Chapter 5: Illiana
What was he doing here? Why was he here? I had just met him outside, just met him by the lake. The man told me that he was visiting a friend.
My father was his friend? It cannot be. He cannot tell my father what had happened, that I had left the palace and that we had met. If he did, I did not even want to imagine the price that would be paid.
"So, is this Illiana?" An elderly woman stepped forward, a bright smile on her pleasant face. As she stepped closer, I realized that there were no wrinkles on her face, no sense of fear or exhaustion. She seemed happy, pleased at life, and that confused me.
How could she be so happy with the constant threat of pain, a beating that could occur at any time. How could she be happy with the idea of never being able to be more than what her husband would allow? None of that made sense to me. None of that provided a single idea of what it would be like.
Did she really come to accept her life, the pain, the suffering? Could she really be alright with it?
"Come forward, child. Let us get a good look at you." The woman laughed brightly, her hand held out for me to grab onto. Lillian's hand tightened around mine, a small whimper slipping from her lips.
I could feel Father's eyes glaring at me, studying me and I knew, then, I had no choice. Whatever game he was playing, whatever he had planned, I had no choice but to play along. Gently slipping my hand away from Lillian's, I stepped forward, my hand rising towards the woman. She smiled brighter still, her her eyes twinkled with amusement as she pulled me forward, placing me into the middle of the room.
"She is a beauty, at least." Another woman smiled as she walked forward, her eyes filled with as much amusement as the first. "But she is far to thin." She muttered under her breath, her eyes rolling up to the heavens before glancing back at me. "Not like that is incredibly important, I'm sure who ever you get married to will make sure you are well taken care of." She laughed loudly, her hand rising and tapping my cheek gently.
I swallowed nervously as she turned around, my stomach dropping as my eyes turned to stare at my father. That really was what he wanted, he wanted me to be married. After everything that had happened, everything I had suffered and witnessed, he still was not done trying to destroy me.
There was no way that I would willingly marry. Willingly have a child. But I knew that it was fruitless, that I would have no say in either situations. Why, why did life have to be like this?
"Well, you three, come forth." The first woman called and I watched as three men walked forward, one of them was the man I had met earlier. "These three are the bachelors, my dear. My own son, High Prince Reginald." His eyes lingered on mine for a moment before bowing.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Princess Illiana." Prince Reginald emphasized on the word 'princess' just enough for me to realize it. I curtsied slightly, feeling as if a fist was squeezing at my lungs, stopping me from breathing. Please, do not say anything about earlier. I am begging. Please. Say nothing.
"The one next to him is Prince Ethan, King Dimitri and Queen Kisa's youngest son." The woman beside me beamed proudly as the next man stepped forward. His hair was a darker shade than Reginald's, almost black. The man was smaller as well, leaner, but the blade strapped around his waist showed that he still knew how to fight.
"He's a good boy." A man who looked similar to Prince Ethan chuckled and I could only wonder if that was Ethan's father.
"And the final one is Prince Peter, King Neal and Queen Samantha's only son." The last of the three, thinner still, bowed as well, the sunlight glinting off his golden yellow hair. The two older people in the back, both blond, stood smiling proudly. Both of them watching as their son bowed as well.
Reginald's mother turned back towards me, her eyes twinkling slightly. "They are all great men and I am sure you will learn to care about one of them."
I tried my hardest to fight the emotion that threatened to overflow, fear flooding my body. I could not do this. I could not let him win, let this be the end. There was nothing inside of me that would ever be willing to accept this. The horror. I could not do it. I could not and, yet, I have no choice.
"As High Prince, we have decided that Prince Reginald should have the first chance at choosing if he would want you as his wife." The older blond man, King Neal, stated, his eyes glancing over to Prince Reginald and nodding at him. "That is, if he is still interested."
"Indeed I am." Prince Reginald grinned slightly as his eyes turned to me and I could see it in his eyes. The need to speak to me alone. The frustration that I did not tell him who I was. But I could not. I could not tell him anything about me or who I was. Not then, not a stranger. I could not take the chance that my father would learn of my adventures outside the castle walls. And now, now I was in trouble with another person. "If it would not be bother, since dinner is still a few hours away, for the two of us to go elsewhere to speak?"
