After three days ay umuwi kami ni Brandon ng Pilipinas nang masigurado na ni Raine na okay na okay na ako at wala ng problema. Dalawa lamang kami ni Brandon at iniwan muna namin siya roon kasama si Dad para bantayan si Luke. Hindi ko naman maiwasang kabahan habang papunta na kami ni Brandon sa lugar kung saan nakatira si Red.
"Buti alam ni Dad lahat ng whereabouts ni Red? Pinapabantay niya sa'yo?" Tanong ko.
"Para namang hindi mo kilala ang tatay mo." Sagot niya habang nagmamaneho ito.
"Bakit?"
"Mukha lang walang pakialam sa inyo 'yon pero mahal kayo non. Kita mo kahit tinakwil niya si Red, alam niya lahat ng impormasyon tungkol sakaniya. Saka hindi ako ang nagmamatsag don. Siya mismo."
"He really loves his first born that's why. Pabirito niya 'yon e."
"Ang issue mo. Pantay pantay lang naman kayong mahal ng tatay niyo."
"Hindi siguro?"
"If only you knew how much tears he cried when Yoshikawa woke up and he suddenly disappeared. He was fucking scared after a week nang hindi ka na talaga magising kahit nagising na si Yoshikawa sa'yo."
Tumingin ako sa may bintana at tinitigan ang mga kotse na dumaraan. My personal psychiatrist told me that Yoshikawa was totally gone. Kinwento rin sa akin ni Brandon ang tungkol kay Jowana. Yes, I know now that she's still alive and she was with Yoshikawa all the time.
"And can't you see? He kicked Red's ass out on your family tree because of what he did to you. Ibig sabihin, hindi niya pinapaboran ang kuya mo."
"Pero gusto niyang harapin ko si Red. Dahil alam niya na kapag nagkaayos kami ay kusang babalik si Red sa pamilya namin para humingi ng tawad. My father may be smart but I am smarter. He wants me to get Red back to our family."
"Ayaw mo ba non? Ayaw mo bang umayos ang pamilya niyo?"
"After what he did to me, especially to Reginy? Man, I think I can't even forgive him."
Yoshikawa's memories went to me. At hindi ko kinaya kung paano niya pinagsamantalahan si Reginy sa isipan nito. Tangina niya ng hard. Pinalabas niya na ako ang gumagahasa sa isip nito, but hell that wasn't me! It was him because he was the one planting some dirty and disgusting memories to her! Paano niya nakayanan 'yon? And then he has this audacity to tell that he loves her? Ganon ba ang pagmamahal? Ulol niya! Baka i define ko sakaniya ang salitang love. Napakabobo. Saan na kaya napunta ang utak non? Sa pwet?
"E ano palang balak mo?" Tanong ni Brandon sa akin at napangiti na lamang ako sa tanong niya.
"Walang kapa kapatid sa akin sa sitwasyon na 'to. He messed up with me and he messed up with Reginy."
Even my father told me to fix this, I won't fix it yet. Hindi ngayon. I still have to do something with what he did. Dahil gaya ng sabi ko, kahit sino mang gumalaw kay Reginy ay makakatikim sa akin kadugo ko man o hindi.
Ilang oras ang binyahe naming dalawa. We booked a hotel nearby at sinabihan ko siyang huwag na akong samahan sa pagharap kay Red. I want him to see by myself only without anyone. Ayokong may makarating sa ama ko na kung ano sa kung anong balak kong gawin sakaniya.
I stopped in front of a house and I saw a woman in the garden. Hindi naman kalakihan ang gate kaya kitang kita ko kung ano ang nasa loob. I looked at the woman while watering the plants using a hose. Tinignan ko siya mula ulo hanggang talampakan and damn. This girl is a bomb! Ito ba ang kasama niyang tumira dito? Asawa niya ba 'to? Girlfriend o ano?
"Tao po." I said and the girl looked at me.
Ngumiti ako sakaniya nang pagka tamis tamis at ngumiti rin ito sa akin pabalik. Mabilis niyang pinatay ang hose atsaka siya lumapit sa may gate. She opened the gate for me.
