****************************
It's two-faced
It's too late
****************************
BENTLEY
"Do you see them?" I ask, walking ahead of Harry.
He had been strangely quiet since after I told him that I wrote those words about him. I was worried I scared him away but the way he held my hand as he slept on the plane said otherwise.
His words to me yesterday were some of the most important things I'd ever been told. I was told how much I meant to my friends constantly, especially after I lost my parents, but I always thought that they said that because they knew me from before.
They knew who I was before all of this. Before the racing, before I went a bit off the rails and changed directions. Luckily they stuck with me, even after I tried to push them away.
I know that if Harry is able to see me in that light with who I am now... then there's something elevated to it. Harry and I clashed so much when we first met, he's forgiven me for some things I've said and we've been pretty open about ourselves. He's seen my fatal flaws and somehow... somehow I'm the universe to him.
"Do you remember what color Zayn's hair was?" He asks, cutting through my thoughts.
"He dyes it every 2 business days, I can't keep up." I say, scanning the airport. "Get on your knees." I tell him, and he looks at me with wide eyes.
"Baby, we're in the airport-"
"Not like that! I just can't see them anywhere." I say, and he chuckles, putting down the backpack and standing up straight, looking into the distance.
"How'd Zayn get his hair like that?" He says, and I immediately start walking in the direction he was looking at, Rumer's head towering over the crowd as I pushed through the crowd.
"Rumie!" I call out, hoping he can hear me over the chatter. "Rumer!"
He turns around almost instantly, a big smile on his face.
Rumer has a lighthouse smile to match his lighthouse persona. Always guiding everyone around him. I push through a few more groups of people before engulfing him into a big hug.
"I missed you." I tell him, and he pats my head twice before letting go.
"What? No love for me?" Zayn says, and I laugh before really taking in his look.
"Is that cheetah print? How the fuck did you do that?" I say, running my hands over his buzzed hair.
"I'm an innovator, obviously." He returns. "Where's Harry?"
Oh shit-
"I'm here." His low voice speaks, and I turn around to see him standing next to Rumer.
His facials were stoic as he looked everywhere but me. This was the Harry the world got to see. The rigid Harry. He was better with Rumie and Z, but he had been out of his element so long that those dissolved walls basically built themselves up again.
"Hey mate, nice tan." Zayn tells him.
"Thanks." He says, handing me my bag. Rumer picks up another one and Z rolls the other down to the car they had here. He throws me the keys and I get in the driver's seat.
I look to my right, expecting for someone to be in the passenger seat but I'm met with an awkward scene: Rumer and Harry standing at the passenger door, their hands touching as they reach for the handle.
Zayn laughs, hand on my shoulder from the backseat as he speaks to me.
"Boyfriend versus brother... Nice job." Zayn speaks. "10 bucks Harry sits in the back."
"15 bucks he doesn't." I wager, watching Rumer and Harry awkwardly stare at each other. Rumer had always been protective over me, and he had never had to act this way because I was never committed to someone the way I was to Harry. "Harry's too stubborn to move."
They have a staredown for a few more seconds before one of them gives in.
"Ha! You owe me 15 bucks, Benny." Zayn says as Harry opens the back door, making himself comfortable and looking at me through the rear view mirror.
Rumer sits down next to me, satisfied smirk on his face as I dig out my wallet and throw 15 dollars at Z, who snickers in victory.
We drive off, and I follow Rumer's directions to our hotel, where D, Apollo and Niall are waiting. It's almost dinner time around here and everyone but me was starving. We check into the hotel, following Rumer up to our bedroom.
"Niall got a reservation for us at that steakhouse we drove by in an hour. We're meeting in the lobby before heading over, so I'll see you two there." He says, putting down the bag he had carried up for me.
"We'll be there." I say, hearing Harry sit on the bed and lie back. Rumer nods once before leaving, closing the door softly.
I turn around, catching Harry's eyes as he turns his cheek against the mattress and looks at me. "What?" I ask, making my way towards him.
"C'mere." He requests, slapping his hand on the bed and I sit down and join him, looking down at his relaxed features as he takes in my face.
"You alright?" I whisper, reaching down for his wrists. They were red but it just looked like the burns he had from before, a few scrapes from the belt but he breathed out slightly when I ghosted my fingers over them, tracing the cross tattooed on his hand. "You've been... quiet."
"You're the talkative one out of the two of us." He smirks.
"You sure? You're getting lost in your head more than I do." I joke.
