked to his dresser and pulled out a pair of black cotton pyjama bottoms which he laid back down on the bed and began untying the waistband of his joggers. He dropped them to the floor and slid his feet out, reaching down to pick them up off the floor and rising again to see Harry sitting on the bed in front of him, mouth gaping open and crotch twitching
He stared at him with wide eyes, trying to telepathically understand what had frozen Harry in a daze "What?" he asked turning his head to the side but keeping eye contact
Harry was gawking at him, the way his slender body slid out of his clothing and revealed a delicious treat underneath made his mouth watered and his pants tightened. Draco stood before him completely shirtless, with nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs covering his generous bulge. One hand adjusting his waistband, the other running through his hair displaying his strong arms as he waited for a response. His thighs were slim but toned, curving up and around to his bum that hugged the cloth perfectly.
Harry choked on his own breath "Wow... I've just not seen you without trousers on before... It's nice" his surprised expression melting into a cheeky smile
"Get off the bed and join me underneath then, you muppet" Draco laughed, shoving him off the covers and climbing into bed. He patted the spot next time him enticingly and Harry almost ripped off his entire outfit in the rush to join him.
He scrambled out of his shirt, scrunching it into a ball and tossing it on the floor much to Draco's distaste at his messiness. He fiddled hastily with the drawstring on his joggers, finally throwing them down and bouncing out, getting his foot caught on the cuff and stumbling to the floor at the foot of the bed. Draco erupted with laughter, slapping his knees at Harry's clumsiness as he reappeared just above the end of the bed with a dishevelled smile, his glasses askew and hair a complete mess. He scrambled up off the floor and hopped out of his trousers over to Draco's end where he slid under the covers and immediately ran his hands all over his bare chest.
"Mmm hello there" Draco said seductively
"Hi" Harry beamed, his eyes lost in wonder at having Draco's entire body to himself, torn on where to start. His hands caressed his torso eagerly, sliding across his ribs and wrapping around his back as he climbed on top of him, placing his legs either side of Draco's thighs. He leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth, holding him close, their tongues exploring and nipping at each others lower lips
Their bodies remained intertwined for nearly an hour as they caressed and kissed and held one another before gently slipping into a peaceful sleep. Draco lay spread out on the bed with Harry curled around him, his face nuzzled into the side of his neck breathing sweetly, holding him close
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"The boy was here, wasn't he" Voldemort's voice was shallow. He was circling Lucius who stood cowered in the corner of the room, blinded by fear
"My Lord-"
"Wasn't he!!" Voldemort screamed casting a spell at Lucius that hit him directly in the centre of the chest, throwing him back against the stone wall with a sickening thud
"And... you" he growled, turning to Draco, embodied with mounting rage. Draco was kneeling on the cold stone floor, his wrists bound behind him with the most horrid metal bladed cuffs that were cutting into his flesh with every movement. He shrunk at Voldemorts presence, barely breathing as he knew he could be killed at any moment, he was disposable to the Dark Lord
"You knew it was him, didn't you?" Voldemort asked, kneeling down to meet his face. There was fury in his eyes but an uncomfortable calmness in his voice
"I... I didn't..." Draco stuttered but was cut off by the full force of Voldemort striking him across the face with his bare hand. He whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut while his cheek stung angrily and tears welled in his eyes
"DON'T LIE TO ME!" he thundered "I've seen into your mind Draco, I've seen the boy arrive at this manor and I've seen as you stood inches away from him and lied about his identity. Denying it was Harry Potter, tell me, Draco are you incapable of completing any task given to you?"
"No... My Lord..." Draco sniffed
"You lied for what reason? To protect the boy?"
"No..."
Voldemort threw his arm out grabbing Draco by the neck, his grip tightened and he filled with wrath, his fingers closing around him, crushing his windpipe as the boy struggled desperately underneath him. He spoke slowly, spitting each word at him like venom "Where do your loyalties lie?"