"Sino po sila?"
"Ryoga nga pala." Mabait na sabi ko.
"Ano pong pakay nila?"
Her eyes twinkled and I think she likes me. Ghorl, may asawa't mga anak na ako. Pass na!
"May nakatira ba rito na lalaki? Mataas tapos medyo moreno. Gwapo rin pero mas gwapo ako syempre."
"Ah, si Alexus ba? Siya lang naman ang kasama kong nakatira rito."
Alexus pa nga. Akala ko ba hindi niya gamit ang pangalan niya?
"Oo, 'yun nga."
"Wala siya rito e. Umalis at nagtrabaho. Ka ano ano mo pala siya?"
"Kapatid ko." I said and she looked surprised.
Well, kagulat gulat naman talaga kapag sinasabi kong kapatid ko si Red e. Bukod sa hindi ko siya kamukha e napakalayo ng kagwapuhan ko sakaniya.
"Anong oras siya darating?" I asked when she didn't answer at nakatulala lamang ito sa akin. Titig na titig siya sa gwapo kong mukha. I moved towards her at napaatras ito.
"S-sa makalawa pa siya darating e."
"Bakit? Ang tagal naman."
"Sumama kasi siyang mangisda kina Mang Ador."
Tumango tango na lamang ako. So mangingisda na pala siya ngayon? Wala na talaga siyang yaman. Magkano kaya laman ng wallet niya? Bibigyan ko siya ng abuloy. Kawawa naman at baka wala na siyang pangkain.
"Hindi mo ba ako papapasukin?" I asked dahil nangangawit na ako rito sa labas. Ang init pa!
"S-sorry. Pasok ka."
I stayed in her house at nakipag usap ako sakaniya. Dalawa lang talaga pala silang nakatira rito at wala silang nakakasama na iba. Wala kayang nangyayari sakanila? Bahay bahayan sila ganon. Maganda pa man din 'yung babae at mukha namang mabait.
Umuwi ako sa hotel kung saan kami nagpabook ni Brandon nang palagay ko'y tama na ang mga impormasyon na nakuha ko. Humiga ako sa kama at inistalk ang facebook account ni Reginy gamit ang account ni Brandon. I saw some photos of her and my sons.
"Ang laki na ni Ivan. Tangina. Kamukhang kamukha ko talaga ang anak ko." Tumatawa na sabi ko habang tinitignan ang itsura ni Cole.
Hindi ko inakala na magiging kamukha ko siya nang ganito. Kasi si Ivan, mix ang mukha namin ni Reginy e. Si Cole, para kaming pinagbiyak na bunga. Nakakaproud nga naman ang sperm ko talaga. Magilas!
Nahinto ang pagstalk ko nang biglang mag ring ang cellphone ko. It's Raine who is calling. Miss niya na yata ako? Baklang 'to. Ilang araw palang kaming 'di nagkikita ah.
"Man?" Sagot ko sakaniya.
"Bumalik ka muna rito." Kinakabahan na sabi niya.
"Bakit?" Tanong ko at napaupo ako sa kama dahil sa tono ng boses niya. I don't like it.
"Luke's heart beat stopped for a minute."
"Ano?!" Gulat na tanong ko at sakto namang lumabas si Brandon sa CR. "Is he okay now?!"
"Yes. He is fine again."
"Sige sige. Babalik kami riyan ngayon din."
I ended the call and looked at Brandon.
"Let's go back to California."
Lumipad din kami pabalik ng California ng gabing 'yon. Bumalik kami sa bahay namin at agad kong pinuntahan si Luke na nakaratay pa rin. Raine has his black eyebags below his eyes at mukhang napuyat na siya kakabantay sa kaibigan namin.
"Bukas darating 'yung dalawa pang doctor. Magpahinga ka bukas." I told him while we are at Luke's room.
"Kinabahan ako. Nang aasar siguro 'tong si Luke."
"Baka nakikita niya sa purgatoryo ang pagtataksil na ginawa ni Lancie sakaniya."
"Ulol."
Raine told me too about what happened to Lancie. Ngayon palang iniisip ko na ang magiging reaksyon ng isang 'to once na magising siya.
