Mattia
She put down her cup and sat in the same place that she was sitting in last time. I watched as her trembling hands carefully reached for the washcloth that Tia had put into the bowl of warm water.
Not one word had left her voluptuous lips after the others left. Like a woman on a mission she solely focused all her energy on that damn washcloth, avoiding all eye contact with me. It was as though I was not even there. How I hated the feeling— the feeling of being ignored by her.
"Are you going to use that on me with my clothes still on?" I asked whilst she was wringing the washcloth.
Her lips parted and her eyes wandered to meet mine. "No, I'll—" By taking her lower lip between her teeth she stopped herself from finishing her sentence.
The wrung cloth was once again fully soaked into the water when she turned towards me and immediately reached for the buttons on my shirt to undo them, starting at the one at the very top. With each button she undid her breathing became heavier and more audible.
Her lips parted, but she did not say anything. Nuelle's fingers lightly grazed my torso when she moved the shirt out of the way in the process of wrapping her arms around my back to lift me up in order to remove the shirt. After doing this, she gently lowered me back down.
The shirt was neatly folded and put aside though there was no point in doing this since it needed to be washed but Nuelle being the gentle and caring person that she is, she did it anyway.
My eyes automatically closed when the cloth came in contact with my skin. Gently, she wiped my forehead and then the rest of my face before the soft cloth was dragged down to my neck.
My caregivers could not manage to do this for me for more than twice a day and though I was grateful for Tia's help she was usually in such a rush when doing this since there was so much to do around the house even with Lorna around.
Life became so chaotic that I could not even remember how we got anything done before the three of them came to us. Perhaps, this is because I rarely spent any time at home to notice what Lorna and the others were going through.
I could hear the water dripping from the cloth as she wrung it after wetting it again. The feeling of getting cleaned after several hours of sweating is something I would never again take for granted, that I knew for sure.
"Are you in pain?" She asked when she heard me grunt.
"No, I'm good. My arm—"
"I'm sorry." She apologized before I could explain what was happening.
I could tell that she felt bad for moving up my arm and I could not bear to leave her feeling that way, not when she was doing something that she deserved nothing other than praise for.
"It's okay. I need to move my body more to gain control over it again."
The corners of her mouth curved into a small smile as she continued moving the cloth down my shoulders and torso. Soon enough the scar on my chest caught her attention. I could tell because I could feel her tracing the scar with her finger. Perhaps she thought this would go beyond my notice since I was not looking at her, but it did not.
"It's from the surgery." I explained.
"It's huge." She whispered.
"You feel bad for me."
"We all do."
"Why do you?"
The cloth along with her hand were rested on my scar when she looked up from my chest. For a moment she was quiet. We were both so quiet and remained in our position that it felt like time had stopped.
"Nobody deserves to go through this." She shook her head.
"Not even those who haven't been nice to you?"
"No—" she swallowed. "I wouldn't wish this upon anybody."
"People tend to take advantage of those with weak hearts."
She smiled as she went back to wiping down my torso. "A good heart is not a weak heart."
"Cocky to refer to yourself of having a good heart, isn't it?" Unknowingly, my ab muscles flexed when the warm cloth grazed the band of my underwear.
"Should I stop?"
"No, no. You can continue."
"These—" She pointed at my underwear.
"Need to come off as well."
I almost chuckled at her nervous nod, the girl seemed shaken.
Has she never seen a man naked before?...
As slowly as ever she took my shorts off which she then quickly folded and put away. Taking a deep breath, Nuelle's focus returned to the bowl of water that was no longer warm.
I could not help but follow her every move, which she soon noticed but tried to ignored. She was the one in control of doing the touching, yet she seemed more nervous than I was.
"Does this make you feel uncomfortable?" The question that was hanging on the tip of my tongue had finally fallen out of my mouth.
"Yes." She answered truthfully.
"Then you may stop."
Her eyes shot up at me in disbelief.
