CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION, ABUSE, MINOR FLUFF, & ANGST
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It was the day after Kiana had stopped by to visit. Less of a visit and more of an interrogation. She'd pestered me with all kinds of questions regarding mainly my health and whether or not I was caring for myself during the gloomy days I lay locked up in my room, but she'd also questioned me on all the things I'd stumbled upon before Rachel's appearance at the airport. Matching her address with the one in Jungkook's Bentley, reading the texts she'd sent him the night I'd actually hung out with him as if everything were normal. How stupid of me.
The brunette had also made me retell most stories of what Rachel put me through with Yura, using them as reasons to why she had gone after the maknae. She said that there might've been the chance that Rachel was out seeking revenge and that she'd gone after Jungkook to get to me. I'd considered it but forced the thought further back into my head the more I tried to rationalize it. Jungkook had cheated, there could be no other explanation. How else would he explain the texts she'd sent him? Calling him baby and claiming to miss him. How would he explain the words she'd purred so flirtatiously at the airline gate, dragging her nails down his forearm and rehashing the memory of the night he disappeared?
Not only had I been interrogated by Kiana, but by Seokjin as well. The brunet had come in earlier the next afternoon with a fresh meal in his hands. He'd set them down on my nightstand, watching as I picked listlessly at the fresh fruit, before bombarding me with a series of questions about Rachel. Not to mention the question on how Yura used to spike my drinks to take advantage of me. I cursed Kiana silently for telling a stranger of such an intimate part of my abusive past, fisting my bedsheets as I shared very little on what Yura used to do to me. Seokjin seemed more interested in what Rachel had done anyways, so we'd quickly steered away from that memory and onto another.
Now, I sat alone in the darkness of my bedroom, the clock ticking in at almost 11 PM as I stared blankly out into the empty blackness. It was so cold in my room, my door always shut preventing the circulation of heat from out in the hall to warm it. It was like lying inside of a refrigerator with the door shut.
I craved the numbing feeling that I was so used to. After years of Yura's abuse, I'd grown a protective wall that prevented me from feeling pain whenever I was hurt, but living with Jimin and the others had eventually forced that wall to crumble. Leaving me a helpless, sobbing, aching mess. I sniffled back tears that had dried against my crimson cheeks, fisting my bedsheets against my chest as my brain refused to shut off for the day.
With a sigh, I tossed my sheets off of my shivering body, sitting bolt upright as I rubbed at my eyes. I was so sick of feeling. Shakily, I pushed myself to my feet, angrily adjusting the clothes on my body before padding quietly downstairs. My stomach felt unsettled and I knew that the only solution was a good night's sleep and a decent meal, but I still walked into the kitchen and to the fridge just to pull out a bottle of soju. And, another. And, another.
My vision grew blurry, my steps uneven, as I swayed back and forth between the fridge and the kitchen island. I managed to dump the empty glass bottles into the recycling bin, collecting two more bottles before stumbling back upstairs. Tears gathered in my eyes and began to flow down my cheeks as the alcohol forced my thoughts over the edge. I just wanted everything to be over and done with. I wanted to stop hurting so badly. I wanted to go home.
Home.
A smile formed on my face as I thought of my old home back in America. Before I met Jimin. Before Yoongi. Before Rachel. Before Yura. When I lived with my roommate back in California and we both attended the best college in our county. When my biggest concern in life was trying to pay my tuition and deal with irritating customers at my job at the mall. Saving myself from abuse, from manipulation and cheating, wasn't even in the back of my mind. My drunken smile grew wider as I realized that the happy life I once lived was no more and that I would never feel that way ever again.
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Jungkook opened his bedroom door and stared out into the darkened hallway with nothing but the moonlight to show him his way around. He'd had the sudden urge to talk to someone - anyone - but most of all, Yumin. Maybe, just maybe, he could get to her, explain what had happened, and everything would return to normal. Or as normal as things would be with them still having to clean up Rachel's messy aftermath.
