It's a wonderful thing to wake up and truly love the life you're living. It's a truly beautiful moment to wake up, staring at the roof, and smiling because you get to do it all again.
"It's not very often that we're awake before Thea does," Joe murmured beside her as he pulled her into him. Taylor took a deep breath, smiling against his chest. "I wonder how long it will be before she comes running in."
"Not that long," Taylor smiled. "Not long at all."
"You're so beautiful," Joe told her as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I love you to the moon and to Saturn."
"And even further," Taylor cupped his cheek. "I love you too," She kissed him. "I love us."
"One day we'll find the time to get married," Joe told her with a smile.
Taylor sighed. "It's just so busy - there's not enough time to get through everything!"
"You're doing great," Joe took her hand in his. "We'll find the time." He assured her. "And besides, it already feels as if we're married." He leaned over to kiss her, and Taylor smiled.
"I'm serious, Joe. There really isn't enough time for everything because I look at Thea and all I want is for her to have a sibling or-" Taylor started, but cut herself off. "I'm sorry. I know that we haven't really talked about that for a while. I shouldn't have-"
Joe cut her off, his lips on hers. "You don't have to apologise, my love." Some days Taylor found it hard not to slip back into her old habits, into apologising for everything she did, even if she knew she hadn't done anything wrong. Some days were harder than others. Some days she couldn't help but pace around, stressed that Adam was going to come back, stressed that Thea wasn't safe. The thought that always stressed her out the most, was worrying that she wasn't a good mother. That was something that she always talked to Joe about. Sometimes she would just find herself inches away from a panic attack because she just thought that she couldn't be the mother that Thea needed. "I think about it too," He smiled. "I was going to wait to talk about it until Thea was at school," he kissed her cheek. "But I think it would be nice to have another child."
"Really?" Taylor smiled as Joe gently stroked her hand. "That's-" she was about to speak when she heard the door open, and in came Thea.
"It's wake up time!" Thea came bouncing onto the bed and sat on top of Joe. "Daddy! Can we go and see the mermaids now?"
Joe took one glance out the window and saw the rain pouring down outside. "I think that we'll have to watch them from the window today, my little sunshine."
Thea groaned, falling backwards in bed. Taylor laughed.
"It's only water, Daddy. Mermaids will still come out in the rain-" She crawled up to Joe, sticking her face right next to his. "Pleaaaassssseeeee!"
Taylor watched as Meredith jumped off the bed, meowing at frustration. Joe and Taylor had gotten used to being woken up every single morning by Thea - Meredith had not. Olivia had learnt to sleep on one of the spare beds, and Benjamin slept on Thea's bed anyway. The two of them were best friends. Wherever Thea was, Benji was there too.
"They don't like the rain," Joe told her as he sat up in bed, and she snuggled in between them. "It makes their hair all wet." Thea wasn't being fooled by this - she was far too clever.
"Daddy, they live in the water so their hair is... it's already wet!" Taylor laughed, because Thea was just so much like her.
"How about we eat some breakfast, and then we'll go and have a quick look at the mermaids," Taylor offered. As much as going outside with her daughter stressed her out, she knew that she wouldn't be able to avoid it forever. It wasn't even seven o'clock in the morning yet, and Taylor knew how happy it would make Thea. She just hoped that the rain would stop the cameras, and the fans from getting too close to her house.
"YES!" Thea squealed, flinging her arms around Taylor's neck. "I'm not hungry - let's go now!"
Taylor smiled, wiping Thea's hair out of her face. Much like Taylor's used to, it went wild overnight. Her blonde ringlets were sticking out in every direction possible. Taylor would always try and decide who she looked more like - her or Joe? She always concluded that she looked like both of them, not one more than the other.
"No, we have to eat breakfast first," Taylor told her, sitting up and brushing her own hair out of her face. "And then we'll get into our raincoats, and then we'll go and see them."
"But Mommy-" Thea tried to argue, wrapping her arms around her Mom from behind. Taylor laughed.
"No! It's breakfast time! If you want to see the mermaids, you have to eat breakfast." Much like Taylor, Thea hated eating breakfast with a passion. It was only a few years ago that Taylor would just skip it altogether. But now, she'd almost completely recovered from her eating disorder. Of course, some days were harder than others, but Thea helped to make sure that she ate... because Thea wouldn't usually eat breakfast if Taylor wouldn't - and that motivated her to eat. Thea motivated her in every way possible, and other than meeting Joe in that cafe, she was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
"Come back!" Taylor called after Thea, who had finished breakfast and was heading over to the door. "We have to put our coats on!"