"I'm not going to force you to do something that you don't want to do."
"Should I call Tia?" she asked after a brief moment of silence.
"No, just clean this up—" I gestured at the bowl and my dirty clothes. "Get me a shirt and shorts from the closet and then my breakfast. That's all."
Nuelle did not waste any time when it came to following my instructions. Not long after she was running around my room, she helped me get dressed in a clean white shirt and shorts of the same color.
"Your teeth—" She slightly panicked, thinking that she forgot to help me with this.
"Already brushed them."
Just as Nuelle was about to scurried off into the kitchen for my breakfast, Tia walked in with a tray of food and drinks for the both of us. The tray was placed on the exact same spot that the bowl of water was previously in.
"Did everything go well?" Tia's eyes shifted between the two of us.
"Well—"
"Yes, Nuelle did a good job." I said, though I still had the same underwear on from the night before.
My words managed to lift up her head which had been hanging low in disappointment. The corners of her lips slightly curved up and this small smile was aimed at me.
"Good." Tia's excitement could not only be heard, but also seen.
As much as I was still in need of an actual shower or bath, I knew that it was not yet possible to get it. The two women standing in front of me would not be able to carry me to the bathroom so for now I had to settle with what I got.
"Here." Tia plopped on the side of my bed, offering me a cup of joe whilst Nuelle made herself comfortable on the ottoman.
From the corners of my eyes I could see Nuelle's eyebrows knit together at the sight of me holding the cup on my own. Quite frankly, the guilty pleasure I was feeling made the drink a thousand times better.
Why are things always funnier when you're not suppose to laugh?...
"Can you hand me those, please?" My smile only grew wider.
Tia took the cup out of my hand and handed me a plate with scrambled eggs and fried sausages. Since it had taken such a long time to half–freshen up, it was nearly lunch time, hence my hunger. I swallowed the food as fast as I breathed in and out.
"Alma. Oh, Alma." Lorna's voice suddenly echoed through the house.
"Lorna—" Tia who had just began eating her food, stopped and excitingly got up. "I'm coming." Within a blink of the eye she had hurried herself out of the room, only carrying her plate.
Nuelle shook her head, smiling at Tia's excitement of meeting her good friend. I smiled too, but I soon remembered that it was me who separated the good friends.
Perhaps this is my punishment... I thought to myself.
"Are you okay?" The calmness in her voice demanded my attention. I turned my head to my right to see Nuelle sitting with her legs folded. Her little nod repeated the question I had not yet answered.
"I am. Just arranging my thoughts."
"Work?"
"Partly—" I lied. "There's suddenly so much to think about when you don't have anything else to do." My eyes found the ceiling.
"Are you thinking about the shares?" She fiddled with the ends of her sweater. "I meant what I said, I don't want them."
"Perhaps now is not the right time to discuss that, it can wait."
"Is there anything else that I need to get you?"
"No."
"Would you like to be left alone?"
Do I?...
As much as I always dismissed those around me, I did not actually want to be alone. But, it was the awkward silence, the staring in pity as if I was no longer who I used to be, that bothered me.
"Dimitri."
My heart raced at the sound of that name. I looked at her in shock whilst she looked back at me in confusion. The feeling of nostalgia was slowly overtaking my body.
"I'll go." She promptly said as she stood up, no longer waiting for my answer. I take it that she had gotten used to my silence as a way of letting her know that I no longer wanted to be in her presence.
"Don't—" We looked at each other in disbelief as though a third person had said this and not me. "Stay. I would like you to stay." It took all my courage to be honest to myself— to be honest to her.
"Okay." She mouthed, but barely any sound came from her lips.
"Can you get me those files?" I asked, pointing at the work Marco had left for me.
She obediently handed me the files and as I started to go through the first one, Nuelle took a seat in the window seat. She rested her head against the wall, her arms hugged her legs.
