****************************
Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way
****************************
BENTLEY
"Should we put the dog back on the leash?" I ask, shifting a bit on the blanket we had set down.
We had been in Tokyo for about a week and a half now, and today Harry grabbed Michi's dog, Igo, from her backyard so we could take him on a walk through Tokyo to our final spot, Tokyo Tower.
We came a few nights ago after grabbing dinner and it was beautiful at night, but the red and white reflecting against the blue sky was just too good to be true. I liked it better during the day.... And I was a sucker for the night.
"I think he's fine." Harry returns, grabbing the red and green tennis ball and throwing it back out into the distance, watching Igo bark as he ran.
He had been playing fetch with Igo for the better part of an hour, snacking on sour gummy bears and other snacks he splurged on. We had been walking pretty much everywhere too, but my ankle was feeling so much better during the day. The bruising around it was now a gross yellow but anything beat the violent purple hues that consumed the entirety of my lower leg.
At least the boot covered it all up.
It was September now and the air was already fresher, the humidity a little lower and I was really enjoying our time here. We used one of the burners to call everyone a few days ago and they were all doing fine. Rumie and Z were laying low in Brooklyn with Niall, and Allie, Apollo and Dorian were at Disney World when I called, so they hung up pretty quickly.
Harry even got to call Emmy from one of the burners a few nights ago, and he let out a breath he had no idea he had been holding in when she practically cried on the phone from hearing his voice.
I could feel relief pouring off of him and the second they hung up that happiness was spread right through me because we fooled around like fucking teenagers for the rest of the night.
We hadn't fucked though, just because up until this morning, my ankle was killing me by the time we were alone in the apartment, and although I probably could have, I didn't want to break my ankle any more than it already is. I needed it healed soon so we could get back to our original plan, which we hadn't really talked about.
It was nice though, being here. There weren't too many people out on the lawn of the tower at this time seeing as it was the off season and people worked at 10 o'clock in the morning.
We'd met up with Liam and Michi a few times to go out to eat but Liam always had to go and when he'd bring up Louis, Harry would change the subject.
I didn't ask... and Harry didn't say anything either, but we had been actively avoiding the car ever since.
We took the train to the art museum yesterday and just walked down the halls, and he took me to the supermarket to see all the live fish and shit.
It was fun and the past few days had been renewing, but we were leaving for Kyoto in about two hours so we'd arrive before sundown.
We were driving, and we hadn't really discussed who was driving but I think I'd be fine with Harry driving just because we'd be in the mountains and I didn't really know that terrain. I just didn't know if he was down to take the wheel.
I take another sip of water, putting the bottle down carefully so it wouldn't topple over.
No diet coke in Tokyo means I was limited to coffee and as much as I loved it I didn't feel like drinking it with every meal, so I was forced to pick between water and regular coke.
I went with water.... Regular coke just pissed me off.
"Not bad, huh?" Harry says, gesturing to the bottle that was now standing in the grass.
"It's alright... Not my first choice of drink but I don't hate it." I reply.
"We can find another soda-"
"I'm drinking this water for you, devil. Don't ask questions." I tell him, biting my lip before looking at the furry dog come running back with a tennis ball in his mouth, effectively distracting Harry.
"Michi is going to kill me for kidnapping her dog." He laughs, chucking the ball as far as he can.
"At least he's getting out." I tell him leaning back on my elbows.
"Do you like dogs?" He asks, head turning to look at me.
His hair had grown a bit, some curls flopping over his eyebrow when he didn't push them back properly, and he had a permanent smile etched onto his face. He had the faint stubble I liked and was in some blue jeans and a vintage Versace t-shirt, the usual gold cross dangling to the side of his face as he waits for a reply.
"I've never had one before, but I like Igo... Dorian's like a puppy. He's just potty trained." I joke, and he rolls his eyes.
"I've never had one either... I like them though." He shrugs, petting the panting dog that comes rushing to give him the ball. "If you had one... What would you name it?"
"I dunno." I return, but he's not having it, urging me to reply. "Uh... I guess I'd name it.... What's that word you taught me this morning?"
"Irezumi."
"Yeah! That. And I'd nickname it Zumi." I tell him, shaking my head in affirmation.
"Ben, you know irezumi means tattoo, right?" He says, biting his lip to hold back a laugh.
"I forgot about that. Still pretty though. What would you name your hypothetical dog?" I ask, and he tilts his head.