The creaking of the floorboards caught the brunet's attention from down the hall. To his surprise, he found Yumin wobbling up the staircase, something glinting in her grasp as she slowly forced her way back into her bedroom and shut the door. With his head cocked to the side in interest, he placed his feet softly against the wooden floor, creeping up to her door before pushing his way inside.
Jungkook found Yumin seated at the edge of her bed, nursing a bottle of soju to her lips as her eyes screwed shut. With the moonlight filtering in through her bedroom window, he could see the tears reflecting off of her face, cheeks stained red from tears now long dried. With rosy cheeks that grew brighter with more alcohol, Yumin greedily swallowed the last droplets of soju from her bottle before dropping it on the ground, her head lolling forward on stiff shoulders as she hid her face away in her hands.
It's all my fault.
"Fucking s-stupid slut." Yumin stumbled over her words, breathing in heavily as they grew more slurred by the second. "Wh-What did I do... What- Fuck!"
Leaning down, Jungkook watched as Yumin reached for the last bottle of soju by her feet, struggling to pop the cap off. She looked desperate to drink from the glass bottle, hands shaking as they fumbled around its neck. More tears sprang from her eyes as she continued to strive and after a few moments Jungkook could no longer sit and watch her. He shut the bedroom door behind him, slowly making his way in front of her and removing the bottle from her hands.
Yumin's eyes flared wide at the sight of him, blinking past tears until they narrowed with rage. As Jungkook reached up to wipe the tears from her reddened face, she sluggishly slapped his hand away, pushing forward to stand up on wobbly legs. The brunet backed away, leaving a foot or so between them as he watched her worriedly.
"Yumin-"
"You fucking b-bast- " Yumin's leg gave out beneath her, the brunette lurching forward as she wobbled for balance. Her eyes snapped shut with an irritated groan, Jungkook snaking his arms around her waist to hold her steady. "Go away..." she hissed, pushing listlessly against his chest. "Get away from m-mmh-" Yumin broke down in tears before she could finish, leaning heavily against his chest as she hid her face from view. Her hands fisted the front of Jungkook's shirt, tugging at it as she threatened to topple over with drunken fatigue.
"Hey, it's alright, angel. It's-" With a heavy sigh, Jungkook helped Yumin limp over towards her bed, careful as to not knock over the glass bottles that littered the floor. Setting her down, he wrapped her carefully in his embrace, holding her against his chest as she continued to sob. "Angel, look at- look at me."
"No!" Yumin slammed her fists down against Jungkook's chest, forcing herself into a sitting position as she glared up at him. "Why the fuck are you h-here? Getaway, getaway, you f-fucking-"
"Yumin-ah-"
"You're a cheater. You never even apolo...apologized. You hurt them." Yumin achily pointed at the door, gesturing to the others as they slept in their rooms, tears trickling down her jaw and dripping onto the bed. She struggled to speak, panting and slurring her words as she muttered angrily. "Jungkook." His name was like a whisper on her tongue. Yumin began to whimper under her breath, rubbing her clothed hands against her eyes to slow the flow of tears. "A-Am I not en-nough? Did I do something wrong?"
"Angel, no." Jungkook scooted forward, folding Yumin in his embrace yet again. This time she let him. The brunette leaned heavily against his shoulder, curling against his chest to hide her flushed face. "Yumin, listen to me, okay? I would never hurt you or the others on purpose. Ever. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened, but you have to believe me. I didn't cheat."
Yumin remained quiet, teary gaze fixed on the floor. Her fingers gently twirled the collar of his tee, her sniffles preventing her from speaking. Jungkook reached up to wipe the tears from her face as his other hand rubbed soothingly along the small of her back. He could wait for her to reply; he really didn't have a choice. Yumin seemed the most pissed out of the five of them, and if he could make her believe what had really happened to him, then convincing the others wouldn't be so difficult.
"You didn't cheat?"
Yumin's voice was barely above a whisper. "No, angel, I didn't. I would never do that to you. Something...Something really bad happened the night I didn't come home, and-"
"D-Don't try to explain. I'm not gonna remember by m-morning."
