Four weeks. Twenty eight days. Six hundred and seventy-two hours. Four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes. Two million four hundred and nineteen thousand two hundred seconds. That's how long it has been since Elsie and James have spoken to each other, and James had been counting every second of it...
For almost a whole month, he had been working up the courage to speak to Elsie again. He had been trying to find the right words to say, ones that include more than just simply "I'm sorry."But, how do you apologize for not loving someone at the right time? How do you apologize for loving someone too late?
Every single day during the past four weeks, James had to hold himself back from doing the things he normally did with Elsie. He couldn't hold her hand, he couldn't cuddle with her, he couldn't play with her hair, he couldn't tease her, he couldn't even tell her about his day. It made him sick to his stomach, so much so that the boy barely slept at night anymore. Instead, he sat off to the side listening to how happy he made her, occasionally stealing glances at her every so often. Nothing changed within their friend group, except for the fact that the two best friends suddenly weren't best friends anymore. But for James, it was as if everything had changed...and he hated it.
And luckily for James, a certain someone had noticed this...and that certain someone was determined to change that.
"Oi, where's Prongs?" Sirius questioned his other three best friends on the way to Potions.
Elsie simply shrugged, ignoring the sinking feeling in her chest from whenever anyone brought up her best friend.
"I haven't seen him," Peter chirped out while biting into a piece of toast he had carried out with him from the Great Hall.
Remus raised his eyebrow curiously while looking over at Sirius, "He wasn't at breakfast either."
"Maybe someone should go find him," Peter suggested as all three pairs of eyes fell on Elsie.
Once she realized they were all looking at her, she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, "Don't give me that look, I won't do it."
"Oh come on, Tibbles," Remus pleaded with her, pointing a finger in her face, "You guys haven't spoken in weeks."
"Yeah, listen to Moony," Sirius chimed in with a smirk forming on his face, "Did you forget you're in love with the bloody git?"
"I used to be," Elsie said in a convincing tone, giving Sirius a pointed look, "Not anymore."
"You siriusly don't have any feelings left for him?" the long-haired boy asked, slightly chuckling at his pun.
Elsie rolled her eyes playfully at him while winking, "Siriusly."
He was about to open his mouth to respond when suddenly a body came crashing into his from behind, grabbing onto his shoulder to help him keep his balance.
"Found him," Peter snorted after realizing who the body belonged to.
"Bloody hell, Prongs. Are you trying to kill me?!" Sirius joked as he looked at the panting boy who had knocked into him, "Where have you been?"
"I overslept, didn't want to be late," he breathily answered while taking his place in between Sirius and Peter.
Remus looked at him quizzically and questioned him, "If you overslept then why does it look like you've gotten no sleep?"
At hearing Remus' question, Elsie's head snapped up and looked over at James. They may not have been on talking terms, but she still cared about him. She always would...
James noticed the concern swimming in Elsie's eyes and decided to crack a joke in order to ease the tension, "Can't sleep without a proper round of Padfoot cuddles beforehand, yeah?"
"Well why didn't you ask me to join you, prat," Sirius playfully knocked into James, winking as James quickly moved the conversation along.
Not wanting to push him any farther, Remus nodded his head understandingly and the group of 5 walked into the Potions classroom. To their surprise, Professor McGonagall was standing in front of the room instead of Slughorn.
"Professor Slughorn had...some business to attend to, so I will be filling in today," the female professor announced to the class before they took their seats, "I am assigning partners for the class and you must complete the set of questions on page 300 of your textbook by tomorrow."
The class let out a collective groan as McGonagall proceeded to assign them each a partner...
"Mr. Lupin with Mr. Pettigrew."
"Mr. Black with Miss Evans."
"Miss McKinnon with Mr. Pucey."
As she continued on, Elsie found herself not yet having a partner. When McGonagall had called out everyone but two students, the small brunette began forming a pit in her stomach. You've got to be bloody kidding me...
"Miss Figg with," the Professor stopped to look up at Elsie, her lips slightly tugging upwards, "Mr. Potter."