"Well we'd get the dog together, obviously. No way I'm taking care of a furry fucker by myself." He jokes. "So Zumi it is." He finalizes, his accent making the name even better.
"Look at you... making plans for a dog now?" I say, scooting closer to him, taking the red and green tennis ball from his hands and tossing it for Igo to go and bring back.
"It's a hypothetical dog. But hey, not counting it out." He tuts. "What kind of dog?"
"I don't know any dog breeds-"
"Think of one of the dogs you've seen in a movie then." He pushes.
"Why are you so into what kind of dog I like?" I ask, laughing.
"Why not?"
"Alright, fine.... Then.... Snoopy."
"Fucking Snoopy? Are you mad!"
"What's wrong with Snoopy? He's cute!"
"You could've picked something cooler! Have you seen Marmaduke?"
"Marmalade?"
"Jesus Fucking Christ- No, baby.... Marmaduke, the film? About the big giant fucking dog?"
"I got nothing." I laugh, watching his flustered face.
"I took Emmy to see Marmaduke the day after it came out." He tells me, looking into the top of the tower, a soft smile creeping onto his face at the thought. "Alright, so not Marmaduke. What about.... Oh! What about those yellow dogs that played basketball?"
"That played basketball? Are you high?"
"No, you just didn't have a proper childhood." He snaps.
I can't hold back a loud laugh at his pout, and if I wasn't an only child I would probably have known the movies he's talking about but Allie and I weren't into that shit when we were kids.
All we did was dance and hand around the shop.... Robotics and whatnot.
"Igo! Kuru!" He called, standing up and offering me his hand so I could stand. "C'mon, let's go return the dog and get ready to go... Long drive later."
We stand up, walking down to the train station and taking it back to Michi's place with Igo on a red leash.
Harry knocks on the door a few times before Michi opens up, barely dressed in a silky robe. "Did you take my dog again!"
"Sorry?" Harry says, letting Igo go and watching him run to the bowl of water. "Won't happen again... We're leaving today."
"You're leaving? What?" Michi says, opening the door even wider so we could step in.
I take my shoes off, leaving them at the basket by the entrance. My parents used to make me do the same shit too... and I stopped doing it after they passed.
Maybe I should start doing it again. It felt nice.
Tokyo felt nice.
"Kyoto, visit Ben's family's hometown." He answers, bringing me back to earth with the quick touch of the healed skin on my wrists.
"Sounds fun... it's gorgeous there this time of year." Michi adds, smiling at Igo as he nuzzles into the sherpa lined dog bed. "You have to leave soon if you want to get there by sunset."
"We are." I say. "Just have to pack our shit before we go."
"How's the ankle?" She starts, taking the tea off of the heat.
One thing I had learned about Michi was that she was enthusiastic about her love for tea. There was always something brewing and she ordered it whenever we went out to eat.
Those sushi places with the mechanical belt that just kept rolling out the food were fucking crazy.
Might get Allie to make one for my apartment.
"It's fine. Hopefully I'll have healed enough to get back on track soon." I tell her, sitting on her couch and readjusting the velcro on this fucking boot. "Where's your latest hookup?"
"Kicked her out this morning." She returns. "Not my best work, honestly. You'd think being a whore would mean you'd enjoy getting laid but it really didn't do it for me."
Another thing I had learned about Michi... She had no issue sharing every aspect of her life. It was endearing, honestly. Reminded me of Allie and Apollo sometimes.
I missed them.
"Sad to hear that." Harry says, snapping his fingers to Igo would come and sit at his feet. "Maybe you should just find one person who fucks you right." He shrugs.
"Where's the fun in that?" She retorts.
"I mean, Bentley and I only fuck each other and it works." He adds, and I give Michi a thumbs up.
"Would recommend, surprisingly." I tease.
"Eh, not for me darlings." She returns, taking the clip out of her hair so the orange bun falls over her shoulders.
"We should get going Ben." Harry says, standing up. "Just came by to drop off Igo and say goodbye."
"I'm glad you came by." She smiles, going over to him and giving him a hug.
He wasn't too fond of people hugging him but he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Michi, and she pulled away, turning around to look at me, wrapping me in a hug. She was affectionate, too.
"I hope you enjoyed Tokyo, you're always welcome here, Bentorii." She whispers, using my name in Japanese.
I don't think twice before giving her a firm hug, hearing my name spoken to me for the first time in years. Bentley in Japanese is Bentorii and I fucking hated it but something about hearing it now was just.... Fuck.