"But-"
"Jungkook." The brunette glanced up at him with teary eyes, reaching up to wipe away the mist that collected on her bottom lashes. She stared up at him as her eyes threatened to close with drunken exhaustion, cheeks reddened, hands trembling as they trailed down his broad chest. "I-I...I'll believe you, for now, b-but only because I can't- I won't remember anything when I w-wake up."
Jungkook nodded, gently caressing the side of Yumin's face. It had been so long since he'd held her. Just having her next to him settled his anxious, jumping nerves, her gaze searching and starry as they locked eyes. Unable to control himself, the maknae leaned forward, his lips brushing hesitantly over hers. Yumin shakily reached up to cup his face, whimpering under her breath as he leaned closer to deepen the kiss.
Despite the sickening feeling that still lingered in his stomach from memories of Rachel, comforting warmth began to blossom throughout his body as he got used to the long-forgotten feeling of Yumin's lips moving against his. His hands slid down her neck and shoulder, dropping to her hips to urge her closer. The brunette began whimpering quietly beneath his touch, body trembling as she gripped his collar between her fingers.
"I love you, Yumin," Jungkook mumbled against her lips, squeezing her hips gently. He didn't care if she said it back or not. In her drunken state, he didn't think she would. He just wanted her to know he still meant it despite everything that had gone on in the past week. Yumin would most likely forget everything said and felt that night by morning, but at least they got to have that moment together.
Pulling away, Yumin nuzzled her head beneath his chin, her eyes fluttering closed as she was lulled into a comforting rest by the rise and fall of his chest. Jungkook laid them back down against her pillows, cuddling the brunette in his arms as he ran his fingers delicately through her hair. He never wanted this moment to end. Having someone beside him in such a leisurely, non-stressful manner made him appreciate everything before Rachel. Jungkook just wanted things to go back to normal.
"Are you gonna spend the n-night?" Yumin puffed out, wheezing in the back of her throat. Jungkook scolded her in his head from drinking so much, or at all, drawing his finger down her cheek and along the curve of her jaw.
"I can if you want me to?"
"Mmh," was all she replied, curling closer against his chest and draping one leg over his thigh. "I miss you."
"I missed you more, Yumin."
After a few minutes, Yumin fell into an almost peaceful rest, twitching in her sleep as she clung to him like a sloth does a branch. Jungkook circled his arms around her waist, drawing imaginary circles along her clothed side until he felt sleep tug his eyes closed. Just for tonight, he could rest in peace, but he knew full well that tomorrow morning would be complete hell.
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I woke with a whimper, my throat dry as sand, stomach knotted so painfully I thought I would vomit. With a groan, I buried my face away in my pillow and fisted my bedsheets to my chest. A few more hours of sleep would make the pain go away. Not like I was getting out of bed anytime soon. As I turned further into my pillow, I felt an arm drape around my waist. I was pulled back against a solid body as it rose and fell with steady breaths.
Tingles rocketed up my spine as my eyes flared wide. I glanced nervously over my shoulder to find Jungkook lying, asleep, at my backside, his nose twitching like a bunny's in his unconscious state. For a moment, I simply watched: he seemed so at peace considering all that was going on around him. As if he were unconscious in his own little fantasy land of complete law and order with nothing around to disrupt him.
I felt envious.
Blood beginning to boil, I twisted out of his embrace, kicking harshing at his legs to force him over the edge of his bed. I would feel no pity, no guilt, nothing. I just wanted him to get away from me. Having that lying cheater laying beside me as I slept made me feel almost violated. Again, I kicked, this time at his stomach, until Jungkook's eyes flared wide with alarm.
"What..? Fucking hell, Yumin-ah! What're you-"
"Get. Out!" I kicked both of my feet against Jungkook's stomach until we both rolled off of opposite ends of my bed. The brunet groaned irritably from on the floor as I tried to force myself onto my feet, but my vision began to sway, driving me down against the floor again. Jungkook cursed under his breath as he pushed himself to his feet, glaring down at me as he wiped the sleep from his narrowed eyes.
"Yumin, what the fuck is wrong with you!?"
