SERAPHINA
Sitting on the hotel bed, all I can think about is what the girl said.
California... I miss it. That girl bringing it up today reminded me of some of the best times of my life...and my old boyfriend. That's right, not just another one night stand, a boyfriend. California was interesting because I finally decided to stop being afraid and enroll in public high school. It was pretty lame, or would've been except for I met this moody hunk I met. He was the school bully, the local hottie, the king. And I was his queen. I don't know what drew me to him, there was something cool about him and also something insanely dark. We dated for less than a year before he moved. He never told me where or why, we always kept our personal lives private anyways. It was better that way. So that's why I understand why he didn't let me know. Why I'm not angry with him.
I imagine the time in California so clearly in my mind. I can see it perfectly. I can see him. I pull out all my pictures of him and lay them out.
Sometimes, when I miss him enough I'll blink into him. I dig up old memories and bring them forward. I close my eyes, and I'm there.
California, 1983
I take a deep breath and I exhale it as I enter the high school for the first time. Even after all I've been through, my nerves get the best of me sometimes so I just have to focus on taking breaths.
This girl named Lorraine shows me around, she's really chatty and kind of annoying but I just nod along with her. We pass this cute boy in the hallway and exchange a glance. I can't help but stare.
Lorraine sighs "That's Billy."
"Who?" I asks, not really hearing her. Billy is gorgeous, he looks fit with beautiful blue eyes, tanned skin and long blonde hair.
"Billy. He's the most popular boy in our grade and probably the hottest boy in our school...and he knows it." Lorraine sighs again.
"Huh." Billy catches me staring at him and intensely holds my gaze. He smiles devilishly and looks me over. I blush and look away.
"Now back to the tour..." Lorraine tries to get back on track but she still gives me a drawn out explanation of Billy and the popular kids in our grade. Turns out, Lorraine is kind of popular too.
"Keep faking that accent, it'll make the boys fall for you like flies." Lorraine whispers.
"I'm not faking, I'm from London." I look at her, taken aback.
"Oh, okay sure." Lorraine winks at me.
*
First period is uneventful, and the teacher introduced me to the whole class. Actually, I get introduced in almost every class. In fourth period, homeroom, I have both Lorraine and Billy. Billy sits at the back, and I sit right in front of him. Lorraine sits next to me. The whole time, I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my head.
When we get out of that class, Lorraine runs up to me excitedly. "He was staring at you the whole time."
I smile determinedly. This boy will be mine.
*
Two weeks go by, school is pretty unexciting. I learn early on that girls are mean, and I'm constantly getting mocked for my accent which half the high school population seems to think is hot and the other half thinks is dorky. Lorraine telling people that I'm faking probably isn't helping either. Homeroom is still the most interesting to me, I can feel Billy boring holes in the back of my head with his eyes but he hasn't struck up a conversation yet.
I prefer to eat my lunch alone on the bleachers, and look at the scenery outside. One day, as I'm doing this, I see a figure walking up to me, although I can't really discern who it is.
"Bloody hell, I'm busted." I whisper to myself. The school has weird rules and I'm not sure if I can be out here. But alas, it's Billy walking up.
"What you doing our here, new girl?" He asks. He sits down next to me and I put my food down on my other side.. I'm surprised this specimen of a man would even talk to me, he seems like the type who would be in the cafeteria, being the center of attention.
"It's Seraphina." I look off into the distance.
"I'm Billy." He says cockily. "I run the 11th grade and soon I'll be running the school."
"I know."
"Know about what? Me running the school?"
Asshole. As much as I hate to admit it, Billy is really hot, although he seems like a cocky jerk. And I'm kind of hot for him.
"I know your name." I say cooly.
"So Seraphina, you're from London?"
"Yep." I say.
"You've been the buzz around school. With your accent and all." Billy is staring at me intensely and I meet his gaze.
"So what?" I tip my head defiantly.
Billy shrugs, he leans back against the seat of the row above us and stretches. He's like a lion, sunning itself.
"Some might even think..it's sexy."
I blush. Get ahold of yourself Seraphina!
"You single?" He nods at me.
"More or less." I reply coyly, batting my long eyelashes at him.
He pulls himself up and leans over to kiss me. It takes me by surprise so I hold a hand out to stop him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm riding solo but are you? I don't want a little miss popular coming up to me trying to claw my eyes out with her nails because I kissed her boy toy." I say, even though my heart is jumping. Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss him.
"I'm not seeing anyone right now." Billy looks taken aback, he's probably not used to anyone refusing him.