I missed them, my parents, but I felt good now. Knowing we were heading off to Kyoto soon was even better because I had been there once before, but it was the peak of summer and my parents didn't really do much but visit some old family members.
Just like my parents, all that family was dead.
"Thank you Michi." i say, letting go, feeling Harry's hand on my wrist. "We'll see you soon." He says, and she smiles, walking us out.
We got back to Harry's apartment building, going up the elevator quietly and packing our bags to some faint music he had on in the back.
"Are you ready?" He asks, stepping out into the kitchen, where I was sitting at the counter looking out through the big windows.
"I've been waiting for you, idiot." I laugh, standing up from the barstool and grabbing my suitcase, rolling it even closer to the elevator. "Who's driving?"
He looks at me and surprised, as if he didn't even expect me to ask. I was trying really hard to get better at being in the passenger seat, especially since my ankle was bothering me a little more than usual right now, and I didn't want to affect it anymore to throw off my recovery.
"Are you alright with me driving?" He asks.
"I think so... My ankle is just bothering me a bit and I don't wanna fuck it up anymore."
He nods his head yes, gesturing to me to get closer as he presses the elevator button, bags in hand as we lower into the parking lot, where we load the trunk and Harry gets in the driver's seat.
" it's a long drive... We can switch halfway or I can stop whenever if you feel uncomfortable."
"I'll be fine." I shake my head, a meager attempt to convince myself. "I trust you." I say wholeheartedly.
Harry gives me a quick smirk before getting us out and I hang onto the handle on the door. "Keep your hands on the wheel please... eyes on the road too." I remind him.
He hums in response and keeps driving, the music he had set getting a little louder.
We keep the top down, cool air circulating around us as I take in the sights of us leaving Tokyo. Before I know it, my grip on the handle is loosening and the hustle of the city dies out as we get onto the highway, taking the 5th exit.
"What song is this?" I ask, turning my head to look at him driving. His hands are tighter around the wheel than usual... "Loosen your grip on the wheel, baby."
He exhales, doing what I suggested and pulling his teeth into his mouth before replying.
"Everywhere. It's a Fleetwood Mac song."
"I kind of like this one."
"Really?" He says, dimple popping out of his cheek. "Why's that?"
"It feels like.... Feels like you." I shrug, remember when he told me the air in Italy felt like me.
"I really want to look at you right now." He admits, puffing his cheeks. "The road isn't really doing it for me right now."
"Keep your eyes on the road, and maybe I'll do it for you later, Harry fuckin' Styles." I tease, placing my hand on his thigh, circling it with my index and middle finger.
"Fuckin' tease..." he mutters.
"I told you I'd do it." I remind him. "Not yet though..."
"And to think I thought you were going to be polite after I helped you out last night." He tells me, voice sarcastic as hell.
"We're even, devil, or are you forgetting I gave you my mouth last night too?"
"Thought I was due for a reminder." He shrugs.
"Yeah... no." I finish, making myself comfortable in the seat.
The drive was nice so far, Harry talking about other movie dogs and I knew some of them, but not all.
"Old Yeller?" He asks, desperate for me to answer yes.
"No, Harry." I deadpan.
"Alright... what about Lassie?"
"I know Snoopy, Scooby, and Marley, but Marley's dead so-"
"WOAH! SPOILER ALERT!"
"You didn't know that damn dog dies at the end of the mo-"
"SHUT UP!" He exclaims.
"How did you not know that?"
"Emmy didn't want to see that one, so I never saw that one." He answers. "Good fucking thing I didn't. Imagine consoling a kid after the dog- Does Marley actually die?"
"Yes, Harry." I chuckle. "Anyways, I like Zumi for a name anyway."
We weren't even getting a fucking dog but now he was going on a tangent naming our hypothetical dog.
"Oh shit, what about Hypo? For the hypothetical dog!" I laugh.
"Irezumi or Hypo.... You're so fucking weird."
"That's not the first time you call me weird..." I tease. "How far are we?"
"From the ryokan? Maybe... thirty minutes?" He says, looking at the GPS momentarily. "I'm going to pull over really quick."
"Why?" I ask as he pulls over, putting the car in park and getting out to take the roof off of the car, transforming it into the convertible form.
"Do you mind if I go fast for a bit? I want to do something." He says, getting back in the car and grabbing his sunglasses.
The sun was setting and I had just realized how beautiful the surroundings were.
Lush greenery, the mountains blurring into the distance as the golden rays of the run beat between the light clouds. I could see some homes from where we were but it all blended into one from where we were.