I spent my night planning and thinking about Red. I am 100% sure that something is going on with that girl and him base sa pag uusap namin ni Stephanie. That's her name. Buti naman at nakamove on na siya kay Reginy. Ilang taon na rin naman ang lumipas at nakapadakila niya naman masyado kung magpapaka alila siya sa pag ibig.
"Man, gumising ka muna." Pangyuyugyog sa akin ni Raine.
"Natutulog pa ako. Ano ba?"
"Gago nandirito si Red. Nasa labas."
I smiled like a devil while my eyes are still closed. See? Nandirito na nga siya agad. Hindi ako nagkamali nang iniisip. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakahiga ko at mabilis na nagpunta ng CR. Ayokong lumabas at magpakita sakaniya nang hindi ako nakaayos. I need to be more handsome than him.
Bumaba ako ng hagdan at agad ko siyang nasilayan na nakaupo sa sofa. Tahimik lamang siyang nakaupo ron at nang makita niya ako ay agad siyang tumayo.
"R-Ryoga." Tawag niya sa akin.
"Surprise! Buhay ako!" Masayang sabi ko at huminto ako sa tapat niya at yinakap siya. Kunwari close kami. Plastic ako e.
"Sabi ko na nga ba. Hindi ka basta bastang mamamatay." Sagot niya at humiwalay ako sa pagkakayakap sakaniya.
"The devil works hard but I work harder. What's up?" Casual na tanong ko sakaniya.
I sat on the couch and I motion my hand to make him sit. Umupo naman siya agad at idinikwatro ko ang mga hita ko.
"Sinabi na ba sa'yo ni Stephanie na pinuntahan kita? Balita ko nangingisda ka raw. Kamusta naman? Marami ka bang nahuli?" Tumatawa na tanong ko.
"I came here to say na huwag mo siyang gagalawin." Seryosong sabi nito.
I just smiled at him. How dare him to say this? E siya nga ginalaw si Reginy tapos ako hindi pwedeng galawin ang babaeng 'yon? May mga ibang tao talaga na takot sa mismong anino nila.
"I thought you came here to say sorry." I said while smiling. "You know, you've done really really bad."
"Ryoga, kung ano mang nagawa ko noon, matagal ko nang pinag sisisihan 'yon."
"Talaga ba?"
"God knows how many times I apologize thinking that you were dead."
"God may heard it but I didn't." I said at tinuro ko ang sahig. "Luhod."
Sinunod niya agad ang sinabi ko at lumuhod nga siya sa harapan ko nang hindi nagdadalawang isip. Natawa na lamang ako habang nakatitig sakaniya.
"I'm sorry." He sincerely said. "I was blinded by the hate and angerness that I felt before towards your Mom."
"I didn't know you felt that way. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I wanted to be a nice brother to you."
"Wow!" Gulat na sabi ko at nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko. "But you didn't. You ruined me."
Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko at tinaas ko ang palad ko sa ere. Inipon ko lahat ng lakas na meron ako at sinampal ang mukha niya. Napaharap siya sa kaliwang banda dahil sa sampal na ginawa ko sakaniya and I saw blood dropping on the floor. Yes. I hit him that fucking hard.
"Hindi lang ako ang sinira mong gago ka. Dinamay mo pati si Reginy. Nandamay ka ng inosenteng tao!" Galit na sigaw ko. "Tanggap ko pa kung ako lang e. Pero 'yung pati ang babaeng mahal na mahal ko, na pinoprotektahan ko, na halos ikabaliw ko huwag ko lang masaktan, dinamay mo sa kawalang hiyaan mo!"
"I'm sorry." Umiiyak na sabi niya. "I deserve all the hate. I deserve your angerness towards me."
"Kulang pa 'tong galit na nararamdaman ko sa'yo. You almost killed me too. Why? Bakit mo naisipang patayin ang sarili mong kapatid? You wanted to be a nice brother, right?" I smirked while he's looking at me with tears. "Did it make you nice?"
