good nights always had to end.
and they always shifted into mornings that never quite added up. hangovers, headaches, somebody had to make breakfast which either smelled delicious or nauseating, and of course blaring alarms from multiple people's phones.
good nights were always a recipe for next day disaster.
that's why tae was surprised to wake up relatively calm, his head resting sweetly against jungkook's sculpted chest which served as a (very) firm pillow. in fact, he couldn't remember the last night he had slept so soundly.
but, within a second, it all seemed to unravel, his phone vibrating against the wooden night stand. his brother in only boxers at the bedroom door. what had been pure serenity was now absolute chaos.
"did dad call you?" joon had eyes as wide as saucers, evident panic on his face.
"he's calling me right now?" tae attempted to rub the sleep from his eyes, amazed that jungkook hadn't yet woken up from all the commotion.
"it's gram."
in the movies the world would always halt, a total stand still. tae hadn't expected the same to happen in real life, "wh- what?"
"it's gram. they think she had a stroke, they aren't entirely sure. dad found her this morning and the ambulance just brought her-,"
namjoon's rambling was interrupted by gut-wrenching sobs escaping from his younger brother, "she can't die. she can't die." tae repeated it like a mantra.
jungkook was finally stirring due to the shaking figure that he was sharing a bed with. he was surprised to see the boy who always seemed to have a smile in his eyes even when his face said otherwise, crying hysterically, "tae?"
if the moment had been calmer, he would have recognized how husky jungkook's morning voice was but time was already too gone. he needed to move, and now.
"tae!" jungkook tried to snap him back to reality, the brunette moving in a scattered pace as he picked up articles of clothing and threw on two socks, neither of which belonged to him.
"gotta go. gotta get to gram!" he was attempting to wipe his tears as quickly as they came but it was no use. he was a fountain.
"i'll get dressed and i'll drive us."
"i can drive!" jin, who had been sharing a room with namjoon, (which had left him as collateral damage during the morning events) didn't even hesitate to jump in and help.
"i want to come. i'll take my car and trail you guys." jungkook was sliding his own shirt on, grateful he'd brought sweatpants since this day felt like it was going to be long and taxing.
"no! no!" tae put a hand to his chest, "you can't leave your party. it's a whole other night still and-,"
"how can i enjoy myself when you're in this condition." the pads of his thumbs wiped the tears from the brunette's eyes, "you want to ride with me and we'll follow namjoon and jin?"
between hiccups, tae nodded.
"we'll meet you there!" jungkook had already packed his entire bag, made the bed, and shut the light off. he grabbed tae's as well, leading him outside where the air was fresher; where everything seemed way to bright to be happening on the day of a tragedy.
taehyung found his way into the passenger seat, unable to control the way his body was rejecting emotion and adapting to fear of the unknown. he needed more information yet he wasn't sure he wanted it. it probably wouldn't make any of this better.
his eyes darted down to the hand on his thigh, thin digits with tattooed letters wrapped running up and down his leg to comfort him. it had soothed taehyung unknowingly and even though he wasn't quite sure what this relationship was or would become, he was grateful to have somebody by his side for this moment.
upstate felt further away on the ride back, the anticipation of seeing his dad and his grandmother weighing in his chest like an anvil and as soon as they pulled into a parking spot-
tae took off sprinting.
jungkook was amazed to see him run so quick, usually so deliberate in everything he did, tae had erupted into an entirely different person.
grief could do that to a person.
"dad!" tae screamed as soon as he entered the waiting room and spotted the familiar face of his father who looked exhausted, concerned, and mostly confused.
"it all- it all happened so quick and she was...." his arms wrapped around his son who had fallen into sobs on his chest.
the elder wanted to apologize for not finding her sooner, for not being able to do more, for not saving his wife all those years ago and now his children's grandmother. he felt like he was free falling through a world of loss, no ledges to grab onto.
"it's okay." tae could feel his own father crumbling in his arms, the two men crying together.
"i'm here!" joon stepped near them, his face white as a sheet of paper as he remembered all those trips to see their mother. the hospital had nothing but bad memories for the kim family and yet here they were-
yet again.
the oldest brother joined the group hug, trying to fight back his tears so at least one person wasn't crying.
"kim family?" a man in a white coat interrupted their moment, his clipboard and badge making him look extra official.
"yes, that's us." namjoon stepped in to speak up.
"her body won't make it through this. her organs are failing and i'm not sure if you knew this but she signed a DNR years ago which means-,"
"we know." namjoon sucked the hospital air in. that scent, that sadness, that looming grief.
"you can be by her side till the end; we're keeping her comfortable."
taehyung looked back to jungkook, his hand reaching out, "will you stay? will you wait?"
the younger nodded, pulling the brunette in for one more embrace, "of course babe, for as long as you need me."
tae cupped his cheeks, planting a single tear stained peck on his (more than a friend) friend's lips, "thank you."
"we'll go get coffee for everyone, okay?" jin squeezed tae's shoulder reassuringly, sending a nod to namjoon.
he whispered, "thank you."
the three found themselves in a white hallway. a stark contrast to the darkness of each room, the ones that loomed with death and tragedy and undeniable pain.
tae gulped as he watched the room numbers increase, a few with stripped sheets indicating somebody had either been discharged or had died. he hoped for the former.
"this is it." a nurse in purple scrubs cracked the door open for them.
tae was the first to walk in, with power and grace. he strode to her bedside and studied the figure he'd loved his entire life.
he was mad they never saw japan. sad they never hiked the rockies. numb because he'd cried all his tears on the way.
she looked just as she did alive, no wavering on her facial features, a few crooked wrinkles that creased her forehead forward. her eyes were totally closed revealing lighter lashes, thin and spindly. any color from her cheeks had disappeared but it was evident she was still breathing. her chest rising and falling subtly.
he grabbed her hand, noting the way the nude polish had chipped. surely, she had a manicure scheduled for the upcoming week. an appointment she'd never get too.
it made him sick to think of that vacant chair.
"gram, they say even when people are going they can hear things so if you can- i love you. i loved the way you read me poetry on the terrace and the spring rolls you made with ingredients from your garden. i loved your zest for life, for taking on a motherly role after ours passed." he held his breath hoping to stop the tears, "i hope you guys see each other, whenever you go. and tell her i say hi. tell her i grew up good and that dad works too much but he's fine. tell her joon is taller than me now."
namjoon could hear the crack in his brothers voice, quick to rush to his side for comfort.
"and i'm happy that you met jungkook that morning at the house because i really think he's something special gram. and being with somebody who you never got a chance to meet, well that would kill me because your opinion has always been my north star and i hope even in your next life, you'll still guide me right."
he felt warm tears drop on his hand, noting the way they stained his grandmothers wrinkled skin in the process. if she was conscious she'd demand he quit crying. grieving is for those who continue to live in the past- she demanded you persevere and honor the dead in a way that honored the best of them. the aspirations they had for you.
because everyone plans for the future. and nobody plans to die despite knowing it's the only way out.
he stood from his spot next to gram, squeezing her hand one last time before allowing his brother and dad to say their final piece.
it moved him the way they all spoke so fondly of her, to her. it made him realize that those things should be said to the living.
he'd have to try harder with that.
the three crowded around her bedside as the moment came to an end. it was evident by the slow of the monitor that eventually fell to a flat line. the lack of beeps an indication that she was no longer here and she never would be again.
tae had no tears left to cry but if he did, he would have flooded the world with them.