"Where'd you get those?" I ask, tapping the side of his clear yellow glasses.
"The Gucci store."
"Do you hear yourself?"
"Why yes, yes I do." he returns. "Can I go now? When we turn this corner you're going to want to focus because the moment won't last forever."
I rolled my eyes, sitting back and letting him know I was ready, placing my hand over his on the gear. I knew he was going to go faster but I needed this moment right now... momentary control.
The car speeds up, and I yelp but not loud enough for Harry to hear as he keeps his foot on the gas as we turn, and that's when I see it.
He comes to a full stop right before the cove of cherry blossoms starts, letting me take in the sweet vision of the flowers which were barely hanging on as they start going out of season.
The wind was rustling them a bit and the music was playing as some of the pink flowers drifted onto the paved road. There was nobody on the road and the run was shining between the cracks on the deft branches, pouring sunbeams into the pockets of the asphalt.
I look at Harry, whose green eyes are already looking at mine.
"Ready?" He asks, cocking his head towards the center of the open road.
"Holy shit yes."
Harry revs the engine, and he slams the gas pedal and the engine roars as the convertible takes off, sending a flurry of cherry blossom petals down from sheer force alone, a ton of them landing in the car.
My hair was blowing all over the place and all I could think about were our silk scarves that he packed into one of the bags.
I smile, feeling some of the dainty blossoms smack against my skin gently as I turned to look at him now.
Everything slowed.
We might have been going 70 miles per hour under the cherry blossom canopy, but when I looked at Harry's sharp jaw and curved dimple sticking out of his face as he kept his eyes on the road for me, we were moving a millimeter a minute.
There were petals landing in his chestnut curls and flying off quickly, like when a butterfly would stay perched on your finger momentarily before fluttering towards the rest of their life.
They circle the air melodically and kiss the apples of his cheeks like the summer rain on the sidewalks in Oakland we'd get every blue moon.
Harry raised the music and I could feel the bass sending shockwaves through my spine as I sat sideways, back against the door as the flowers fell into the car, adorning it with baby pink and faded white.
It was an aromatic experience too, the sweet scent of the blossoms raced through the air and I swear every breath I took was deeper than the last, no matter how nervous I felt about going this fast and not driving... I had also never felt so at peace.
I was where I belonged. Right here, in the car with Harry, cherry blossom petals in our hair and some old song in the back as the strips of sun flashed between the branches and highlighted the devil's beauty in the most angelic way imaginable.
Among a work of art.
He looked like the serpent in the garden.... The one thing you shouldn't get near in Eden, but there is just something so fucking magnetic about him that all that Hell, feels like heaven.
Hellish to a heavenly extent.
That's Harry fuckin' Styles for you.
Cherry blossom boy.
By the time we slowed down I was still entranced by him. My brain was carving every detail of him into my memory; the crown of flowers in his hair the perfect juxtaposition to the crown of thorns I know he'd rather have on.
Harry was the devil... He knew it perfectly, but there's something so sanctifying about being with him.
Before I met Harry I thought that the devil was red.
Bloody and tragic. Deadly and dark. Sinister and dangerous. Red like a warning. Red like stop lights.
But Harry wasn't just red.
Harry was white too... safe and serene, soft and illuminating. White like the outline of an eclipse. White like the wings I promised I'd give back.
Harry is both.
Red and white.
The devil is pink.
Just as passionate as red but with the graceful fervor that white has.
The devil is pink.
Pink like wonder and awe. Red footprints of seduction and white handprints of adoration. Pink like his lips, like his tongue, like his cheeks if I looked at him for too long or read him a poem.
Pink like virtue. Pink like elegance. Pink like silk. Pink like the cherry blossoms on his head, his shoulders, the ones that litter the entirety of the car.
The devil is pink.
Equal parts pain and pleasure. Red and white blended to paint my whole world pastel.
The devil is pink.
The devil is pink.
The devil is pink.
Pink like being in love.
Is that what this was?
Oh fuck. Stay put, Bentley. No need to freak out.
Realization is a scary thing. Loving people was even scarier... but I had never felt like this before.
I had never looked at anyone the way I looked at Harry and I knew it from the very beginning. We knew we were fucked from the beginning but I don't think either of us knew just how much we were getting ourselves into.
I knew he loved me... I could feel it in everything he did.
I'm trying to fucking hard not to let this feeling scare me into detaching because it's not the bad kind of fear... it's the adrenaline invoking fear of being tied for first place against him.