Draco clambered feeling his last moments of life as Voldemort released the grip on his throat, dropping him to the floor in a heap as he gasped and hacked through sobs, unable to move his arms to sooth the bruising skin
"With you... My Lord" Draco whimpered, looking across to his parents who we're both unconscious on the floor across the room. He begged for them to wake up, desperate for help but he knew they wouldn't have the guts to stand up to Voldemort, besides, stepping one foot out of line would get them murdered anyway, and they were both furious with Draco for being so foolish
Voldemort paced the room, the silence just as threatening. Draco was on his knees, his head bowed regaining his breath as tears streamed down his cheeks in silent sobs. He felt the trickle of blood running down his hands and through his fingers, the chains around his wrists slicing him open, the cold sharp metal both unbearably painful and numb. Eventually he spoke
"Please... My Lord... I am faithful to you... only you" he begged
Draco was silently sobbing, stifling the screams inside of him, every curse thrown at him caused an involuntary reflex which in turn allowed the metal bladed cuffs to slice deeper into his wrists. Blood was pouring down his hands, it was killing him slowly, painfully
Please kill me, please just kill me, please
Draco uttered to himself silently through the sobs, tears staining his bruised face. The sick twisting in his gut knew that Voldemort would make him suffer. He knew Voldemort would use the Cruciatus Curse on him, just to watch him writhe around in agony and scream as his wrists sliced open more with each movement. He would watch him suffer and bleed to death before allowing him the sweet release the killing curse
Voldemort wouldn't be kind. He wouldn't just end his suffering with one breath of Avada Kedavra, no, not yet. He was enjoying this too much.
Voldemort, who was facing away from him, slowly turned his head to meet Draco's eyes in an icy stare. He said nothing, sick of looking at such a pathetic coward, sick of dealing with him. He walked forward, looking down on the boy in disgust
The deafening silence broke as Voldemort raised his wand. Draco knowing he was completely defenceless, closed his eyes tight as the Dark Lord spat at him
"CRUCIO!!"
The hot, red electricity engulfed Draco's helpless body, the pain was beyond extreme, so much so that he lost all his senses, writhing in agony as he screamed as loud as he could with all the air in his burning lungs, desperate to keep his arms still but with little luck, the cuffs tore his flesh open mercilessly. He twisted and thrashed on the floor as Voldemort looked down on his body with a sadistic smile
"You are weak, Draco Malfoy. You are a coward. You do not possess the qualities of a true Death Eater" he inhaled and twitched his neck, savouring the pain he was inflicting on him, eventually breaking the curse and standing over his limp body
Draco was curled beneath him, every fibre of his body on fire, his head splitting. He was going to vomit, all colour drained from his skin besides the most violent red blood which smeared across his hands and arms, he now sat in a pool of his own blood that had dripped onto his calves and feet. The room span above him, feeling everything but nothing simultaneously, unable to regain his breathing. He felt as though he was sinking, drowning, pain washing over him as he barely recognised Voldemort standing at his feet
"You are not faithful to me, Draco. You are dishonest and unworthy. All you are to me anymore... is futile"
Voldemort raised his wand once more "Avada Kedavra"
The green light filled every one of Draco's senses as he shot up in his bed, screaming in pain. He was ice cold and clammy, digging his fists into the sheets and breathing erratically, his throat burning and mind splitting
"Draco? Draco! Shit what's wrong??!" Harry shot up alarmed at Draco's terror. He watched as he trembled with goose bumps scattered across his body, gasping for air in a panicked cry while holding grasping onto the sheets beside him and breaking down. "Draco? What happened?! What's wrong? Tell me!" Harry begged, terrified at seeing him in pain
Draco shook as he fell into Harry's arms, shaking and bursting into tears, sobbing silently into his his chest as Harry held him close and stroked his hair, confused but patient, letting him calm himself
"You had a nightmare?" he felt Draco nod subtly into his chest "It's alright. You're ok now. I'm here, I'm here and I'm not leaving your side. You're safe here, Draco, you're safe with me" he cooed
"I have nightmares too, Draco" Harry comforted him "All the time. You're not alone, I promise. You're safe. You're safe here"
Harry held Draco for over an hour, feeling his ragged breath begin to slow and steady itself. Draco was sniffing away the tears, gradually allowing the calm of the night to rest over him, reminding himself that he was safe, safe in Harry's arms. As the night past, the drifted back to sleep, Harry holding Draco close to him on his chest, stroking his hair as Draco slipped back into sleep to the sound of Harry's gentle heartbeat
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The following morning, they woke still wrapped together. They had shifted down the bed during the night, their faces side by side but legs still intertwined, Harry placed his hand on Draco's ribs and looked deep into his waking eyes
"Hey" he whispered
Draco responded with a smile, nuzzling into Harry's chest to engulf himself in his warmth
"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, timidly, trying not to cause any upset
Draco laid back and gave a half smile, resting his head on the pillow and staring up to the ceiling
"I'm fine" he sighed
"Are you sure?"
