I'm sick, and I feel like I'm only getting worse as the minutes pass by ever so slowly. It's now been a couple of days since we have seen Lucifer. He had told me no. But I will not take no for an answer. I want.. No, I need to know what's happening to me, and not just a crappy explanation like he gave me, with the whole. My mind and soul being sucked into someone's old memories. I need him to explain to me exactly how that happens, and then I want him to teach me how to stop this. Maybe he wouldn't even need to take the time to teach me, he might just be able to stop it on his own. That is, if I can get him to do it.
I wrap my blanket tighter around my freezing body, walking down the corridor trying to find my way to where we last had seen Lucifer. But this seems to be an even harder task than I first had thought it to be, everything around me looks the same. There is no way for me to tell which way the library of this huge place is, I can't even tell which way I had used to get to Sebastian.
''Why is this happening to me'' I mutter to myself, feeling myself getting angry as I turn around yet another corner, that looks exactly like the other corridor I just walked through. How can anyone find their way through this maze of a hallway.
I don't get it, why must it be so hard for me to figure out where he is? Or just where that library is. I come to a big staircase leading down to what I assume is the main doors, it makes me wonder what's outside of this place. What I had seen out of the window the other day didn't exactly look normal.
Even though I feel weak, and just want to either get back to bed or go find Lucifer and make him help me. I can't help but let my curiosity get the best of me as I find myself stepping down the large staircase. Who knows, maybe Lucifer went for a walk. Maybe I could be lucky and find him outside.
I pull hard at the handles, but the door doesn't even move an inch. A cough leaves my lips. It feels like I'm coughing my lungs out, so I sit down on the cold floor giving myself a little time to rest before I figure out what to do now. I mean, I can't open these doors, and I can't find Lucifer. I don't even think I can find my way back to the bedroom I've been spending so much time in.
''You look pathetic''
I look up, while I wrap the blanket tighter around my body as I hear the voice. ''Lucifer'' As his name leaves my lips, I suddenly feel a small spark of hope inside of me. Maybe he changed his mind?
He doesn't look at me as I try getting a good look at his eyes, but he doesn't let me have a glance at them. Instead he turns his head to the side. ''Would you mind moving, you're in my way'' His voice is calm, and nothing like the last time I heard him speak.
''I will move once you decide to help me'' I have to stand my ground here, even if this is a poor attempt at getting him to help me. I lean my back against the door, and finally he looks at me. I don't look away even though I feel extremely small and fragile with his intense gaze on me.
He now looks irritated at my stubbornness, and then I feel like someone is invading my mind. I grip onto my head tightly, feeling like it might explode. And then my arms fall limb by my sides, before they push me up from the floor. I feel my legs moving, but it's not myself that's in control of my limbs anymore. I simply feel like I'm somewhere watching inside the mind of someone else again, except this time it's happening in my own body. A body I'm supposed to have control over.
And then after a couple of steps, my body suddenly drops to the floor. Making me winch as my knees hit the hard floor. I feel tears sting in my eyes, threatening to fall as my body begins to tremble. ''W-What did y-you do to me?'' I almost choke on my own voice as I try to speak.
''I thought it was clear what I was doing'' He simply says. His footsteps can be heard, and then I hear the sound of the doors being pulled open. ''I entered your mind, and took control of your body.. Seeing as you didn't want to move on your own, so i simply just did it for you'' He talks like it's no big deal.
I had thought he could only see people's memories, just like I have been seeing Sebastians.. And maybe some more. But I would never have guessed that he would be able to do something like this.
He didn't just enter my mind, he had control of my entire body. But, he entered my mind. Just like Sebastian had, which is why I keep seeing and experiencing all his memories. Does this mean that this will happen with Lucifer's memories too now? My eyes widen at the thought, and I feel my body collapse underneath me.
I close my eyes as my head rests against the cold floor, feeling the tears finally slip out. My body feels numb, even though it keeps shaking. I don't think I can handle being sucked into his memories too, what if they're as painful as some of Sebastian's? ''No, no, no.. Please no'' I mumble.
.
.
.
I don't know how long it's been, but I've been laying here ever since I fell to the ground. Where is Hades now that I actually need him.. He usually just pops up whenever, but not this time. I would even be glad to see Sebastian right now, thinking about him kinda makes me wonder where he is.
''Adelaide, what happened?'' A concerned voice asks me.
''I can't feel my body'' A small whisper leaves my lips.
''I.. I'm going to sit here beside you, is that alright?'' It's Sebastian, that much I'm sure of. Even though I can't get myself to look in his direction.
I want to nod my head, but it's like the only thing I can do is control my voice. And even that seems hard to do right now. ''Y..Yes, please just stay''
He sits down beside me, careful not to touch me. Because if he does, then we both know what will happen to me. ''Are you afraid of me?...'' He asks me quietly, his voice sounding broken as ever.