I zoned out a lot, well, less now. My meds helped with that and I had been really good about taking them lately. Plus, I wanted to be in the moment wherever I was with Harry, or whenever we were on a hit. I liked being present now, I didn't want to stop feeling or noticing things.
"I promise. Just a little stressed, I guess."
"What about?" I return. "Luna?"
"Yeah. I'm just confused... it all makes sense until it doesn't." He exhales. "What are we going to do about her, if she's not driving at that race tomorrow-"
"Then we'll find her." I reassure him. "We're not leaving here without the advantage, Harry. I'm too competitive and pissed off to surrender. No more letting her win."
"Victor's in Oakland.... There's nobody here to protect her now but those bodyguards." He speaks, eyes glued to the luxurious ceiling. Gold leaves and intricate designs painted on it.
"Oscar and Bruce? They're here?"
"I doubt Victor would leave his little princess alone. I'll kill those two motherfuckers in front of her." He grits, smoldering at the thought of them.
"I like the sound of that." I say, and his facials relax a little more.
"Hey, you know, you never told me what Victor told you in Buenos Aires."
Fuck, I hadn't even thought of that. The light whispers in my ear. It was bone chilling, and then it was enraging. I would have killed him right there if I hadn't caught a glimpse of Harry. He didn't even know how much he had helped. We'd both be dead right now if it wasn't for his eyes on me.
"Yeah. He brought up the shop... and Allie's concussion... threatened Rumer-"
"Why didn't you say anything?" He sits up, face a little bewildered.
"What's there to say, Harry?" I return. "It's the same shit he always does. He threatens, and threatens, and doesn't do anything. Where do you think Luna gets her cowardice from?"
"Ben, I know that you take threats on people you care about very seriously. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because we're going to kill them, and then the threats will be gone. Everyone is safe. Allie's with her parents and the rest of the goons are here. Everyone we care about is safe."
"I guess that makes sense... I'm glad you're not letting that eat you up." He says simply, licking his lips and moving my thumbs from running over his wrists to his wetted lips, kissing the tip of them softly. I moved my legs over him, returning to that position we used to find ourselves in. My thighs on either side of him and my arms around his neck.
"Can I ask you something?" He speaks up. "You don't have to answer."
"Sure."
"Have you written anything else about me? Or just what you told me?"
Fuck. I move my eyes from his, looking at the golden headboard of the bed, feeling his radioactive irises on me as I bite my lip. I couldn't even feign a poker face right now... I knew it was obvious.
"Reverse Bible." I say. "I've written a lot about you."
"Can I read them?"
"Not yet..."
"Can you tell me another line? If that's okay with you."
Harry's tone was much softer, as if he knew this was somewhat uncomfortable for me. He knew I wrote, but he didn't know what it was. Now he knows it's about him. Everything is about him...
"Just one." I clear my throat, and his hand comes to my jaw, pulling my face down until we're looking right at each other.
"I want you to look at me when you say it." He requests, and I nod, inhaling deeply as I think about the lines I've written about him... which one is okay to say.
So I went with one about me... one about me through his eyes. I wrote it on the place as he slept... and I loved it because it made me love myself a little more.
"Who am I? An eclipse?" I start, and his eyes widen a bit, and I press a soft kiss to his lips.
"The forbidden fruit of the galaxies?" Another kiss, and I keep my eyes closed now, a little nervous to continue.
"The sinner?" Kiss.
"The saint?" Kiss.
"Am I yours? Can I be yours forever?" I finish.
Before I could even breathe out, he pulled my lips to his, kissing me feverishly. His tongue dips into my mouth, dominating our exchange and I let him, my eyes closing as he pours his whole being into this kiss.
Harry was always an intense kisser, but now... in this moment, he was different. We were different now. It was too much, we felt too much. I didn't think it would be like this... I didn't think I'd be like this.
So scared of feeling.
It made me want to stop altogether and I knew it was a relapse.
I had been doing so well.... I was so good.
I pull back, disconnecting our lips and pulling his head into the crook of my neck for a hug, holding him tightly before getting off of him, avoiding eye contact with him and biting my lip.
Fuck, I was a coward and I was panicking. I couldn't let myself slip and fall, not now... not with the opportunity to take Luna down tomorrow. I needed my awareness.
"Ben-"
"I'll be back." I cut him off, grabbing my sunglasses.
