"I really love her. I'll be crazy if ever she'll leave me" she said while eating the pancakes she made.
I visited her because she told me she have something to tell me, I acted like I didn't know but actually I already know what is it. It's obvious and it makes my heart numb.
"She's so perfect! I mean, I know no one's perfect but she looked perfect to me. Ah~ what do I need to do I'm so in love with her" Maybe she already forgotten that we loved the same person, does she setting aside my feelings? No, I know she cares for me always. This is not her fault tho.
"Nayeon unni?" she snapped her fingers in front of my face,
"O-oh sorry, what is it again Sana?" I said, I took my cup of tea and sip on it.
"You're spacing out again. Do you have a problem? Mind to share it, unni?" She uttered, she went beside me. We're now sitting close to each other.
"We're friends right?" Her eyes were worriedly looking at me. Oh, Sana.
"But friends won't do the same thing you did, Sana" I mumbled, I make sure she didn't hear it. I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I am the older here so I need to act like an older sister to her and not to sulk and act like a kid. Yes I'm hurt, who wouldn't be, right?
I clearly remember that day she asked me to bring Jeongyeon in front of the coffee shop near the Han River at night.
It's been 3 months but it still hurts like it just happened yesterday.
*FLASHBACK : THAT DAY*
"Yah! Unni, please bring Jeongyeon in our favorite coffee shop please~ I need to tell her something" Sana said with her puppy eyes and pouty lips, who would ignore this cute puppy? My baby sister in heart.
"Ok ok ok, but I want to know it first before Jeongyeon" I teased her I smiled showing off my bunny teeth to make sure she will tell me.
"You really want to know?" She smirked, she gestured telling me to lean. I leaned on.
She whispered something that I wished she won't.
"I'm sorry, unni" she said after she saw my expression. What's with my expression?
"Oh no! It's ok, Sana. I'll bring her there, ok?" I said whilst smiling, this is not the right time to act like a kid.
"By the way, what time? Would you mind if I bring Dahyun too? Don't worry we won't interrupt you two" I winked. Maybe, I'm great at pretending and hiding my true feelings.
"Are you sure it's really ok with you?" Her face looks so sad,
"Yes! What are you saying? Haha, I moved on" yes, I lied. This is better.
"You don't need to do this unni if you're not comfortable. I'm sorry" I held her hand and pulled her closer to me,
"It's fine, trust me so..." I said while caressing her back,
"This night at 9:30, is it ok?" She slightly pushed me to looked at my eyes. I nodded.
"Ok, be ready. I'll bring Dahyun, ok? I can't bear being a third wheel haha" I chuckled and slightly smacks her shoulder playfully.
"Aye aye" she smiled so wide.
--9:30 pm--
"Jeongyeon..." I heard Sana uttered. We are already in the coffee shop where Sana asked me to bring Jeongyeon. Me and Dahyun were sitting just behind Jeongyeon but we can clearly hear Sana's voice.
"Yes, Sana?" Jeongyeon said. She's so soft, she's so gentle, she's perfect.
"I don't know how and where to start..." Sana said. Dahyun chuckled but I can see pain in her eyes.
Same Dahyun, same.
I held her hand and stare at her eyes, she just smiled.
"I like you, Jeongyeon" She straightforwardly said that made the three of us gasped, especially Dahyun.
"Sana," Jeongyeon called out, I faced the back of Jeongyeon I saw her hands moved forward. Maybe she held Sana's hands.
My heart is beating crazily, I can feel my eyes welling some tears. I turned around to be welcomed by Dahyun's soft stare. She hugged me.
"It hurts, right?" She whispered to me, I hugged her so tight.
"It is, Dahyun" after I said that we went back to our position.
We looked crazy for hugging each other while our friends are talking.
"I like you too" I heard Jeongyeon said it. I felt like there's something on my chest, it hurts.
"Really? Oh my gosh Jeongyeon!" Sana squealed, it gets the attention of all the people in the coffee shop. I bowed my head because I don't want them to see my expressions and my tears that are slowly streaming out of my eyes down to my cheeks.
Dahyun took my hand and squeezed it. We felt the same pain.
"I can't Dahyun. Let's leave, please" I said. I think Dahyun understand it as she pats my shoulder.
I stood up and looked at Sana, she took a glance on us with her happy eyes. I mouthed that we are leaving, she nodded immediately while smiling.
'I bet she want to have some time with Jeongyeon." I mumbled, I don't know if Dahyun heard it I don't care anymore. I can't bear the pain, I can't.
We walked out from the coffee shop. I pulled Dahyun and went to the bench and rested there.
"It's unfair right? Haha, unfair" Dahyun started, her voice sounds cheerful but the words were sad.
"The person I like doesn't like me, but the person she likes liked her back. How nice it is right? I am the one who came first but I am not the one whom she chose. Haha" She chuckled bitterly, she glances at me while she's saying those words.
"Maybe this is our fate, Dahyun. Haha" I chuckled even though my chest is aching so bad.
"How to move on, unni?" I'm in pain but I know I can handle it, but Dahyun can't.