It's the fear that I get before reading him my words.
It's the fear of knowing that I love Harry. Like, really fucking love him.
I love him enough to live for him.
"You alright?" He starts, slowing down at the yellow light and turning to look at me.
"Uh- shit, yeah. I'm fine." I say, getting comfortable in my seat again and looking at the road.
"Alright have you seen John Wick? He has that pitbull that he just calls Boy." He continues, making me laugh and distracting me from the consumption that was eating me alive. I was feeling a lot all at once.
"I've seen that movie, but there's no way we're naming Hypo, Boy." I return, taking deep breaths.
"Beethoven?"
"No, Harry."
"Shaggy Dog!"
"Why have you seen so many dog movies?" I ask, tapping his shoulder as the light turns green.
"I told you... my sister loves them!"
"I'm starting to believe you're the one that liked them."
"Swear it was her... Maybe one day you can ask her." He returns, and I see his hands squeeze around the wheel for a moment before returning to his stoic grip.
"Would you want that?" I say hesitantly. "For me to meet Emmy?"
"One day.... once this mess is over and it's safe to see her. Yes."
"Okay... I like the sound of that." I smile, exhaling. "How far are we now?"
"After I drive by that temple we'll be there." He tells me, and I look up at the red and black temple, gold lettering on it whizzing by as Harry drives.
We aren't in motion for long as he pulls into the valet, handing him a few yen to clean the flowers out of the car and take our bags in. He goes into the lobby, checks us in and we follow the short man out to the room we'd be staying in.
There were black silk sheets on the mattress which rested on the floor. It reminded me of Harry's bed back in Oakland and I found myself missing it now. I loved Japan but I longed for California and my family, but they weren't there either.
We'd be back soon... I hope.
The walls were a soft white... almost alabaster in the dim lighting. Our suitcases were piled neatly in the corner across from the TV and the windows were opened to a view of a very distance Mt. Fuji.
There was no snow on the mountain yet but it would probably pack on as our nights here would pass by.
"Sinner, are you sure you're okay? Your hands are shaking." He speaks up, closing the door behind him as I sit down on the wooden chair.
"What?" I say, looking down at my hands and realizing that they were shaking.
I was holding my detachment back because my head was a fucking mess right now and I needed to keep it together, but it was showing right through me.
I had spent five hours in the passenger seat which was enough to leave me anxious but the added feeling of realization from coming to terms with the fact I loved Harry was threatening to push me over the edge.
Just hang on Benny... please.
"I uh- I just need some of my nicotine gum... yeah. That's it." I say, getting up and walking to my backpack quickly, digging through it and pulling out everything as the small pack of gum slipped between everything in it.
My hands always shook when I had withdrawals but I had chewed some right before we left Tokyo.
This was all nerves now and the more my hands shook the harder it was to grab things.
"Let me help-"
"No!" I say, more charged than I'd like to and I watch Harry reluctantly step away from me. "I can do it."
I tear out my journal, the final item in the backpack, and I hear a page rip but I ignore it as I finally get my hands on the gum packet, popping out a rubbery piece and sticking it in my mouth.
"Ben?" Harry calls, standing at a distance from me.
"I'm fine. Just needed some, uh, some gum." I tell him. "Sorry for snapping at you."
"S'alright baby... Do you want to go-"
"I think it's best if I just take a nap or something. I'm a bit tired." I say, interrupting him and reaching for my shit that was scattered across the floor, shoving it back into my backpack, saving the journal for last.
I didn't need him to see me like this and worry.
"You ripped this one." He says, handing me the jagged piece of paper.
It was a clean rip right down the center of Product of the Galaxies, and I frowned at the sight.
"It's okay... I have this one memorized." I say, folding it neatly.
"Really?"
"I have them all memorized." I admit, standing up again and looking at Harry. I inhale, squeezing my fingers into my palms to stop the light shaking as I walk towards him. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry."
"I could eat." He nods, letting me lead the way out of the hotel.
We're quiet for a moment before he speaks again.
"Oh! What about that movie with all the chihuahuas?"
"You're insufferable."
"Yeah but you still like me." He teases, butting his elbow into my shoulder.
I liked him more than he'd ever understand.
More than I could understand right now.
***********************************
AN:
thank you so much for 300K. i love you so much. thank you.
i hope you liked this chapter!!!!! ahhhh!!!
one more calmish chap and then it's back to the regularly scheduled chaos!
ARABELLA.