I punched his face and he fell on the floor. Dumura siya ng dugo at hinila ko ang kwelyo ng damit niya. I hit his face again and it hit his eyebrow. Blood from it dropped down to his eyes. How I love seeing his blood.
"I will apologize until you forgive me. I won't stop apologizing."
I pushed him and kicked his stomach. He groaned because of pain pero wala akong pakialam. Walang wala 'yan sa lahat nang ginawa niya sa akin pati kay Rej.
"Why did you do that, huh? Because of your Mom? Because of Tita Seren? Tangina, Sibal. Ang bobo mo!"
"Your mom killed my mom. What would you expect? Hindi mo mahanap hanap kung sinong pumatay sa nanay ko dahil nanay mo mismo ang gumawa non!"
Putangina neto. Sumasagot pa talaga?
"You're really stupid. Dumbass. Mangmang. Bobo! Tanga!" Sigaw ko sakaniya.
"Call me all the names that you wanted to call me but that's the fact."
"That is your fact! Do you think I wouldn't know if it's my Mom?! Do you think I would be in that fucking psychiatric hospital if I wasn't traumatized for what I have seen?! Putangina, Sibal!" Hinihingal na sabi ko.
My tears started to fall as I am remembering everything that happened that night. I was so damn scared that it haunted me many times.
"Sapalagay mo, bakit hindi ko mahanap hanap kung sinong pumatay sa nanay mo, ha? Baka nakakalimutan mo, lahat nang hinahanap ko natatagpuan ko." Sabi ko sakaniya pero hindi siya sumagot.
"I couldn't find anyone because your Mom killed herself!" I shouted and I tried my best to remain strong. I don't want to be that weak Ryoga again.
"Your Mom committed suicide in front of me, Red. It was her who ended her life in front of m-me."
I felt my knees weak and I sat on the couch. Dad told me not to tell everyone about it. He doesn't want me to tell to others that it was her who ended her life. Ang sabi niya itago ko nalang sa sarili ko dahil mas lalong magagalit ang mga tao sa akin, sa amin ni Mama. That he wanted to protect me from everyone who is eyeing me. Pero ang hindi ko alam, sa pagtatago ko pala ng katotohanan ay mismong kapatid ko ang mananakit sa akin. Dad protected me from everyone but he failed protecting me by his own son.
"N-no. She w-won't do that." Umiiyak na sabi niya. "She would never ever do that, Ryoga! She would never leave me and Ritsumi!"
"But she just did. Where is she now? She is six feet under the ground." Nakangiti na sabi ko sakaniya. "Inuuod dahil siya mismo tumapos ng buhay niya."
He immediately stood up and he attacked me. He punched my face but I kicked him. Pinulot ko ang vase na malapit sa akin at binato ko sakaniya 'yon. It landed on his head and it got broken. He is bleeding again.
"Do you know what exactly she told me, huh? Do you wanna know?!"
"Stop fucking me with your lies!" He shouted while he is still crying.
"Ryoga, you will forever bear this nightmare." I said while copying his Mom's voice. "Your father, your mother, my friends, lahat sila pinagkaisahan ako."
"Stop! You fucking stop!" He shouted again and he attacked me.
Tinulak niya ako at nasagi namin ang isang malaking vase na nakadisplay. I fell on the floor while he is on top of me. I just laughed while seeing his face. He is angry and he is in pain.
"You are the fruit of their betrayal. I treated you like a son, but I didn't know I was treating the fruit of the devil." Pagpapatuloy ko.
He punched my face multiple times but I won't stop. It won't stop me!
"She has a gun in his bag, Red. Kinuha niya 'yon at tinutok mismo sa ulo niya. I stopped her. I begged and I even kneeled in front of her." Tumatawa na sabi ko.
"Sinabi kong tumigil ka!"
Kumuha siya ng malaking bubog mula sa vase na nabasag. He was about to stab me using it but I stopped him with my two hands. I gave all the force that I have and I pointed it towards him. I am stronger than him.
"I said, don't do this Mommy. Red and Ritsumi wouldn't like this. Your children wouldn't like it so please don't leave them, but she didn't listen, Red. She didn't listen to me!"