"I don't know either, Dahyunie." I said. After that no one dares to speak again.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
"Yep, we're friends!" I cheerfully uttered.
"And I have no problem, haha" I chuckled and playfully smacked her shoulder.
"By the way, what do you want to say? You have something to tell me, right?" I said. She went back to her position, she's sitting across me again. She straightened her back and placed her hands above her thighs.
"You see... I and you know" she's playing her fingers, she's nervous. I know.
"Are Girlfriends now" she said.
I thought I'll feel a pang in my chest after she said it, but to my surprise I feel nothing.
I'm numb.
"Congrats! OMG, Sana! I'm happy for you!" I said honestly. It's genuine, I'm really happy for her. I know I can't do anything about it anymore, this is my fate.
Jeongyeon doesn't love me, she loved Sana.
They're perfect for each other.
"Thank you, unni" she smiled so wide.
"Are you really ok with this, unni?" She's still worried about me, I appreciate it.
Actually I am not, but what do I do, right? Nothing. I will just support you genuinely because you are my best friend and you are like a little sister to me.
"I am, don't worry about me, Sana. I'll get over this, not now but forever... soon" I whispered the two words before the word soon.
"But it is not what I wanted to say" she said with a tint of tease on her voice.
"Are you playing and trying to fool me, Sana?" I said seriously that made her smiles fade.
"No and no, unni" her smirks wanted me to smack her head.
"Then what is it?"
Sure thing if she'll say something that will make me look like I'm a fool, I will kick her out of her place.
I'm so done with these pain.
"Meet Jeongyeon tonight" she uttered.
Why would I meet the person who didn't choose me? Ah, right, she doesn't like me.
"Why would I? Ugh, I don't want to feel awkward in front of her" Honestly, I feel awkward everytime I'm with her.
Our friendship changed since the day I told her that I love her. Yes, it's LOVE not just LIKE.
"Trust me this will benefit you soon"
"You are insane, Sana. Benefit? Me? How could it benefit me if it will only hurt me?" I stood up and went to the window to look outside.
"Don't you trust me?" I can feel her behind me, she snaked her arms around my waist.
"I trust you but I don't trust my heart" I closed my eyes because I can feel it's becoming watery again.
"Trust your heart and trust Jeongyeon this time, unni. You don't know how much courage she saved to face you alone." She whispered to me and walked away.
I turned around, she was smiling with her eyes.
"Alright, what time?"
I'm anxious.
"Same time, unni. I won't escort you there, I will meet Dahyun later." She winked.
What in the hell happening? I'm meeting her girlfriend and she's meeting the person I'm dating right now. Well, I and Dahyun were doing it for fun and for us to move on. Stupid right?
"Pabo" that's all I can say.
I went back to my seat and eat the pancakes she made. Charcoal pancakes to be exact.
After that, I left her place since I need to ready for later's meet up with Jeongyeon.
I don't know what will happen. Who would know?
--9:30 pm--
"Nayeon!" Someone called me as soon as I entered the coffee shop. It's the same shop we went on 3 months ago. This is our favorite place.
I roamed my eyes around the shop and found the person who I always wanted to see.
"Jeongyeon" I mumbled, I can feel I'm smiling like an idiot.
"You're here" she uttered, I'm in front of her. I swear, my heart skipped a beat.
"I am" I smiled softly.
It still hurt just by thinking that my two friends were dating, I'm the one who came first but I'm not the one whom she chose.
THIRD PERSON'S POV
Nayeon and Jeongyeon finally have some time alone. They can finally clear all the things that are messing around their heads.
"Does Sana already tell you what's the reason why I'm meeting you right now?" Jeongyeon softly uttered. Nayeon shook her head sideways, twice.
"Nayeon" Jeongyeon called out, she held Nayeon's hands that are above the table. Nayeon was shocked that she pulled her hands away.
"I'm sorry" Nayeon mumbled, she lowered her gaze on her hands that are above her thighs.
"I like you," Those words of Jeongyeon made her raise her head immediately.
"No, I love you Nayeon..." Jeongyeon added.
"W-what are you talking a-about, Jeongyeon?" Nayeon is surprised.
"How can you tell this whilst you are dating our friend, are you insane!?" She almost shouted. Jeongyeon told her to calm down.
"I guess she haven't told you yet" Jeongyeon uttered. Nayeon stood up and walked out of the shop, Jeongyeon followed her.
Nayeon walked and walked, she doesn't know where to go. Jeongyeon grab Nayeon's wrist and then she hugged the latter.
"I know I hurt you I'm sorry Nayeon... Please hear me out" Jeongyeon's voice is weak.
"Why are you saying those words all of a sudden? Do you think I'm happy with it? You dumped me Jeongyeon! You fucking dumped me!" She shouted and pushed Jeongyeon enough for the latter to step back.
"I didn't dump you. I'm trying to save our friendship, Nayeon. I don't want to lose you, please understand me and hear me out first" Jeongyeon just stood there in front of mad Nayeon who loses her temper.
"For what? Do you think you can put back my broken pieces? Do you think we can bring back our friendship? No, Jeongyeon." Why Nayeon acting like this, she loves Jeongyeon right?