Without thinking, I move up to meet him and kiss him once.
"That's all I needed to hear." I say before moving in again, putting my hands on his chest and up his shirt, feeling his muscular body. He responds by putting his hands up to my face and kissing me back. He's like a predator, so aggressive. So much testosterone. And I like it.
▶️ Centerfold by J Geils Band
After that our status as a couple was pretty much secured, we left lunch and walked into the school holding hands. We knew everyone was whispering about us, and we liked it.
After that, everyone wanted to be my friend. "Pay no mind to them, they are the sheep and we are the lions." Billy purred in my ear. Still, I thought it was nice to have a following. One friend I kept though was Lorraine. She was with me from the beginning. We hung out sometimes, always at her house though, never mine.
Billy was right about another thing, he did rule this school. And it was nice to have that protection that he offered, although little did he know I didn't need any protection.
Even though I knew I didn't need any protection, Billy definitely thought I did. He would fight almost anyone. One day he caught someone looking at me wrong and he beat them black and blue. Billy got a few bruises on him, but it was nothing compared to the other guy. The first time I saw Billy get into a fight, I think I screamed. But I learned quickly that Billy could hold his own against anyone. Even the teachers. He even punched a few that got in his way, he had no remorse. No guilt. He was in the Principal's office a lot, and since I was always with him, so was I. The teachers learned early on that I was trouble. A lot changed about me over the time I dated Billy. His roughness seeped into me and I too became the bad girl of the school and parties. I got a perm. I got flowers on my seven tattoo. I even got into a few fights myself. I didn't mean to fall so hard for Billy, but I did.
*
The scene switches to us lying on the grass of the football field.
We're just talking. Billy is the best when he's alone with me, when he's not angry. It also helps that we just had some great, rough, sex.
"What's your family like?" Billy asks, his voice low and lusty.
"I'd rather not talk about it." I look away.
"Same here." Billy says.
We pause and don't speak for awhile.
"What do you say we just leave our families out of his? What do they mean anyways? All I want is you." Billy kisses me gently and I roll and rest my hand on his muscular stomach.
"Of course babe." I say.
I flex my fingers absentmindedly and I feel him flinch. I look at him, puzzled and I flex my finger again, harder, digging them into his side.
"Bah!" He rolls away from me.
"Are you ticklish?" I tease.
"No....maybe." Billy looks annoyed.
"Don't be sad Billy goat." I say.
Billy glares.
"Bahhhh." I imitate a goat.
"Okay okay." Billy huffs. "That's enough."
"I'm sorry B, come on." I pout and hold out my arms to him and he comes and lies back down next to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him. I rest my face into his shoulder and kiss him gently.
"Let's stay like this forever." I say.
"Okay." He says.
Somehow, we both fall asleep that night on that field.
*
Billy and I didn't just hang out in school, we also hung out outside of school. We went to the cinema and went shopping, I think he just liked to show me off. He also taught me how to surf. Billy was always happiest by the ocean. Sometimes, I could see glimmers of the kid he used to be in his cold eyes. Of all the places we went, we never went to each other's houses. Mine was always empty, but I didn't trust myself to keep the secret that I have no parents. I guess I could've said that they were still in London or something, Billy wasn't too smart and probably would've believed the lie for the duration of our relationship. Instead of spending time at our respective houses, we spent a lot time in his car, making out and having sex, driving around and blasting the radio.
Even though we didn't talk about family, I knew there was trouble in Billy's household. He came to school with bruises I know he didn't get from fights with classmates. I always sat him down by a bathroom sink and cleaned him up.
"What happened?" I'd always ask.
"Don't worry about it." He'd say. Sometimes a tear or two would escape his eyes, but only in front of me. Never in front of other people.
*
The days after Billy moved were the worst. The first day I thought he was just staying home because of the fight we'd had. One day he was just nowhere to be found. And he didn't come back the next day, or the day after that. To make it all worse, this was right before I wanted to tell him about the blink. Right before the summer we said was going to be the best summer of our lives. We were going to be seniors we were going to be King and Queen. And he just disappeared. Everyone was saying that he moved. I called his house, but no one answered. We didn't talk about our families, so I didn't really know anything about his whereabouts, but people who knew his family knew that his dad and stepmom were moving and taking him with them. I guess I could've gone and found him, but I was so stubborn, so angry, so hurt.
The night that I found out he moved, I cried. School lost its fun. People were still whispering in the hallways about me, but it wasn't out of fear and respect. So I left. And I never looked back.
Maybe I'm still a little angry with him after all.