I arrive back just in time for dinner. I open up the door to be greeted by Harry's arms. I immediately feel the warmth radiate to me, soothing my insides. Blossom, get a grip. You don't like him, he doesn't like you in that way.
"You're back!" He says in a breathy voice. When we release our hug, he holds my arm and leads me inside. "Are you okay?" He asks leading me to the kitchen. I nod. It's not a lie, but I'm not really telling the truth either. I can't explain why I left. Blossom, you can, you just don't want to.
He makes me some tea. "Thanks, Harry. Everything is 100% okay. You don't have to worry." I chuckle.
"But you left so suddenly. We were all wondering where you were. I thought you wouldn't come back." Okay. I am fully to blame for that. I didn't think I'll be gone for long. It does turn out to be most of the day. I got to know Barbra and she explained some stories about when Harry used to work in the bakery.
Oh yeah, I almost got lost.
"Sorry," We sit on the table outside and stare at the sunset in the cool spring air. The only things keeping me warm is the hot tea in my hand and Harry beside me. We sit there in silence as the breeze comes past sending shivers down my spine. Then an owl hoots in the far distance, the day coming to a close. Small wafts of the warm dinner from inside travel outside, bringing me back to earth.
"We should probably head inside..." He looks at me and nods helping me off the table. He then leads me back inside where we are greeted with dinner.
***
Harry, taking sips of his wine, sits next to me watching television in the living room. The house is so quiet. The cats are sleeping, Gemma, Michal and even Anne. We have the whole night to ourselves.
As I've previously explained, I don't really drink. I mean I can, but I don't feel the need to. I have a glass of wine in my hand, but I only take the smallest sips possible. Harry has had a few too many. Seeing Harry not sober is hysterical.Hilarious. Priceless. Any other words for funny.
Don't get me wrong, he's not drunk, just tipsy. I eat the strawberries we bought yesterday as Harry become less sober and less sober. "Harry, please don't drink too much, you'll have a hangover."
He takes my hands.What is he doing?Blossom, he's being drunk. "No I won't," He says taking another big gulp of his drink. He then leans on my shoulders then looks at me.
It's safe to say he's drunk, not tipsy.
I take a tiny sip of my wine as he arises from my shoulder. I then take a bite out of a strawberry. "You look amazing, love." He whispers in my ear. I go red and blushy as he continues. "Stunning" He chuckles. He then looks straight at my face.We are basically touching. He's so close.
We both take another sip of our drink, me taking bigger and bigger sips. "You're so amazing," He says as I take a bite out of another strawberry.
He looks down at my lip and kisses me.
Oh. god.
"You taste like strawberries, love," He whispers. I need to take into consideration that he probably doesn't mean a word he says, or a thing he does because he is completely and utterly drunk.
Either way, I cannot breathe.He just kissed me. My stomach is tingling with butterflies. This took a turn.Should I laugh it off as if it's not a big deal? Because it is a big deal. Or should I...
I cannot think of any other options. I laugh it off.That laugh probably sounded fake. I'm so stupid. "Harry," I look at him. I can't say anything. My mouth becomes dry as if I just poured sand into it.
So I stand up and leave.
***
I'll forever pretend he never had done that. Harry's great, but a kiss? It's ridiculous. He said he "enjoyed my company", not "had the urge to kiss me"
I officially dislike him being drunk a lot more. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing him drunk, it's still hilarious but, after this, it's less funny. I'm confused.
I walk over to my usual spot, outside on the table.The stars above me are stunning. They light up the darkness. I want that in someone. I did have someone like that. Sometimes I wonder if my past could've changed in any way. It's overwhelming.
"Hey Harry," He sits beside me.
"Did I do something wrong, Bloss?" He says with the most guilty-looking face in the world.
Now, he didn't do anything wrong, I just need to take everything in.Right?"No, you did nothing. Just, lot's on my mind." My eyes start welling up. "I've done stuff wrong. I've done good and bad.So much bad." Tears fall from my eyes.I hope he doesn't remember this tomorrow."I know that's life but I wonder if I could've changed something.Anything.I want to be here with you right now, I wouldn't change anything. But I wonder if I could've changed anything. And where would that lead me?"
"Love, the things you say."
He wraps his arms around me. He flops around a little. He smiles. "Harry, I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws. In my past, now, and future."