''I don't think I am..'' At least I don't feel scared of the thought of him being near me. Maybe it's because of the times I spent seeing his old memories. Part of me feels bad for him, like he's just this broken little boy who just wanted to save his friend.
Sebastian doesn't say anything, not for a while at least. ''I.. I just wanted to protect you, and instead of doing that I'm causing you so much pain. I'm so sorry Adelaide'' His voice breaks, making me realize that he's most likely crying. I can sense him getting up from the floor, and just as I regain feeling in my body so I can look up at him, he's gone.
I let out a sigh, before I try pushing myself off the floor. It takes me some time but I manage to get up and start walking, but after walking up a couple of steps of the staircase I end up giving up and sit down.
I think he's lonely.. Maybe he's been feeling like this ever since he killed his best friend. She broke him, tore him apart, and left him with nothing. She might not have meant to do it, but she did. I don't even think that he meant it when he told me she had been like a sister to him, no.. I believe she was his first love, but she never saw him the same way.
I believe he was a good guy, but when everything around him was turned against him it was enough to make him turn.
''Is it bad that I feel.. Bad for him?'' The words leave my lips before I even realize I'm saying them out loud.
Hades steps out from the shadows. ''I wouldn't say it's bad.. I bet you already saw the broken boy he once was, just like I did..''
''But he did murder my parents..'' I say, feeling my heart sink.
Hades comes closer to me, and then he picks me up from where I'm sitting on the stairs. ''He did do that, yes..'' He murmurs against my skin, making goosebumps appear on my skin.
''Then why do I feel bad for him? I should be angry, sad, and feel scared just by the mere presence of him'' I feel tears sting in my eyes, as I get more and more confused by my own feelings. Is it this place? Is that what's causing me to go insane, that must be the only explanation. I must be insane for feeling this way.
I'm being placed on the bed I've become familiar with, and then Hades softly strokes my hair. ''It's because you have a kind heart''
I'm looking down at my.. No Sebastian hands, that are holding the heart of Mary in his hand. He lets it drop to the ground, as he stares at his hand like he doesn't believe what he just did.
He begins to roughly wipe the bloody palms of his hands against his pants. He's hyperventilating, it feels like he's having a panic attack. And then he looks down, down at the dead body now laying at his feet. ''No..'' He kneels down and wraps his arms around her dead body, holding her close to his chest.
''Please Mary, I didn't.. I-I, i didn't m-m-mean to'' Tears are flowing out from his eyes, as he tightened his grip on her body. ''Mary please!'' He screams as he shakes her body, trying to get a reaction from her.
And then it's like the last little piece of his heart that's left in his chest, is being pulled out of him. Breaking him completely, only leaving an empty shell of the man he once was. He leans his forehead down to rest it against her now cold skin, his tears falling down on her skin.
I grip tightly onto Hades, and then I find myself crawling onto his lap as I try to get closer. ''You know.. I don't mind you coming this close to me, actually i really like having you cling onto me. But what did you see Addy?''
I don't care about his teasing tone, right now he's the only one here whom I feel a hundred percent safe with. I sob against his shoulder, feeling my tears flow freely from my eyes. ''It hurts.. It hurts so much'' I tell him.
He pushes me back a little, creating enough space so he can look down at my face. ''Where does it hurt?'' He asks, looking at me with concern in his eyes.
I grab his hand with my own, then I place his hand over my heart. ''It hurts in here'' I cry.
How do I explain that this hurts me more than feeling the time where Sebastian got stabbed in the stomach? It feels as if my heart is breaking, like someone I loved dearly crushed it into tiny pieces that won't ever be able to come together again. How do I explain that?
Hades looks shocked down at me, and then at his hand that's placed on my chest. He opens his mouth, like he wants to say something to me, but then he closes it again. He lets himself fall back against the bed, pulling me with him and then holding me close.
''I promise that this won't hurt, it isn't forever okay? It will just be like the other times, it's not going to have a lasting effect on you'' He snuggles closer to me, and wipes the tears away from my cheeks.
I blush as I feel his hand on my waist, holding me close to his own body. ''Hades..''
''Yes, little one?''
''You are a little too close..'' I mumble, looking down.
He laughs, making his chest vibrate against my hand. ''You know what I like most about you?'' I shake my head. ''That we can be having a serious conversation, until you become aware of your surroundings. First it was the water, now you get like this because I'm close to you'' He chuckles.
''I-''
''You need to rest, you're still sick so go to sleep''
''But y-''
His finger is on my lips, making me grow quiet. ''Goodnight Addy''
And little by little my heart suddenly feels like it's being brought back together..