"Where are you going?" He asks, standing but not stepping close to me as I approach the door. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No. I just have to go. I'll be back." I say once more, eyes on his shoes, some white sneakers.
Harry never wore sneakers unless he was working out or traveling. I missed his metal tipped boots... fucking Luna...
"Sinner, if I-"
"Harry." I say, voice a little firm.
"Why aren't you looking at me?"
"Stop asking questions."
"But-"
"Stop it." I grit.
I walk out of the hotel room, into the hallway and walk quickly into the elevator lobby. Rumer had told me his room was three floors directly above ours, and I swear I had never made myself out of a room so quickly in my life.
I knock on Rumer's door a few times before he opens the door.
"Benny, what's wrong?"
"I-I don't know. I just- I'm feeling too much and I could feel the detachment coming... I didn't want to do that anymore. Had to get away from Harry." I admit, walking into the room. "Need your advice."
"What did Harry do? Was he mean? I'll go-"
"No, he wasn't mean. He was... he was perfect. It scares me."
"Then, why were you feeling like that Benny?" He asks.
"I don't know. I told him a few lines from a poem I wrote, and then I kind of got scared after. He didn't say anything but I know he liked it. He didn't need to say anything for me to understand."
"You're writing again. That's good to hear... Do you want to tell me what you told him?" He asks, a silent request to tell him what could have possible made me run away from Harry like I did.
"The last few lines from 'Product of the Galaxies'... i thought it would be fine because it's not about him, it's about me but-"
"Do you know the whole thing?"
"Of course, I remember all of my poems. You know this."
"Say it to me, I won't judge you. I'll treat you with kindness."
I give him a strange look but there's nobody I trust in this world more than Rumer. I kept some shit from everyone but Rumer probably knows everything that I was willing to share with anyone. He had read practically all my poems except the recent ones.
"Okay. but, close your eyes. Don't look at me." I warn, and he nods.
"Am I stardust,
Ground in a mortar with a pestle made of sunbeams?
Are the apples of my cheeks shaped like half moons?
Is my mouth the edge of the universe?
Do my eyes remind you of black holes,
Which stretch me across
Space and time?
Do you get lost in them?
Do you want to be found?
Do you know who you are?
Who am I?
An eclipse?
The forbidden fruit of the galaxies?
The sinner?
The saint?
Am I yours?
Can I be yours forever?"
"Oh wow." Rumer says, a bright smile gracing his face.
"Maybe we should ask Harry to come, I'm sure you freaked him out over nothing Benny. That's one of the prettiest things you've ever written."
"That's not the issue Rumie! The issue here is that I just started to feel really overwhelmed all at once and there was just something wrong- We were looking at each other and- ugh! I don't understand, he didn't make me angry... I was happy and then something happened and then I-"
"What happened, Bentley?" Rumer asks.
"I-I don't know I just realized something but I can't name it I just don't know what it is and I'm confused and I just want him to- I don't know what I want him to do I just know I want him. You know?" I exhale, looking to Rumer for answers.
He watches as I calm down slowly, but I grow confused as I stay quiet in contemplation. "Rumer, say something."
"Are you seriously unaware of what's going on right now?"
"Am I supposed to know?"
"Benny... Bro."
"What?" I say.
"Seriously?" He says, and I roll my eyes.
"Can you just tell me what's going on like you usually do? I'm so confused... I'm not angry at Harry, I don't know why I'm losing myself because I'm not sad... I'm not angry... I'm really happy actually... It freaked me out."
"I'm sure you just need to write a few more poems and you'll figure it out. Deep breaths and being nice to him, doctor's orders."
"You aren't a doctor, Rumer."
"I am a car plastic surgeon, you know this!" He laughs, standing up and grabbing his phone. "Let's go, we should get to the restaurant soon."
I shrug in defeat, leaving even more confused than I was before but I was at least somewhat centered.
He reeled me back in quickly, thankfully, so I'd be fine. Now I was more frustrated than anything, but I needed to distract myself with something.
Killing Luna.
But maybe I should get through dinner first.
*************
"Where's Allegra?" Niall asks.
We had arrived at dinner a little while ago, Harry hadn't shown up yet and we had already eaten all the appetizers.
"She's in Florida, mate." Zayn says, reaching for another piece of the flatbread. "For safekeeping."
"Fuck, that's some shit isn't it? Miss the bird." He says, taking another swig of beer.
His hair was brown now, and I'm 90% sure that Zayn had convinced him to dye his hair with the leftover brown from his cheetah print buzzcut.