"Love, all those flaws," He looks at me. "I find them amazing.Promise." He's so wrong and he doesn't even know it.
I have nothing left to do. So I hug him back. And I realise very quickly that that was the best thing I've done all night. It's like an antidote.Painkillers. Medicine. It feels warm. It makes your insides gooey in the best way possible. He sweeps me off the table and carries me upstairs to his bedroom.
I am left vulnerable. I lean my head on my shoulders, crossing my legs whilst he holds me in his arms, bridal style. "Get some rest, love," He says tucking me into his bed. He slips into the bed himself and almost immediately falls asleep.
Hours go past and I cant.
The time is ticking and yet the time doesn't move an inch. I remove my self from Harry's clingy arms, making sure not to wake him, and tiptoe to his desk, where the window is.
I can almost imagine him looking outside on rainy days, or him sat here taking in the Chinese scent from outside. It's the perfect kid's room.
The stars twinkle in the night sky. There's so much to digest.Too much.There's so much yet so little time. It's unexplainable. I feel too much until I feel nothing. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. There are no tears to cry, though no tears have left my body at all.
I just want to scream into a bottle and sail away. Far away. To "find myself"
I write it on the nearest clear bit of paper and write my name on it.I don't know why. Maybe it'll remind me?There's nothing to remember but...
Nope. Nothing.
I watch the night sky turn lighter and lighter until there's no night left in the sky. The sun rises with its beautiful palette of pinks and oranges, the outside world awakens and I haven't even fallen asleep yet.
"Love?" He whispers out to me. "You alright?"
I chuckle. "No, the real question is are you alright?"
I hear him sit up. "No. I have a headache," He moans.
"I told you you'd get a hangover."
"Did you?" I turn to him and smile. At least he doesn't remember a thing.
"I did, Harry. Would you like some water? It could help with your hea-"
"No, no. You haven't slept all night. I felt you got up and you never came back down." I go completely red.
Does that mean he remembers what I said yesterday? Please tell me he doesn't.I think I'm going to cry.Help. Help. Help! "Harry? What do you remember?" I say in a rushed tone. "Please tell me." Does this mean he remembers the kiss?
Please tell me he forgot.
"I remember..." He has a second thought. "We went to bed? I can't remember how but we're here now."
Phew.
"And..." Oh. God.He does remember, doesn't he? He remembers the kiss he remembers me speaking to him. He does? Oh god. He does."Nope. Nothing."
Phew.
"Let's keep it that way. Let me get you a drink." I get up from my seat as Harry rushes to the bedroom door, holding his head, and blocks me from leaving.What is this boy doing?"Harry. Let me get you some water, I want your head to get better." I smile.
"No, You need to sleep, Love. You haven't slept all night."
He looks me up and down. What is he thinking? He lifts me, the same as yesterday, and places me on the bed. It's funny how he will never know what he's done that day. I'll tell him before we both die.Promise.Okay, I'm not going to promise.
He tucks me in making my heart melt. His future husband/wife will be so, so lucky. "Nope! Nope! Love, you need to rest. I'll get you wat-"
"Harry, you're hea-"
"Nope! Don't worry about me. You need to rest!"
"Harry, I'll be okay! Harry I-"
"Nope. No excuses. You need to sleep." I open my mouth before he cuts me off once again. "Uh-uh-uh. Nope." I open my mouth again and he covers his finger on my mouth. "No, Love!"
I stay put. He starts walking away so I start getting out of the bed. Once again he picks me up and places me in bed.I feel like I'm playing a game of 'what time is it, Mr Wolf.' "Blossom Harriet, no!" He smiles.Then his whole body hovers over mine.My heart solidifies and my lungs suddenly need to know how to work harder. And the butterflies in my stomach. All the air is no longer in the room, my hands clam up, sweaty as ever. Everything disappears. There are no spaces between us. No pictures on the wall, no bed, no desk. Just me and Harry.Harry and I. Blossom and Harry. Harry and Blossom.
He stays there for a moment. "Blossom, no. You need to sleep." He looks into my eyes and rolls his lips in. "I'll be a moment. I'll get us drinks." I shake my head no.I'm fine, really."Promise." He whispers in my ear. My insides float, my heart thumping, butterflies fluttering.
I blush profusely.
I'm so embarrassing.
Just like that, he gets up and leaves the room, sucking me back into reality.