"Mm-hmm" Draco nodded vaguely
"You um... you didn't seem fine last night"
"It was nothing, alright? Just a stupid nightmare" Draco was getting irritable, turning his head away from him wishing to avoid this conversation and annoyed at himself for allowing the nightmares to consume him again. Harry sighed and wrapped his hand around Draco's, urging him to face him but Draco shoved his hand away and climbed out of bed, hastily pulling on his trousers and socks
"It's not stupid, Draco. Clearly you were very distressed last night, whatever It was you can tell me, you're safe with me. You had a nightmare but you're safe, it wasn't real" Harry empathised holding a look of genuine concern
Draco pursed his lips with irritation, unable to handle the overwhelming emotions he knew were rising in his chest. He didn't want to cry, or be weak, or be miserable.
"It was real. Every part of that was real" Draco snapped. He threw on his school shirt while simultaneously stepping into his shoes and swiped the rest of his uniform from his dresser, striding over to the door and slamming it behind him
"Draco!" Harry called, but he was simply left with the silence of being abruptly alone in his bed, confused and concerned
*********************************
Draco managed to avoid Harry all day, much to Harry's distress and Harry noticed that he was miserable in every class, barely looking up from the desk in each lesson
He didn't appear in the great hall at breakfast or lunch, and annoyingly neither did Blaise or Pansy, which left him totally confused as to where Draco was and what had happened that morning
Finally Harry caught him outside of their potions lesson that afternoon, waiting until the other students had gone inside to grab his arm and pull him back
"Hey! What's gotten into you today? Did I do something wrong?" Harry asked, almost pleading with him
Draco huffed "I just don't want to talk about it, alright?" he snapped
Harry raised both hands in defeat "Ok! That's fine just please... please don't avoid me, Draco. That's not fair"
Draco looked down at the floor feeling a little guilty for his reaction, Harry was right. His behaviour wasn't fair on him. Harry had done nothing but protect and comfort him after all "You're right. I'll see you tonight?"
"Of course" Harry sighed into a smile, anxiety of losing Draco disappearing "Whenever you need me"
Draco simply nodded, still frowning, and turned walking through the classroom door
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That evening, Harry sneaked back into Draco's room with his cloak once the others had gone to bed. He tossed the cloak onto the chair and placed their usual locking charm on the door
Draco was already in bed, under the sheets with his knees pulled to his chest, looking worse for wear. Harry climbed onto the bed beside him, sitting cross-legged on top of the sheets, he took Draco's fingers and laced them around his own with a warm smile, unaware of what was yet to be said
Draco looked down at the sheets and chewed his lip, feeling embarrassed at being so vulnerable in front of Harry, he'd been told to be strong his whole life and to never show weakness, never show emotion, this was difficult for him to open up. Feeling stupid for being eighteen years old and still crying over nightmares, scared Harry would make fun of him, forgetting that Harry was troubled too
He met Harry's eyes for a brief moment and took a slow inhale to gather his words. This pain he'd spent so long burying was rising inside of him, always unspoken but never healing.
"Back in sixth year, I know you yourself suspected that I was up to something, you knew I'd cursed Katie Bell and hidden poison in Slughorns office... when I'd been tasked with the murder of Dumbledore. Voldemort made me do it all, I was under his instruction, it was that or death... and I was scared and weak... so I tried, but with little success" he paused, his breath shaking "When Voldemort found out that I didn't kill Dumbledore and that it was Snape instead who had done it... he was more than furious with me"
Harry sat close to him, clasping Draco's hand tight "What did he do?"