Niall was incredibly talkative, the type of guy Harry'd probably want to kill and I was excited for them to meet. I didn't get to see the Irish boy too often but when I did I always had a good time
"I'm sure she misses you too Nialler." I tell him, checking my phone to see if Harry had reached out again, but he didn't.
"Where's Harry?" Apollo asks, Dorian next to him shoving a whole fillet mignon in his mouth.
I swear you can't take him anywhere.
"No idea...." I say, disappointment and confusion laced in my tone. "I'm going to go and call him."
"We'll be waiting for ya petal." Niall says, Rumer nodding as I walk towards the exit.
I call him up quickly, pacing around the outside of the restaurant. It rings, but it sends me to voicemail. I call again, and again, and that's when I text Rumer that I'm headed back to the hotel, and that he'd need to hitch a ride with Niall back since I had the keys to the car.
The parking lot was around the corner and I made my way up quickly, taking the elevator up to the rooftop, which was the only empty zone considering Zayn was high as fuck and smoking in the car. We didn't need the UAE government on our tail because Zayn was smoking grass, so we parked on the roof so the air wouldn't have anywhere to percolate.
I dial Harry one more time, but there's nothing on the other line, just the voicemail. For fucks sake was he really that upset after I stormed out? I didn't mean to upset him, I just didn't want to detach in front of him again.
I could hear another car in the distance but didn't think much of it. I just got up to my car, unlocking it and getting in, driving out and away from the other luxury car that had pulled up on the floor.
Dubai was pretty. The buildings disappeared into the clouds and the people were all dressed like they had walked off of runways. Street racing was legalized here as long as it was within government regulated tracks, so there were always audiences. It was cool and I had heard dozens of stories from Rumer and Z, but I was excited for tomorrow night.
I was a quarter of a mile on an isolated dry strip of road that the GPS had taken me onto when I felt the brights of a car behind me in my side view mirrors. They were blinding me and I couldn't look behind me without squinting as the bright white lights took over my rear view mirror.
I try and change lanes but I'm caught off guard by a car on my right, and another on my left.
Fuck. This wasn't good. This was planned. Fuck, I was a fool.
Luna Sade was behind this and I needed to get out, but the three cars surrounding me weren't fucking helping. Did she have Harry? Fuck- What if he's dead?
I speed up, exceeding the speed and they do the same, another car joining the road right in front of me at an empty intersection. I was boxed in. I slam my hand against the horn before gripping the wheel tightly, looking at the ceiling of the sports car before swerving to the right, into the driver's door until it crushes him, spinning him off the road.
I hit my head against the window, wincing but getting off of the road, driving on the dry desert-like gravel, bumping with each step.
I reach for my phone, ordering it to call Rumer, he picks up instantly and I've never been more grateful for him in my life.
"Where are you? Thought you'd be here since-" He asks.
"Rumer, your sister sent people after me-" I start, but I'm interrupted by the sound of a gunshot hitting the back of the car, followed by a loud beep by the car at a sudden loss in tire pressure.
"Bentley, what the fuck?"
"I'm going down tonight, Rumie. They're armed.... I'm not. I think they have Harry. I t-think Harry's dead."
"Harry dead? He's right here Benny-"
"HE'S WITH YOU?" I cry out in relief but it's short lived, the feeling of both my back tires and a few gunshots hitting the doors of the car. I drive in a zigzag motion, the back window of the car being littered with shots but thankfully nothing's hit me yet.
"Where are you? We're coming-"
"Rumer, it's too fucking late. I'm done for, they've got my tires! They're shooting!" I yell , slamming the brakes and swerving the car in a circle, changing directions and throwing off the cars.
I can taste a salty tear on my face and for the first time, I'm afraid. I'm so fucking afraid. I bite my lips, looking in the mirrors but there's bullet holes in them and they're shattered. I turn my head, hearing some panicked chatter on Rumer's end but I'm not understanding anything.
Fuck I was already on edge today and this was pushing me over it. I was desperately trying to hang on to everything, Rumer's voice, my five senses....
I smell Z's weed..
I taste diet coke.
I see the buildings in the distance.
I hear the gunshots.
I feel the wheel.
"Ben, Ben you need to tell me where you are." I hear Harry over the line, followed by a car ignition.
"H-Harry I don't know... Hold on." I say, shaky hands reaching for the phone and one hand on the wheel. I can sense the cars are getting closer and I'm slipping away. I pick the phone up, but my hands are shaking so badly I drop it. "Fuck!" I yell.