"That day I lied. I lied because that's what I think is good. I lied to you and to myself. Everyday that is passing by with the thought of not seeing you makes me go crazy. I always wanted to see your smiles, your eyes, your bunny teeth and the whole you, Nayeon. It's hard for me, I keep on denying my feelings towards you so that I won't run to your house and shouts that I love you and I'm willing to take a risk. Because I don't want to lose you if ever I did something. I keep on thinking 'What if it will not work out?' 'What if she found someone better?' 'What if if ever I choose her I'll hurt her at the end of the day?'. I'm stupid" Jeongyeon managed to say it continuously even tho she's feeling down right now.
"I did it because I love you, Nayeon" Jeongyeon is crying her heart out.
"Please, give me a chance to prove you that" The tall girl said as she wiped her trailing tears.
"Your what if's again Jeongyeon. How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to think of that everytime you're making decisions for us especially for me? You know I can face all the problems and consequences with you! Why are you fool?" Nayeon is crying too, her emotions were driving her crazy.
"I'm so sorry, Nayeon" Nayeon could hear Jeongyeon's sob. They're still standing under the tree.
"What about Sana? She sounds very happy and in love with you when we were talking this morning" Nayeon uttered, she wiped her tears. She felt sorry for Sana because Jeongyeon used her.
"We already talked about this. It's mutual, Nayeon. I'm not the person she loved" That words of Jeongyeon confused Nayeon.
"What do you mean? I-i don't get it" Nayeon confusedly asked.
"We talked about this 2 months ago..."
*FLASHBACK*
Sana and Jeongyeon were sitting on the bench here in the park where they usually meet.
"Jeongyeon, I have to tell you something. I've been thinking about this, I don't want to be unfair anymore" Jeongyeon who is watching the kids playing immediately turned to side to meet Sana's soft gaze.
"What is it?" Jeongyeon asked.
"I don't know what to say but I didn't expect this to be like this. I thought I would be happy if I choose you... But I'm wrong, yes I'm happy being with you but I feel empty. I don't know" Sana honestly said, Jeongyeon just nodded her head.
"I understand"
"What do you mean?"
"I feel the same, Sana. I feel empty, I'm happy being with you too but I feel empty" Jeongyeon didn't hesitate to say it because she's planning to this tho.
"Nayeon" Sana mumbled that brought a smile on Jeongyeon's lips.
"You love Dahyun, aren't you?" Jeongyeon's sweet smile didn't leave her lips.
"You love Nayeon, I know" Sana chuckles. She thought they will be awkward after this but she's wrong.
"How come we used each other and let the persons we love to use themselves too?" Sana chuckled again so as Jeongyeon.
"I'm scared to lose her, Sana. I'm sorry I used you" Jeongyeon uttered.
"Same here, Jeongyeon"
"Everytime I hear the word LOVE, Dahyun's face always appears in my mind and I caught myself smiling like an idiot" Sana chuckles so as Jeongyeon,
"We are fool, aren't we?" Jeongyeon said, she pats Sana's head.
"We are" they both laughed.
"What should we do now?"
"Let's tell them soon, I'm scared right now"
"Me too"
"For now, let's continue this relationship we have"
"Ok, I have no choice. Haha"
*END OF FLASHBACK*
"Believe me" Jeongyeon said as she held Nayeon's hands,
"I love you and I'm saying the truth" she smiled.
"Let's start again, please? I don't want to lose you" Jeongyeon added,
"I'll do everything for you, Nayeon. I promise I'll never be a coward in the future 'cause I know you're always by my side" Jeongyeon smiled so wide, her eyes were smiling too
"Idiot" That's what Nayeon's said.
"I love you too" after Nayeon said that she pecked Jeongyeon's lips that made the latter blush.
"You don't have to do anything, your presence is enough for me to feel loved by you" Nayeon's sweet words.
"So it means..." Jeongyeon softly giggled
"We're girlfriends from now on" Nayeon finishes the thought.
They both smiled, they slowly leaned and their lips touched.
On the other hand, Sana and Dahyun just watches the new couple kissing under the tree.
"You two are the meaning of the word STUPID" Dahyun mumbled but still looking at her unnis
"We are guilty, indeed HAHAHA" Sana laughed, Dahyun slowly turned her head to face the happy Sana. She watches her laugh,
'I'm really in love with you' Dahyun thought.
Sana was caught off guard when suddenly Dahyun stopped her from laughing by kissing her on the lips. Sana reciprocated the kiss, she turned it into a hungry kiss. Dahyun smiled because of Sana's move,
"I love you" she said between their kisses.
"I always love you too, Dahyun" Sana mumbled and kissed again her girlfriend.
Warm hearts.
It's ok to be coward once, but it's bad if you do it twice or thrice or whatever.
They hurt themselves unintentionally because they're afraid to lose each other.
But,
At least now they have their happy ending.
- ok uh, to be honest this is supposed to be ANGST but I don't know what happened to me. I'm not in love! 🤭 Am I? No.
I'll write ANGST next, haha just kidding!
-Yeppeu Misul ✍️🧡