"He was angry... very angry..." Draco tried to swallow the lump in his throat "Voldemort... tortured me"
Those words were like acid on his tongue, his eyes fixed to the ground, unable to meet Harry's
"He threatened to murder my parents if they so much as breathed a word or stepped a foot out of place. He... he used the incarcerous spell on me and... bound me so that I couldn't run or apparate... and then he... he hurt me"
Draco broke off, sniffing and clasping his wrists, the memory alone causing the skin to itch. Harry was looking at him, his wide eyes full of understanding, hating every second of seeing Draco in pain
"He physically abused me... th-then he... used the cruciatus curse on me... m-multiple times"
"Draco..." Harry gasped, his heart breaking as he shared in the pain that was inside of Draco, feeling his hurt, he knew what it was like to receive that unforgivable curse from Voldemort. He looked at him with eyes of compassion, sadness welling in his stomach and reigniting his pure hatred for the Dark Lord more than he thought possible
"H-he forced me to go out and kill innocent muggles... which I didn't by the way. I couldn't bring myself to do it, to murder. When he found out that I'd disobeyed him again... he locked me in the dungeon at the manor for weeks... s-said I was a waste of life... he left me there tied up, helpless, cold and hungry" Draco sniffed back more tears "The only reason he kept me alive was as leverage against my father. That pathetic weasel of his, the one that followed him like a puppet-"
"Wormtail?"
Draco nodded "Yes, him. He forced me to eat. Said that I was still 'useful' to the Dark Lord, that I had to be kept alive. I wanted to die, Harry. Really. I wanted to just die right there, all my mistakes lead me there, all my s-stupid decisions, m-my... weakness. I had no g-good left to give"
Draco took another steady breath and felt his eyes sting, his face felt tight from holding in the emotion that so desperately wanted to burst from him and his throat closed up. Harry sat so close to him, holding his hand and feeling his own heart breaking as Draco opened up about his unhealed trauma
"After you came to the manor, just before the battle... when they asked me to confirm your identity and I lied and didn't tell them it was really you... Voldemort was beyond furious. A part of me knew I'd feel the consequences of letting you slip by but... I needed to do something right. I had to do something good, before I was killed. He attacked my mother and father, then he hurt me more"
a tear escaped the corner of his eye and he felt Harry squeeze his hand tighter as Draco opened up about the most scarring memory, his voice still trembling
"He bound me again, with chains this time... chains with blades on them... they... t-they cut my wrists open... they w-were designed to slice deeper into the skin the more you struggle... you either endure the pain from them or struggle enough until you bleed to death"
Harry was staring at him wide eyed, totally struck by Draco's words. He felt physically sick at what he was hearing. Voldemort didn't even treat Harry like that and he hated him more than anyone. Harry was also fighting back tears, his heart aching for Draco, wishing to hold him and hug him and never let him hurt ever again, never let go. He never imagined such inhumane cruelty, unaware that such awful things even existed
"Draco, I-" he stuttered in disbelief but Draco carried on
"He used the Cruciatus curse on me again, over and over... It's wiped out most of my memories from last year... It's made me sick and I get regular mind splitting pains. I was begging for death at this point... enduring the Cruciatus curse in those chains was killing me anyway, I couldn't not move when he attacked me, the blades did their job..."
Draco felt the push over the edge at the replaying pain in his mind. Tears streamed down his cheeks, feeling so exposed. He pushed through trying to explain it all to Harry, taking ragged breaths in between words, sniffing back tears
"He left me there to bleed out alone but after he apparated from the manor one of the house elves aided me, they dissolved the bonds and gave me a healing serum for my wrists. Once I had the energy to apparate again that's when I left for Hogwarts as mother demanded I retrieve her wand..."
There was a silence as both boys sat together, Harry at a loss for words
"I still get the nightmares from last year... not every night but... a lot. Just replaying what happened over and over and over until I'm numb. I still... hear his voice in my sleep... hearing him screaming at me... I still feel the blood on me... I still hurt" Draco spoke through sobs, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and forcing a deep breath
"Draco... I don't know what to say... you risked your own life to protect me that day at the manor. You could've been the one to hand me over to him but you saved me... and... and for that you suffered so much" Harry was stunned but equally felt terribly guilty. He understood Draco was playing a risky game before but never realised to what extent. He felt he owed him the world, owed him more than he could repay "I'm so sorry you went through all of that... because of me" he trailed off
"Don't be sorry, Harry. Like I said before... I've done a lot of awful things, I deserved it"
"No, Draco. No. There's a difference between childish name-calling and using unforgivable curses. You may have done some bad things in the past but you have never deserved that kind of abuse" Harry said sternly, he wasn't going to allow Draco to think that
"I'm not going to sit here and cry about Voldemort hurting me when he's been attacking you your entire life. He murdered your parents Harry, he murdered you!"