"Ben! Where the fuck are you!" He yells at me and it's not helping at all.
I know he's worried. I'm worried too... fuck, I'm so worried.
I've never worried about dying before.
Harry fuckin' Styles ruined me and he doesn't even know it because now, now I wanted to live for him... for my family. For myself.
"I don't fucking know!" I bark. releasing a strangled cry and wincing at the teardrop that rolled down my face.
"Bentley-"
I'm dying tonight... I'm going to die.
"I don't like that song you played... 'Destiny'. I fucking hate it." I tell him, realizing that there's no getting out of this. There's no avoiding whatever destiny Luna has lined up for me.
"Bentley please just drive away." He says, and I can feel the remorse and pain in his voice.
The tires are all emptying. The speed of the car is decreasing rapidly and they're catching up to me. I tried so hard, I tried.
"I don't like that song, I'm telling you... it's not a good song." I laugh, but there's no humor. There's nothing funny about it. It's riddled with pain and fear.
"Ben, please stop!"
"Tell me it's a good song... that's what you always tell me when I say I don't like it." I tell him, the car coming to a full stop, the four cars that were targeting me pulling around. A few armed men came out. "Hurry up Harry, there's not much time left."
I wanted to hear his words before I let myself detach... I needed to stop feeling the stress and the panic so I don't feel scared. I don't like being afraid... this wasn't the good kind of fear.
The good fear was the one Harry gave me. He made me excited to wake up in someone's arms. That's scary. He took me to see the world, he got me out of Oakland and made me realize that a place isn't home.
I decide what home is.
Home is Rumer's lighthouse smile, Apollo's idiocy and Dorian's excitement. Home is Allie's sarcasm, and Zayn's colorful hair. Home is Harry's arms, his tattoos. Home are the words I've written about him.
Words that suffocate me sweetly.
Words that drown me.
Words that consume me.
Words that taste like the Italian air, that feel like the silk shirts he always dons, that smell like the vanilla on his chest, that feel like his prickly stubble after shaving, that look like him... beautiful and jagged.
"No, this is-"
"Harry, I'm begging you. Please, please just tell me it's a good song." I choke on a sob, the door opening at the hands of none other than Bloody Bruce, as Harry calls him.
My seatbelt is unbuckled, and I start to get dragged out of the car, but I hold onto that wheel like my life depends on it. It does.
"Harry!" I yell.
"It's a good song. It's a really good f-fucking s-song." He says, voice cracking a bit and the roar of an engine ringing behind him.
"I would shut the fuck up if I'm you." Bruce speaks, and I can hear Harry growl in anger on the line.
"Bruce you fucking cunt!" He cries out, the speaker so loud it cuts out momentarily. I can hear Apollo, D, and everyone else panicking in the back but I'm done panicking.
I'm done feeling.
I let go of that wheel, I let go of myself.
"Don't worry Harry, we'll give her the same treatment you get. It's only fair."
"Bruce! Stop, no. Don't do this. Take me, I'll turn myself in-"
"Luna doesn't want you. She wanted your sweet little sister but she's strangely quiet these days.... The next best thing is your little girlfriend." Bruce spits, and I feel my wrists being bound as I'm dragged away from the car.
I look down at the ground and notice Bruce is in Harry's old boots... the points of them sharp and I can only think about the time Harry cut me with them. I had a light scar of it over my breast and it was one of my favorites other than the healed devil horns.
The smell of gasoline wisps around my nostrils before I can hear the lighting of a match. I'm being dragged away from a burning car, Harry's voice melting along with the interior. I don't react, I just let them carry my zip tied limbs through the dust, into the back of a car.
I can feel the guns being pressed to my head, the acceleration of the car, the loss of feelings in my fingertips from the lack of blood flowing to them.
I feel the towel being brought up to my lips and nose, the bitter taste of it on my lips as I struggle to breath. It's the same thing Harry did to Steakhouse Steve... I wouldn't die, I'd be passed out.
If they wanted me dead on arrival, they would have tried a little harder to kill me, but here I am, unscathed and in a battle not to pass out.
But the world has other plans for me.
I struggle to keep my eyes open as I take in the air, and that's when everything goes dark.
*****************************
AN:
quite the emotional rollercoaster
we'll be racing again ASAP.
rescue mission reversed... let's see how it goes.
see you soon,
ARABELLA.