Thea dramatically sighed, as Taylor pulled her over to where Joe had left her raincoat and gum-boots. Her raincoat was one of the cutest things Taylor had ever seen, and she'd brought it long before Thea was ever big enough to wear it. It was the most beautiful light blue and had little suns all over it, speckled with glitter and the occasional raindrop.
"Hurry up, Mommy!" Thea exclaimed as Taylor pulled on her own coat, waving goodbye to Joe, who was cleaning up the breakfast mess.
"I'll have my phone on me if you need me," Joe told her and Taylor smiled. He always knew what to say to make her feel calmer, to make her feel like what she was going to do was manageable. He always managed to get her thoughts to stop whirling around at a million miles an hour, always knew how to get her panic to surrender. "But you're going to be just fine. Make sure you call me if you see any mermaids," He told her as Thea pulled her out the door.
"See you soon!" Taylor just had time to say, before she had to follow Thea.
"Careful!" Taylor called out as Thea went running off, "It's very slippery!"
It was pouring down outside, and something about that made Taylor feel stressed. Because there was so much rain, there was a lot of noise. A lot of noise that meant that she couldn't focus on whether she could hear the cameras. A lot of noise meaning that she couldn't hear the things going on outside her fence. That bothered her, but she knew that she was going to have to pull herself together. She knew that both Joe, and the security were only a minute away. And being out here made Thea so happy, and Taylor wasn't going to take that away from her. That would be selfish.
It was still only Joe, Taylor and Thea that knew about that little gate - and it was one of the things that Taylor had once felt so anxious about, but now, she loved the fact that there was a place they could go without anyone knowing. People couldn't get to that little section of the beach, either. Well, only by swimming, but Taylor hadn't let herself think about that. She was getting so much better at shutting off thoughts that made her stressed.
She smiled as she opened the gate for Thea, the gate which led them through some trees and right out onto the rocks before the beach. Taylor was already soaked, and she knew that Thea would need a bath when she got back inside. The weather was so cold, but Taylor didn't mind. She couldn't help but smile when she thought about the conversation they'd had earlier that morning, because she really did want to have another baby. They'd talked about it briefly a few times, but life had gotten too busy, and they'd ended up deciding to wait a little longer, just in case it was too hard to keep Thea away from the cameras. But it had been okay, and Taylor really wanted another baby.
"Mommy look!" Thea pointed out to the ocean, and Taylor smiled. She kept a close eye on her as she climbed down the rocks to get to the sand.
Taylor couldn't help but keep watch of the beach, of the trees behind them, but it was dead. The rain obviously was detouring people away. She climbed down the rocks after Thea and sat down on one while Thea found sticks and stones to throw in the water. She loved her daughter to the moon and to Saturn, and she looked at her and wondered where the time had gone.
Joe and Taylor had a decision to make. They spent the rest of the day playing with Thea until she was tired. Joe put on Frozen II, which was her favourite. It was Taylor's favourite too, but she wasn't watching it tonight. Taylor sat Thea down on the couch after they'd both brought down almost every single one of her soft toys, because, according to Thea, they all wanted to watch the movie too, and they didn't want to miss out. Joe and Taylor were in the kitchen, Taylor leaning against the bench drinking a glass of water. Thea had begun to ask why she could never get dressed up in pretty dresses like Taylor, why she was always left at home while they went out to award evenings or big events. It always hurt when she asked questions like this - because it made Taylor really begin to doubt whether they'd made the best decision.