"Not at all, my son." The woman laughed brightly, her hand sliding around my wrist and lifting my hand to place in his.
Prince Reginald's warm hand engulfed my own, holding onto to firmly, but I was surprised that it did not hurt.
"If you will allow me, madam." His eyes stared into mine, his hand wrapped firmly and I knew far to well that there was nothing that I could do. At least, nothing to get away.
I nodded once and he smiled down at me, before turning to my father and bowing.
"If this is fine with you, sir, your daughter and I will take our leave." Prince Reginald announced and I hoped, for once, that Father would actually care. That he would attempt to protect me, to stop this from happening. But, he merely nodded and the next thing I knew was that Prince Reginald had whisked me out of the room and into the hall outside. "We need to talk in private." He told me, his hand still clung onto mine. "If there a place we can go that we will not be disturbed?"
"There is a small sitting area upstairs, it is in the far corner and very few ever go there. Or look there." I swallowed nervously as he pulled me after up, rushing up the stairs.
How could I have known that the same man that I saw outside the castle walls was one of the same men that Father wanted me to marry? Why? Why could I not do better than this? Why did I have to be forced into this world, to suffer in a way that seems inhumane.
Prince Reginald pulled me behind him and I could feel my hair flying behind me. I winced slightly as the pain in my side flared up and I bit back the whimper that came. There was no way that I could let him have the satisfaction, the pleasure in knowing that I was in pain. I had to be strong, to take what may come and hope that he will grow tired of me.
"Is it this room?" Prince Reginald's voice sounded in mine as we stood outside the small door on the far side of the hall. I nodded slightly and he stepped forward, pulling the door open and motioning for me to step inside.
I did as I was told, but said nothing. After all, what could I say? What could I do to make this go away? To make this all better?
The door clicked shut as Prince Reginald walked into the room, his eyes on me. "Why did you not tell me you were the princess when I asked if you knew her?" He demanded, his voice filled with the frustration that danced in his eyes.
"I-I could not." I whispered and he stared at me for a moment before sighing. His hand rose and his fingers pinched at the bridge of his nose.
"Cannot say I blame you, telling a stranger who you are has got to be terrifying." He sighed once more before turning to me, his arms crossing in front of him. "Plus, I did not tell you who I was, so I guess we are even."
I nodded slightly, unsure what he wanted me to say to him. After all, Father had told me many times that a woman was not allowed to speak unless spoken to. That a man was always in charge whether they were smarter or not. That was the pain in the society, a pain in this world.
"May I ask you a question, Princess?" He stared at me once more until I nodded. "Why did you look so afraid when you saw me? I understand surprised, as I was surprised to see you as the princess, but fear? Surely I did not scare you so horribly out by the lake."
I tensed slightly, my shoulders squaring themselves as I looked away. How could I tell him without reminding him? Without making him realize that I knew and hated the life that I was supposed to live? How could he ever really understand what it was like for me, the woman, who had no desire to see a child suffer the way I had growing up.
"Once again, you do not speak!" Prince Reginald exclaimed, his voice filled with frustration once more. "I'm sure there has to be a reason as to why a woman such as yourself would sneak out of your home to go to a deserted place like that!" I nodded once because that was true, the escape to this horror. Not that I told him any specifics.
"I guess it would make sense as to want to escape from your siblings, with there being eight of them. I'm sure that has got to be stressful to be with them all the time, but it is not safe for a princess to leave the safety of the castle walls!"
Safety? What was safe about this place? Safe in this castle where the smallest of thing would result of a broken bone or slices on our skin. What was safe about a place where your greatest enemy was the certainty of the pain that would come? I did not even try to explain it to him, I could not explain it because it would be impossible for him to understand.
"Does your father know of your adventures, Illiana?" Prince Reginald questioned and I tensed, fear flooding my body.
I could not lie, not like this. Not in case I was found out but I could not tell him the truth. I could not tell him that not even my siblings know of the adventures outside the palace walls. The escapades to the lake and the relaxing, peaceful times that I had spent there. They knew none of this and, yet, how could I tell him that? How could he so much as understand the purpose and need for me to disappear?
"And there is the fear once more." He sighed, his gaze staring down at me. "The question is, what are you afraid of, Princess Illiana?"