"Get out!" I snapped. "Get the fuck out of my room, you fucking slut! Get the hell away from me!!"
Jungkook's eyes widened with shock, pure agony and rage swirling about his beautiful irises as he stared down at me. The more I looked at him, the sicker I felt, my head throbbing as I made to scream at him again. Before I could open my mouth, my door swung wide, Seokjin peering in with a concerned face.
"What the hell is going on in here?"
Tears trickled down my face as I finally got myself off the ground, gripping the edge of my bed for support as I glared across at the maknae. "I don't ever wanna fucking see you again, you hear me? Get out! Get the fuck away from me! If you ever try and touch me again-" I choked on my own sob, watching as tears collected in Jungkook's eyes and spilled over his cheeks. I took a few unsteady steps around the bed as Seokjin forced his way inside, Yoongi surprisingly following in after him. My gaze remained locked on Jungkook, chest heaving as I felt myself stumble for balance, Seokjin reaching out to press his hand against the small of my back. I shook him off, jerking forward until I could slam my fists against Jungkook's chest. The brunet grabbed at my wrists but I yanked them free, swinging out until I connected with his broad nose.
"Fuck!" he groaned, covering his nose as it blossomed pink.
"I fucking hate you!" I cried, more tears blurring my vision until I felt myself nearly collapse on my bedroom floor. Arms quickly circled my waist, hauling me away from Jungkook and out into the hallway. I continued to cry, not bothering to struggle, as I was led into another room. The door was slammed shut behind us as my legs buckled beneath me.
"Woah, woah. Hold on, now. Yumin."
I recognized Seokjin's voice immediately, the unfamiliar brunet pulling me close against him as he dropped us atop his bed. I buried my face in what I assumed was his chest, sobbing until it felt as if my throat would burst. Everything hurt so much that I felt it would be better if I just died, free of all the pain I'd ever been put through. My heart felt almost as if I had been shot straight through the chest. That might've been less painful than this.
"Yumin-ah, you've gotta calm down for me, please? You're going to trigger a panic attack."
I didn't know how Seokjin knew of my panic attacks, but I didn't care. I gripped the front of his shirt tightly as I tried to force my breathing to become steady. It hurt to breathe, the pain in my stomach making it all the more difficult to stay calm. Why was I in so much pain? Ignoring the pain in my heart and head, it felt as if I had been thrown in front of a semi-truck.
"Just breathe, okay? When you stop crying we're gonna get you some water, alright? You drank a lot, you're probably dehydrated."
"Mmh..."
"Don't try and talk. Just breath."
I listened to Seokjin's words, taking steady breaths until my breaths evened out too shaky sighs. It felt as if I were being babied, too upset to keep myself calm. I must've looked so pathetic to him.
"A-Am I drunk?" I whimpered.
"No, but there were soju bottles on your floor. You must've gone to get a few drinks sometime in the middle of the night. I can smell it on you."
Pulling away, I wiped the tears from my face, avoiding the brunet's gaze out of pure embarrassment. "I'm s-sorry. I-"
Before I could finish, Jin gathered my face gently in the palms of his bony hands, wiping away my falling tears with the soft pads of his thumbs. I let my eyes flutter closed as I whimpered under my breath, too distraught to try and force him away from me. All I wanted to know was why I had woken up with Jungkook beside me and if anything had happened while I was drunk out of my mind the prior night. I couldn't remember a thing and that scared me most of all.
Seokjin brushed his hands along my face, offering me a toothy smile that made the heat rise in my cheeks. I hadn't noticed how beautiful he actually was amongst all the chaos of the current day, but now that it was just us, I could sit and admire him for a bit as my heart rate began to slow.
"There we go. Better?" he murmured, lacing his fingers behind my head.
I nodded, leaning forward until I could rest on his chest. I didn't want to think, didn't want to receive any answers to the repetitive questions that ran rampant through my head. I just wanted peace.
I was so fucking tired.
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I have so much AP work to catch up on before work, but I'm too tired to actually do it. It's not like it'll affect my grade much anyways. What's one letter grade? 😬