I pushed my hands and stabbed his stomach with the vase. Tinulak ko siya at tumayo ako mula sa pagkakapatong niya sa akin.
"Now, that's the truth. Kung may galit ka sa akin dahil sa palagay mo nanay ko ang pumatay sakaniya, nagkakamali ka. Huwag kang magalit sa akin Pula dahil biktima lang din ako nang pagkakaibigan nila at nang katrayduran nila! If you want to be mad, kay Dad ka magalit! Kay Tito Ade, kay Tita Laura, sa mga magulang ni Raine at sa nanay ko lang! Dahil sila! Sila ang dahilan kung bakit umabot sa ganon ang nanay mo! But at the end, why would you blame them? It was her choice to kill herself. Nobody told her to do that."
"Ryoga!" Dinig kong sigaw ni Raine pero hindi ko siya pinansin. I was just looking at Red who is on the floor while crying.
"Alam mo kung bakit namatay ang nanay ko, kung bakit namatay ang mga magulang ni Raine. It was because of Tristan who loves your Mom. It was a messed, Red. Do you know why I was really mad at Dad, huh?" I wiped my tears before talking again.
"Hindi lang dahil nagrerebelde ako. Hindi lang dahil kulang ako sa atensyon, sa pagmamahal ng ama, kung 'di dahil pinilit niya akong itago ang totoo sa inyong lahat. If only Tristan knows the truth, baka sakaling buhay pa ang mga magulang ng kaibigan ko. Baka buhay pa ang nanay ko."
"Man, stop it now please." Raine said again.
Lumapit siya sa akin para pigilan ako pero tinulak ko lamang siya. I want this fucking man to know that it was her mom's decision. It was her choice. Nobody said to end her life. It was made all by herself! He should be mad at his mom for leaving them, not to anyone!
"Wala ka dapat na sisihin sa pagkawala ng nanay mo. It was her choice. It was her who triggered the gun right infront of her head. In front of me who was stopping her."
"Tama na! Tama na!"
We all looked at the entrance of the living room and I was surprised to see Ritsumi standing there while shouting.
"Tama na, K-Kuya! Tama na. A-ayoko na. Ayoko nang marinig ang lahat nang 'yan!" Umiiyak na sabi niya.
"R-Ritsumi." Tawag ko sakaniya.
Mabilis ko siyang dinaluhan nang bumagsak siya sa sahig. Hawak hawak niya ang magkabilang tenga niya habang pa ulit ulit itong umiiling. The fuck is she doing here?! Why is she here?!
"Ritsumi, stop now. I'm here. Stop." Sabi ko sakaniya at yinakap siya.
"I j-just want to have a nice family! Is it too much to ask?!" She shouted while I am burrying her on my chest. She pushed me so hard that made me apart from hugging her.
"Sawang sawa na ako sa lahat nang 'to! Nakakasawa kayong lahat! Putangina niyo! Putangina mo, Red! Putangina mo, Ryoga! Pare parehas kayong lahat!" She shouted out loud.
"Why can't we be in p-peace just like what other family has?! Huh?! Parati nalang kayong nag aaway! Walang katapusang away! Dahil saan?! Dahil sa naging affair ni Dad at ni Tita Heather?! Fuck you all! We are all victims here!"
"Ritsumi." It's Dad who just came in.
"Ikaw?!" Turo niya kay Dad atsaka siya tumayo. "You really failed as a father! Tignan mo ang mga anak mo! 'Yan ba? Ha? 'Yan ba ang gusto mo?!"
"Ritsumi, tama na." Awat ni Brandon sakaniya.
"Nagkanda letse letse na ang samahan naming tatlo! You should be the one who will reconcile us because you are the father! Pero tignan mo 'tong dalawa kong Kuya. Nagpapatayan na! Dad naman, just for once! Sumali ka naman sa issue namin! This is not the kind of family I want to have. This is not the kind of family I want to show to everyone!"
Dad looked at me and he next looked to Red who is still on the floor. He smiled sadly while staring at us one by one.
"I guess you're right. I sucked being a father. I'm sorry."
"Dad you weren't like this. We weren't like t-this. You are better than this." Sumi said and she ran towards Dad.