A few months ago she'd been at the Grammy's - and received many awards - and she'd spent the whole time worrying about her. Andrea would always come and look after Thea when both Joe and Taylor were gone, but that night, Thea didn't want them to leave. Taylor had almost decided to just not go because Thea was so upset. She'd pulled out one of her dresses - one of the ones that she wasn't allowed to wear around the house because it was expensive, and it was a present from Blake. She'd carried it into Taylor's room, where she was getting ready and asked her if she could go too. Andrea had tried to distract her with popcorn and baking, but Thea had been crushed. She never cried unless she was really unhappy, but that night, she'd been so upset that it had almost made Taylor cry too. Joe had picked Thea up and carried her downstairs, telling her that it was going to be a night with no fun and that she would be so much better here. She just didn't understand why she couldn't go. They'd ended up having to leave her, as hard as that had been, at home with Andrea. Thea had been wailing so loud that Taylor was sure she could still hear them when she was at the Grammy's. Halfway through the show, Taylor had gotten a phone call from her Mom saying that Thea was still crying, that she was still upset. The words had absolutely upset Taylor, and she'd insisted that she leave and go home. But Andrea had told her not to, that she was alright, that she'd tire herself out and go to sleep soon.
"Can I speak to her?" Taylor asked as Joe had come into the foyer to check on her. All she'd wanted to do was to leave. No award was worth hearing that her daughter was still so upset.
While Andrea was putting Thea on the phone, Taylor told Joe what had happened.
"Mommy?" Taylor heard her sniff, and she put her onto the speaker so that Joe could hear her too.
"Daddy's here too," Taylor had murmured. "We'll be home really soon, alright?"
Taylor realised that they wouldn't be able to do things this way again - she couldn't have Thea getting that upset. It wasn't fair on her.
Thea had eventually asked if both Joe and Taylor would sing to her, and so, they found a quiet corner and sung softly to her, promising that they'll be home soon. That they'd all be able to get dressed up in their pretty clothes the next day.
It had been so hard to get up on stage after that and accept an award, because, in the back of her mind, all she could think about was that she should be at home with her daughter.
Thea was growing up - and she was beginning to want to go and do all of these things with them. That scared both Taylor and Joe because they didn't know whether it was the right thing to let her be all over the cameras. And the public hadn't seen her before, meaning that the first time they did, they'd all be trying to get so many photos of the moment. So they were here. Trying to decide what to do. Thea wanted to attend these sorts of things with them, and it felt wrong to leave her at home when she clearly got so upset by it.
In a couple of days, they were flying to Los Angeles, because Joe was finally getting a star on the walk of fame. In a couple of days, they'd have to decide whether or not to let Thea come with them, and it just felt like no choice would be the right one.
"She doesn't know what it's going to be like," Taylor sighed. "But I don't want to leave her at home with my Mom and... I don't want her to get upset like she did last time."
Joe wrapped his arms around her. "Why... why don't we just ask her? Why don't we ask her if she wants to come? And if she says yes, then we'll tell her about the flashing lights. I think it'll be okay. But I don't think that... I mean, I think that shouldn't be the first time people are seeing her, you know? Perhaps if we... posted a photo of her before... it wouldn't be so crazy. And if we didn't tell anyone that she was coming with us, then no one would have time to prepare. We've got security, Taylor. I think that it's okay to let her occasionally attend these things with us, so long as she really wants to come, and if we're prepared to leave if she doesn't like it." Joe's voice was always so comforting. Taylor nodded. She knew what Thea would say. She knew that her answer would be yes because she'd always been asking them when she was going to get to wear her pretty dresses. Joe was right, as he so often was. They'd have security, and generally, she'd found that the paparazzi weren't quite as bad when there were children. Blake had said that to her - that when they'd brought their girls out in public, it was calmer. The camera's still flashed, but they didn't yell as much.
"What if she changes her mind later?" Taylor asked, sighing. There just really didn't seem to be a good answer. "What if-"
"This is one of those things where we'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it." Joe leaned in and kissed her. "She seems pretty certain that it's what she wants, and if she doesn't like it, then maybe she won't be so upset next time she stays at home with your Mum," Joe told her. "It's going to be alright." He kissed her cheek. "Should we go and talk to her?"
Taylor nodded, glancing over at the couch, where she could just see Thea's curly blonde hair peeking up. She wrapped her arms around Joe's neck, kissing him. "And then we'll get dinner sorted, and then she can go to bed."
"Have you got some other plans in mind?" Joe asked her with a grin, and Taylor laughed.
"Maybe - if you're not too tired from mermaid watching," She told him with a kiss. "And if we're really sure that's what we want to do."
"I'm sure if you are, my love," Joe smiled. "It's a good thing I'm not even a little tired, isn't it?"
Taylor laughed, shaking her head. He kissed her cheek, and she smiled. "Well, it's good that I'm not even a little bit tired either."