Elsie slowly looked over at the empty chair next to James, internally groaning as she made eye contact with him. It's not that she didn't want to talk to James, because in all reality she missed him more than she's ever missed anyone. She simply was just not ready to explain what she had said to him last, to explain how she was in love with him for so long.
James, on the other hand, was excited to get a chance to be alone with her. It would be the perfect time to apologize, to say sorry for everything. Maybe then he'd actually be able to get a decent night of sleep...
He shot her a small smile while anxiously scratching the back of his neck as she made her way over to him, all of their friends watching the two with hopeful eyes. She sat down and turned to face him, both of them just staring at each other. Something that they hadn't had a chance to do in forever. A grin crept onto James' face as he stared at the beautiful girl in front of him, remembering everything they have been through together. And, remembering how no matter what, they would always be friends. She would always mean everything to him. With that in mind, James opened his mouth to apologize. To ask for her forgiveness about everything he has ever done to her. But unfortunately, the moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"What is it?" Professor McGonagall begrudgingly tore her eyes away from the two students she purposely sat together, and look up at the small first year that had just knocked.
The first year anxiously made her way up to the Professor and handed her a letter, "A letter for...erm...Elsie Figg, from Dumbledore."
McGonagall nodded at the young student, sending them back out of the door, while walking over and handing the letter over to Elsie.
The small brunette curiously gazed at the letter with familiar handwriting, one she knew belonged to Benjy. What she didn't understand was why Dumbledore would give her this letter during class, why Benjy couldn't just owl it to her. Elsie carefully opened the letter and began reading it, unaware of the wondering stares of her friends.
As the words processed in her head, her heart immediately felt as if someone had reached inside to grab it and squeeze the life out of it. She held onto the paper as tight as she could, seeing that it was the last bit of him she could hold onto. Elsie's hands began to shake and her breath became short, her vision blurring with the tears rimming her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to read the rest of the letter there, not in front of everyone. So, she abruptly stood up from her seat.
James had no idea what was going on, but he knew his best friend. And, he knew that it must've been something serious to cause a reaction like this. So just like that, he pushed aside the fact that they haven't talked and he gently grabbed her hand.
"Els?," he whispered while softly placing his own hand over the one that was tightly gripping the paper in her hand.
She snapped her vision over to him and quickly replied, "I'm fine."
Without waiting for a response, she ran out of the classroom as fast as she could. Elsie needed a place to go, somewhere people wouldn't bother looking for her. She needed a place where she could quietly be by herself and fully process everything in the paper that was in her hands. So she sprinted up to the overlook of the Astronomy Tower, and sat outside while trying to hold back the tears brewing.
Elsie felt the cold breeze sting her face as her fingers traced over the words from her boyfriend.
Elsie,
I truly don't bloody know how to start this...how to say this...how to do this to you. But unfortunately, I made a commitment. One that I can't take back now, but wish with everything in me that I could. I'd do anything to keep you by my side, but I cannot.
The Order has assigned me a mission to go on with a few other members; We're scoping out other countries to see if You-Know-Who has recruited from elsewhere.
With that being said, I don't know where I will be nor how long I will be away. It could take days, months, or most likely, years. And as much as it pains me to do this, I can't make you wait for me. I can't do that to you when I myself don't even know when I'll be back. You deserve everything, and I can't give that to you if I don't know where I'll be and how often I'll be able to get in contact with you. I'm so fucking sorry, Elsie.
I wish I got to tell you this in person, but I didn't have enough time. Fucking time...if only we had more of it. I would have been able to hold you in my arms and tell you how I truly feel...that I'm in love with you. I love you, and that's why I have to let you go. I wish I could've been the one to save you, Gryffindor. Because I know for a fact that you saved me.
Goodbye Elsie,
The Ravenclaw with a broken heart...
Benjy Fenwick
The world had stopped turning for Elsie, the sun had stopped shining, the stars had disappeared. Every little glimpse of hope she had ever had for love was completely demolished, just like her heart at the moment. She wanted to cry, and scream, and beg for him to come back, but instead she laughed. She laughed the most broken, painful laugh anyone had ever heard.
"You fucking win, love," she angrily screamed out into the open air through her laughter, "You've proved to me once again that I will never win. I will never be happy."