She hugged him and for the third time, I saw tears again falling from his eyes. Ryutaka is crying again. And I know he is crying because he knows to himself that he is a failure this time. He is the best when it comes to everything but he wasn't good raising us three alone.
"I know this is all my fault. All of these resulted from our issues which are all unresolved." He said. "I sucked at parenting because I don't know what would I do. I committed a sin not only to Serenity but also with you Red. I cheated to your Mom and I cheated in our family."
Humiwalay si Ritsumi sakaniya.
"Ryoga, tinatantsa ko e. Pero mali 'yung pagkakatantsa ko. Kung nararamdaman mo man na mas pinapaboran ko silang dalawa kaysa sa'yo, oo tama ka. Mas lagi kong nilalamangan si Ritsumi at Red kaysa sa'yo hindi dahil mas mahal ko sila. Kung 'di dahil may kasalanan akong nagawa sakanila. Ayokong isipin nila na mas okay tayo. Na mas may pakialam ako sa'yo. Hindi baleng isipin mo na lamang na mas ako sakanila huwag lang nilang isipin na mas ako sa'yo. But I want you to know that I love you as much as I love them. I may have not shown it, but God knows anak. God knows how I always pray for your success and for your happiness." Mahabang sabi niya.
"Red, I hid the truth from everyone. I know your Mom did it by herself but I chose not to spread it because I was thinking about Ryoga. He already received a lot of hates from your Mom's relatives and even from my relatives. Kung meron kamang dapat sisihin sa ginawa ng Mommy mo, ako lang 'yon. Huwag mong idamay ang kapatid mo. He has nothing to do with it, Alexus. He was the most victim here. Ryoga suffered a lot. Dahil sa totoo lang, si Ryoga na lahat ang nagbabayad ng kasalanang nagawa namin ni Heather."
Red stood up from sitting and he faced Dad. His face is full of blood and even his shirt.
"If you have just told me earlier, I wouldn't destroy him."
"Even if I didn't tell you, you have no rights to destroy him." Dad said. "Wala ni isa sainyo ang may karapatan na saktan siya, kahit anak pa kita."
"I'm out of here." Red said.
"Kuya." Bawal sakaniya ni Ritsumi.
"I don't know if we can still fix this fucking family affair that you were calling." He said again and he went out of the living room.
Tinignan ako ni Ritsumi at mabilis akong nag iwas ng tingin sakaniya. I looked at Dad and I just walked towards him and tapped his shoulder.
"In time, Dad. In time." I whispered and I went upstairs.
Dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko at nilock ko ang pintuan dahil ayoko muna makipag usap kahit kanino even Raine. I want to be alone. I sat on my bed at kinuha ko ang wallet na nasa bulsa ko. I pulled out the picture there and I sadly smiled while looking at it.
"Bakit kasi nagmahal ka pa ng lalaking may mahal ng iba ha? Malandi ka rin e." Sabi ko sa picture ng nanay ko.
"If only you let him live happily with his wife, if you have just accepted that you got defeated by your own bestfriend, masaya siguro silang buong pamilya. Everything got ruined because of your greedyness for love."
But if it not because of her greedyness, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be enjoying a life.
I wouldn't meet my two bestfriends and friends. I wouldn't meet Reginy. I wouldn't feel love and have kids. I wouldn't be alive.
"Is this the purpose of your betrayal to your bestfriend?"
Well if it is, it wasn't a good purpose then. Dahil mas pipiliin kong huwag nalang mabuhay kung kapalit naman nito ay ang payapang pamilya na inaasam ni Ritsumi.
A complete family with pure happiness. Without cheats and lies and it would be just pure of love and loyalty. Pero kahit naman anong hiling ko na maging ganon ang set up ng pamilya nila ay hindi pwede. All things happen for a reason and I am one of those reasons.
I was born. I am already here. Siguro ang magagawa ko na lamang ay enjoyin ang buhay na ibinigay sa akin at huwag sayangin. And I'll make sure that I would have a nice family.
A kind of family that Ritsumi wants.
And a family that my Mom once dreamed before with me and Dad.