When I had read the first five pages of the file, I looked up and noticed that her eyes were closed. I was not entirely sure if she fell asleep or if she was simply resting her eyes, but she looked peaceful. She did not seem to be hindered or bothered by the silence that filled the room. She did not stare at me as though I was an abomination, neither did she act as though she had to be with me against her will.
After days of trying to get myself to focus on work, I finally managed to make it through one file. Though this was nothing compared to what I used to do in one day, I still felt accomplished.
By the time I was signing the second file, I could hear her lightly snoring. My eyes could no longer focus on the written words, so I gave into the curious feeling of looking at her. Her yellow sweater was pulled over her knees, only leaving her feet exposed. She was cold.
If only I could walk, I would have put a blanket over her... I thought to myself, but then I remembered that if that were the case then she would not be asleep in the seat of my room's window. And if that were the case then perhaps I would still be treating her the way I used to.
As if she could feel me watching her, her eyes fluttered open. Perhaps, I was staring for too long whilst I was lost in my thoughts.
"Do you need anything?" Were the first words that quite rapidly came out of her mouth.
"No, no. I— I'm good." I quickly replied when she almost fell from her seat after losing her balance.
"Oh—" She pulled her legs up again. "Why are you looking at me then?" She asked in a lower tone.
This question caught me off guard. Was I suppose to say that I was admiring her beauty? Or that I like having her quietly sit in the corner of my room so that I do not feel alone?
"I—" I stopped to gather my words. "I heard you snoring." I panicked.
"Oh." Her face turned red from embarrassment and I instantly regretted what I said.
Dammit Mattia!
"No, it was cute." I said to better the situation, but it only made it more awkward.
Nuelle pressed her lips together and I was just slowly dying from my awkwardness until she unexpectedly began to laugh. Not smile, but actually laugh.
At first I was surprised by her reaction, but somehow I ended up laughing with her. I do not know why we were laughing, but I was glad that we were because it lightened up the mood.
"Oh God." She buried her face in her hands. "Was I loud? Did it bother you?" She uncovered only her eyes.
"Not at all."
"Good." She nodded. "It's getting late, I'll get you your lunch." She changed the subject.
"Don't." I stopped her before she had ran out of the room. "Marco should be home soon, I'll have lunch whilst I discuss all of this with him." I gestured at the files.
Just as I had said this Marco walked though the door. By the look on his face he seemed surprised to see Nuelle still in my room.
"Thank you for keeping me company, Emmanuelle. You may take your leave." I said, hoping to stop the weird way we were all looking at one another.
With her hands behind her back she took one last look at me, flashing me a small smile before she turned to Marco and did the same to him. And then she was gone.
Marco firmly stood still in his place, his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. Only after she left did he loosened his tie and remove his jacket which he threw on the window seat. And as he was rolling up the sleeves of his white button up shirt he turned towards me.
"I thought you said that it was inappropriate for us to see you naked." He said with a straight face.
"I've explained why Emmanuelle is helping me."
He sarcastically smiled. "Then perhaps we should get you a nurse."
"Do you have a problem with this arrangement?"
"I don't. " He quickly fired at me. "But other people might."
"What?" My eyebrows raised up out of confusion.
He sighed. "You know James likes Nuelle."
"Since when do you care about what he thinks? What does that have to do with any of this? I'm not forcing—"
"Look at what he did to you."
"The hell are you going off about? How many times do I have to explain that he had nothing to do with this? This—" I pointed at myself. "This is what happens when you drunk drive. This is my fault. No one else's."
Marco ran his left hand through his hair as his right hand rested on his hip.
"If something is bothering you, I suggest that you be true to yourself and admit what it is. Don't go creating thoughts that you might end up believing. Now, pull yourself together and get your shit right." I held out the files at him.
He snatched the files out of my hand and without uttering one more word he left. As much as I hated keeping my brother in the dark about what was actually going on, I knew that it was the right thing to do.