Her laughter had died down as she felt a rain drop fall onto her head, and that's when she broke. The tears rolled out of her as the rain began pouring out of the sky, as if the whole world was crying with her. As if the whole world was crying with the girl who was incapable of being happy for too long.
She casted a protective charm on the letter and shoved it in her bag, throwing it off to the side so it wouldn't get wet. But as for herself, she embraced the rain. It was the only thing she could embrace since Benjy had taken the sun with him. So, she sat there getting soaking wet as her tears mixed with the rain.
As hours passed by, her tears had stopped. Yet, the empty feeling inside of her ceased to go away. She numbly sat down and let the rain soak every inch of her as she watched the day turn to night. Elsie noticed that the stars poked through the clouds just enough to make out the constellations, as if they were trying to tell her something. But, she was too drained to notice. After all, how does one study the stars when they have just had the sun ripped away from them?
The sound of a door opening snapped Elsie out of her thoughts, wondering who would even attempt to come outside while it was raining like this. Her facial expression softened as she curiously stared at the boy who just walked outside into the sopping rain.
"What are you doing here?" A young Regulus Black asked the disheveled girl as he stood in place right outside of the door.
Instead of sassily responding like she usually would have, she simply reached into her bag and pulled out the letter. She held it out for him to take, the protective charm preventing it from getting wet. He hesitantly walked over to her and sat down next to her, taking the letter and reading it over.
After he scanned through every word, he placed the letter back in her bag and sadly nodded at her, "It makes sense now."
"What does?" She looked up at him in confusion, watching as he ran his hand through his hair that had been dampened by the rain.
He looked out into the night sky while softly whispering, "The only people that come to sit out in the rain are the broken and empty, because they know what it feels like to live in a world with no sun."
Elsie's heart sank in her chest at the words he quietly spoke, not because it was sad, but because she fully understood what he meant. Maybe that's why she had been sitting in the rain for so long, maybe the rain made her feel something other than her own heart breaking.
She studied his softened face, one that was never seen in public, and questioned, "And you? Is that why you come out here?"
He slowly nodded his head while bringing his gaze back to hers, "The stars make me feel less lonely."
"How so?" She asked while resting her head on his shoulder, slightly smiling at the fact he didn't flinch at her touch this time.
Regulus was hesitant at first, not sure if he wanted to share this with her. But when he looked down at her face that was so innocently looking up at his, he found himself feeling trust for the first time in a while.
"You see that star right there?" He said while pointing up at the brightest star in the sky.
Elsie nodded her head, encouraging him to go on with what he was saying.
"Sirius," he softly said, his eyes never leaving the bright star, "That's Sirius, the star. Whenever I'm feeling lonely, I come out here and look at it so at least some part of him is with me."
"And those over there, that collection of stars is Regulus, is it not?" She asked in reply, knowing that he wouldn't want to go further into detail about his brother.
"Yes, why?" He raised his eyebrow curiously at her, secretly impressed that she knew her constellations.
A warm grin formed on her face as she dug her head deeper into his neck, "It's nice knowing I have two friends up there."
The younger Black boy's heart warmed and a small smile sprouted on his face at the words she used. Friend...
Not wanting to say anything to ruin the moment, he simply rested his head on top of hers. And that's how they stayed as for the next few hours; two empty souls keeping each other company.
Meanwhile down in the Marauders room, Sirius peacefully sat on his bed as chaos ensued around him. While everyone else was worried about where Elsie was, he was happily staring down at the Marauders Map.
"They're okay," he whispered to himself, a warm smile taking over his face at the two names he saw together.
Elsie and Reggie found each other...they're okay.
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AUTHORS NOTE:
THIS CHAPTER MAKES ME FEEL TOO MANY EMOTIONS AT ONCE. MY LOVE FOR THE BLACK BROTHERS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE. Yes, that needed to be said in all caps.
So, Benjy's on a big mission and he and Elsie are no longer together...how do we feel? What do we think is going to happen now?
ALSO, guys thank you SO much for 200k!!! THIS IS INSANE YOU GUYS ARE TOO GOOD TO ME🥺🥺🥺 I LOVE YOU ALL<3
Comment how you guys heard about this book, I'd love to know!!!