"Just because I endured his evil for longer doesn't mean what happened to you doesn't matter, Draco. Plenty of people suffered at the hands of Voldemort that doesn't mean their pain isn't valid just because I was his main target" Harry said
"I just... I've not told anyone and I'm not telling anyone else because... people have suffered a lot worse than me. I don't need pity or sympathy or anything else. I did bad things, bad things happened to me in return, I'm moving on" Draco stated, regaining the strength in his voice
"Promise me, right now, you will stop believing that you deserved that abuse" Harry ordered
Draco faltered
"Promise me"
It took a while and the tears in Draco's eyes welled to breaking point but eventually he nodded, bowing his head and sobbing silently, and Harry pulled him into his chest, stroking his hair and fighting to stay strong for him
"I didn't deserve that" Draco whispered
"No, no you didn't"
Harry pulled Draco away from his chest and looked at him with sympathy in his eyes, he stroked his thumb across Draco's cheek, wiping away the tears and tilting his head to a pitiful smile
"You're safe here in Hogwarts now, and you're always safe with me. I understand I can't make the nightmares disappear, but I'm here for you when they do happen"
Draco smiled through tears and felt Harry's hand slide onto his arm where he stroked it. Harry noticed the feeling of uneven skin under his fingers as he held Draco and felt terrible for never realising it before
"Can I?" Harry asked, respecting Draco's need to hide them, but Draco nodded and turned his wrists over where the extent of the damage was done
Draco winced and closed his eyes as Harry shook his head, mouth open in shock at the disbelief of someone torturing another person like this. Draco hands were cold and pale, gently trembling as Harry held them
He watched as Harry traced a finger over his Dark Mark and looked further down to his wrist where several deep scars etched into his skin, faint pink lines marked into his pale skin which caused Draco to burst into tears, sobbing painfully
"I don't want that anymore" Draco sobbed, looking down at the Dark Mark facing upward in Harry's palm "I don't want any of those marks. I feel sick just looking at them"
Harry pulled his arm close to him and kissed his wrists and hands, holding them to his chest "It's not who you are, Draco"
Draco cried quietly for a moment, the only relief came from Harry holding him tight "How does it feel, Harry... living with a scar?"
"It shows that you're undefeated. That you've overcome more than you possibly thought you could. You've survived. Draco, I'm so sorry he did this to you" Harry said solemnly, bowing his head with sadness and kissing him on the forehead, wishing he could do something more, wishing he had the words to heal him
"These scars will always be on my wrists, on my arms, in my mind. I just want to erase them all Harry" Draco's tears slipped down his cheeks, hurt and desperation in his voice
"Well it's a good thing you're with someone who's spent their whole life with a scar. I can help you cope" Harry broke into a warm smile, aching to see Draco recover from this
They laid together on the bed curled up in silence for a almost an hour. Eventually, as the tears subsided and he'd calmed down, Draco found the courage inside to open up about a topic he'd been avoiding for months with Harry
"I should've said something sooner, Harry. That's... well, the reason why I'm scared of doing that sort of thing... with you" Draco gestured with his eyes, blushing at the subject yet Harry's expression remained confused "Bondage... I... can't bring myself to do it right now... it just reminds me too much of what he did-"
"Shhhh" Harry whispered cutting him off, stroking his cheek and leaning into his eyes. His fingers lifted Draco's chin, allowing them to look at one another, sharing the pain "You don't need to explain yourself, I understand fully. We'll take things slow and... see how we go, alright?" Harry asked. Draco nodded
"I will never make you do anything you're not comfortable with, I promise. If anything ever gets too much for you, you tell me, okay? But tonight we're not talking about that. I'm staying here until you fall asleep in my arms"
"Thank you" Draco spoke softly, closing his eyes and falling back onto the pillow, exhausted from the intensity of emotions. All he wanted to do was fall back asleep in Harry's arms and never breath another word of this to anyone. He wanted so badly to move on, and felt that there was finally a glimmer of hope in doing so, with Harry